personal

8 years +

Emma, 2 March 2013
Im Emma and i am 14 years old. In 2002 my little sister was born on the 18th December, but then died on the 30th April 2003. It has now been 10 years since she has died and i just cant get over it. When ever i think about her i end up breaking down and crying. My parents dont understand why i get so upset because its been a while since she died and they think i shouldnt be so upset about it. I think it affects me more than anyone else in my family because i have 2 brothers, Adam who is 19 and Jake who is 8. They usually team up and play jokes on me but i can never really have that relationship with another family member because she passed away. I cant talk to my parents about this because they cant do anything about it and i dont really talk to them much as their usually at work when i get home from school.
So thats my story.

No name, 13 February 2013
It has been ten years since my baby sister Emma was lost (stillbirth) but I still feel very sad about it. It has got better over time but I'm still grieving.

No name, 18 January 2013
My dad died from cancer in 2004; I was in middle school at the time. He was the glue of our family, and we did everything together. As a child, I remember feeling numb for awhile. Eventually, I adapted to life without him. I went through middle school and high school thinking that my heart was healing. Within the past year, though, I feel like this void is bigger than ever. I find myself crying more often, and I am afraid that I don't know how to cope with this. I just miss him so much, and I feel stuck. I wonder what my life would be like if he were still here.

bryony, 14 December 2012
hi my nan died 11 years ago she died at the age of 60, and i was only 8 at the time, but now that ive grown older i understand more and, ive realised how much i miss her, and i cant accept that shes gone, and i dont think i ever will, how can i over come of this fear of accepting thats shes gone, all im afraid of is not remembering her, but ive bin speaking to my boss at work and hes told me plenty of times that i will never stop remembering, but im scared that i will, now im 21, my fears and emotions are getting worse what do i do?

No name, 1 October 2012
my dad died when i was five (almost ten years ago). I still cry myself to sleep sometimes,I have good days where i dont cry at all but then I always have atleast one awful day a week, I feel asif I will never really get over it

Rebekah, 29 February 2012
My dad died in a car accident, 12 years ago when i was 6. all i remember was watching tv with my brother when police called. they said something to my mum and we were left round a friends house. After a few days he was taken off life support as he had brain damage. Weve never really got over it. the person who was driving the other car was chaged with dangerous driving. sometimes i cry or become angry for no reason, and now im becoming forgetful and i cannot remember childhood memories. now, im scared of losing friends and family, even pets dying i get paranoid over. a girl at my school also lost her dad last year, and being able to talk and empathise (rather than sympathise) has helped me to cope and realise i need to find help and talk to someone. i love my dad.

Jade :), 1 December 2011
my couson died about 10 years ago and it still feels like yesterday that she died , she was like a sister to me and we were so close even tho i was four when she died i still cared for her when i found out she died i wen nuts becuase it felt like a peice of my heart had been taken away it was so horrible and i cried for hours non stop, its still hard to picture that she wont be around when i get married or have children or get my GCSE and stuff but i really miss her LOVE YOU REBBECA WATKINS FOREVER and always xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MISSED BY LOADS :'( xxxxxx

Jade, 24 November 2011
when i was 4 my cousin died she was so pretty it was unreal she had blonde hair and brown eyes and the whitest teeth ever she was an amazing cousin ,i keep asking my slef can she see me and im wondering if i am frogetting her i dont remeber much of her only that she was stunning i miss her so much my mother tells me how i used to walk around in my nappy and id have her sixze 5 heels on i was like 3 at the time and she was so caring, she died out in ibza she got run over she died out the on july 26th 2000 i miss her terribly what can i doo ? xx MISSS YOU BECCA LOVE YOU MILLIONS - love you , your missed by loads xxxxxxx

Chels, 24 November 2011
i keep asking myself, is it possible to miss someone you've never met? it must be cause my grandad dieed before i was born so i never get to meet him and im always thinking what would he think of me, would he like me?, i ask myself so many questions if only i had then answers. i have loads of pictures of him so i know what he looks like, i just wish i could have met him! i really miss him and i never even knew him :/, ive got his picture hung above my bed so he's always looking down on me and i hope im doing him proud.

Sophie, 3 October 2011
My dad died when i was two years old i am now 18 and finding it very hard. Vicky i can see where your coming from i feel exactly the same. I just feel like there is this feeling that is never going to go away. My sister is getting married next year and as we talk about the wedding and decides on songs shes going to have because my dad sang them to her i get so upset that i don't have that. My councillor said it effects us in all the same way at some point and as we was so young the greif is coming through now when i am realising this feeling is never going away. I don't know about your mum but mine has never got over it and still loves my dad we still talk about him everyday i don't know if this is a good thing to keep him alive or a bad as it probably makes me feel like his hear and his not. My dad was only 35 years old with three kids he died of a asthma attack at my aunties wedding, it hit all my family very hard and some members still cannot talk of it. Chin up!x

Elle Mae, 27 September 2011
When I was 7 I got diagnosed with a very rare server bone cancer in the upper part of my leg, on the chemo ward there was a group of us who were good friends all diagnosed around the same time with different forms an strengths of cancer in different places all of us different ages, I was 7, Daniel was 12 with the same bone cancer as mine but his was in his spine, Emma was 5 with a server late stage brain tumour, Stephen was 10 with exactly the same as me same place an everything, Abby was 9 with a similar cancer to mine know as its 'sister' in the bottom part of her leg, and Joe who was about 5 he had leukaemia, there were a lot more children I met but we were best friends, Me and Daniel were even sort of like boyfriend an girlfriend but as in the junior kind I remember he would even push my chemo drip up to the school room for me when we went up =) unfortunately only 3 of us have survived so far, me now 17, Abby now 19 and Joe now 14, since then iv also lost close family members my Great Nan Lamb (who I was very close to) passed away due to a brain tumour just like Emma, and my Granddad (other than my brother the only man I had) who died this year of heart an lung problems. I really struggle to cope with this as they were all there for me an I was them and they all passed away in such horrible ways and all of the kids on the ward we so innocent a lot of them barely got to live, I remember a young baby boy was brought in and his mum and dad decided they couldn't cope with it so they just sort of left him with the nurses, we all called him Thomas because the only thing he ever wanted was to watch Thomas the tank engine he also passed away he was barely a toddler I remember been sat with him on the bed colouring an playing doctors and nurses using silly amounts of bandages an 'borrowing' the doctors stephascope with all the younger kids iv got great memories though but sometimes I think it should have been me instead of them, and now i found out last night an ex boyfriend of mine who I was hoping was going to ask me to start seeing him again has cancer, he starts chemo on Friday and for some reason he doesn't think he will come back out of hospital. it just seems to follow me (I know how selfish that sounds but its how I feel). I love all of these people more than anything we all went through so much together. Daniel was my first love and I never actually told him how I felt and now I regret that so much I really wish I had the guts to tell him I love him. <3

Vicky, July 2011
My dad died from oesophageal + liver cancer/pneumonia when I was 14 months old. I am 17 now so it has been 16 years. I miss someone I don't even remember, and it hurts so much. It is a feeling I can't explain. I hold it together in front of people but I'm still angry and hurt that everyone else has memories of him and I dont, why did he get taken? How is it fair that my mum is now alone. I can't talk to people about it because I don't want to seem attention seeking. Its been 16 year for gods sake. But I can't help it. I miss you, amazing man I never knew.

Kerry, July 2011
My Grandad died when I was 7 years old. He looked after me a lot, and became my best friend. Wen he died I didnt grieve. Im 20 now, I still find it hard to talk about it 13 years later. I cant join in conversations about him. When other people talk about him or I see a picture I still get upset. I just pretend he never died.

No name, July 2011
i was seven years old when my sister passed of cancer,she had her tenth birthday in hospital,i remember going to visit her in hospital,she always seemed so happy,it was six years ago but i still break down and think about her everyday,it hurts so much and i dont know how to cope,theres no one to talk to.I miss the things i would be able to do with my big sister,plan my wedding,discuss clothes and eveything else,i get so jelous when i see others with their siblings.i never feel enough for my mum and i still see the pain in her eyes.my whole world fell apart from that moment and i try to go on but its so hard,sometimes i wat to give in and die aswell.

No name, July 2011
my dad died when i was 3, he had an addiction to drugs, and thats what killed him. i didnt really know him well but he was MY dad and every one thought i make a big deal of it now. then later on in life, my mum found out that she had breast cancer. i was 9 then and had to do everything by myself when i turned 11 she died in her sleep.
They are both with the angels now.
I live in a care home, many people have wanted to adopt me but i keep rebeling and that ruins my chances evertime.

levi, June 2011
heyup am called levi and i am 15 years old, i feel that i have had a hard life, when i was younger i was brought up seeing my parents taking drugs and i still do now, when i was younger i felt that it was normal life things, then my mother put myself and my sister into foster care while she sorted her self out with the drugs and got a place for us to live, my mother was abused all her life by different men, when my mother put us in foster care she died a week before we was ment to go home to her, but it wasnt my mothers fault that she dies, a man called collin had done it to her, as social services said that my mother would not be able to be in contact with collin so he killed my mother by givng her a drug overdose, i have grown up wanting to kill my self and not wanting to do anything with my life, i used to self harm my self, but i have got past that now, after that my best friend died, then my cousin died. it was 8 years last tuesday as she died late hours on 14/06/2003 her childrem was aged 6 months, 7 years old and 11 years old xxx and i am still finding it hard to cope with life now

sarah, May 2011
on marth 9th, 2003, my dad died. i was 6, my brother was 8 and my sister was 4. my mum got a job as a swimming teacher and my nana looked after us a lot. my mum remarried a really nice man in 2009, but i feel awkward around him, and i feel like im no longer aloud to ask about my dad. i feel like my mum is forgetting him. none of my friends understand what im going through, and they feel like i should hae gotten over my dad because it's been 8 years, but i cant. for a long time i didnt really understand that he was never coming back, but i always tear up when i see a photo of him. i love my mum very very much, and i worry she will die young and suddenly like my father did. i also feel like im not ajusting to life without a dad aswell as my brother and sister are.i used to dream that he never died, but i dont anymore. im forgetting about him, and i'm really scared that i will completely forget about him. i make up his personality and what his voice sounds like in my head, so its like he's always with me, but its not the same.

Cissy, April 2011
Its over 10 years when my dear mum passed away. I saw her dying and wished i could do anything to bring her back. If it costed money to bring back someones life; surely i would sell anything i have to bring you back. Years have passed when i last saw you but memories are still fress. Its as if you died yesterday. Everyone at home misses you. Mum we love you so much. REST IN PEACE.

Chloe, March 2011
My dad passed away from brain tumour when I was 7. 9 years later and I still don't know how to grieve.

Boy Aged 13, March 2011
My dad died when i was two and my mum has been down ever since. it has been 11 years and after he died i was constantly crying and trying to beat my mum up, which i feel terrible about now obviously. I just want to know what it is like to have a dad. he was only 35 i just want him back i miss him soooooooooooo much

Vicki, March 2011
I was 11 (8yrs ago) when I lost my Dad. He was a police officer and was on duty chasing a drunk-driver. My dads van was parked on the side of the motorway and the driver saw his van and deliberately collided into it killing both my dad and his collegue. I spent the first 5yrs coasting through life. I didn't really show any emotion and people thought I had coped with it very well. But it wasn't until I was 16 when it started to hit me. I have suffered from anorxia and self harm and also have nearly taken my own life. I have only recently started to receive help for my depression. Its get hard when I am on my own. I am in my first yr at uni now and its getting very difficult to stay motivated.
I know my dad would be proud of me. But knowing that he won't be there to walk me down the aisle, see my grandchildren or see me grauate is the hardest thing. But what I do know is that he still loves me and is watching over me, as are all your loved ones that have past. If there's anything to help you with your greif it will be the fact that they will love you forever and always and will just want you to be happy. My heart goes out to you all.

bruce, March 2011
when i was 6 my uncle died of old age and because i was so young i didnt really take it in but now that im 14 i do undersand it and it doesnt really make me feel any differently. when he died i sent a balloon with a letter to thinking it would get to him i also just watched spongebob all day to take my mind off it and my mum bought me tons of jaffa cakes for me but when my uncle was alive he used to allways give me jaffa cakes. thats how i remember him

Matthew, March 2011
My mum died of breast cancer when I was 3 nearly 15 years ago. I still feel low :(

No name, February 2011
My twin sister died at birth in 1985, 25 years ago. The grief has only really hit me in the last 3 years or so. I have found having a picture of her has helped me to express my grief, and made the loss more tangible, as it's hard to work out how to miss someone you never met.

Chloe, February 2011
I was just 2 and a half years old when my mum died of brest cancer i didn't remember much but i am 12 now and it is hard coming to terms with it all but i have friends and family to support me the whole way though life and that helps a lot i am sooooooooo sorry if this has happened to you but we are in it together!!!!!!!!!!!

Ell, January 2011
My dad past away on Novembre the 23rd 2002 i was 6 years old when he past away. I am know nearly 15. I can't believe that its been nearly 10 years since hes died. I loved him so much and he was like my best friend. I was daddy's little princess.x

Eve, December 2010
i lost my mum when i was just two i feel so sad all the time i am 11 now though and am learning how to cope since i also lost my uncle and my grandad... I am gettin used to the emptiness now.

No name, August 2010
My dad died 13 years ago; I was 7 years old. Now I'm 20 years old and I can't believe it's been such a long time already. It's been rough, and you feel like you've gotten over it; but deep down I still miss him to death. Still brings tears to my eyes. And when I was 11 my closest uncle died, who was like a dad to me, in a tragic accident; so it's just been me and my mom pretty much since then. But death is just a part of life I guess, you just can't give up on yourself... gotta stay strong

Bethany, August 2010
My mum died when i was 14 months. Im 15 years old now. She died of breast cancer and lasted a year after she was diagnosed. I miss her even though i didnt know her. It hurts when my family say i look just like her. Im so jelous that they knew her and i didnt. I miss her. See also: Bethany's poem

Amy, July 2010
I was almost 6 when my mum died, and now at the age of 17 I have been struggling with the repercussions for a while. 10 years on and it's affecting me now as I never truely grieved at such a young age. With a history of mental illness and depression in my family, my mum died of an intentional house fire. I managed to block out all the painful details of my childhood, and only now they haunt me. Coming to the realisation that I wasn't happy myself, I found grieving later on in life hard. Therefore admitting I needed some help was the best thing I could have done, it's important not to suffer in silence.

Alicia, June 2010
It was the year 1999 and I was at my Nan's my grandad had just got out of the hospital and suddenly he colapsed I was only a baby so I didn't know what was going on.
He fell right on top of me and I started crying, my older cousin took me and my cousin into the kitchen.
About 1 hour later we were in the hospital by my grandads bed, me and my cousin were allowed in because there was no one to look after us on such late notice. That night he died and me and my cousin watched him it was a frighting experience and I would never have another one like it.

No name, March 2010
I was 6 when my mum died. Today I am 25 and it's the first time am missing her that much. She had breast cancer and I saw her go through various operations and I watched the cancer eat her away. I was very close to my mother and I always remember the stories she used to tell me and the advices she tried to give me and which I wouldn't listen to. I wished she was with me today more than ever before...

David, January 2010
Hi. My mum died of cancer on the 5th of June 1992 at the age of 31. I was only 8 and although she had been sick for a little while I like most young kids was a bit oblivious to it all so when she died it was unexpected. I remember being told she had died and naturally I was upset and the weeks and months to follow are now a bit sketchy but they would have been tough to say the least but I look back now and realise as a child life moves very quick and all your energy goes into finding out who you are, where you belong and what your future's gonna be so i've always kinda push my feelings to side.Kinda are case of sink or swim. Now 17&1/2 years later I'm 25 and the last few years I've started thinking about me and how i feel on the inside and how its shaped my life. Looking back now my priority's weren't quite right and not having the skills and the knowledge on how to deal with emotions and related issues have made my last few years of working out who I am very hard and upsetting. One would think that after nearly 18 years i'd be alright with it but just simple things like opening the kitchen cupboard and seeing her old cake mixer or a recipe book she use to use (my mum loved baking,i can just remember that wonderful smell that would fill the house) would make me choke up with tears. Alas thats life for ya, you gotta take the good with the bad.

Rhys, January 2010
Hi My name is Rhys My grandad died when i was only 7 back in 2000 i took his detah hard and never forget him but as long as you have your family around you it will all be okayy in the not okayy but it will help get your life b ack on tack and dont forget it is okay to cry

Archive of your messages up to the end of 2009