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1-2 years

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niamh, 27 April 2013
my uncle died 2 years ago and it broke my heart and it still does today. sometimes i just wish i could see him again but i can't and its tough but he's in a better place. life goes on...

Anon, x, 14 April 2013
My Granddad died on 22nd May 2011 (his birthday.) It was a great shock for us all, as he was the life and soul of our family. He'd often make a joke when we felt down, or say something funny to cheer us up. He was a genuinely lovely guy. He died of a cancer to his throat, which prevented him from eating and drinking. He could swallow, but it was a pain to, as he had a lump in his throat. I was only 11 at the time, so I didnt really understand what had happened. Its been 23 months and 8 days now since he went.

Kirsty, 12 April 2013
2 years ago I lost my dad he wasn't just my dad he was my hero my best mate everyday I wish he was here but he's not I suffer with depression and anger along with mixed emotions I'm leaving school in 4 weeks before my exams start I hope he proud of me up there I live you so much dad r.i.p <3

27 February 2013
My Dad died two years ago. He fell off a roof the day before my science GCSE. He died at nine in the morning we found out ten hours later. Im approaching my eighteenth birthday in two months and im trying to stay strong I want to protect my family from my pain. I dont want them to see how much it is hurting me not to have my bDad.But the truth is the thought of celebrating my eighteenth birthday without him tears me apart inside i cant cope with the fact i never got to say goodbye. I need someone to talk to.

Angela, 4 January 2013
I (we) had the most wonderful and caring Dad in the whole world. Dad meant everything to me and all my family too. I cannot begin to tell you of the deep hole, or void, my Dad has left in my life, or our lives. Dad worked so very, very, hard for his family, all of his working life and thought the world of all of us. My wonderful, beautiful, Dad, died on 20 July 2011, and even today, it seems last yesterday. I would give ANYTHING to have my wonderful Dad back again. I miss my Dad's great smile, his great LAUGHTER, his wonderful southern Irish sense of humour.. you know.. absolutely everything. I will never, ever, get over my Dad's death and, do you know what, I NEVER, EVER, want to. I LOVE YOU SO VERY, VERY, MUCH DAD. You were a one-off, and so precious to all of your family. XXXXX 4.1.13.

sian, 5 December 2012
my nanna died almost 16 months ago and i miss her like mad. i was really close to my nanna before she was diagnosed with bowel cancer we would do mostly everything together. people say it gets easier as time goes on but it hasnt so far. i have good days and bad days but i try my hardest to cope with the fact that she isnt here anymore .

No name, 22 October 2012
My Dad died almost two years ago, I miss him so much and I don't want to be here, I want to be with him. But I can't. People think I need to come to terms with the fact he's died but I can't. Because it was not fair.

Jess, 15 October 2012
I Lost My dad two years ago really suddenly out in Bahrain,working with Afghan,I was having a normal sunday, My friends birthday party and two people knocked on the door around 9ish...and my brother answered it and it was a 2 people coming to tell us..one came up from plymouth and another from somewhere else just to tell us my dad was in a car crash in the early hours in the morning and he didnt make it, that moment on my heart was broken, lost of words, i felt numb..and two weeks later i still thought it was a big joke, he came home with a solider thru Royal wootton bassett, i cried and cried even more, met some of my dad's mates and 4 days later he was home in my hometown..I went to see him, i dont regret it now, i will tell you it did never looked like my dad..for a few days i couldn't get it outta my head..two years on i still feel angry about what happen...but "TIME IS A GREAT HEALER" everyday is getting easier and easier, and I think of all the good times we had and blow a kiss to him before i go to sleep, and i sleep with his jumper still, and i lost so many friends because i was very angry after it happen, and my friends couldn't stick by me, Thank-you for reading this..It means al ot to me to be able to tell you how i lost my father and how im learning to deal with it. x

Tammy, 27 September 2012
my mom died new years day 2011 and to be honest i thought i was over it but clearly i aint, i am currently going through a hard time with her passing as i did not have the time to grieve as i was staying strong for my brothers, now i am having to go to the doctors as my techers are all worried about me as it is affecting me personnally and acedemically, i dont know how to stop the pain that it going through me because i cannot cope. it has been nearly 21 months and the pain hasnt gone how do i cope?????

anne, 9 August 2012
my mum died over a year ago and i have been recently getting angry over little things and yesterday i got really mad over something a cut my wrist.
but the worst thing is that my family didnt even notice i am walking around the house with slits in my wrists and they dont notice. gee thanks.

sarah, 2 April 2012
i lost my granddad in february 2011 due to a blood clot in his heart, i went to go visit his body i hadnt seen my granddad since i was about 8 and im now 14 so it was a while since i saw him and i never got the chance to tell him i loved him, i also lost my other granddad in may 2011 due to dementia, when i went into the hopsital to see him, he couldnt remember who i was and that broke my heart. and then around a week after i lost my baby cousin, not long after that in july my disabled brother died, he was very very ill and he had cdls(cornelia delang syndrome) he was everything to me, to all of the family really, he was my inspiration and the day he died killed me and felt like i got stabbed a thousand times in the heart, i had gone out for a walk because i needed some air, and after about 2 minutes after i got out of the door i got a phone call from my auntie may saying i needed to come home quick, she was waiting at the gate for me, tears streeming down her face, i knew, i knew i lost my precious brother, i felt a lump in my throat and i fell to the ground, my ribs hurting, then i went inside to hold my brother in my arms and i hoped that he would know i was hugging him. not long after that i had lost my auntie maureene which was a sudden shock. we went to the hopsital to vist her and she seemed fine and she was coming home the day after but we got a phone call the following morning saying she had passed in her sleep. and now this year in 2012 i lost my auntie dorathy due to cancer, she couldnt speek when i went to see her but she stroked me face and smiled and holded my hand, she had died on valentines day. and now my auntie is ill she is like my mum/nan to me she's lovely and has been there all of my life and never left us in a struggle, she was always there when you needed a hug, she's reallyy ill now and my mum has been staying with her for about 2 months now so i have not seen them both in the period of time i miss them dearly! my auntie probably wont make it past the easter holidays :'(...
i love you all sooo much rest in piece 2011-2012 <3 your all my inspiration and you've showed me how hard thingds can get but you've taught me how to get back up again <3

No name, 12 February 2012
I just wanted it all to go back to the way things were, but it will never happen. Now 18 months on, I still have bad days, tears, and always the loss. I find it hard to concentrate, and nothing matters. Nothing ever matters.

Deanna, 30 January 2012
Nearly two years ago my disabled brother passed away and I'm still trying to find a purpose and reason to my life.

Holly, 28 January 2012
My granddad died on the 19th of April 2010 after having an operation. He lived with us, and we were one big happy family. There is an empty space where he should be. I miss himm every day.

No name, 24 January 2012
I was always a 'daddys little girl' He was my best friend. When I was 13 I lost my dad on april 24. A couple days off of my parents annavirsary. I remember that day so easy. It is burned into my head. My dad always hated it when I drew on myself. When he picked me up from school, I had drawings all over me, and he didn't say a word. Little did I know that for the past year before he passes he gotten very sick and was loseing weight. Fast. He went to the doctor that day and they said he was perfectly fine. But that night when I was upstairs making dinner with my mom that I am not so close with, he was downstairs in the shower. Mother sent me down to go get him. I knocked on the door, and no answer. I called back up to my mom. Net thing I know was pots were crashing, and she was down beside my father calling his name out. I was in shock. I coudn't move, when I called 911 they came over, but it was to late. My mother crys everyday still, and I cryed maybe 3 times about it. She thinks Something is wrong with me. But I wont accept that he isn't comming back. I don't trust anyone anymore, and I have to build a relationship with my mother. It is not that easy. I still believe that he is comming home. Sometimes I sleep by the door and think he will walk through. My mother is too scared to go out to the grave, but I catch the bus and take a 1 hr bus ride to his grave, and stay with him all day, don't matter if it is blzing hot out, or blizzarding out. I don't care. I don't knwo how to act, or how to do anything really. I kinda am by myself now, I left everyone I knew. Except my friend (blaine) my boyfriend(anthony) And my mother. But still as that. They are all I have. I am not sure what to do anymore. I am only 15 and still need a daddy. But the sad things is, the one time I said no to dancing with him, i regret that somuch. even thoe I was only 8. The little things in my life, like what I see, what I smell. The sounds, Places I go, remind me so much of him. And I can't get over that he is gone. Im just scared. And I can't drink my thoughts away anymore. I just want my dad back that is all I want in the world. >/3

Georgie, 11 January 2012
My dad got diagnosed of cancer 4 years ago. He was so strong and fought through it so well but 2 years later it got so serious and he moved into a hospice. He lasted there for a week. He died 24 hours after i saw him. My mum got back at 5:30 in the morning to tell us the news that he had died. I was 11. i was so close to him and i still find it so hard and i still don't believe it, it hasn't settled in that he has gone. it has been 2 years and i have only just thought about talking to someone to let out my feeing. Im sorry to everyone else who has been through what i have been through and be strong and you will get through it.

Leanne, 7 December 2011
my fiance was killed in a Road Traffic Accident on 26th October 2010, 3weeks after our son was born. He was 22. The guy who killed him only got community service and a years driving ban. What a ridiculous 'punishment' for killing my best friend, my lover, my everything and our babys father. I cant seem to move forward, i am stuck in a rut. I am having counselling and she tells me how well i am doing but i just feel exhausted and lost still. I dont live anymore I just exist...

Alexandra, 20 November 2011
It's been just over 1 and half years since my mother passed away, and I'm just starting to get professional help! I thought I could just carry on with life as normal. Something happened during my psychology lesson and I broke down. I just realised then that I should be getting help, not just sitting around and doing nothing to help myself. It still pains me to talk about my mother, but slowly and surely, I'm getting there!

No name, 17 October 2011
when i was 11 my dad died by a heartattack, and 1 year after my best friend died of drug addiction. since my mum sent me away to england in a bording school because she couldnt handle me and my emotions. since that i always want them to be near me. no matter anything. i need them

L-E, 6 September 2011
My nan died just over 2 years ago, she was like my mother and father too me, no one knew she gunna die, it was the biggest shock of my life, Wen she was in hospital I never imaged she was never coming back,... The day she died u died inside, I have never in my life felt so much pain, emptyness in my my life, my life has never been the same... Ino its been over 2 years but everyday I still think too call her.

No name, 4 September 2011
two years ago my mum died duddenly from a brain tumour, i wass 26. i drank till i couldnt drink anymore, i worked when i could, i talked about it to everyone. i started putting my life back together. then i broke my arm and sat around doing nothing and all i could think of was the bad times. i had a breakdown. my friends couldnt help. some of my friends took it personally. i fell to the bottom, even got to the point of justifying that my life was meaningless and i didnt want to be here anymore. i came so close to suicide but at the last minute thought of my dad and how i couldnt do this to him. im back at work now. the lads at work are amazing an my friends that remain are too. but i feel so weak and pathetic. like im letting my mum down. she's berried in france aswell so i cant go visit her often. she was my best friend and my absolute role model. if she was here she would know what to say and id feel better. my whole life was based around making my mum proud, now shes gone it all seems pointless. but im still vertical. taking things day by day. some days are amazing. some days are so bad. this rollacoaster is epic. the hardest part of the day is getting out of bed. the second hardest thing is getting on with my day. if i fail to do those things. it gets to night time and i feel like a failure. losing the ability to make myself feel better. i always knew that your life is down to you and what you make of it. in the end there is noone but you. but having the guidance of a mum like mine is really being missed

No name, August 2011
My brother was killed 2 years ago in afghanistan, it still doesnt seem real, i was 17 at the time i am 19 now, for the first year i drunk and clung on to anything from my brothers life, i couldnt let anything out because of the shock, i have just bottled it up for 2 years, lately i feel as though i need to start talking to a professional counsellor, because im becoming bitter and twisted, paranoid, cannot trust anyone, i cant just get up in the morning and go to work, little things get to me, i cant become close to anyone, im scared of everything, i feel as though its time to start grieving

Jenny, July 2011
My boyfriend ad I were always close,Ricky would always say we were meant to be together even as kids, but he was also a daring guy, he would do almost anything. So when I got the call that he had died from a snowboarding accident it did and didn't come as a surprise to me. I cried for weeks, but at the same time I got sick and my mom said I cried so much I made myself throw up, but when I started gaining weight I knew it wasn't from crying. I went to the doctor and he told me I was in fact pregnant with Ricky's baby. My parents wanted me to give the baby up for adoption but I knew I had to keep it, my parents kicked me out and I went to Ricky's house they took me in and took care of me until delivery day. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy I named him Ricky, I guess what I'm trying to say is my story is a sad love story yes but also I gave myself time to grieve at Ricky's house, I would look in his room and curl up in his bed whenever I felt lonley, but eventually I realized that Ricky was gone and he was never coming back, I would always love Ricky in a special way. But now I have my son and my parents came to the conclusion that I was still their daughter and nothing would change that, not even a pregnancy, Ricky will live on in his son and in my heart forever.

Jessica, July 2011
I lost my cousin at the age of 13 to cancer. He took it very strongly and looked after us all. Nearly 2 years without him now and I am still the one to be grieving. I cant cope. I thought the first few days knowing he was gone was going to be hard but its knowing i have to live without him it is. He was like a brother, my bestfriend I told everything to.

Sarah, June 2011
Two year on after my grampa's death and i am really missing him, it is harder now then the first few days of his death as now i am griveing and nobody else is

Aimee, June 2011
My brother died 2 year's ago now, and i just cant help but cry each day, he was my best friend and my brother, we was so close to each other! and we just lost him suddenly it was a big shock to me i was only 12 at the time, and now i just cant keep my anger inside me, it stresses me out i just take my anger out on other people, and last week i just flipped' and hurt my dad and my family and friends i moved to my nan's for a few days to get away from everything and it did help a little bit, but i just get angry over little thing's that i dont need to get angry over!

No name, June 2011
I lost my granny just over a year and a half ago, she was my everything, my bestfriend and I still cant imagine life without her. she had cancer, I remember the day I found out it nearly destroyed me, over the next year she lived with me and my family as I watched her deteriate infront of me it was killing me as much as I knew it was killing her. I spent so much of my time with her she was my safety, the one person I knew I would always be safe with and now she is gone. I remember the day she died I was sat next to her holding her hand and I felt her slipping away, falling to the ground wishing I had died with her. Even after this amour of time the pain hasn't eased, I've got to appoint where im numb and feel liken one understands how much it still hurts because I see people moving on which is something I can't seem to do. I miss her so much and I wish I could have one last day or one last hug and tell her I love her one last time, I'll never forget you ga and how you told me all I had to do was close my eyes and you will be there, forever in my heart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Cody, May 2011
Dad, it's been nearly 2 years now. We all miss you so much, there is not a day that goes past when we dont think of you. Your in our heart's day and night. We never use to get on as father and daughter we use to argue and disagree on alot of thing's, but now you are gone i wish all that was differnet, i wish you gave up the alcohol for your children, i know how hard you found it but just if you tryed and took the help that we was offering then you would still be here to this day. I will never forget the memories that we had before you pasted away. I never got to say what i wanted to say to you, i said some horrible things before but i also said some nice things. I never got to say goodbye to you, but i know you are in a better place now :) and i know that nanny is looking after you. I never expected to be growing up with out you, but i guess somethings just come unexpecteded. I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH DADDY. . . <3 xxx

Jasmine, May 2011
I lost my grandma over a year ago now and its still really hard. Seeing her after her stroke in hospital wasnt a very nice experience for me just like it isnt for anyone and i remember looking at her and thinking that isnt her it cant be, i went to see her a few times after that but one day when i came home from being out with friends my grandpa rang and told us shed died, i refused to believe it and to this day i still do ive gone through so many feelings that ive never experienced before that ive become numb from it all.

No name, May 2011
It's been nearly 2 years since my dad commited suicide and i can't say it doesnt hurt as much as it did back then. I find it really strange that i can remember every move from the day my mum told me he was dead. It gets upseting sometimes that its been so long, it feels like yesterday since i last seen him. But what i find more annoying is the fact i dont wana forget him! It feels like evryone around me has sometimes forgotten, and that annoyies me! And when i do wana talk about him sometimes, some of my friends find it too akward and change the subject! Its quite frustrating! I have to tell them im not gona get upset if they talk aboout him or mention the word dad! They also think i dont miss him anymore, which is far from true! It's hard, and i think i'll only get more worried about forgeting him as time goes on. Sometimes i'd get upset and cry over something stupid, then i think about him and im suddenly bawling my eyes out! But over 2years i've learnt to deal with it more, i try to remember the good stuff we did and laugh about it rather than think about how i cant see him again! I just hope everyone else can relate to at least one of those things! Good luck guys, just dont forget the ones you've lost xxxxx

Maria, February 2011
I didn't know she was going to leave that day; I knew she was sick with advanced cancer but I just kept hoping beyond all hope that a miracle would happen. Everything changed that day and would never be the same again, she has only been gone 14 months but already seems like 14 years. I miss her every day but never really expressed my gratitude for her while she was here! The shops are awash with mothers' day cards which only enhances the pain. It never leaves you, you just manage it. My mum was totally devoted to us and wanted us to live, live, live! Whatever I do, I do it with more zeal than I did before because I don't just live for me, I live for her to give meaning to her being my mum. Death may have taken her away but that truth will always remain. She was and will always be my mum.

Bethany, February 2011
about 2 years ago now i lost my bestest friend in the whole world, she was amazing, i lost her to a speeding car that knocked her over while i was there, unlucky for me but kinda lucky for her i was there for her and i held her in my arms, there were blood everywhere, it was like a horror movie, she was trying to speak but she couldn't so i got the blood from her mouth and her last words were 'best friends forever and always'
and still now i cry about it and i still think i could have saved her.

Victoria, January 2011
2 years ago i lost my grandmother to cancer, she was never really ill and since then my life has spiralled out of controll, ive done things i never believed i ever would have done but i have. i know if shes looking down on me and shes so dissapointed in me because ive done some bad things since she died, she was the most inspirational person i knew
i miss her so so much
R.I.P Nan your always in my heart
i love you
xxxxx

faye aged 13, January 2011
2009,july my hamster named norman went missing whilst i was in cornwall my father looking after him since my parents are divorced. my hamster was my best freind and when i talked to him i knew he was listen because he would twitch his ears and nose and just stand on two paws and stare at me, we were very close and he was always there for me when i could talk to nobody else. although i did not cry then because i knew there was hope of him been still alive and last night i wathed marley & me with my father later that night we talked about all my past pets and it made me realise how much i missed norman and i cried all night and this morning i even wagged shcool because i was so depressed and saddend that he could dead or alive. so can you please give me some advice ???

Rosie, October 2010
My Grandad died on the day that i got all my bullying sorted out - i feel sometimes  that if i haden't have got my bullying sorted out hten he wouldnt have died. I also feel that if my grandad haden't of died then my Uncle still might be living in Englnad rather than Australia

vicky, September 2010
my mum died end of july 2009 and it is the hardest thing i have ever gone through. if my mum had lived she would of only lived for another 2-3 months.
rip mum love you x x x

kaya, September 2010
it's been over a year now and i'm really struggling to cope with my brother's death at the moment. i was crying for half of the day at school and i've never done that before. I've also found that i can't keep my anger inside of me and i hurt my friends and family although i don't mean it. I feel realliy empty and alone with out my brohter being here, he was only 16... does anybody have any ideas on how to control my anger??

stacy, August 2010
i lost my mum on dec 10th 09 i do find it very find being withouth her but i now shes in a better place now i miss her so much we was very close and its so hard going through these few months without her i feel very alone i no there are so many people to lose a mum but it hurts so much

Steph, August 2010
My nan died in january 2009. She had cancer but had only recently found out. Although she had cancer she was still really well in herself until around christmas when she started feeling really worn out. I was so close to her, she helped me sooo much and i spent most of my time with her, especially when i lost contact with my mum, she was there for me and i spent all my time with her. The day she died I will never forget. It was the worst day of my life! I cried for weeks after she died but then i thought i was stupid and i had to pretend i was ok, so i tried hard not to show any emotions to anyone. In someways i dont think ive grieved because i miss her too much and it isnt getting easier. Tomorrow would of been her birthday and its going to be a really hard day. i wish i could turn back time, or just have one last conversation, or even a hug with her. I love you with all my heart nan and i will never forget u !! x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Leah, August 2010
When I think back 2009 was the worst year of my life and one of the hardest.  When I was younger I had lost contact with majority of my family.  It's only when I found out my nan was suffering from breast cancer. We got back in touch again. When I saw her in hospital that's when it really hit home. My Nan was like my best friend and I spent as much time as possible with her during her last few months.  It was horrible to see her suffering but now I know she's in a much better place. There's so much I'd like to say to my Nan when I think about it and so many things I would like to do but I no longer have the opportunity. There isn't a day that goes by in which I don't think about her.  She was my hero,  my best friend and the most amazing person that had ever walked into my life. If I could bring her back I would do it without second thinking,  I would easily take her place but I know that I can't. It's hard to believe but it does get better within time.  I still miss her but I know she's here in spirit.  I love you so much nan, you may be gone but you will NEVER be forgotten.  You will always be in our hearts.  <3 xxx

No name, July 2010
It's been over a year since I lost my best friend. I still have her mobile number and I still cry here and there, I think about her EVERYDAY & I still have mood swings that only started after she passed. I saw a girl the other day that looked exactually like her, I was going to chase after her and hug her but I knew it couldnt have been her. I don't think it changes much from now on. Ill always get upset about her and miss her.

Beverley, June 2010
well,, i lost my sister katrina in 2008 the 26-10-08, i was up at lossiemouth when she died, katrina was 21 when she died, katrina foned me on the saturday night, saying how,mutch i ment to her and how mutch she,loved me,, thenn on the sunday morning mum went over to her house and she wasn't there, so mum went down to the police to see if she was there, then me and my dad got a fone call saying that katrina had done away with her self, i thought they were joking, and it never sunk in that i will never get to see her again,i only knew her for 11 years, so i went home and thought about opening up her servis, so i opend up her servis, i sed..hello and welcome,for thoose who don't know am katrinas lil sis beverley,my sis was a funny girl she loved her clubland and me to,i member the time we went down the road and had a lil race i lit her win, here is a lil poem for,my sis
please come back, i want you back we will meet again soon!(there is more but not got enough room)
r.i.p katrina

No name, June 2010
My dad died 4 days after christmas.[2008] i didnt see him on christmas day and he was supposed to come see me on boxing day, he didn't turn up and its sad because i cant even remember the last time i saw him and i miss him soo much! and its fathers day on sunday and i realy aint looking forward to it. i dont think i'll ever get over it. people have asked me if i want help for bereavment and i have always rejected the help because i feel as if it wont help me at all because at the end of the day, it's not going to bring my dad back. :/

hayley (14), June 2010
I lost my dad 2 years ago (2008)on the 19th of june from lukemia a type of cancer of the blood. When i first found out(18th january 2007) i had just came in from school at 11 years old to find my family had some bad news for me + dad was already in hospital. I had nvr herd of lukemia before + was extreamly upset not knowing what to do.dad suffered 1 + a half years from the horrible desease going through good + bad times. At good 1s he managed to get 2 my brothers wedding and sisters graduation and also went into remition and was about to have a transplant then the desease came back!! but bad times was ill in hospital and got told had a couple of weeks to live but turned out 2 two months as he was a vry determined fit man at the start of it. But eventually dad had his last few days at home with people having to go +check on him every five minutes upstairs then my mam found him when i was outside with my friend some1 came to get me + told me the terrible news "my dad had died" seeing him lieing in the bed i didnt know wt to do at 12 year old. i just cried and cried!! we raised about a thousand pound to help lukemia reaserch  at james cook university hospital in  were dad spent a lot of his time.and i still want to help as much as i can to prevent the horrible desease and people going through what i am. :(

My dad was a kind, caring family man he was always there for me my sister and 2 brothers.. he was loved by a lot of people and one of the best electrictions in the area with his own company  he also was a massive fan of the amazing elvis presily so just listening to that music reminds me drastically of him and his atempts 2 sing to it. Also my dad loved climbing mountains and managed kilimanjaro the biggest in south africa!!! so im memory of him on his 1st aniversary we wlked his favourite mountain in the lakes and my two brothers and sisters feonce have done the 3 peeks in 24hours 2day and yesterday in memory + also i have taken part in darlingtons race for life today and last year!!
its amazing how many people loved my dad and miss him loads especially me and my family and my poor nice at 3 year old doesnt understand wt happened 2 her g-dad.
So now im a bit older i think its all hitting me a lot more i am getting upset a lot but its good to no my family, boyfriend curtis and best friend from being a baby (Amy) is there for my.
I just want to say thank u for every1 at ward 14 and want my dad 2 know that...
I misss him everyday, he is on my mind always and i love him soooo much
rip my dad sufferer of lukemia (cancer)
I LOVE YOU DAD FOREVER AND EVER YOUR ALWAYS ON MY MIND!!!xxx

livz ( olivia  ), May 2010
my gran passed away on june 27th 2008
my parents never told me that she had cancer
today i heard that someone else i know died
its a hard life but we have to cope
i will always love and cherish her
i love you granny peg

No name, 27 April 2010
i lost my grandad 2 years ago,it still hurts me from this day on,im scared of letting go incase i'll forget about our happy times,but noone would tell me that he had canser because they known what it would do to me,so he got rushed into hospital,and i went to see him,but i had to stop going because he was gettng really poorly so i stopped going then the next day he died so i couldn't say my goodbyes,I Miss you grandad x x x x

No name, 3 April 2010
My mum died two years ago when i was 13. I am still finding it really difficut to deal with. I botted up all my emotion that was to do with mums death because my dad wasin enough pain from loosing her i didnt want to make it anyworse for him. This made me resort to selfharming. I did it because i felt it was my fault that she had died that maybe if i hadnt bin born this would never of happened or if i was there on the day she nad died maybe she wold of lived a bit longer. I have only just started to talk about my feelings with my dad but i find this really difficult. I now am seeing a conceller and that is helping me talk about things. I'll never ever evet forget my mum but i want to renember the good things not the bad things and talking to someone actually helps alot. I LOVE YOU MUM!! XX

No name, 3 April 2010
About a year and half ago, my ex-boyfriend died in a car crash and about a week later, his twin couldn't handle it so he killed himself. i was really damaged inside but it got a little easier until one of my best-friends died during skiing about four months after and it knocked me down even further. But, i had my other best-friends there with me to share my pain and take loads off my shoulders. all of a sudden, about a month ago- some time in february- my bestest friend turned to me and told me he had cancer. (that same day i found out that my boyfriend has got diabetes)he was fine and happy to my face as he never wanted to show me he was scared to stop me from paniking. but, two days after, his mum rang me saying that he had been rushed in hospital- the day after he told me about his cancer- having 6 panick attacks and two heart-attacks but the last heart-attack killed him. i lost my bestest friend and half my heart was empty. the worst thing was, he was born in Italy so his mum wanted his grave with her in Italy and offered to pay for a week's holiday there for me to go to his funeral but it was during school time so i couldn't. So i never said bye to him before he died, whilst he was being burried and still can't because he is burried in Italy. so you people who can at least visit you're loved-one's graves, you should think yourself so lucky to go there and spend time beside them or even visit their grave when it's their birthday or an anniversary cause i can't. and it's the worst feeling in the world to know that he is in a different country to me and i cant once again sit by his side for even ten minutes. so just think about that when you feel so unlucky and it might make you feel a lot better. xxxx

KIRA, 3 April 2010
My mum died a year and a half ago and today i bought the ashes to ashes soundtrack , which we liked listening to together and i just laid on my bed and listened to it and had a little cry, i find that it made me feel a lot better as i rembered her more and more and we i get sad of think i am fogeting her then i listening too or hum the songs in my head !

alice, March 2010
i lost my grandad over a year ago. it was on the 27th february, just after my 14th birthday. the thing that hurts me the most is that in december i went out for a meal with him but he kept wondering around and i got a bit annoyed with him and told him to sit down because otherwise we would get split up. he didn't eat anything that night and just had his usual whisky. we took him back to his house and it was freezing so my mum had a go at him and told him to put the heating on because he would 'die of pneumonia.' we kissed him goodbye and went back home. the next day my grandad collapsed of a heartattack. he was living on his own because him and my grandma split up so he managed to call my cousin before he collapsed and unlock the door. my cousin heard him fall and called an ambulance. he was in hospital until january when he came out but then had another heartattack on my birthday, february 1st. two nights before he died, i went to see him and he didnt look right at all. he couldnt even drink for himself. i gave him a drink, kissed him on his head and told him i loved him. he then died at 5 in the morning on the 27th surrounded by my mum and her two sisters as her brother was 10 minutes too late. eventhough i knew he didn't have much longer, i was still so shocked when i found out. i have a big irish family and my male cousins are all big rugby players, and to see them cry made it harder. his funeral was in march and i was suppose to say a bidding prayer, but i couldnt. i just broke down. i feel so guilty that i couldnt say it. before my grandad died, he said to me 'throw my ashes in the loch.' he meant the loch in loughrea, galway - where we come from. but my mum and her brother and sisters buried his ashes with his mum and dad. the fact that grandad asked me to throw him in the loch, and we didnt, also makes me feel guilty. ever since my grandad died, i wake up at 5 every morning and i suffer with depression. i loved him so so much and never really thought he would leave me. i still can't talk about him without crying. and also living in england when he is buried in ireland doesn't help. they say 'it gets easier with time' but it hasn't. i'm heartbroken and don't think i will ever be the same. i love you grandad. x x

Becky, February 2010
Its been 1yr and 4 months since my friend killed herself. Her 17th birthday is coming up very soon and its made me think an awful lot about her. I still miss her everyday and I can never forget her. loosing her has effected me in more ways I ever realised it could. I want to be with her, I don't care where she is. Dealing with it is still hard, some days I don't want to get up but I always do. her birthday has made it feel so raw again. She was my rock, I let her down. I miss her and I feel so guilty. I miss you my sweet, more than you could know x

Fiona 18, February 2010
My dad killed himself about 8 months ago and i cant cope.
i dont want to talk to anybody like councellers about it because i dont like to.
my boyfriend wont listen as he dont know what to do and everyhting sems to be going downhil.
i have some suicidal thoughts but im not sure if thats what they really are?
i am also turning to alcohol to deal with the stress of things.
i just want ot be someone else. have a differnet happy life.
but i guess things dont happen like that.
not for us anyway. . .

thomas_age 12, January 2010
my grampa died 2 years ago at 1 stage i felt like killing my self because i started to miss him so much  that's why im telling RD4u iam finding it hard after 2 years!!! but these 2 years have seemed like forever.

From RD4U: It is good that you have posted this message and then other young people can reply and give you help and support. We also can help. We have a Freephone Helpline on 08081671677 and there is also another good helpline called Childline on 0800 1111. You mention that at one stage you have felt like killing herself so another good organisation is called Papyrus Prevention of Suicide on 08701704000. We have branches of very experienced bereavement support workers if you want to have some appointments. Our website www.cruse.org.uk gives details of our branches.

Archive of messages up to the end of 2009