personal

6 - 8 years

Tiffany, December 2009
When I was just 7 my uncle remarried to a woman called carol, therefore she became my aunt. She constantly acted strange around us and discouraged him from seeing the whole family. In April 2003 she then murdered him at the Hotel . Before they married we were extremely close and I spent many school holidays and weekends just me and him. I was his little princess with wings. He was a kind and caring person and never deserved any of this. Still to this day I think of him a lot and it never stops hurting.
RIP Philip

Kelsey, December 2009
My father died when I was third grade. I am a freshman in high school at the moment. I still cry from it even though it was years ago. He was my best friend. There is an huge empty whole in my heart because only he could fill it. He was sick for a long time, dealing with brain tumors and strokes. October 26th, 2003, he just stopped breathing and died. None of my friends understand what I went and am going through. There never is a moment when I don't think of him. I have wrote narratives and poems about it because it helps me get my emotions that I bottle in, out. I never had the last chance to tell him "Good-bye" or "I love you." He has shaped me into the person I am today. He is my guardian angel watching over my brother, mom, and I. I love him more than I love anyone. I love you, Daddy.

Lizzie, 29 November 2009
Dad died of cancer 7 years ago today. I was 13. Mum died of cancer just over 16 years go, I was 4. Im suffering from clinical depression, but hopefully over the worst. I miss them and I feel very alone. They were fantastic people, and I hope they would be proud of me.

No name, October 2009
My dad died nearly 7 years ago and I still till this day struggle to come to terms with it. I miss him so much. I was always a daddys girl and used to tell him everything, I even told him i started my period before my mum, we were close. He was the funniest outgoing person I ever knew and everyone loved him. When he died it was a massive shock as he wasnt ill or anything, he had a pain in his stomach and thought he had to have his appendix out, he collapsed infront of me and my brother in the hospital waitin room, that was the last time I seen him alive. They took him into theatre and there was nothing they could do. I was only 18, I had already lost my real mother when I was 6months old. Im lucky to have my mum (step) she has been in my life since i was 2. Me and my brother got through it together. When you lose someone so close to you it makes you realise how short life is and how you should make the most of it, with the ones you love. I miss my dad and wish he was still here but he isnt so you just have to get on with it.

Alex, October 2009
6 years, 1 month, 2 weeks and 2 days. Lost my grandad, he was everything to me. Never realised how ill he actually was, just thought he would be ok cos he kept getting better and coming home. He lived so far away but i tried so hard to see him as much as i could. i was only 11 when he left this earth and i miss him more every day that passes. words can't describe the sense of loss i feel, knowing he isn't here. there have been so many things i wish he had seen. i think about him every day.i love you grandad x

No name, August 2009
i lost my mum about 6 years ago, and still i cant get over the fact she has been taken away from me by cancer. we went to cyprus and on the day of us returning she went into hospital and never came home. i have a brother and a sister and a dad who all seem to moved on but i cant. i have turned into a person who i hate, i have so much anger inside me and seem to take it out on the people closest to me. i hit the booze heavy when she died i was 17 and i have carried it on now, since she died i met my first love and had a child with her now through beer i have lost them all my family barely want to speak to me i just wish i could move on some how but always keep her in my heart.

Naomi, April 2009
My Grandad died 6 years ago but i still feel like i want to see him, and i know its not possible. Then other days i feel like hes still with us which makes me feel good. But im getting used to not having around now. Which is helping me.

Tracy, April 2009
I lost my Dad seven years ago and I still think about him everyday. I had a fair bit of Cruse Counselling which really helped me. I have discovered that in time it does get easier and you learn to deal with it. I decided to do the Training and I am now a Cruse Volunteer. I would like to think that my Dad's death was not in vain.

No name, February 2009
7 years in 1 month and 1 day.. we will always miss u dad.. u were everything 2 us.. hope u r in peace in now 4rm all deh pain u suffered.. love u alwaiz..xxxx

Harry, 28 November 2008
7 years today. Thinking about you always mum, ilove you forever and always.
"may angels lead you in"
lots of love Harry x x

No name, November 2008
My boyfriend died nearly 6 years ago on friday 13th december ...Even though since I have had a baby and have found new love I still miss and love him dearly

No name, September 2008
My mum died when i was 10. I found it hard to deal with for many years. Im 16 now.

For people who have lost anyone in their life, it takes time but you will come through it. Hard times always pass, i think about my mum with a smile now. Never forget, but they would rather see you happy tinking of all the good times.

Mum, i wanna say you mean the world to me. I think about you every day with a smile on my face! i love you so much, so does dad. im sorry i wasn't there to hold your hand when you went, i regret that every day. I've had a hard time coping but i know you will always be in my mind. I even wrote my English exam paper on you... and got an A! You must be looking after me!
I will always be thinking of you, now and forever. Caus' those who are dead are not dead their just living in your head...

No name, September 2008
My mum died on the 1st of September 2002 when I had just turned 12, and my brother was about 3 and a half. I was in respite care for the weekend, and when I woke up on the day she was supposed to come and get me and my little brother, I just knew she wasn't coming.

My mum suffered from mental problems - manic depression with schizophrenic and multiple personalities tendencies, and she was also an alcoholic, drug abuser. She died because she drank too much, and took some drugs. She choked on her own vomit. I don't think I should have been surprised as I was.

I have never felt so empty as the day I found out she was dead. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and never, ever face anyone again. The few years following that weren't exactly easy either - me and my brother were placed in several different foster homes, before being placed with an adoptive placement when I was almost 14 and he was 5. Sadly, the placement broke down for me and ended when I was 15, when I broke down at a friends house and refused to go home.

I moved into a foster family - the same people I was with when my mum died - and although happy there, I suffered from depression and stopped eating for almost a year.

I'm happy now, at 18, and at university. I have a loving family I can go home to during the holidays, and enough friends to know I always have someone to talk to. I wanted to share my story because I wanted people to know that it is possible to get through anything, and I wanted to give those people who are really struggling some hope. Thankyou for giving me that oppurtunity.

hayley, August 2008
my best friend died in a car crash 6 years ago on 8th august

jane, July 2008
i was about 15 at the time when i was told my dad had lung cancer he died a month before i was 16
i love my dad so much im 22 now and i still cant get over his death and yeah i was a daddys girl so it hit me a wee bit harder than it did to my sister
they never got on with each other much (her bein a stubborn teenager)
its so strange thinking back now because at the time i was young but i was old enough to understand that my daddy wasnt going to see me get married or have my first child and i was so sad because he was bein taken away from me and i couldnt do any thing about it.
so when my dad did die i went a bit crazy and left home i moved to glasgow where i became an alcohlic i didnt care about anyone or anything because i thought no one cared about me any more because my dad was gone.
i started self harming to ease the pain a wee bit but i just ended up with big ugly scars and feeling worse (i think this is when i should have got help but i never)i managed to move on with my life tho.
i met a great man and moved closer to him then i eventually moved in with him we went to to fall pregnant with a baby girl at 18 it was my first pregnancy and i was very ill .
i was in an out of the hospital bein put on a drip for dehydration because i couldnt eat
at six months pregnant i went in to unexpected labour (i didnt know what it was )and i had my baby girl we called her amy she was put in intensive care for premature babys she was doin well untill we got a phone call at 4:40 am on the 2 march we were told she had to be put on a ventillator to help her breath untill we got there.
we did and my beautifull baby had contracted blood poisoning (they still dont know how she got it )and there was nothing they could do so at 27 days old my baby girl had died in my arms not even 2 years after my dad passed. every thing after her funeral is a blur i cant even remember how long it was before i went out side.
i felt that my life was at an end with out my dad there to help me and my baby girl taken away from me but i knew he would be looking after her. where ever they are they will be together.
iv had 2 more little girls since them and every day im terrified some thing will happen to them but i need to be a mum and not worry about things like that kids are kids you cant protect them from some things but im trying my life still has an empty hole from the things that were taken but the rest of it is filled with love for every day i am alive with my kids x

Mia, June 2008
My nan died in 2002, I was just 7 but I still miss her.
I remember all the things we did together but I still feeling guilty I didn't get to know her better.

It was weird, she's fought cancer, broken hearts, but I guess the only thing that can't be fixed is old age.

Talking helps and crying to, time doesn't necessarily heal but it helps you to sort out your head.
On the bad days it's hard, but even if I just lounge around I get dressed and eat a little, it perks me up.

kai (age 14), April 2008
6 years ago my step dad died of cancer. i was told he wasnt going to die then one day i was told he was. I was 8 so i wasnt sure why they lied to me but now i understand that they didnt know either until the last minute. i never really felt anything for a while until it sunk in a few months later, the councerlers helped me through it and they helped a lot, you never completely get over the fact that someone

Aimee 29.03.08
So many yrs have past but im still upset bout wt happpened. Because mi sister ( DAISY ) died 7 yrs ago and i still miss er 2 hell.
:( Aimee :(

From: maggie, March 2008
when I was 8 my dad died of cancer, I'm now 14. It may be hard to believe but I am still stuggling to come to terms with it. I was a real daddys girl and I hate him not being here. Me and my mum dont see eye to eye and we havent since i was about 10. I attempted to kill myself and self harmed because I missed my dad so much. I find it really hard to talk to my mum about him because if i misbehave its usually because I'm missing him more than usual (which may sound strange) and if I say to my mum I'm doing it because I miss dad she says I'm lying and it really hurts me. I dunno what to do anymore I really just want to die and be at rest with my dad. I'm sat here crying because I miss him and cant take it anymore...

From: no name, March 2008
My Dad died just over six years ago. I found it very difficult to cope with when the first Xmas came since he had died and obviously he was not there. I looked to Cruse to help me and so they did. I had counselling for a bit and this really helped me to dead with my Dad's death. This inspired me to train as a Cruse Volunteer and I now pass on the valuable life experience and training I have to other as I was distressed people.

From: Becca, February 2008
Grandad died on 6th June 2000, he was 81. I was 11 and we were best friends. I held his hand in intensive care as he slipped away. I was angry that they weren't saving him, but now i know that it was better that way because he did not suffer. I don't think about him everyday, but he floats through my mind from time to time. I don't love him anyless now than when he was alive. Our bond still exists; when i feel it I smile and hope he is proud of me. I know he's proud of me as i am of him.
'You'll be here in my heart, always' xxxxxx

From: No name, February 2008
its been almost 7 years since my brother died and i really miss him, when i was younger i never really understood that he was gone but now i do and im not doing so good. i really miss him and most of my family are ok about it now but im still sad sometimes because him and me were really really close.

From: no name, January 2008
I lost my mum about seven years ago. and i have just got over the fact that mum isnt coming back. it has took me about 7 years because i am now 14.

From: no name, January 2008
my dad died on march 29th, 2001. i was 12. now at 18, i'm having a relapse of grief. i guess because a 12 year old grieves much differently than an 18 year old. i dont think its fair. i hate it. sometimes i get that disbelief feeling. like it hits me....my dad is dead. im not like everyone else. i dont have a dad. it affects me in every way. it affects everyt fiber of my being. it defines who i am. you cant truly know me unless you understand what ive been through. i miss him. i miss being a family of 5.

Archive of messages up to the end of 2007