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8 years +
Messages up to the end of 2007

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No name, 2 Nov 2007
today marks 15 years since my dad died - i was 4.  i find it hard to talk to people about it as i feel that they will think that i should be over it by now and that i shouldn't be upset by it. People also don't know how to react when you tell them and they get all awkward - this makes it even harder to talk about.  bereavement and grieving should not be a shameful process, people should be able to talk about it openly.

kirsty lou, Oct 07
lost ma granddad 13 years ago through the crippling illness liver cancer riddled all through his body i was onli 4/5 years old i still look at this photo lol and now 18 years old in 2 months if onli he could see how far i come in ma life like im at college passed on child care course with the highest grade and just doing health and social care at college this year 07  in the end i talk 2 him at the sky walk past his and ma nans old house near our house but brings me still close 2 tears i well up it still so hard too ma nan terminally ill atm too got a aortic enmusym any one else in the same situtaion get in touch

Steph
I was 1 month old when my mum died on 12th october 1991 Nearly 16yrs on it hurts sooooooooooooooooooo much because i never got to see her and give her a hug and tell her 'ILOVEYOU' And i never got to hear her telling me she loved me i live with my dad and brother so its hard growing up without her i cant talk to her about women things and sometimes i sit in my room and cry i was born 3 months early my mum died because the doctors gave her something she was allegic to so if it wasnt for them she may be here today but you cant change the past..i would love to talk a about it to someone my age who has gone through it but none of my friends have they dont understand how hard it is. the only thing that i think is my mum said to the doctors get my baby out give it a life. Aleast i no my mum  loved me because she gave me the most precious gift in the world LIFE. I just wish she was hear to say it XxXxX

Jen, 09/07
I lost my Dad ten years ago this year. I was only 13 and at times it often feels like I lost him yesterday. We were really close and I didn't realise how close till he was gone. Nobody has ever taken the time to explain to me what happened to him. Nobody talks about him and what he was like, everyone clams up. All I have ever wanted to do is talk about him and remember him, yet feel like I'd upset everyone if I did. Sometimes I feel like everyone has moved on, and everyone thinks I have too. But I cry often for him. Everyone says 'time heals' it doesn't. You just learn to live with the pain.

Maddey, 09/07
My brother died ten years ago this November, when I was only three and he was seventeen days old. He had a genetic disorder, where he had too much lactic acid in his body and he was really in pain.

I was too young at the time to understand what was going on, except for the fact that the brother I wanted wasn't coming home. His tenth birthday would be 21st October 2007, his name was Owain Rhys. 

His death didn't really hit me until two years later, when my little brother was born (named Euan Rhys), and I realised that if Owain hadn't have died, he would have been sitting up with me, two years old and running around happily, anticipating a new little brother in the family.

But then, after a conversation with my parents, I realised that he wouldn't have been running around. He would be in a wheelchair, with no idea of what was happening, not really knowing who we were.

As a spiritualist, I believe that we all live on with our loved ones after death. Sometimes I'll see Owain, along with other people in my family whom I've never met, but can describe to my Mum and Dad.

People who have never experienced loss tell me things like "It's been ten years, get over it" and "You didn't know him, so how can you miss him?".

The answer is, surprisingly easily. I don't particularly want to miss him, but I know he's much better living free and unburdened by his illness than he would be with us.

I made sure my friends all knew what happened to Owain, so that if it ever comes up in discussions it won't suddenly frighten them.

I now support the Jeans for Genes charity fund, and I am really glad that my school are allowing us to raise money for them this year.

(anon) 07.07
My dad died of a brain tumer when i was 5, it forced me to grow up quickly, but i found it really difficult to understand. I went to daisys dream which really helped me, but it happened years ago so people seem to think im fine now, but im not. Its hard explaining to new friends why your dads never around, and even more difficult to people who dont realise and joke about it. I just wish i could move on.

kirsty 04.07
I was actually a baby when my mam died, im now 16 and feel a great deal of grief which only started when i was about 13, when i was very young i used to hate her for dying, now i realise it isnt her fault, but now i realise that i have this unfound grief and i cant shake it i just want my mam, i never even got to speak to her...

lauren 04.07
when i was 3 my mum died i wish that i could remember what she was like. but i cant and my dad made a box of all her stuff like the diarys that she wrote when she was very ill with cancer, and her w2edding outfit but i cant have it until in 16 and its tearing me apart but im slowly finding out about i. i have little suport with my dad and my home isnt to friendly as my step-mum isnt well very caring towards me.!! iv felt very upset and lonley lately as its 11 years this year on 27th june!! but my message is neverlet it get you down i just think that shes watching me and i want to make her the proudest mum on earth!!

dawn 04.07
my dad died when i was 12, im now 35. i didnt see him for the las few years before his death but i missed him. now i miss him terribly, i kind of miss the idea of having a dad cos he was never really there that much, i was told by my mum he commited suicide, my aunt says he just took the wrong pills by accident, he had some mental problems. what i wish most is that he were here to protect me, iv always done everything for myself and i get scared, i try to be a good mum, i love my kids so much that i think they are suffocated by my protection, im scared of losing them. is this because i lost my dad? i just wish he were here to make everything ok.

(anon) 03.07
I lost my dad 14 years ago - he was on a mercy mission to Romania (the last person to a charitable deed usually - laugh!). I miss him just as much today as I did watching him that final day - he was brain dead and waiting for my brother, his youngest son, to come and say his goodbyes. He never did; he couldn't face it: dad gave up waiting (we like to think) and just peacefully slipped away. Although I should hate my dad for the things he did to me in life, I don't - he's still my dad and I love him and miss him so much, every single day and can't wait until the day comes when I can see him again! RIP Dad, I love you.

Heather 03.07
My brother got killed when I was fifteen that was twenty four years ago, theres so much I miss about him he was my best friend, my confidante there was no chance to say goodbye. Recently my mum died, once again suddenly with no time to say farewell, and I miss my brother more than ever he should be here now with me to share this time. No matter how old we get or how much time passes the ache in our heart only gets wallpapered over until something happens to strip it away and remind us its still there.

(anon) 02.07
My Grandad died on the 20th March 1998. I cant explain the pain tha I still feel. It hurts so much.

Nix 01.07
I lost my father at the age of eight, on Christmas eve. Looking back (now aged 25) it all seems like a bit of a blur. I remember the police at the door. I remember being ushered upstairs. I remember feeling that something wasn't right.
On being told, it felt like I was having an out-of-body experience; I was dreaming or acting in some terrible play.
People came, family came, it was busy, yet empty. My seemingly oblivious, three-year-old brother and I were encouraged to open our presents early.
I pretended he wasn't dead. I was ashamed he was dead. I felt weak that he was dead.
I hated people trying to 'help' us. I wanted to be the protector now.
A few days later: the local newspaper:
'Murder? Suicide? Accident?'
I screamed and screwed it up. Mum explained.
'I wanted me to show you, instead of someone's mother at school'. People can be so cruel with their questions and comments, even to children.

(anon) 01.07
My dad died when i was 4. i was so little i didnt no what was going on all i knew was that dat had somthing growing in his tummy(cancer) which i thought was a potato. i dont really remeber much of the days before the death only people being upset but the worst thing i can think of is when my mum walked into my room and told me i think i was on the floor crying. its been 8 years now and i still havent got over it its so hard on me and my family but everyone is so suportive if it wernt for friends and family i would of never got threw it thank you every1 soo much xx

Rachael 12.06
when i was 7, my mum died in a car accident, her car burst into flames and she was killed instantly. now 9 years later i'm suffering for it, when it first happened i cried when i was told, but that was it, i never greived, not even at her funneral, i knew she was dead but that thoguht didnt really hit me. over the last 2 years i have been majorly depressed and suicidal, i didnt know why or what it was, but this might have a little bit to do with it, amoung many other things. so yer thats my story, i've never gotten over it and it hurts me more now than ever before, i just don't know what to do anymore. i'm 16 and i havnet exactly had the best childhood. she died in august time and my nanna died (the same year) in june time, so i lost two people in one year.

LeaLea 12.06
I am going to write this because I need to, I need to get it out, to explain things to a non judgemental place, where I won't get told 'you should be over it' or 'you are possesed'.

December 1996, I was 14 years old and my Grandma was just 64 years young, blonde curls coating a unblemished face, enchanting eyes that are emotive of passion and zest which filled her soul, never raising a voice which had a slight Liverpuddlian lilt to it, bright pink almost flurecent illiminating long thin fingernails that dantily cook such wonders that I can only ever wish to emulate.

You went into hospital as you had Bronchitus, they did a chest x ray that revealed a shaddow on your lung, they kept you in for observation, and then decided to operate on January 15th 1997, you came through the op, and I talked to you on the phone, you told me you had some chicken and vegetables, mashed potatoes and a cup of orange juice. Gramps and I were going to come and visit you on the saturday. You spoke with the ward staff told them all about me, and then you went to sleep, you awoke with a coughing fit, which wouldn't get under control, it triggered a heart attack and then you were stolen from me in your prime.

I knew something was wrong, I awoke in the small hours with pains of my insides being shot at with a gun and trampoled upon by elephants, I went and sat on the stairs, I could tell that mum and dad were awake as their was a light shinning through the top of the glass, I sat and waited, then ran into the room and said 'don't answr the phone it will be the hospital Grandma died 5 minutes ago', sure enough the phone rung dad looked over at me and told me that I am possesed, I sat and cried, mum was there curled up in a ball on the couch wearing a grass green polo neck top and pair of blue jeans, dad in a Rebok tracksuit in navy, I sat and cried and cried.

It is nearly 10 years since you became an angel and I should of 'delt with it' by now, but I haven't, words fail me, I just wish I had the chance to of said 'toodlepip' but NO! mum and dad wouldn't let me go to your funeral, so I was denied the chance to remind you of the love I have for you, even now that I am 24 I light a candle every day to remind me that your love for me was and is ever lasting, you are and were my rock, my world, my everything. I love you so so much, I wish I had just 5minutes to hug you and remind you of just how much I care.....

This is not goodbye, for when I close my eyes I see you, I know you can see this message that I write, I love you so much, I ask myself why, but I guess everyone has their day and that was yours, but it don't make this any easier.

I eat Pontyfract Cakes even though I hate them, well not hate but dislike, but they are what I used to buy for you, a habbit I am too afraid to break.

You would love Amber, she has made uncle Steven a dad, all that energy he has for life all the hyperactivity I also have, well Amber being born has calmed him, if you well not if as I know you see her, she is amazing, show her photo's of you and she smiles and says 'I wish I knew my Grandma Audrey' so I tell her about you and all you gave to me. When she was born 8 years ago I wrote her a letter all about you, she can open that when she is 16.

I love you so much it hurts, BUT I know you are watching over me and ensuring I am safe.

Love you so so much.

thank you
LeaLea
xxx

x_x_Meryl_x_x 11.06
My sister was stillborn 5 days before christmas last year, it was a very rare disease that killed her, only 5 known cases worldwide. She would be a year old on 20th December 2006, I can't help but feel pain and hurt every waking moment, my family seemed to have accepted it, but I can't, not yet. She was the one thing that was sure to have changed my life. I feel like it should've been me, seeing as I have lived 15 years, she didn't even get to breathe, I said some horrid things a few weeks before, and I feel guilty, because I was angry that it was not my Dad's, but my mums boyfriend's baby. I guess it was never ment to be. I stare at her little clothes, and I have a picture of her on my shelf, I carry a little mitten around with me, for luck. I can't believe this has happened. I'd like some answers, but I know no one could have prevented it. I'm glad she's safe. My angel. <3

amy 11.06
wean i was 13 years my mum diead from alochol its been 9 years but i relly miss her alot i wish i had to see her as i grew but i couldent i was bye her side wean she diead but my big sis wasent shes still greaveing miss my mum lots.

stacie 11.06
i am going to turn 18 next month, my mum died 10 years ago now, i wish she was here to watch me grow up, thinking that she wont be there on my wedding day or when i have children i miss her so much and i want he to know i love her so much.

pat 11.06
On 30 Dec 06 it will be 40 years ago since my Mum died, I was 10 years old at the time. I still love and miss her, but can now look back on my life and know that she will always be proud of me. I'm writing because my sister died Jan and left her 14 year old daughter, who is obviously now distraught.
Whatever I've done thru life, I have always thought "what would my mum think and would she be proud of me" I hope my niece will do the same in the future. She will never ever forget her mum or stop loving her. Her mum will always be in her heart.

Jon 11.06
My mum died of cancer nearly 10 years ago when i was 7. I cant even remember her voice anymore, but i still miss her a lot. My family dont like to talk about it, and none of my friends understand, so i dont have anyone to who i can talk to. But then it causes me pain talking about her so maybe its not such a good idea. I still think about her all the time, and no amount of councelling has made me feel any better.

Misty 11.06
Hello, I lost my boyfriend and first love back on June 6, 1997. We had a 1yr old son at the time and a 2 month old baby girl. I was 20 and he was 21. It was suddenly, he had a seizure. He was the only man I'd ever been with and my first true love. I'd never thought I'd lose him but I did and I still miss him so bad. Sometimes I talk to him bcz I know he hears me. I have 2 other children now and sometimes I just stop whatever I'm doing and look up to the heavens and tell him that I've not forgotten about him and I'll always love him. Our children are now 11 and 9 years old. They say all wounds heal with time, but take it from me, all these years later my heart still aches from losing my first love.

naima 11.06
my mum died 2 weeks after i was born me and my twin gave her 9 months hard time in her belly at a point were her legs swell up to a large size. and then after that my dad got married again cas he couldnt look after a family of 8 on his own. now i have 2 younger bros.

lucy 10.06
my dad commited suicide when i was six. it twelve years today and i have cried every night since that day twelve years ago. i dont know if the pain will ever go away. my dad was the life and sole of my party and now it feels as if my party has just come to halt. i miss him so much.

Kaci 10.06
Hi. I am 22 years old now, and my father committed suicide when I was 12. Even 10 years later the pain never stops. The smallest things bring me back to the pain... for instance today the teacher I was observing said "Father's always do everything for their little girls right?" And I almost started sobbing in front of all the little Kindergarteners. But I just wanted to say, you don't have to be a statistic. Hang in there. Fine other ways to deal with your pain. It won't get easier. And it isn't something that will ever go away.

Ann 10.06
My mum died when I was 17. I am 29 now. At that time i thought when she died my life would also be over. 12 years on I am still here, life is different but it isn't over and it has gone on. There isn't a day goes by that I don't think of her, miss her, wish she was here. I loved (love) her with every part of my being. But I am also my own person and I live my life knowing she would be proud and loves me for who I am. She's part of me and I of her. Can't explain it but life does go on, doesn't get easier, doesn't get harder, just changes.

(anon) 07.06
my dad died when i was 5 from a heartattack .then i didnt really know what was going on so i was never really sad. now im 14 and i think about him everyday and wonder what life would be like if he still was here. i miss him so much and i try to remember the good times with him.

Kieran 06.06
My nan died in 1995 when i was 15, i still remember it like it was yesterday. I've got a lot of regrets and a lot of i wish and if only i had done this or that when i had the chance etc. it's horrible to have to deal with, im just hoping that maybe one day i'll be able to forget about all the if only's and the regrets.

Holly 05.06
On the 7th april 1997 my mum died she was diagnosed with cancer 18 months before she died. i was 6. next year its going to be 10 years.

teagan 05.06
im 16 and 10yrs ago i lost my mum to cancer its been the hardest thing in life to acept shes gone.i live with my dad and sister ive also got to brothers. i find it soo hard i keep thinking maybe shes only gone away for a while but shes never coming back. i miss her soo much everyday i think about her n imagine how differnt life would be if she was here.

Angy 04.06
I was 16 when my mum was first diagnosed with cancer, I was 18 when she died. Apart from my family there was no support for me, I was classed as an adult. After my mum died I became very depressed and even tried ending my life so I could be with her. I believe that if there was more support for young adults this would not have happened. I have read the timeline for 8 years+, which is what I am, and it has made me feel "normal". I still grieve for my mum, ten years later. Whenever I see the advert on the telly for a well known cancer research company with a woman in a bridal gown saying "my mum should be here" I cry, it makes the feeling of loss as fresh as if it was yesterday. I agree with Nicole, I feel robbed.

(anon) 04.06
my dad died 10 years ago. he commit suicide. i dont think ill ever be able to get over it. everyday i think about him. i wasnt very close to him, but its still so hard. i miss him more every day

Hannah C 04.06
I am 16 and it is nearly 16 years since my dad was murdered. His anniversary is 26 April. He was shot when I was 11 months old so I have no memories of him. People think that it gets easier as you get older but for me it is getting harder because I am realising what happened and how much I have missed out on. I love my dad so much and I am lucky to have a few really good friends that I can talk to about him. I am dreading his anniversary as I do every year because this year the anniversary of my grandad (he died last year) is two days after my dads. Keep your heads up and remember that you must live your life for the person who has died. Love xxxxxxx

Gabby 04.06
Its been nine years since I lost my Dad. I was 6 when he was murdered so I didn't really understand what had happened but knew I had lost someone very close to me. I think about him all the time and still cry sometimes because no matter what any one says it never gets any easier and the pain will never go away.

Moll 04.06
My best friend died of cancer 9 years ago and its still hard to think about because we were so close and he was my first best friend.. i never got to say goodbye and thats even harder to think about.

nicole 03.06
my mum died when i was 17. i am now 32. not a day goes by that i dont think of her in some way. i still cry sometimes. i remember her being so loving and kind. i feel ripped off as i never had an adult relationship with her the way my much older siblings did. i dont have a good relationship with my father. dont talk to him anymore. i feel alot of anger and resentment even blame towards him. i miss her dearly all these years later. my son will never know or have a true loving grandparent that she was. for those of you that still have your mum. cherish it as nothing physical lasts forever. the memories will last though if you want them to.

emma 01.06
im 18 now,when i was 7 my brother died he was a year young than me, i never got over it 2months ago my other little brother(8) was killed on the way 2 school in crash in scottland

Klaire 01.06
It has almost been 10 years since my dad died. May 6th 1996 will stick in my head forever. 11 days before my 6th birthday. Myself and my dad were ill with a tummy bug so I slept in the same room as my dad because my mum and sister didn't want to catch it. Half way through the night my dad woke up and told me to go and get my mum because he didn't feel well, but I just rolled over and went back to sleep. (Little did I know I would regret this for the rest of my life) About 10 minutes later he woke me up again and told me to get my mum, so I got up and went into my room to get my mum. When we got back he was on the floor, he had swallowed his tongue and couldn't breathe. We called the ambulance and they came in a little while. As they were carrying him down the stairs on a stretcher I asked if he'd be okay and they said 'yes he'll be fine'. That was the last time I saw my dad, he died on the way to the hospital after suffering a huge bloodclot to his heart.
The past 10 years have been difficult but I'm slowly learning to live without him. Now I worry about my mum dying all the time but the most important thing is not to forget the memory of anyone who does die.
A caption on my dad's grave says 'life is not measured by the years you lived but by the love you gave and the things you did'
I've visited his grave loads but I only noticed this caption a few weeks ago and it has inspired me to try and achieve the best in life even though I miss him so much.

Stephanie 01.06
My dad died when I was 9. My 20th birthday just passed. I realized that I had spent more of my life without my father than with him. Of course I've dealt with his passing by now, but every now and again there is a hurtfull reminder.

Emily 11.05
Its been ten years now so I "should" be ok, I dont have the right to be sad nemore.. but still it breaks my heart...She was only 10 and all her life she fought only to die. I'm glad 2read others still struggle too. Time does help though...now i want to live, I realise I am the lucky 1 even if its hard. I'll never forget, and never "get over it"...but i am learning to live with it.

CHERYL 11.05
MY AUNTY DIED WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG SO I HARDLY REMEMBER HER . BUT I REALISED HOW OLD SHE WAS AND THE FACT THAT SHE WOULD DIE KINDA SOON. SHE LEFT ME A TEDDY THAT SHE HAD GROWIN UP IN A CONVENT. WHEN I HOLD IT I REALISE NOBODY GOT TO SAY A PROPER GOODBYE TO HER SO I NOW KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO MISSES HER EVERY NOW AND THEN.I DONT FEEL SO LEFT OUT ANYMORE.

De 11.05
My mother died when I was 5. I am 48 now. I grew up without a mother and without knowing the love a mother shows to her children. I have two children and feel that I accomplished what I grew up without.

David 11.05
When I 15 years of age I lost the most caring, influential, happy go lucky person in the world. That person was my MOM, and to this day I miss her so much, in just 3 years time I will be the same age as her when she left my brother Rob, my Dad David and me David jnr.
Every single day my heart is broken, some of my close mates say to me if what happened to me, happened to them, then they would not be here today.
Believe me, there have been days when I thought to myself, what is all this about..and I still do. I get strength not only from the memory of my Mom but people out there who cannot see, hear, walk, communicate, and in general enjoy life. It's hard at times, and for you reading this mesage you may know what I'm on about. Thank you for your time.

Sam 10.05
I lost my mum 17 years ago, when I was 13 and she was 45. It was very sudden and I spent the next 13 years trying to make sense of it. I never looked for help to deal with my loss until I met my husband, who encouraged me to speak to someone. I can honestly say that it was the best move I have ever made! I loved my mum dearly and still do, and I miss her every day, but you have to move on! Time is so short anyway and she would never have wanted me to waste it being sad and bitter! Look forward and remember that the pain will ease and the days will get brighter and one day you will be able to share the memories of your loved one without being so sad.xxx

anon 10.05
im a bit old for this site but hope i can help. i lost my mam 17 years ago and have struggled to deal with it most of that time. i was 13 when she died and at that time it was not spoken about and you had to get on with things and get over it. i want all you children to know that you have to talk to people about it you have to grieve and you should NEVER bottle up your feelings. im suffering now because i never dealt with it at the time and i wish with all my heart that i had had someone to talk to and tried not to be so strong. please do what you have to do and GRIEVE. x x x

Emma 10.05
A close friend of mine was murdered by her ex-boyfriend 13 years ago when we were 17.
TIme really does heal. It doesn't feel that it will at first, but a few years ago I noticed I had managed to almost forget the anniversary day of Fay's death. Not forget HER, but manage to spend the day without crying all the time.
It did take years, but now I can think of her and smile.
It does get better, that's all I can say. But I still miss her loads.

(anon)09.05
My mum died 9 years ago she had motor neurone disease. I just want to say that she is the most strong and brave person i ever knew. The pain never goes away but i've learned to cope with it. I have a beautiful son and i know she's not here to see him but whenever i look in his eyes i see my mum looking back and know she is with us looking after us both. I love her so much and it's a great shame she will never see him grow up, but she's around somewhere able to chatter away again and eat her steak. I love you lot's mum and would give anything to tell you so and have one more cuddle to know you're ok

(anon) 09.05
10 years ago my mum killed herself. I was 7, it was the most devistating time of my life. I thought that it was the end of the world,I couldnt believe it had happened, I didnt want to believe it. But becoming a Christian after her death changed my life, I didn't think I would be able to carry on with life. I now know that my mother is in the safest and happiest place there is, she is with my Father and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

(anon) 09.05
my pappy died 10 days before christmas in 1997, he and my gran were on holiday in cyrus.
My gran came home, alone with a broken heart - i think her soul went to heaven with my pappy.
Now i have to watch as my gran wastes away - she can't remember who we are - but her eyes tell us that she dreams of the day that she and my pappy can be together again.

Ow 09.05
Hi everyone out there that feels the same pain as i do. My mum died 8 years ago on the 22nd august 1997 aged 45 after 2 years of watching her go through pain that i hope i never have to experience and now i have to deal with the very unexpected death of my dad on the 4th august 2005 aged 53. It is absolute hell, nothing makes the pain go away. I have 2 beautiful girls that will never know their grand-parents and that feels worse than anything. I know what it is to feel excruciating pain, to the extent that at 27 i feel like an orphan in this world. please dont feel alone out there. XX

"J" 08.05
I lost my mother ten years' ago and it still seems like yesterday. I am the baby out of five boys' and we had a bond out of this world. Tomorrow is her birthday and only that I wished that she was here. I still cry for her and want for her. Honestly, I still find myself going to a denial of her being gone and then I get angry. Her death was not expected; no sickness, no accident, etc. She had a massive heart attack and my world has been sad every since that night. She died on one of my brother's birthday and every year it's seems harder to even cope with. Alot of individuals may say that they understand and really they don't when their parents are still living. All I can say is,"Tomorrow isn't promised, so make sure you tell your loved ones that you love them regardless of what has happened."

Jana 07.05
10 Years ago my world came to a hault, as if i ran right into a brick wall head on doing 50. My oldest sister... my life... and my best friend died. No warning... no long sickness... no car accident. It just happened. Her heart stopped. The one thing that was filled with love, hate and care just stopped. Life after never will be the same. I was so mad at her for leaving me like she did. I helped her with her kids since they were babies and now when i needed her to help me she leaves me. How dare she. Thats all i could think. It was too painful to think anything else. I sit next to a stone big cement stone to visit, talk and love my sister. When i want to kiss her goodbye I cant. My friends say I should not let it consume my life, that visiting her everyday is too much and i should move on ... But see until you have lost like that you will never know.

(anon) 07.05
my best friend died when she was 12 in october 1996 from meningitis.losing your best friend is like having your world pulled from under your feet.iv only just started to live properly in the last 2yrs. the fund raising that goes on in my village is still hard for me to take, which might sound horrible of me.

Rach 06.05
i lost my best friend at school when we were just 6 years old, now 17 i struggle to come to terms, she was killed when the barriers didn't come down at a railway crossing and she was crushed by a train. i was a few steps behind her and watched it all. i still think it should have been me. bye Rhianna

Cate 06.05
I remember when my father passed away, so many years ago. I was so young but I can just picture that day at the hospital.

My mother, brother and I were going to visit him. After we spoke to him for a little while my brother and I went out into the waiting room to play with the toys that were there. I guess my mom was still in the room talking to him. I heard people running around behind me, I could hear their boots smashing against the ground. I turned around to the source of all this noise to see people running into my father's room. I was scared so I stayed with my brother until my mother burst out of the door to his room. I walked up to the door and stepped into the room. It was so white in there, seemed kind of peaceful. Even though people were rushing around in the room.

I saw him though, he looked so sick. They were mashing down on his chest trying to get his heart to beat. But he never let his broken heart beat again. I guess he was wanted. I remember the sound though, I can hear it some days in my head.

The sound of the high pitch of the heart monitor filled my ears. It was a sound that I would wake up crying to in the middle of the night for years to come.