personal

5 - 8 years

Hannah, 2 November 2011
it has been 6 years ago when i lost my little brother to a brain tumour on the 27th of december. i have been so busy with my life like a levels and university and now my busy life has come to a stop the grief has just hit me.
i get angry at times, questions arise like why him? why did he have to go?.
i wish i could rewind time and get a magic wand and make it no happen.
it has been 6 years and im just getting to grips with losing him.

Alex, 21 October 2011
lost my mum when i was 6. now im 13 nearly 14 but still missing her.Then last year in december my nan died who was my mums mum. I still miss her as much, even though its nearly been a year. it was a hard time when my nan was in hospital, but happy shes not in any pain anymore. it was a big loss as we were really close.

No name, 25 September 2011
6 yrs ago today my mum went upstairs to get dressed and died..no reason just dropped. My mum and i were very close spent every min of the day together..the drs said if she had got medical help straight away she would of still been here but my dad who heard her fall did nothing for a hr. 6 yrs on i still cry every day missing her knowing that in that final few min of her life she was properly scared and hoping dad would save her. But he didn't :-(

No name, 29 August 2011
My father died 6 and half years ago, It was just before my 14th birthday. I've always been an independent person so I carried on with my life after he was gone. But little did I know I was independent because of him and the foundations he'd laid for me. I find my self merely going on, lacking that spark that once was the driving force in my life. I'd constantly reach a pivotal point in my life after a moment of brief clarity, only revert in to worryingly familiar routine of faltering when the road ahead is tough. I'd being lying if I'd say there wasn't a day where he wasn't on my mind... but that's what worry's me, how long will I be able to keep his memory alive. Life is a constant reminder to what myself and so many other's our missing out on. There's so many things I never got to do with him, learn from him. I wish I could of just had one conversation with him as an adult. He touched so many people in his life. I feel almost envious of those who got to spend so much time with him but I'm also thankful for having got to know him!

No name, July 2011
5 years ago my mum died of cancer, i was 10 years old. it was the worst time of my life, i miss her so much and always will. I feel empty and dread having to live the rest of my life with out her...

Chelsey, July 2011
When i was 14 years old i lost my best friend, my mummy. she was dignosed with ovain cancer, so she had a historectomey, we both thought after that that she would be fine. but fate delt her a crewl hand. It spred to her liver, then 6 months later she died in princess alice hospice. its bin 7 years and still i can bearly go a day without thinking of her. i loved her so much and she was the only person that ever cared about me. i miss her every day. the only time i get to be with her is when im dreaming and when i wake up i always rember if its been a mummy dream. i always try and get back into the dreams but its to late. shes gone and never coming back. i used to self medicated with drugs but for the first time in 7 years in drug free and only no just starting to deal with her death.
so to every one out there who is struggling, you are not alone.

Hannah, July 2011
My dad died when I was 7 I am now 13 and still UPSET and CRY .. I miss him so much.. I don't speak to my family like my auntie and uncle because my cousin stole money from me that my dad left me , and my mum and her sister don't talk as well.. I try being strong for my mums sake but sometimes it can be a struggle..:/ :/ But when I was about 12 or something my mum told me that my dad wasn't my real dad and this man was .. Not just that she also told me I have a brother and 2 sisters , but they are older then me .. I haven't seen my sisters before but I have seen my brother before , I don't see him anymore because he is into drugs and stuff like that .. This is my first time writing something on here xx

sonja, June 2011
my nan died when i was 9 and now im 16 she was the best thing that could ever happen to me when i was young my mum had posnatial depresion that means she couldnt bond with me so there was something that my nan did that my mum didnt do that mad me happy even thou i didnt no my nan as much as i wish i could but she is so special to me and i love her so much misss u norma julian i will never foget you love u nan xxxxxx

>p.s if you are sharing the same feelings that i am dont ever forget that they will always love you no matter what
R.I.P norma julian my nan love you so much xxxxxxx

No name, May 2011
Almost 8 years ago, I lost my best friend in a plane crash. It was the worst feeling I ever had. I felt like a part of my heart had been ripped out. Sometimes I feel as if she is going to walk in the door and give me a big hug but I know that is not going to happen. I just have to remember all the good times we had and what a difference she made in my life. I will never forget her.

ellie x, May 2011
my dad died when i was 7, he was at work and he colapsed, he got rushed to hosptial for 5 days but it wasnt enough, there was a blood clot in his brain ( basically a brain tuma )all i can remember is being at home with my mum + nan nd getting a call from his work mates.... i got sent to my aunties house beccause i was too young to cope with it so my nan drove my mum up to the hospital... 5 days later we got a call at late night time 3:00, they just said that we needed to go because he was gonna die, but bye the time we got there it was too late he was already dead. at primary school i went to this thing called dragon flies i i.didnt do any work for about 2 years cuz i just could get the thought into my head. im in high schoool now and im getting offerd councilling, this is why im writting on here first. i love sharing things but i just feel sooo enclosed at the momment. its been 5 years... i hate this i love you dad xxxxxxx<3

No name, May 2011
My mum died 5 years ago a day before my 12 birthday my mum was very ill and had phnemonia and was feed though a feeding tube before she was ill she was disabled she had MS but the dr knew she wasnt going to live for much longer but who i was in care with did tell me this so when my dad and sister came to tell me it was a great shock i would give any thing just to have a last hug and to say good bye i feel for any body who has lost there mum i think it will take a long time to realise she but will never come back but now my dad is remarrying it is all coming to reality that everyone is statring to come to terms and discise there grief I now there is many things i have done that my mum would be proud of and that the same for every one who has lost someone they would be proud of you and will look out for you x

Harriet, March 2011
It has been just under seven years now that my sister died and about a year when my other sister and nan and auntie died

Katy, February 2011
When I was about 8 my dad was diagnosed with cancer, I found out by over hearing my mum speak about it. When I found Out I was really upset but I just thought my daddy's strong he'll get through it, it didn't happen like that. He was starting to get better but then something went wrong. The doctors told my mum on the Thursday that my dad wouldn't make it through the weekend. At this point I was 9 and my older sister was 12, but my mum did what she thought was best for us and didn't tell us. We seen our dad on the Friday at the hospital. Heeps of people were there. Then we got sent off to say with our cousins or the weekend on the Sunday morning my grandparents came to pick me and my sister up but I didn't want to go so my sister just did. The next day my mum, my sister and my grandparents came to my cousins, they all looked upset but I didn't no what was wrong. My sister and mum took me into a room and my mum said "the angels had to take daddy away" I was heartbroken. I was so close with my dad cause I was such a tomboy, I was like the son he never had. On the 1st of may 2005 I lost my best friend, my hero, my dad<3!

Beth, November 2010
When I was only 3 I lost my little brother.
He was the clostet person to me.
I miss him more then anything. My mum and Dad said i was so brave but i'm older now so i'm asking so many questions and sometimes the people im asking don't know the answer and well it bugs me. Its been 6-7 im not sure. But if you have any advice reply plxs

Hannah x, September 2010
Here I am now 18 years old. Back 5 years and 22 days ago I lost my father to cancer. Here's my story since that point.

I was due to start upper school in 4 days time when my dad died in a hospice. I was fairly emotional but I quickly learnt to be strong and carry on because I had no choice. I buried my emotions and got on with life I smoked and drank and gained a lot of weight. It was how I dealt with the loss of 3 grandparents and my dad before my teenage years really began. When it came to doing my GCSEs I stuggled to stay focused I preferred to monkey around with my friends that revise but I fluked through with 1 A 6Bs and 3Cs which cemented my place at catering college where I felt I could finally sort myself out settle down and enjoy what I was doing but unfortunately it turned out to be one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I was enjoying the freedom at first but I quickly lost contact with my old friends. Then an old family friend came back after 5 years without contact and we became so close. I continued on at college but after figuring out I couldn't hide or contain my feelings I was diagnosed with depression and the pressure of the kitchen twinned with living with a severe alcoholic took over me and I struggled with everything. Then whilst working in a pub I met my current boyfriend, I told my friends at college and they were less than impressed with the 9 year age gap.. This made me less than popular and my second year at college was a little frayed. Out of the blue just after the beginning of second year my family friend has mysteriously done a runner leaving me gutted. He was the closest I had come to having a father figure in years and I loved him with all my heart.. We haven't spoken since he left over a year ago. A few months ago I left college with no friends and a certificate of passes with merit. My old friends had got back in contact with me things had been beginning to look up.. Finally I had aboyfriend and friends who loved and appreciated me but my experiences in that final year had put me off catering to such an extreme that the idea of staying in the industry makes me cry.. So would you if your lecturer constantly told you that you were a let down.. The college knew I had taken time out with depression and my home situation was quite bad but instead of moral support I was critised for my decisions and put down extremely.. Now 2 months on from college I am lost. My mates have gone to university and I am staying where I am stuck in a hole filled with unemployment and instability. One day I will be well and truely happy. Until then I will wonder where it all went wrong, whether college was the right decision, if I could have done more and if dad was here.. Would it all have been different?

Sad girl, May 2010
My dad died 6 years ago. I still cant move on, i was such close to him, i did not say goodbye to him, he died in another country, it took him about 3 days to come to my ocuntry, im really sad i didnt kiss him goodbye, neither tell him how much i loved him. now that my older brother who has been like a dad to me is going to college, and its going to be me and my mom from now on.

Ella, May 2010
my mum died 6 years ago when i was 10, she had a brain tumour and was sick for a long time. I was so amazed by how strong she was and how she always seemed happy. She had an operation to remove it but it came back a few months later justas she ws starting to get better. By the last few weeks she was really bad couldnt do anything for herself and was lying in a hospital bed in my grandma's lounge room, who has now also passed away. One morning i woke up and got ready and my aunty called me and as i walked dow the hall i saw the expressions on everybodys face and burst into tears as i know what happened. i went over her and gave my last hug goodbye. I miss her so much, we were best friends she was my world.
i love you mum

Matthew, May 2010
I lost all my grandparants within 6 years 3 of which passed in January but thankfully in different years.It started when I was 5 and a half im 12 now. and also ontop of that my parants have split up and I have moved twice. I also get bullied at school every now and again.I have also lost a number of friends and other family.I started to feel lost and confused so my mum took me to the doctors and asked for a counsellor.She also rung up Cruise and the first one that replied wasnt the one from the doctors.

Beth, March 2010
Well when I was only 3 my little brother who was 16months old. We both had a illness and didn't know about it and thats when it struck henry. My life crumbled and now i'm 9
i'm trying to find out anwsers and its hard cause at the time I was to younge to understand. It was 6 years a go when henry died. And boy is it hard.

No name, March 2010
My father died almost 7 years ago unexpectedly when I was 16. I cried for months, hated everyone because they weren't him, pushed away the people who loved me most, and still can't recall the first 2 years after he died. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no "timeline" for when you should stop missing him or stop crying. While I consider myself fully healthy without ay depression now, I still cry on his birthday, and sometimes I just miss him really really badly. I have dreams maybe once a year that he comes back, and when I wake up and I realize it was just a dream it hits me just like when I first lost him. I wish no one had to experience this type of loss. I wish he could have walked me down the aisle and watched me graduate from college. I mourn the fact that he will never get to be a grandfather to my children, and that my husband never got to meet him. But still, after a few years I was able to smile when I thought of the good memories, and didn't feel like the ground was falling out under me every time I forgot, and then realized he was never coming back again. I still miss him, but I realized at some point that I could, and would live without him.

Emily, January 2010
My mum died 6 years ago when I was 10. I never knew to take it seriously while she was ill because I thought she was invincible. We were close, I loved her so much. She died in the early hours of the morning in October 2003. I woke up that morning and everything was normal, my dad went to the hospice to see her. My grandparents had been living with us in her last few months to spend time with their daughter so they stayed behind to look after my sister and I. We got the call just after my dad had left, I picked up the phone and they asked to speak to my grandad. I knew what the news was just by looking at his face, I was never actually told that she had passed away but I just said "No" to my grandad and he cried and said "yes." I had never been so hysterical, I ran to her room and started punching her bed, then I told my sister in the worst possible way, I practically screamed at her "mum's dead" and she didn't believe me at first.

Archive of your messages up to the end of 2009