personal

2 - 5 years

Michelle, December 2009
25th April 2006, My best friend and her parents was on their way home from a holiday that i was ment to be with them. They was about 20 minutes from home when they was involved in a car accadent. My best friends mum and dad was killed and my friend only just survived.

Lottie, December 2009
Im 13 years old (14 in April) and i lost my grandpar when i was 9.
i dont remebre how i feel about his death but i now it wasnt as bad as this time.
About 2 months ago my 2 Yr old Cousin (laurence)died from a hole in his valve it was a sudden death and shocked use all. he had had his normal 1 o'clock bottle and when my aunty woke him up he was dead.
he was the only boy out of 5 of us we are all girls now and now we have new member to the famil who is 2 months old now.
The point is that when he went my howl life fell apart and i had to come out of evry class at school and started passin out because of lake of food.
every time i stoped crying i would just start again. i wouldnt tell people why i was so upset so people started to take the mik. till one day i finally let it out to ma best friends ex he told evry one the howl school new in 2 hours and evry one was feelling sorry for me even now they do id ont want them to because they could not do anything. i havent smiled the same cince he went and now im okay with talking about him. for his funral i wrote a poem about the days we spent together how i tought he would have been alovely young boy and how i would have helped him trouhgt life.i remided him of all the times we spent together and the day of the country fair in my village (that is the day i will always remebre he ran at me on the sofa and i picked him up and we did the durt dancing lift ill neverforget the smile he had and the lafe that came from him) on that day it was the first time he sore a fish as well and thats the only thing i have to member him by.
i had never hurd him say his firts word and that hurt me the most.
i dont now to spend this cistmas because my nan is so sad. she is so sad that she wount put up the cristmas lights she has talked to her friend who helps people trought this and said it takes at least 18 months to gte over deaths and if ur greving after that there is something wrong. she hasnt smiled for months i just my old jolly warm nanny back.
on saturday im going to see my new cousin im looking forward to it but i will always think of him.
i cannot look at pictures of him with out bursting into tears. i carnt look at little ones run on the field at school. i carnt talk to my firneds about babys and most of all i carnt look at tomas the tank. it was his favourit toy he was burid with his favour toy that I gave him for his 2nd birthday just 2 months befor he died. his life had hardly started and it hurts to much to think back and talk about little children.
my firends are strting to understand that i wont smile for a wile but they are trying there best to chear me up. my 15 (almost 16) year old sister is like me but he boyf is suporting her aswell.
ontop of my emotions my best mate wasnt her boyf back my bezzie might be anorexic and over all my hart has just be crushed by the boy i fancy.
but to be honest noting is going to keep me down as much as this
so far this christmas isnt looking good

P.s i also want to say i really feel for the people who have lost parents. the pain i am going trounght carnt be as bad as what you are feeling and im sorry for evry ones loss

love you all lottie xxxx

Sara, November 2009
My little sister died 5 years ago. She was only 8 years old. I was 15. I remember the day exactly. It was December 18, 2003. It was a Thursday. It was my sophomore year and i had just finished my english final and went home to pack because we were going to Mexico to celebrate my Quinceanera. Just 5 minutes after leaving to the airport, a moving truck crashed into the side where my sister was sitting. I remember seeing it in slow motion and then i went blank and just heard the windows shattering. when the car stopped, i saw my sister unconsious and my brother, then 12 yrs old, was stuttering and was coming in and out. My dad tried doing cpr on her and people stopped to help but it was too late. I did not find out she was dead until i was at the hospital and two police officers came in and told me. I just froze, i just could not believe it. I was numb. It just couldn't be. My brother was in coma for 2 weeks. This was the worst day of my life. I feel that it was my fault because I was the reason for which we were going to mexico for. ME...
I miss you katherine, I will never forget you..RIP 10/06/1995-12/18/2003

Vikki, November 2009
It's been just over 2 years now since I lost my beautiful angel... She was my best friend and my cousin. I told her everything and we had planned to travel the world together...

In the beginning I couldn't eat or sleep and felt exhausted. The first year went so slowly but so quickly... It wasn't until after the first year I began to feel even the tiniest bit better... the last year has been a year of healing and beginning to understand the meaning of life without her...

I still occasionally break down but I've been keeping up the smile as best I can :) for my angel...

All I can say is that no matter what your experience grief seems like a never ending tunnel but it does get gradually easier... you are not alone even if you feel like you are!! We are all going through this together and we just need to battle on through it.

So lets be the shining stars our loved ones want us to be and let them shine through us in all that we do! They may be gone but they will NEVER be forgotten... we can keep them alive foreer in our hearts.

Love to you all that are feeling alone xxx

Katy, November 2009
Mum died on 15th september 2007

Elaine, October 2009
I lost a close friend to suicide 3 years today.. I miss her still. I hope she has found peace now wherever she is....

No name, September 2009
Ive passed the 3 year mark since my mum's death and somehow im still here. 3 years ago that was still just a nightmare. A nightmare which ive been living for these past 3 years. I dread as each year passes on, leaving my mum and my time spent with her further and further behind.

No name, September 2009
i have lost both of my grandads one 3 years ago and the other 1 last year. i still find it hard to cope but i am scared that i will forget them. i still love them soooo much and wish i could bring them back. but now i am starting to learn that they are in a better place and aren't suffering anymore.

Steph, September 2009
My Dad died 4 years ago when I was 18 from a heart attack. It was so unexpected and happened at home when I was away at uni, my Mum saw it happen and couldn't do anything as it killed him instantly. I was a Daddy's girl through and through and still can't believe he has gone. I'm going to graduate next year and keep thinking that he won't be there to see it and it brekas my heart as everyone else with have both their parents there. It's good (in a strange way) to other people's experiences on here and know that I'm not the only one whose Dad has died (as it often feels like that) and it's heartbreaking to read of other people who have lost someone when they were even younger than me and in different circumstances. X

Kirsty, September 2009
My mum had suffered cancer 3 times in her life, twice when i was young, she battled through it and managed to get rid of it both times, she then got it a third time .. and died when i was 11 years old .. my mum and dad split when i was 3, and she was my best friend, my soulmate, i'm now 16 and she will have been gone 5 years on the 28th January 2010 .. it gets harder by the day and i miss her so much xxx

Billie, September 2009
I lost my dad 3 years ago and i'm finding harder than ever before. Its so hard copeing with out him and i really wish that he was here to see who i am today. No matter how long its been i will never get over it.

No name, September 2009
Its been almost 5 years since he died and Ive expressed myself on this timeline each year that went by without him. Now I have new love and a promising future partner, I am the luckiest girl to have found love again! Still I think about him every single day and every night- watching stars without him. Its time to say goodbye, I will never forget you T, the most beautiful boy in the world.

rachel, August 2009
4 1/2 years ago both my grans died. one on the 20th or march and one on the 24th of march both 2005. i couldn't believe it because they weren't that old. i keep thinking i will see them again adn that this is all a sick joke but it isn't. i really miss them and i didn't even get a chance to say bye to either of them and my parents would't let me go to the funeral. i miss them so much and would do anything to see them again

lauren, July 2009
my nan died in 2005, she was my best freind, my nan and my mum. she died from cancer that had spread to fast for the doctors to do anything for.i had 8 weeks with my nan before she died and i feel so guilt and still think it should have been me laying in that bed it is 4 years and i still cry myself to sleep hoping my nan is going to walk through my door at any second

Lena-Jean, June 2009
The only person i have lost close to me was my Nan. This was 4 years ago now. the shock is incredible. And though we knew it was coming, you dont realise it untill its been done. I dont think one single day in the past four years has gone by without a thought of her. your forever constantly thinking and saying "what would nan say or what would nan do?" it becomes a part of life. we never get over it. we simply learn to deal with it. some never accept it. i get angry sometimes. when i think about how so many people still have their nan's and yet complain about them. its almost selfish. not once did i ever complain about mine. nans are just as incredible as mothers. well mine was anyways. and i forever look up to her. she is never to be forgotten.

ashley jade, June 2009
my mum was a wonderful person always there for me thrpugh the rough times and the bad times ! dhe died 2 years ago put the pain has not eased yet at all im 10 years old and its so sad i found her on the sofa and she wasnt feeling herself before had because my great grandaddied and she was sooo upset because she used ti go and see them all the time and play on there farm together and they were always together x love you mum

Christina, June 2009
My mum died a few years ago. I remember she went out the night before and didnt come home. A police officer knocked on the door and told me that my mum had gone away. He then took me into care where my dad came to get me. I was 6 i wouldnt understand if he told me what happened. I just waited everyday for her to come back for me. She never did. But now i know how she died. The alcohol and stress got too much for her......she jumped off a bridge...i still really miss her she was the most beautiful woman ever

Danni-x, June 2009
I lost my dad threw heart attack on march 8th 2007 my birthday i came home from school went round his house and found him dead in his bed i was only 12 and didt nom wat to do buut i blame my self and hate myself because i felt i cud of dun more now me and my mum just argue and i hate life i wish i died mum says she hates me and threants to kill me i wana be dead and wid my DAD i loove him so much and miss him loads x x x

No name, May 2009
my best friend died in a car accident on january 30th, 2004. she was moving to new york with her brother and parents and she was on her way to the airport but her mom ran a red light and she is the only one who didnt survive. the worst part is thats my birthday.its been 5 years. i miss her alot. i will never ever have a friend as good as her.

S, May 2009
My dad died 4yr's ago. He was diagnosed with cancer in the march and died in september. I was 16yr's old. It really messed me up, the more i tried to hold it together on the outside to help pull my mum through, the more i fell apart on the inside, until i couldn't cope and broke down. I miss him every day, i think i always will. It has gotten easier, but i still dream about him, think about him, miss him etc. It upsets me even now, but it's getting easier to deal with as time goes on. I am just grateful we had time to say goodbye.

No name, April 2009
i lost my boyfriend who i was enagaged to in a car accident 3 years ago he was on his way home from work i cudnt beleave it wen i got a fone call my whole world shattered in 2 peices i miss him soo much i have tried moving on but its hard becoz i compare i no i shudnt but i do i think its only really just hit me now that hes gone n hes not coming bk i wish and pray every nite that he wud come bk i miss him loads i fink of him from the moment i wake up

Rye, April 2009
April 04 - we fall out

June 05 - you see me. you ignore me

Nov 05 - you have a heart attack. you are found dead after a week in you'r flat

Nov 05 - the day after. I'm back at college, I am expected to cope. on my own.
Your family stop talking to me, because my mother arranged your funeral and it's not what you or your family would of wanted. but I had no say!

I become hostile and angry

I abuse my body till the pain goes away

April 06 - I hate the world. I drop out of college. No one supports me. my mother ignore the fact my life is falling apart.

Sept 06 - start a new college in a different city. I am a horrible person. I have to be in control. I cannot get hurt again.

I develop a reputation for being cold.

Sept 08 - I finally make it to university. but leaving the city I'm from and being on my own gives me time to think.

I'm 21. I am so unstable. But no one can see it. I cry most night when my friends have gone home. no one knows. I don't know what to do any more. I need help.

Sarah (16) April 2009
My Best Mayte Died On The 3rd Of March 2007 I Was So Upset And I Still Am But The Feelings I Had Were Strange At The Beginning I Was Happy And I Was Not Thikining About It And A Few Days Later It Hit Me That I Was Never Going To See Him Again And Now To Help Me Get Threw It I Leave Messages On His Bebo And Pray To Him At Night It Helps Me Get Threw It A Lot

Imi, April 09
My Grandma died of abreathing problem with Parkinson's disease while in a coma . This happened 3 or 4 years ago . RIP Grandma Joyce

jasmin, April 2009
MY DAD DIE 3 YEARS AGO HE HAD LUNG CANCER AN I DID NOT GOT ON TIME TO SAY GOODBYE AN I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH IT I CRY AVERY NITE.AN I DONT TALK TO NOBODY ABOUT IT THEY WON'T UNDERSTAND MY FEELING AN I ASK GOD TO GIVE HIM BACK TO ME I THINK I NEED HIM MORE THEM HIM AN JUS THINK THAT HE'S UNDER THE GROUND AN CAN'T TAKE HIM OUT OF THERE

kat, April 2008
i am not letting go, i still believe i will see him again and i dont want to meet anybody new. my boyfriend passed away jan 5 2007.

Ashleigh, March 2009
My Dad Died On The 31st July 2006. 29days Before My 13th Birthday! By Falling Of His Motorbike. He Was In Surgery For 9hours And Still Couldn't Save Him. It Has Broken My Whole Family.I Argue Alot With Everyone Now. I Really Hate Arguing As I Know He Wouldn't Of Wanted It. At First I Was Just Shocked By What Had Happened But I Slowly Came To Grips With The Fact I'm Never Going To See My Dad Again. Now I'm Just Angry At Why He Did This To Me. It Still Hurts Me To Talk About Him Even If I'm Talking To My Friends I Will Still Cry Coz i Know They Have Something I Will Never Have. I'm Going To Have No One To Walk Me Down The Aisle, My Children Won't Know Who Their Grandad Was. It Just Hurts So Much!

No name, March 2009
my mum died 4 and a half years ago, on sunday the 28th november, three days after my 11th birthday. my parents divorced when i was three, and i'd been living mostly with my mum ever since, staying at my dad's every other weekend.
she was my best friend, i always used to get really upset about her smoking, i loved her so much and i couldnt bear to lose her, but in the end that's not how she died.
the day after my birthday i went to my dad's for the weekend, and i last spoke to her that saturday night on the phone. we talked about going on holiday to asia the next month during the xmas holidays. the next night, my dad drove me back to my mums, i got out of the car and knocked on the door, there was no answer, no lights on. i rang her so much that night, but in my heart i knew she was dead. the following day i went to school, only for my dad to pick me up at break time to tell me she was dead, she had fallen down the stairs.
it has affected my life so much, i shy away from social things. i love my dad so much, but i cant talk to him about my mum. i know i am one of many people who has lost a loved one, i wouldnt wish the experience on anyone.

Amie. 12 February 2009
3 years ago my Grannie was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. The day I found out was the day my world shattered into a million pieces and its still not fixed now. She was only 48, I was so so close with her, she was like a second mum and I just to spend virtually every weekend with her. When she was poorly in the hospice she used to talk about the things we would do when she got better and even though I had been told she wasnt going to get better I beleived her so when she did pass away it hit me real bad. Its been 3 years now but I feel worse. The physical pain in my chest has become stronger and I want her back more. I cry almost every day for her and Im so confused coz I thought time was meant to be a healer. I miss her so much. I just want my Grannie back :'( x

Rachel, February 2009
this august it will be 4 years since my grandma died. she was the only person i could really open up to.

Vicki, February 2009
On Valentines day it will be 3 years since my Nan passed away. I miss her every day. Some days it feels like it's getting harder to live without her but other days memories of her keep me going; reminding me that she wouldn't want me to be sad. There are songs that play that make me cry, regardless of how I'm feeling before, because they make me think of her; but it's good...because I know that in my heart I know I'll never forget her.

LuciieLou, January 2009.
4 years ago my nan died ' she meant the world to me and i still cry evernight near enough ' just thinking about how much i want her back and how things would be so much better if my nan was here , R.I.P NANNY ; I MISS YOU SO MUCH , ALWAYS IN MY HEART (L')

No name, January 2008
My mum died 4yrs ago in February, i was just 19yrs at the time she was ill for a long time but it wasn't expected she would die that day. after it happened all the time i wanted to keep busy and not talk to anyone about it. My dad always wantd to talk but i just kept ignoring it, saying i needed to move on. I think about her everyday and recently the pain seems to b gettings worse, i keep thinking im going to forget all the memories etc, i get really upset but it is had to talk to anyone because they think u should have moved on by now! Im not so sure anymore about pain gets easier wih time, at the moment id say its gettin worse. Love u Mum xxx

Tarnya, 8 December 2008
on the 28th of december o8 it will be 3yrs since my lovely boyfriend garry passed away. just to let you know gaz that i will be thinking of you,missing you and loving you.you will always be in my heart and mind.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

No name, December 2008
My Ganch (Grandad but i called him ganch) died 3 years ago. The doctors told him it was just a ulsar in his throat but it wasn't it was cancer, and after about 8 months he died at St Peters Hospice after being there for only 3 hours. I new he would die as soon as i was told he had cancer, but i wouldn't let myself believe it. At his funeral i was strong for my mum, nan and brother but i could not help cry about him. He never saw me go to high school and he never got to see my brother buy his first drink on his 18th birthday. I still cry about my ganch and think about him every day, and i still believe in my heart that he is still here with me all the time and watching over me at least.
Love you GanchxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxR.I.P MISS U LOADS

anonomous, 28 November 2008
i lost my step dad, 3 years ago and i cant stop thinking about him

RYAN, November 2008
MY MUM DIED WHEN I WAS TEN AT THIS TIME IT WASNT AS MUCH OF AN EFFECT ON ME BUT NOW IM 15 I MISSS MY MUM SO MUCH MY LIFE IS LIKE AN UNFINISHED JIGSAW A BIG PIECE MISSING. ME AND MY WERE JOINED TO THE HIP WE DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER I LOVE YOU MUM AND I ALWAYS WILL X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Anette* November 2008
My dad died nearly 4 years a go from Motor Neurone Disease. i realy miss him.

ryan, November 2008
my mum died 4 year ago when i was 10 i was shocked but i was only young it didnt effect me that bad but now im 15 and my life is like an unfinished jigsaw a big piece missing i love my mum so much im a 15 year old boy and i still cry at nite for her. 13.11.04 i came back from school and asked my big sister why she wasnt at the hospital visiting my mum then she told me my mum died i ran up stairs crying. that nite i went to the hospital to see her body and got her last tear on a hanky. love you mum x x x

Lou, November 2008
My mums been gone over four years now. She died when i was 14 im now nearly 19. She died of mrsa contracted in hospital.She suffered for 7months in hospital. To be honest iv messed up my life since shes gone. I failed college, got involved with the wrong people and now have a 5month old daughter.
Iv found since shes gone iv grown very attatched to people/things easily. She still stains my mind constantly and im sure shes changed my view on many things.
Its only since my daughters birth things have got better shes helped heal my pain. Iv grown to appreciate life more.Now i choose when i grieve in my own space not bursting out all the time. Iv stopped taking my anger out using drink amongst other things...

Luighseach, November 2008
My mum died 4 years ago, the 1st November 2004. Lung cancer caused by smoking. The last 4 years i tried to block everything out and tried not to think of her. But since september i go to an english boarding school, away from home with so many new experiences that everything i blocked out is coming back now... I miss her so much!! I would like to tell her everything! ABout my new friends, my new boyfriend, my new life!! But i can't cause she's not longer...
Ich liebe dich, mum! xxxxxxxxxxxx

kelly, November 2008
my dad died in febuary 2006 ill tell yo uthe story well...i just come out of hospital in london with type1 diabeties my dad cam ad pick me up hehe we had a laugh on the friday my dad was nto very well.my older brother to me to guilford shopping for the day lol when i got home i went upstairs to show my dad what he had brought me.i went into his room at first he just looked asleep but as i touched him i new he was dead i shouted my mum she cam up the stairs and tryed to revive him but it didnt work the abulance arrived and they said i was 10mins to late
if only i didnt go shopping that day.if only i stayed home and looked after him he mite be here now .
ooo yeh and to top things off he died 6days before my 14th birthday and his funeral was 6 days after my birthday.i am now 16
i jus want my daddy,brother,and best friend to come home to me.
i love you daddy i will be in heaven with you
you were the best I LOVE YOU XXXXX

kayleigh, October 2008
my grandad died 3 years back and when i found out i couldsnt believe it we were so close we would make cakes together sshare my secret reciepes wid him and he would tell me his time has gone by so quike. he died from having a heart attack icame home with my step mum crying her eyes out and all her sisters came over my aunties with there husbands they were all crying there eyes out so ihad to stay stroug.... but then it suddenly hit me hard and i burst out in tears R.I.P grandad love you so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Natisha, October 2008
I lost my mummy when i was 16 years old she went into hospital to give birth to my baby brother ben its now been 5years 9 months 8 days since i lost her on the 15th january 2003 i have since learned through a court case that the hospital says it is down to neglect on their part that my gorgeous mummy passed away i will never forget her but the pain is still raw and i just can't same to get over losing her i don't think i ever will

azz, September 2008
my mum died in march 2005 of a heartatak and i was told a week hafter

Cherie, August 2008
I lost my boyfriend 4 & 1/2 years ago and it still feels like yesterday.
He had a heart problem and was driving the car when his heart failed. I was in the passenger seat beside him, the crash was awful and I knew as soon as it happened what had really gone on. I held his hand and kept talking to him while the ambulance came. I told him I loved him, to squeeze my hand if he could hear me but I knew, deep down that he was gone. I still miss him everyday and would give anything for just 5minutes with him.
I'm getting on with my life, I've even had a 2 year relationship since although that recently failed. I know he wouldn't want me to sit around on my own so I try & make the most of life like he did. He's never far from my thoughts and he still makes me smile. I treasure all the good times we had together and hope that oneday someone as special as him will come along to share the rest of my life with as I know he's looking down on me wishing me well.
I love him with all of my heart and could never replace him as he was my soulmate. xxx

Marie, August 2008
My dad died just under 5years ago. A few days after i turned 10. And i really don't know if i have come to terms with it still.
My friends all talk about there dads, saying i don't know what i'd do with out mine. And i really don't know how to react back to them, so i just stay quiet, i don't really want to say anything about what i feel. Even though it was a long time ago, i still miss him soo much.
I remember the day so bluntly- A couple of days before, my Dad was rushed into hospital, i had no idea why, the doctor just said it was best for him. It was late at night, so i did't really have a chance to say bye. Or even say 'i Love You'. My mum then visited him for the passing 2days. Until, the next day, we were all outside, and my Brother came out and handed the phone to my Mum saying it was the hospital. I remember seeing her there, she just stood there for a minute, forzen. And then suddely merged into a flood of tears and anger. She just cried and stomped her feet, screaming noo, no no!. I had no idea to what was going on, but i still cried, seeing my Mum cry was bad enough. But when she then told us that my Daddy had died, i just cried and cried. I still don't know how he died, and i can't bear the thought of asking.
I didn't cry at the funeral, and didn't attened the thing where he was burried. I just played with my friends at the after party thing. Forgetting what had just happened.
I find ot so hard to talk about it, so i never do, and i never cry about it to my Mum or friends. Iv'e also always refused to vist his grave. But i have no idea why. It's affected me emotinaly, i cry at the slightest thing, even if i don't want too. I just can't help it.
I miss him sooo much, that words can't explain. Every girl needs there Dad, so they can be his lil Princess, even for just one day! But i just can't have mine :(. It just seems so unfair, to why some one would want to take my Dad, a husbad, brother and friend to so many, from people. Leaving his family, and other chirldren from past relationships behind. Especialy, when i didn't have a chance to say Bye.
I'l always Love him, even if i won't show it. Theres always a place in my heart for him
I'l Miss You Always Daddy.
Ox'

patsyann, August 2008
my brother died 5 years ago in a motorbike accidnt he was 22 x even though its been this long i still find it so hard to live life without him x i will always love u dale x

Loli, July 2008
My Mum died when i was just 10 (07.06.03), i didn't truely understand. She had a heart disease, hypertropic cardiomyopathy, my sister also was digagnosed with the same heart problem. My Mum collapsed whilst out shopping, she was alone, i have always regretted not being there to say goodbye and possibly pospone her death. I didn't have anyone to talk to about how i felt until a few months ago when i confided in one of my good friends, before that i was self harmimng and even attempted suicide, i was so annoyed, it only hit me properly when I was 13, I'm 15 now and it still hurts to talk about it but i have learnt to control my anger as much as possible and try to talk to my friends whenever I feel down. Learning about how other people have coped is helping me to move on, but I shall never forget my Mum.

gina, July 2008
my dad died 3 years ago suddenely
i was only 13 and i was sitting next to him when it happened. he died on new years eve 2004 and i still rember every single moment of that day he was soo happy all day as me and him were going 2 die his beard blue but at 1 o clock that day he suffered a major hear attack and died instantally :( i really just want him to come home im getting my gcses results nxt month and he wont be there to see em get them or tell me if he is proud of me, i am also expecting a baby and he wont be there to be a grandad and i rember him saying for my babys 1st crimbo he was gunna dress up like santa :(

Paige, July 2008
My dad died from a heart attack 2 years ago it will be three years on the third of august. his birthday is on the 21st and my birthday is on the 27th so it is really hard. he died when i was eight which i think is a really young i am now 11. i didnt really understand at first. but i have realised that it is easier to talk about things and memories than keep it bottled up. i used to have so many locked doors up inside my head and i sometimes didnt even had the key to open it!

Dani, July 2008
My dad died two years ago. 2nd March 2006. I hadn't seen him for 12 years before he died, so I think people think I should just get over it, and it shouldn't affect me. That's lies. He was still my dad, I still have memories.
I have nothing of his now. He remarried and had two little girls. I think sometimes he had them and forgot about me.
I don't even have a photo of him. My mum through all the photo's out when they divorced.
I didn't even get to ask him why he left.
It's so unfair.
I thought I was coming to terms with it, but recently it's really been hitting me hard. I've started self harming again, and worrying about what I would do if I lost someone else in my life. I honestly don't know how I would cope.

Liz, June 2008
My mum died when i was 10. she had MS (Multiple Sclerosis) even befor i was born. i dont remember how it felt ho hung her or hear her speak because i was too little to remember before she lost those abilitiwes. im 16 now and i miss her everyday. she died in August 2003. thanks Xx Liz xX

Chester (Shalie), June 2008
My mom died 8th July 2005, I was 10...

No Name, May 2008
My dad died 3 years ago on the 4th of may. Im still not over it. i didnt really get to say goodbye to him. he told me about a week before he passed away that he was going into hospital and that he would phone me when he was out. i didnt really worry about it at first cause he said he would be ok. i used to go to this club with my friends and my mum came to collect me early one day , i was so confused. we went home and my aunty, gran and sister were there. my mum told me what had happened but i still couldnt believe it , i thought i was dreaming. I'l never forget him, i just wish i got to say goodbye.

Heather, May 2008
nearly 4 years ago my dad killed himself in the house that i live in today. it is one of the worst experiences that i have bin thru and my mum seems to think that i have copped wiv it well but i havent and i dont think i ever will. every nyt i lay in bed and think bout him and cry. i have tried many things to make this go away but nothing wolrks. i also found myself argueing with my boyfriend for no reason. i miss him so much and just want him to come back but i knw it will neva happen, i would also like to know y he did it as he never explained y in his letter.

kirstie, May 2008
ma dad died 5 yrs ago and i watched him die it is so hard and dis website has reali helped me.

kirsty, May 2008
hi peeps ma dad died 5 years on december 11th. i was at school wen he died and i was only eight and i remember the day so well i just need to c him so badly but i know i cnt well bye xxx

No name, April 2008
My mum died 5 years ago when I was 12, my dad's just decided to start dating, and it's brought up loads of unresolved issues with me. I always knew I'd never finished grieving properly.
I just never thought about her properly, after she died I thought of her as this person who died, not my own mother (my mum!) and I can't believe it now.
My dad doesn't get how I'm feeling at all, has decided I'm making a huge deal out of nothing, 'you're over it now, stop being silly'.
She was a wonderful person, I know it's best she's not in pain any more, I just can't believe that she won't be here when I get my exam results this year, on my wedding day, to help me bring up my children. She's not here any more. It's more than I can cope with and I need her more than ever.. :(

Celina, April 2008
My mum passed away 4 years ago on 15th April 2004 and I still find it difficult at times to think that she is gone. Now that I am a bit older I only wish that I could have been there more for her in her last few months. For someone to drink themselves to death, things must have been pretty bad. Being 18 and selfish I will always have to live with an element of guilt. This is a sad time for my family and those that were close to and loved my Mum - despite her problems she was a good egg really. It has started to get easier as years pass - it is just the milestones that bring it all back. She is happier wherever she is now and I know that she has a onstant watch on me and is making up for all the times she didn't before.

I love you Mum xx

madi, April 2008
my mum died in september 2005 it is almost three years i cant believe i havent seen her in that long she was dying of cancer but when it hapend i still couldnt face it

kate, April 2008
my dad passed away 25th april 2005,3 years on and its hit me even more now than ever,im not eating a lot and ignoring my husband ect....................................
people say i should concentrate on the living and not the past but how do i when he died so suddden with no warning!!!!! my head is in a mess,i cant sleep either and i also have a daughter so need to be strong but how??????

elaine, April 2008
mum died of cancer 3yrs ago i am now 15

Gabi, March 2008
Well my dad died a 3 years ago, but recently I have been having a recurring dream that he is coming back. I don't know what to do. Someimes i get so jealous of other people with their dads, and i miss having a daddy so much. Also I worry for my mummy. She seems so lonley.

claire, March 2008
i lost my mum in 2004 it helps if you beilve in god i love to sing when i am sad
trust me it helps

Sarah, March 2008
my lil brother died 3 years ago wen he was 9 months old. he had bin ill since da day he waz born. evn tho we had an idea he wud neva cum home from da hospital it didnt make it ne easier wen he died. i miss him so much and fings dont seem 2 b getting easier.
miss u loads lil man
in my heart nd thoughts 4 eva
xxxxxxx

Sad girl, February 2008
In 2004 my dad died from we thought was flu but it was cancer. Even though it was years ago I still have not got over the shock. One day my friend said that it was silly to get upset about something that happend ages ago but it's not I miss him everyday and I can't cope any more !

From: Lauren, January 2008
My sister died 4 years ago on the 30th of january x

From: louise, Jan 2008
the fone went in at 6.ooam, i answerd it was my sister maxine,everyone was up in her house. MY DAD HAS HUNG HIMSELF. i beleive that it was my fault cause i got shot in the head about 7year ago. It was 4years ago, when this feeling go away???????????

Archive of messages up to the end of 2007