personal

1-2 years

No name, September 2008
My current girlfriend and I have been together for a half a year now. I am the first relationship she has had since her last boyfriend (lets call him john) passed away about 8 months before we began dating.

I know its hard on her, but an issue I haven't seen posted here is the opposite viewpoint. How do you date a person who has lost a significant other in the past? Its really hard on me as well. I feel as though I'm always going to be playing for second. I love her so much, but sometimes I feel like she wishes I was him. It really troubles me and I dont know how to cope with that.

innie and is, August 2008
i lost my boyfriend of two n half years in a motorcycle accident in vietnam - we had travelled to this island - did everything we could to get there - a 12 hour boat ride with locals after missing the all flights - we didnt even get a nite together on the island

it will be three years this november - i miss him so much my body aches - i think he is fed up with me wasting my life in darkness but sometimes its all i feel - im at a point now i want to laugh and share with another male but i dont even know where to start - its hard when all you live and breath is the love of a man you will never see again - how can you let someone else in? they dont know what its like

im praying that the love of my life helps me find that new someone that i can give new love to - i hope they try to understand

but i will never ever forget and long to be reunited in the light of love

No name, August 2008
my dad took my mum's life, me & my brother found her. she had been away for a month , it had only been 2 weeks since she came back. he had stabbed her twice. my mum had suffered all her life, as much as i miss her and wonder about 'what if' she's safe now. 3 i was only 16, i failed all my AS exams, 2 years on and now i avoid all my friends and cousins, because when i'm in a crowd i feel so alond and awkward. i regret everything, i took my mum for granted.

ankit, August 2008
i am going to marry a girl who was in love with a guy ... but she lost him 1.5 yrs back and she has told me this coz she trusts me and wanna be fair with me.. though she never ever had any sort of physical relationship with him but smwhere inside her mind i feel he is still there.. and i feel very uneasy though i listen to her and have helped her to over come this grief.. but i sometimes feel tht she compares me to him in her head and i just dont like tht feeling.. wat do i do.... she is the first n last gal in my life and i expect her full love but i doubt if she will ever be able to forget him and wud be able to give me her true love... she always says tht she loves me but i dont know i just dont want myself to be compared with a guy who is no more.... wat do i do... will ever this situation is goin to ok for me....

Mandie, August 2008
My mum died of Leukaemia over two years ago now, five days before my 16th birthday on the day of one of my GCSE's. I barely cried on the day or afterwards. the day after she died I had to tell the school where she worked at and i stil didn't cry. the teachers that worked there said that I was so strong and my dad and sister were so lucky to have me to support them because i was so strong.

I barely even cried at the funeral because everyone was there and i kept thinking that everyone needs me to be strong and not cry, I can never let anyone ever see upset. I needed everyone to think that i'm so strong that nothing can ever hurt me just so i can then get my strength to carry on from them.

I had completely shut the emotion part of me down because I can never let anyone see me like that. but after two years of constantly pretending there comes a point where the front breaks down. I now feel like I should have felt then. At the minute I feel lost and alone. My mates are always supportive but none of them know how i feel. I feel like I'm pushing them away because i don't want to hurt them or worry them when i feel really low and self distructive.

I still miss her loads. I just wish that i could see her again, have another hug and never let go. I hate the fact that i'm never gonna hear her voice again and i'm never gonna know if she's proud of me. I'm not going to have her for all the important things in my life. It hurts so much.

No name, August 2008
I was only 13 when we became a couple. I had many troubles with my parents and he was the one to acknowledge. We were always together, then he had to move. But we stayed in touch, we remained in love. It was on my 15th birthday then, that day I'll never forget. His mum called me and told me he got badly injured in an accident. I immediately went off to see him. When I arrived, he was dead. How unfair can life be? He was such a bright person, so cheerful and had just turned 17. I loved him so, I still do.
That has happened so long ago. Now I'm almsot 17 myself. But slowly I begin normal life. Without the help of my closest friends I would have never make it. A part of me will always grief for him, but there's also a little part who is glad for what I had with him. And surely enough I will never forget, the love of my life, my savior, Lukas.

Olivia, July 2008
My dad died on december 6th 2006 of cancer. he had it for a year and a bit, and he got better after chemo, but he gradually deterioated and the cancer spread. for the furst couple of days i didn't really cry much, because we had lots of friends around us, but know christmas and his and mine birthdays are hard...they are all close together. i don't really speak about it to friends, just a couple of close friends. i think i have just started my greiving and i know its ok to cry.

Lauren Amy, July 2008
My Mum Died 2 Years Ago When I Was 11.
Nd I Hav A Little Brother Nd He Was 8.
It Was Really Sudden She Had Too Go To Hospital And They Said It Was Going To Be All Ok. But A Cople Of Days Later They Took Her To A Bigger Hospital Where They Could Treat Her Because She Had A Brain Hemerage Which Is Was Blood Clot In Her Head Which Was Really Big Ans It Burst.
And A Cople Of Days After She Was In That Hoospital She Died On The 8th July 2006.
REST IN PEACE MUM!!

Katie, July 2008
My mum died 1 1/2 years ago and people saw it will get better with time. But it seems to me it doesnt. I can never forget her. She was small but she was a big part of everybodys life. At her cremation over 400 people came. We all miss her.

vicky age 13 but 10 when my dad died, July 2008
my dad died 2 yeras ago it will be three years on the 29 of september he died of a brain anorisiom in bed asleep and i wish he was back her with me and my 3 brothers and my 1 sister and my mum i love you dad xxx...xxx

iona, June 2008
my nan dad the 12 of june 2006 of canser my mum said that i would visit her when she got better but she never did

Alice, 30 May 2008
It's been 20 months since the day i was told my boyfreind had accidently strangled himself in an attempt to pass out in order to get a day of school. Since then my life has been in ruins I find it hard to see the point of getting up in the morning knowing he's not there. I go to councilling and I am gradually fighting my suicidal urges but the end of the road to recovery is miles away and i believe it will be years before i properly recover

hannah, May 2008
I am 11 years old and my dad died 2 years ago of a brain haemorrhage in his sleep. I miss him very much I felt very sad when he died. I made a memory box and put some special things in it like his watch, aftershave, a special football top. I miss him every day and special occasions are hard without him I will be confirmed soon and this will be very difficult for me and my mum. Ifeel that my dad is always beside me and looking ater me and my family.

nicky, May 2008
just over 15 months ago i lost my 19 year old brother.
there has been a great hole left in my heart and i need someone special that i can talk to if anyone reads this feel free to contact me through the website thanks

jodie, May 2008
My dad did 2 year ago on the 7th september he died on 7th september 2006 in a car crash i was on holidat wih my mum and sister and step-dad and my dad had got in a car with a friend that wasnt nice and they were goin 70 miles per hour in a 40 zone and my dad was in passenger seat and the driver clided with a van then with another car and cliped curb and car tipped over and the driver climbed out and just sat there some one rang an ambulance and police and my dad was in intensive care for 2 weeks and then in my first 4 days of high school he died ever since i tried killing my self 2wice my mum and step dad split up cos of me and my sisters moing out and no one wants me does any 1 kno what i can do????

Ellie, May 08
i lost my nan 1 1/2 yrs ago to cancer. the hardest times are the special occasions like birthdays and christmas. i miss her more every day but it does get easier as you learn to deal with it.

Insignificant, April 2008
Today [April 10th, 2008] is the 2nd "anniversary" of the day I personally walked in on my Fathers dead body. I walked to his apartment after school, to see why he had not been in contact with any one [family friends boss co-workers] for the past two weeks. I havent spoken a word about it to anyone. My mother is scared i will also committ suicide. My sister talks about him, like he is coming home from vacation tomorrow. None of my friends know. And I fear I might explode into a million schrapnal shards sent flying through the air because of an atom bomb went off when i hear them talk about hating their parents. Then I feel guilty for getting mad because as far as they have been told... my Father is a psychiatrist in an in-patient rehabilitation center that he stays over night at occasionally.
I am 17, he died when I was 15. And if i can give anyone any piece of advice, it would be to find a way to get rid of every ounce of pain you are feeling. Art, Dance, Music, Write, do anything except distract yourself. If you prevent your feelings from being felt, you will end up like me-- a 17 year old girl with no social skills, communication skills, no true feelings. Because any feeling you allow your self to express [anger at your sister for forgetting to pick up the towels off the floor] will be overly dramatic because your repressed feelings will escape with it.
sorry for the long post.
(it's OK however long your posts are)

No name, April 2008
My boyfriend died 2 and a half years ago, he was the most unconciously and genuinly kind, generous and compassionate human being, and was loved by everyone who knew him. I was lucky to have been constantly around his goodness and his limitless giving nature, where nothing was ever too much, and now I keep his memory alive through trying to help others too, give and be receptive to their needs as best I can, because I had such a great role model. There are many beautiful ways to keep memories alive in your heart, this is my way, the pain subsides but the memory does not. And now I can FINALLY say that its time too let go- A big moment for me!

ladybird, March 2008
my boyf died in a car crash back in september 07, that was the worst day of my life. He wasnt just my boyf, he was my best friend. Words will never describe how much i miss him. Sometimes i think it's a dream. The day i found out was horrible. i felt sick knowning i'd lost somebody so close to my heart. I just remember people saying "i'm so sorry" .. i shall never forget him or the memories. You will always be in my heart

***, March 2008
my dad died nearly 2 years ago + then my uncle died 6 months after + my cousin died 2 months after that.
it all hit me so hard espesically bcause i watched my dad die.
the first year + a half went in a numb blur, + i kept telling myself im gonna c him in a couple of weeks. but now its hitting me that im never going to see him again.. i keep trying to kill myself + now everything else is falling apart in my life.
i need help but i dont like aksing 4 it.

soldier g, March 2008
i lost my mum on 14 nov 2006 the day of my grandads birthday i miss her so much it hurts like hell she was the one i went to with all my problems with i miss her so much and i never got to say goodbye i love her so much and i have my dad left and he is the one i talk to now he is becoming my sound board and i love him all the more dad i love you your son

No name, March 2008
I'm 17, and it's nearly 2 years since my mum died, and when i was 11, my dad died.
Me and my Mum had always been really close, i could tell her anything, and then after my dad died that brought us even closer, she was my best friend.
Since my Mum died, i've never really grieved. I blocked it out and never spoke to anyone about it, my brain took charge and i carried on with my life, working hard and taking exams. It was only at night i would ever feel pain, it was so bad i couldn't take it, normaly if i had felt like that i would have gone and hugged my mum and everything would of been alrite. But i couldn't so instead i self-harmed.
I no longer self harm, not because i moved on but because of the trouble of hiding my scars, i don't want to have to hide my arm any more, i don't want to feel ashamed. I'm hoping they'll fade but to be honest i'm probaly scared for life. The only way for me to stop self harming was to block everything out, the moment a thought came into my head i would push it away. Now i don't feel any emotion. I look at a picture of me and my Mum and i feel nothing. My head tells me it is my Mum, but in my heart it is a stranger, that scares the hell out of me.
On the outside im happy, im not pretending i really am. But deep down, theres something, this emptiness, lonelyness and anxiety. I wish i could look at pictures and remember happy times, and be able to think back and feel some kind of emotion, aything, instead of nothing.
MY ADVICE TO ANYONE OUT THERE WHO HAS LOST SOMEONE IS TO TALK. TALK TO ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN. WRITE, YOUR FEELINGS, DRAW YOUR FEELINGS, ANYTHING TO LET THEM OUT, BUT DO NOT SELF-HARM, IT HELPS IN THE SHORT-TERM, BUT IN THE LONG TERM, YOUR SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT. IF YOU NEED TO CRY, CRY, DO NOT BOTTLE IT UP. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES AND TALK TO SOMEONE, IF THERE ISN'T ANYONE YOU FEEL YOU CAN TALK TO, SEE A COUNSELLOR. PLEASE TRUST THESE WORDS.

Ellis, March 2008
My grandad died 1yr and 3 months ago! i was really close with him, and miss him every day i used to go round his every day after school and slept round his at the weekend.he got cancer but the doctors didnt find out until it was to late. mi nan died wen mi mum was 10 so ive never met her.my dad left me before i was born so my grandad was the only male that i looked up to x rest in peace grandad and anyone who reads this your close family never disappear they are always in your heart x

From: georgia, February 2008
my granny died in december 2006 and i didnt know it until 2nd jan and i wished they told me earlier so i could be there for my family. it was most nightmare in my life. it took me months to get my own life back in track. my uncle just died and felt fuming and stuff like that. he was about 57 years old. he was my granny's son-in-law. i cried for my auntie and my cousin .

From: julie, February 2008
my mum died 2 yrs ago,i still find it hard to accept.i think of her all the time.i visit her graveside weekly.she had breathing difficulties,and now my dad is going down the same route.im so worried. itry to seem happy,wen deep inside,im sad,and very worried for my dad....

From: nat, February 2008
my mum had breast cancer when i was 11, but she got through all of the treatment and got better. however, in 2006, she quickly became ill, and her breast cancer had returned and was blocking her digestive system. she had a painful 2 weeks, but it all passed so quickly, and i was there when she died 6 december.
i still love her and miss her loads, but i find sometimes i feel guilty, because i dont think of her everyday. i think i am still blocking my emotions, but it is soo hard. i struggled through last year and managed to get the grades i wanted, but this year, i just dont seem to care anymore. maybe i just want some attention -my school didnt even offer councilling,and my dad is still to busy grieving himself to notice. my brother has his girlfriend to talk to so i just feel alone. i cant be bothered anymore

From: Kim, 15, Jan 08
So my nan died two years ago and i suppose it does get easier. I still think about her every day and get really upset wen i hav to talk bout her. I can keep the emotions to myself though and you learn to deal with it.

From: Sarah, Dec 07
my dad died 2 years ago but it feels longer. i thought he was always going to be there. he promised me we'd go parchutin on my 18th but i guess thats not happening

From: nicki, Dec 07
i lost a friend 2 yrs ago a week b4 christmas in a car crash miss him alot R.I.P xxx

And 3 months later i lost my mum to alcoholism she was away in america @ the time renewing her wedding vows to her second husband i just wish id off been with her, we was so close was absolutely devastated when we got the phone call was bout 4-6 weeks later we finaly laid her to rest! that was the most horrible time waiting for her body to come home! miss you mum love u to bits! R.I.P xxxxx

From: Kelsey
My 2 mates died a year ago in car accident. They were both 18. I miss them so much and I wish I cud tell them ow much I miss dem. Are there any people I can talk 2?

From: Hannah, Nov 07
I lost my best friend Nat fourteen months ago in a tragic circumstance. I just want to say to everyone who has lost a best friend- you are allowed to grieve, there is no time limit or right or wrong way. My carer and counsellor have been absoloutly fantastic. For me, moving on means being able to rejoice in the relationship you had with them and still have with them. I also lost someone I've known since five and spent a lot of time with in my childhood called Emmalast July, so that hurts. However if you let yourself feel how you want to feel it will slowly get better. Nat- You will always be a little diamond in my heart- Love is eternal! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Emma I wish I could give you a cuddle and a kiss but know that Nat will hold you until I can once again. Guys hang on in there and be yourselves. I'm thinking of you all- let yourselves grieve. xxxx

From: Kelli, November 2007
My dad died when I was 13 years old on September 13, 2005. I'm 15 now and when he first died, I went into depression and to therapy. I never thought that I would ever lose him. He was always this big strong tough guy that I looked up to and to lose him in a matter of seconds, hurt and confused me, like it felt like a nightmare. Like it wasn't real. It just sucks that it was and I can't go back and change it.

From: Malouss, November 2007
my beautifull mum died 15 months ago..from cancer..it happened very fast and i still find it hard to belive..
i can't imagine the rest of my life without her as she was the most precious "thing" i've ever had..i wish i could wake up and all that would just been a horrible nightmare..she was my best friend..i miss her so much i can't explain it with words..my heart is broken and i don't think it will ever heal..

From: Tarnya, 10/07
on 28/12/07 it will be two years since my lovely boyfriend garry died..cant believe how quick the last two years has gone.having gone throo the grieving process which has many different feelings such as sadness,devastation,emptyness,anger,depression,,and many more,i now feel that gaz is resting in peace in heaven with his other deceased relatives,he is also close to elvis presley who he adored and he is also waiting patiently for me...see you again 1 day my darling and we will do it all again...love you,need you,want you,wid all my heart.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTWIDDLEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

From: no name, 10/07
I lost my grampa about 1 1/2 years ago because he had cancer. We weren't close or anything, I can't remember talking to him about anything much but he was my first ever bereavement. I think about him everyday still which is very difficult because people seem to be forgetting about him.

From: No name, 09/07
My best mate passed away from cancer in 2005, she was only 15, last time i saw her she was outside the school gates with me and she said she was feeling alot better and coming back to school, I gave her a hug and told her i would see her soon, but i never saw her again

Its been just over two years, I still miss her lots because i dont think anyone can ever totally get over this kind of thing

Ive still got her number and photos on my phone and i only regret one thing, i was going to ring her and tell her how much she meant to me and that i loved her, but i missed my chance

Love her always x

Jessica, 09.07
my dad died two years ago and i still cant believe it i just want him back not just for a few moements but always he was an amazing person and i feel he was stolen from me unfairly i have tatooed my grief but nothing helps not one minute goes by i and i dont think of him. im consumed with bitterness and feel when i lost my father i lost myself as well. the feeling of loss and love never goes away and you never get over a death but life seems to move on any way.....

No name, 08.07
I lost my Father 41/2 years ago to lung cancer, I was devistated never thought I could feel the way I did I missed him so much cried for him, it happened just before my birthday and every year for a couple of years when my birthday came round I felt so down, depressed and lonely I asked my angels to take away these terrible feelings at this time of the year which they did and I thanked them. I now sometimes talk to my Dad and when it is Fathers Day, his Birthday and christmas I still get him his card and or sometimes red roses and think about what a wonderful man he was this has helped me to come to terms with his death, you will still feel sad from time to time and shed a tear but things do get easier good luck to you all x

Rachael, 08.08
MY COUSIN DIED A WEEK BEFORE XMAS 2006.
I MISS HIM SO MUCH AS HE WAS TAKEN VERY QUICK BY STOMACH CANCER AT THE AGE OF 42.

sarah 07.07
i was only 10 when my mum died my dad died when i was 7 the thoughts of them is distracting me in class and my behaviour is becoming alot worst i have been in indoor seclusion 2 times for 3 day i just need someone to talk to please can somone help me.

Alana 07.07
I lost My Dad almost 2 years ago now, it happened very quickly. I miss him lots and like to talk about him often, feeling lost without him being here.

sarah 07.07
my lil bro died 2 years ago wen he waz 9 months old. he waz the most gorgeous lil boy nd smiled all the time. he died because he had hert problems, waz born 3 months early, had down's syndrome nd had got 2 reliant on the breathing machine. he waz so special and wen he smiled everyone eles smiled wiv him. he melted everyones hearts.luv u loads sweetheart. u will b in my heart nd thoughts always. i will neva 4get u R.I.P.

Jody 07.07
My boyrfriend of almost 5 years dies a year adn a half ago. it was the hardest thing i have ever had to go through. He died of natural causes and was sick but nobody even knew, not even him. it was so difficult at first but i got through it, becuase i had to. he would want me to be happy again and to move on. I still have our memories which i hold very dear and think about all the time. I still think about him all the time, but as time goes by it does get easier. i started dating again, it was weird at first but something i know i needed to do. i am so much stronger now as a person and have grown so much form this experience. what they say is true , what doesnt break you makes you stronger and it did. now i have my own guardian angel.

X 07.07
My mother died nearly years ago, I am finding it so hard hard dealing with it. I lost a lot of friends who found it hard to come to me. One friend who I thought was my closest said that she is finding it difficult because she can't imagine it happening to her. I feel so alone in this world. I get confused and forgetful and angry and then happy. It's so weird. But I have acheive so many things since. I hasnt killed me but made me stronger.

Annoymous 07.07
My Mum Died When I Was 12 I Found It Very Difficult In The Two Years Leading Up To Her Death She Died Of Cancer Before My 13Th Birthday! My 13Th Birthday Was Weird Knwoing I Wouldnt Wake Up And See My Mum Smiling And Singing Happy Birthday! Its Been One Year Today And I Miss Her So Much! I Feel Sometimes I Wont Get Over It! i Havent Even Spoken To AnyOne About It Yet! I Love You Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ashley 07.07
Tomorrow is my Dad's 2 year anniversary. You'd think it would be easier this year than the last, but it seems to be worse in a way. None of my friends remember it's his anniversary, so no one knows why I'm a bit crazy and emotional at the moment. Truth is, it hurts my feelings that no one remembers. Everyone seems so happy, and I can't help but feel bitter.

Sophie 07.07
on the 20th january 2005 at 1.00am i was half asleep and i heard some crying and speakining downstairs i thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. as morning came i my mum told me that dad had died of a heart attack my dad was perfectly healthy and started running about 6 months before he ate healthy so this came to a big shock for me and my family.

Sofee 05.07
When i was little i was so attached to mum until she began to drink. She became different towards everyone and it wasn't her. Her breath smelt and she was always arguing.About 2 years ago my mum died. She died because of Alcohol and it's affected my life so much.After a few days when she died holding my hand in hospital, i kept on finding bottles hid, it tore me to peices after that. I just wish i would have treated her better cos i regret how i did.

Natz 04.07
My dad died 2 yrs ago...When i found i cryed sooo much but at the funeral held it all in...i miss him soo much. every 1 finks ive moved on...But its hard u kno? Sometimes i okay and then i just think about him. It Hurts soo much. Just the thought that im neva gunna see him again. Not all of my friends no bout him. But the ones who do just say remember the happy times and move on. but its not easy. i fink about him every day. One gal hu use to be ma best mate said I was playin 4 attention which hurt when she said that. she said i should get over it as it was 2 years ago. but that dont make it easyer. U get use to it but never get over it. It get hard sometimes. But i hav 2 carry on...i mean wot eles can i do...I love him and miss him sooooooooooooooo much xxx

(anon) 04.07
The first boy I loved and was loved fully back by died very tragically. He fell from a window, it was a freak accident. He was in a foreign country and died alone. I dont know how Ill move on, its almost 2 years later and I still feel that emptiness. When does it get easier, will we ever really be able to let go or will we just never really move on from the past, no matter who we meet?

(anon) 04.07
My brother died 2 years ago in an off road car accident. I don't know what to do because i feel that everyone in my family has taken on a role with his death: My mum the cryer, my dad the strong one, my other brother the one who never talks about him so I don't know what to do because they all think I'm strong because I spoke at his funeral when I was only 10 but they don't realize that I do miss him and I do want to cry but they know that and I don't know how to tell them.

beth 04.07
i had lost my mum at the age of 19. now i am 21 i am 22 in july, it was a big shock to me as i couldn't belive it when dad had came though to tell me that she past away. she was a healthy person who loved to walk every where and liked to help out other people all the time and always but other people first she was only 57 when she had past away. she was my angel and my best friend and she will always be in my heart.
until this day it still doesn't fell real and i think that its because i had to carry on and to be strong for dad. dad hasn't given me support none at all and i have try to get him to open up to me but instead it has made us apart from each other and i had put myself though so much this past 2 years. there has been times where i had nearly over dose myself to make the pain to go away but at the end of the day i wasn't able to do that. i had also pushed myself to go to breavement sessions as i thought it would help me to get rid of the anger inside of me. at the time some of it did help me, but last year september i got so depressed where i had pushed all friends away and i wouldn't talk to them about my problems as it felt wrong to do that.
but my boyfriend has helped me as he always listens to me what i have to got to say and he will sit me down and will talk about it. know i have moved down to be with him as i found out that i am pregnant, so i am pleased that everything has starting to work out for myself and starting a new fresh with my boyfriend. we have been together for 2 years and he has helped me to become more stronger and make me realise to put myself first. which i am still working on.

(anon) 03.07
When i was a freshmen in highschool i met the most wonderful guy in my life, although he was senior, i admired him through the whole year falling in love with him day by day, finally school was coming to an end, and summer came. That summer was the best and the worst of my life. He Finally came into my life and we were so happy i never felt that way in my life. Soon everything came to pain when he fell asleep coming to surprise me. when he crashed he died on impact, ever since that day i have been so lost. even though its almost 3 years i still cant let go.

(anon) 03.07
I lost my boyfriend 2 years a go...my life ended when he died and i wish i had died with him. The first nine months i just existed and then i told myself i was ready to get on with life, i was 21 at the time and therefore i just spent my weekends getting extremely drunk and sometimes doing silly things making myself feel worse. I had some amazing friends and my mum was my rock but noone can help you when u've lost ur world. I never thought i would be happy again but a few months a go i met someone and slowly my life is getting back on track...its still hard, i'll always love my boyfriend and i'll never forget him, he's the last person i think of at night but i'm trying to remember that life goes on and we have to live it to the full.

Holly 03.07
16 months ago my dad died of cancer. my mum got cancer when i was 7, im 15 now. i never expected him not to be there on my 16th birthday. what i really hate is that because my parents were having chemo or radiotherapy at different times they were always able to make it easier for each other, and my dad was such a sensitive, caring man, he loved and protected my mum so much, and now im terrified for her. shes such a strong person but now i know the only reason shes fighting for her life is because of me and my brothers. i always expected them to grow old together. im so scared in case she has the same death that he has.

steph 03.07
I lost my best friend Luke 2 years ago in a car accident.
He was one of my best friends and we would share everything. He made me feel better all the time.
He was 15 when he died. And even thought its been two years I miss him like crazy still and I cry alot.
I just want him to know I miss him and love him so much. And maybe I'll see him again one day =]
I love you man, you were the best friend I ever had and no one compares =]
xxxxx

NAOMI 03.07
WHEN I WAS 9 MY DAD DIED SUDDENLY. MY LITTLE SISTER WAS ONLY 8. HE WASNT SICK SO IT WAS A BIG SHOCK TO US ALL. MY GREAT GRAN ALSO DIED 10 MINUTES AFTER MY DAD IN THE SAME ROOM. THEY DIED 2/4/04 AND I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER IT. I DO CRY TO MYSELF BUT DONT LET ANYONE SEE ME. I TRY TO BE STRONG FOR MY MUM AND SISTER. WE ARE A STRONG FAMILY AND WE CARE FOR EACH OTHER. MY MUMMY IS VERY SAD BECAUSE SHE ALSO LOST HER OWN MUM 5/6/05 TO CANCER. SHE HAS LOST 2 OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN HER LIFE AND GETS VERY SAD. WE LIKE TO CUDDLE AT NIGHT TIMES AND REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES WE ALL HAD TOGETHER. I MISS MY DAD AND MY GRAN AND MY WEE GREAT GRAN VERY MUCH.

Heidi 02.07
My Dad on January 10th 2005 which unfortanly is my twin sisters birthday. It started when my Dad had cancer in 1999. He imediantly stopped smoking and he recovered. But, a few years down the line he thought that his cancer was back and turned to drink. My family tried everything from groups to even tipping his drink down the sink. In the end it was to late. His last words to me were that he loves me and that he was sorry. Of course I forgave him and get upset over it. My dad may have gone to heaven, but my memories haven`t. Love you loads Dad, keep shining!!!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

karly 02.07
when i was 12 my dad died of cancer and i knew it was going to happen but when he died i was still in shock. im now 14 and still havent got over it, because i lived with my dad and me and my dad never got on with my mother so it is hard because know i have to live with her!! its been nearly 3 years and im still numb.

Steviejayne 02.07
two years ago i had to experience the death of my DAD. he was killed at work because his boss had no safety equipment (my dad was a steel building erector) he fell 40 foot and seriously injured his internal organs and broke his femur, 3 ribs and his tibia and fibula. after his accident he lived for 3 days on machines in hospital, when they told me and my mum that it was hopeless and turned the machines off.
i was heart broken, my dad was my hero.
But i had the two greatest people to help me through this. my best friends alex and chris, who supported me and ensured that i got through each day as they came, and made sure they where always there if and when i needed them.
Im still not over what happened to my dad due to all the court cases i had to endure immediately after my dad's death, i havent really had time to grieve and have just suppressed all my emotions, because i have to prove to everyone that im ok so they dont wrry espically for my mum. she's had to put up with so much over the last six years. she had a serious motorbike accident that nesarly killed her, but didnt but instead has made her disabled for the rest of her life as she shattered her right leg and it is now 2 inchs shorter than her left. i have to be strong for my mum as she has so many things to worry about i dont want to add me tyo her list.

Steaders 02.07
my dad died over two years ago now and i still havent cried for him. people say it was because i didnt love him when i did he was my hero, growing up i could never imagine him not being there to support me and now that he's gone, somehow im always waiting for him to nock on the door as if he's away with work again. every time the door knocks i feel something in me gain hopefulness that its him but it never is.

L.J.W 02.07
my dad killed himself almost two years ago now. i have tried to cope, i've seen councellors, psychologists and even doctors for psychosamatic symptoms (when they are physical but come from your emotions). i really do try but it is so hard when all my friends talk about their dads and all that. my doctor said that it takes 2 years to ajust to a life changing experience but i feel like i will always be hurting this way and will always miss my dad and feel depressed. i loved my dad even if he didn't know it, and i miss him every day and will never forget him as long as i live. i promise. ich liebe dich papa!

claire 12.06
My brother Micheal died two years ago he had a mental illness which i had to cope with as i was my mums and his carer.
Micheal was found in a lake he had drowned i was in school having a normal day when my teacher asked me to go to reception by then i knew something was wrong i just didnt know what until i seen tears in my brother stepehens eyes i fell to the floor when he told me i thought no not my micheal, he was my rock he promised me!
Well that was it i knew that from that day on i would never be or feel the same again.
And right i was because even now two years later i feel sick with anger at my brother and at myself,
WHY dint i stop him
WHY couldbt i help
WHY werent i there
WHY does he hate me
there are so many questions yet not a single answer.
I self harm but i try to cope for my mums sake but deepdown inside theres a little girl crying and tonight she wants to die!!!!!

Molly 12.06
I was 7 when my nan died I didn't know until the 7th of september 2004 that on the 6th my nan died but a few months before my nan gave me a charm bracelet (gold) and a few year before she died her mum and dad died her mum and dad died of old age but my nan died of leukaemia.

chloe 12.06
my grandad died 2 years ago 2 days befor my 11 birthday.i saw him after he died of lung cancer but i didnt want to remember him like that i wanted to remember him as sailing along the river.it was hard for me as i hardly see my dad and i was closer to him than i was to my dad .but i draw and write poems about him this helps and i am on the list for counciling. but the biggist help to me has been my mum she is my rock ,my best friend .i am going to try and plant a tree somwhere so i can go to it but not to cry but rerlect on all the happy moments.all ican say is in life people come and go just hold on and be strong .thanyou mum you are my rock xxxxxx rest in peace grandad xxxxxxx

Holly, 19 12.06
my Dad died 22.06.2004, on the day of my physics gcse. i have now just started university, i still live at home with my mum though. i have no brothers or sisters, and i dont always get on well with my mum - i find i have no one to talk to. i just seem to bottle evrything up. i cant talk about my dad, even though he was such a wonderful man - we are so alike! i cannot bear to think of him as my "past". i think i now am ready to talk about it, but i do not know who to talk to. i feel so alone xxx LOVE U MY DEAR OLD DAD XXX

lucy age 8 11.06
my dad died when i was 6 yrs old. he was killed on his motorbike, he went for a run and never came back. i miss him so much, and feel sad because i am the only one at school who has lost a mum or dad. no ones understands how i feel. lucky for me i have an older brother who loves me very much, like my mum.

Shannon 11.06
One long time ago, my mum died of smoking and I was there when she fell on the floor. And an ambulance came up and picked up my mum and I went to her funeral. I am feeling sad now. It was two years ago.

Ryan 11.06
This year on september the 10th was the 2 year anniversary of ma dads death. This year we scattered his ashes somewhere where he liked to go. That was rele hard only a few of us went but tht was all the people we asked to go. Before we did this, My nanna passed away (my dads dads mum) and it was rele hard. She died in Addenbrokes on a saturday. A few days before the 10th. Her funeral was a few days after 10th and we found tht week rele hard because evrything bad was happening and i didnt think nething would go rite. I am finding it rele had at the moment without my dad coz these few year r wen i need him the most but he isnt here and it rele upsets me. Going home after skool is the hardest as a few hours after i would get back he would and he doesnt. This year we went to the cambridge fireworks and i rememba my mum tellin me he always wanted to go to 1 of the famous falls and all the fireworks looked like the falls and afterwards i got rele upset. I miss him with all my heart and i would do nething to get him bac but i know i carnt and it hurts me wen i wake up evryday knowing he isnt going to be there. I keep feeling his presents with me where i go and i just wish i could see him.

Angela 10.06
Grandads are the rose you would pick, it would be the brightest and smell the sweetest.
My Grandad was the ultimate of men, I never knew my dad well and my grandad was THE male figure, he taught me how to kick a ball and how to bake a cake (wat a man), He makes me smile even when it hurts like mad, he shows me love when I need it, And when I need his wisdom a miss him the most, But I am safe in the knowledge that he taught me everything I know, and that keeps me strong, so for all of you out there struggling to come to terms, be safe in Grandads knowledge that he is most certainly looking down on you, will always smile at you, and will most definately be by your side and proud of you.

amy 10.06
My sister died about 2 years ago it was really upsetting i still think about her today everytime the morning comes i dont want to get up or be here but i know i have got a life to come.
When i go to sleep i dream about what she would be doing. My life has been a misery i will never get on with my life until she is able to rest. KEEP RAVING AND KEEP YOUR CHEEK UP IN HEAVING KYLEE I WILL NEBER FORGET ABOUT YOU.

L. 09.06
my dad died 2 yrs ago...and its only just affecting me....he was never around when i was wee and growing up.
i went to his funeral but now its kicked in that i dont have a dad anymore.
i miss him =[

Jo 08.06
I lost my boyfriend of nine years in july 2004 to a brain haemorrage, we had been together since I was 16 and I did and still do love him dearly. All the memories and special times we spent together I miss so much. He collapsed on my 25 birthday at work and died 5 days later. He was my one. My friend, soul mate , lover and beautiful man. I miss him so much it still hurts everyday. My heart goes out to all who have lost someone daer to them.

Terri 08.06
grandad died just two years ago very sudden upsetting shocking. his love of animals inspired me so i got a rabbit and named it after him (tj) and im sure they have the same spirit makes me smile and think of grandad when i play with him.

Sally 08.06
I lost my bestfriend. She was hit by a car, in front of me. We crossed the road on the way back to my house, i felt it was my fault because i asked her to walk that way... but i realise now it wasnt my fault. Amy, my bestfriend, was hit and thrown into the air. She came round in the road and asked me to hold her hand, so i held it so tight and told her everything would be fine. i could barely breathe i was in such bad shock. then she said "my head really hurts Jo." so i stroked her hair and told her everything would be fine, she smiled and then died. just like that. still holding my hand she died. i didnt speak for 3 months afterwards. the first perosn i talked to was the driver of the car, which was ironic. life seemed so hard. but trust me it gets better. its tough but gets better.

claire 07.06
my mum passed away 2 years ago i miss her loads my dad also deid but there is one thing i will say i beleave in jesus get help with god.

Sarah 07.06
My grandma died almost 2 years ago. It still hurts a lot, but its getting easier.

kj 07.06
i was on holiday with my mum and mums boyfriend when my mum got a fone call from my dad. she walk away cryin wilst she talked an the fone. we didnt no what was hapnen, we thot it was my nana that had died because she wasin hospail all ready. my mum told me to sit at a picknic bench and she told me. i just wanted to die. we stayed on holiday but i think if we had come home it would of made me feel worse. that was to years ago i still cant think about her without cryin but i no she is alot better with god.

Kate 07.06
My Granddad died 2 and and half years ago. It does not get any easier. He died of lung cancer and didn't tell me until he was dying. I feel so guilty sometimes!

Nessia 07.06
lost my dad to a sudden massive heart attack on aug 6, 2004. I dont know how to go on without him, the pain is so strong i feel like its eating away my insides. he was the only parent i had left, he was my source of strength. its so hard for me to even get out of bed in the morning, much less cope with everday life. help me someone i am falling.

Carleney 06.06
My mum passed away on Christmas Day 05. It is kind of ironic come to think of it- death on Xmas day. However come to think of it, I guess it was an Xmas miracle for her. She had been battling ovarian cancer for a year and four months (always having chemo, never stopped once). It was all too much for her but I am glad I was there when she died. We were a family on Xmas day, for the last time. I love her and although the last time I spoke to her was two days before, I think she knew what I have always wanted to say- I love her and I always will. I'm still a teen at nineteen (small smile) but I know I've got a lot of responsibilites and even though its tough at times, I believe that I can and will carry on. And the same goes for all others out there on this site. Bless you all. xx

(anon) 06.06
august 23rd 2004 i lost my dad. This particular day i had been called in at half 6 in the morning due to my dads breathing rate deterioting later on in the day he was going for a C.T scan and was giving me a cuddle and died in my arms. I was the only child at his bedside. My elder brother was in prison and my sister on holiday. I still cant get over losing him when i was only 14. My dad was my best friend and brought me up as a single parent without my mum.

(anon) 06.06
My Boyfriend died in a car accident almost two years ago.
It is coming up to his anniversary and I still cant accept what has happened.
I never dealt with what had happended at the time and now I am really starting to breakdown...i must say to all of you out there that have experienced a loss like this, please deal with it and dont pull down the rollerdoor and try to ignore what has happened, because it doesnt go away.
I miss him more than anything in the world...he was 22 and I was 19 when it happened.. I found him when it happened and those sort of images do not go away, but with the support, love and patience of family and friends I will get through this, its just going to take time.

Susan 06.06
it has been 2 years since my nan also my mums best friend she was like mine to i miss her so much i can remember i came up da stairs and saw her been carried away with a breathing mask on.
just wanted to say sorry i didnt say goodbye miss you so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

shelby 05.06
my grandad died 2 yrs ago i stull feel the same i still feel alone i have an empty peice in my heart as we were as close as finger and thumb. i really need some help as i just dont know what to do anymore for my loss and my feelings.

sam 05.06
i lost my dad 2 yrs ago and i feel so bad now as i never spent much time with him and i wish i did now, and i feel so bad as my brother tells me it was my foult that i made him ill. and in these 2 yrs i have gone down hill i started taking drugs and geting in trouble with the police also falling behide in school my boyfriends parents n family hate me cos i had a fight with someone in there family i hate my self so much all i want to do is die i fall out with my mum and brother alot a once it got really bad and i toke about 25 paracetimols and cut my arms. all i do now is cry i just want my dad back to talk to or just to give me a hug! i cant handle this all im only 15.

Andrea 05.06
My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years died on 17 september 2004. He was in hospital because of a car accident, i went to visit him, he died in my arms. I miss him everyday, and i will always love him.

x-Darbi-x 05.06
i lost my sister when i was only 9 and she was only 2 days old i miss her and also my dad comited suicide when he was 38 because he was depressed my sister died of severe anaemia i miss them both loads i wish they were here and i wish i could swap places with them and also i wish i could of said goodbye to them both and got to hold my sister but she collapsed in my mums arms then they resusitated her but then we had to turn the machines off love you loads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

sian 04.06
2 years ago my dad died i still think about
him. i feel like a peace of my life is missing but it gets easier saying that he is still hear

Han 03.06
I lost my brother 2 years and 3 months ago and this morning just after 3am i lost my beautiful mum to cancer. I know everyone talks about cancer but until you see it destroy a bubbly happy person you dont no. I am mad at her doctors because they said their was nothing wrong with her and their was her doctor gave up on here the moment she met her and me and my dad and family were not offered any support at all the hospital and docotr know who they are but they have broke up a friendship and marriage and made us lose a mum and nana and my mum will never see her unborn grandchildren.

Han 03.06
I lost my brother Mark on the tenth of november 2003 and we had just started to get over it as it was very painfull! Now my mum has been diagnosed with cancer and i feel like im living a nightmere and my dad is so depressed to because they have been married for 35 years + and he feels depressed all the time and so do i she lookss ill and i just dont no what to do and she has the coldest hearted doctor you could ever find i feel so numb!

Sarah 02.06
my cousin died nearly two years ago and still to this day it feels like it happened just yesterday. I can remember ever little detail about the night he died and when i last saw him. Now that he is gone i realise there was so much i wanted to say to him that i never, and i regret that. At the time it was too hard to say goodbye, and i thought in time it would become easier. But i am still unsure of how i feel. Its hard to accept the fact that i can't change what happened, because i would of done anything to provent it.Now i hate having arguments with people because i get scared that i might say something i don't mean, and something might happen to them and i might regret it. But i know that he will always remain in my thoughts and forever in my heart.

HEATHER 02.06
MY BROTHER DIED ALMOST 2 YEARS AGO ON JULY 28 2004...HE WAS 18. WE FOUND HIM HANGING IN A TREE..I CANT BELIEVE THAT FOR THAT LONG IV THOUGHT ABOUT HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY AND IT HURTS SO BAD.I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE DIED.IM STILL IN SHOCK.I STILL CRY ALOT OVER HIM.I WAS 15 WHEN HE DIED, IM 17 NOW.WHEN HE DIED I WAS 7 1/2 MONTHS PREGNANT.MY SON WAS BORN 4 WEEKS AND 1 DAY AFTR HE DIED.HE NEVER GOT TO SEE HIS NEPHEW AND I WISH THAT HE COULD'V.....3 WEEKS BEFORE HE DIED I COULDNT FIGURE OUT WHAT I WAS GOING TO NAME HIM AND HE CAME UP WITH THE NAME TROY SO THATS MY SONS NAME AND HIS MIDDLE NAME IS ANTHONY AFTER MY BROTHRS

frankie 02.06
my dad died 2 years ago in june he was the best bloke in the world never done anything wrong to deserve death every were he went or meet loved im and he loved them. i fink i have coped very well with my dads death because i was so close to him we done everything even thou he was my dad he was my best m8 and i couldnt get better but lately i have been exsperiencing somthing very strange night mears about how e died. i keep get falsh back but last nyts dream was very werd he gave me a letter to give to my mum and told me i could read it wen i was old enouff and when the time was rite. All i want to know is what that letter said because he told me everything be4 this even stuff u shouldnt tell a kid rely but he did because he trusted me like i did him.love u soooooooooooooooooooo much dad 4eva ur never going to be 4got ill look after jamie-lee and grantie 4 u and they send there love like i do and will 4eva love frankie p.s (number 1)(tinks)(dobby)

Danni 02.06
its roughly 2 years ago now, during june through to august of 04. in the june my nan died i was really close to her and i never had the courage to visit her in hospital or say goodbye properly. in august it was inevitable that my step mum was going to die. she had sufferd from cancer for more than 3 years previously, she was like my best friend. i missd my nans burrial because i was with my step mum, i felt so guilty. even though it was 2 years ago the pain doesn't go away. i think about them everyday. at the moment im suffering from depression and i feel i can't cope. but i know they will help me. love u forever and always xXx

(anon) 01.06
My friend was sleeping over my house that night and we was running upstairs and i fell on my hand my mum took me to the hospital and they told me i had broken my hand. Later on that night my mum got a phone call in the morning my friend went home early and my auntie came down to our house. My mum sat me and my younger sister down she was crying my auntie told us that our dad had died i just burst into tears i was 11 at that time and am 13 now and have still not got over the death of my dad.

Lucy 12.05
My nan died nearly two years ago now. We were really close as she looked after me while my mum and dad were at work. i loved my nan so much it was different to the way i love my parents. My nan died suddenly she was meant to be coming out of hospitial on friday the 23 of jan but she never did she died on the 26th. I never really thought that people would notice how much the death of my nan had affected me untill a teacher at school mentioned it. I was out of control and did nohing any one asked! Now thanks to that one teacher and his support I am starting to get back on with my life. I am stilll at school doing A levels after good GCSE passes. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE BUT IT WON'T BE EASY.

Andrew 12.05
On the 13th of june 2003 i knew my life would never be the same that day god took some one i loved so much that was my mum and i never forgive god for that i stall miss my mum so much and i cry alot more now then i did in the past i want my mum back but i know that canot happend so i will have live with it but i dont kmow how. well thats my story

Natasha 12.05
When i was 6 i lost my aunt to a rare disease. I didn't understand why she had died but it hit me hard. Two years ago her son (who was disabled all his life due to a rare muscle disease) also died, he had lived longer than expected. I had watched him cry because he was in pain. in a way i was happy for him that he died, he suffered so much but had a personality beyond others.
On the night of his death my mam had went to the hospital, in a way i new he was going to die that night. I remember having laughs with him, comforting him, and helping him. It was hard for me but i learnt through the eyes of a disabled one. I felt only what he would have wanted, for me to be happy.
All i can remember of my aunt was a little red box she had given me and the blanket i had gave to my mother, to wrap around her feet, to keep her warm when she went to heaven.
Things changed since they died. My nana finds it hard to think about her daughter and grandson who died in such painful ways. But im happy that they are together its best for them both.
After my aunt had died i felt her prescence in my bedroom. I thought she sat at the end of my bed watching me. After my cousin died i thought i saw him in the streets in his wheelchair, i did see him because he is only gone in the body not soul.
He can walk in heaven, thats all i thought.
God bless thee for they are not gone from this world and never from our hearts

anna 11.05
it is coming up to 1 and half yrs and this will be the second christmas without my mum. she died aged 49 of natural causes and we don't really know what killed her, she just died. i bottle everything up generally and as christmas nears i have a complete sense of being lost and alone. i am at uni so live away from my family and my friends don't really understand and because i try and be happy as much as i can around them they leave me to it when i'm a bit unhappy, more concerned with their own lives. it is hard and i wish i could just sit with my mum for an hour so she could reassure

anon 11.05
Both my grandads died within 1 year and 1 week. it was 2 years ago that 1 of my grandads dies i was feeling so ill i couldnt go to school for ages i couldnt even talk to annyone which was really bad. he died in a major operation aged 74. i love you so much forever and will never forget you xxx. My other grandad had cancer and when i found out that i felt sick seriously ill. and a month later he died.He was only 65 i cried myself to sleep most nights i still do now. i just miss them so much. i loved them to bits and i cant stop thinking about the last word my grandad ever said to mei miss them so much. i feel pathetic but i feel if i dont think about them ill forget which im sure i never will!!!! i love you so much xxxxx.

laura 10.05
my nan died nearly two year ago now, and it still hurts sooooo bad i think about her every day, and she died on christmas eve which hurts even more none of our family can have a happy christmas every again beacuse the pain is to much my nan was only 60 her life taken by a horrible desise, love you for ever and ever nan, your with god now and your one of his angles looking over every one and your family, love you, god bless your grand daughter laura xxxxxxxxxx

Ashley 10.05
Oh my, I have had my fair share of deaths mostly in the family and there has been at least one death in my family every year since I was 9/10. I am not 17. You'd think I'd get used to it, but no. I love my best friend, my soul-mate, and my other half exactly on the date where it would have been that no one I had loved died. Ironic huh? He died in a snowmobile accident and I can not help but feel to blame partly because he only went out riding because he was waiting on me to come up to the house. If only I had been there early I would have my best friend in the entire world back. I miss him so ungodly much it hurts; it hurts sooo bad. It's been over a year and half now and it still hurts because I want to talk to him. Sometimes, I just don't think it will ever get better :'( i miss my Joe:'(

kayleigh 09.05
my little sister did two year's a go she was born with a hole in the heart my family knew this would happen because we where parpered for when the time comes my mum was really upset when she finally sut her eyes for the last time and i feel
that when some that closeto you dies u have to be strong for them around u and i know it can be hard and but you slowly get there in the end
at her funarel we let three white doves go and that made it more speacial it our way of remembering her

Lisa 09.05
I lost my brother two and a half years ago and it just seems like yesterday. I miss him loads, even though we didn't always see eye to eye there was a deep bond between us. I never got to say goobye as it was very sudden,which is one of the hardest things to deal with. I keep asking the question 'why Lee?' he was only 27 and had a 6year old daughter. I find it very difficult to talk to my partner as he has never lost anyone close to him. I talk to my mum about Lee all the time, it helps her to talk about him. I think we both feel that as long as we keep talking about him we will keep his memory alive and it somehow fools you in to thinking he is still around. I look up to the sky some nights and imagine he is the brightest star looking down on me. I just wish I could have told him I loved him and had the chance to say goodbye.

Sophie 08.05
My dad has been dead now nearly two years and it has been a really hard two years. I ve only just come to terms with the loss of him and gettin use to the fact that he isn't around us only longer. It has become more bearable asthe time has passed but i still hurt so much when i think about him.

vicky 08.05
its me grandad birthday tomarrow an its like the second one with out him being here i miss him loads i cry every day
if you are reading this or listening in on my thoughts i just wanna say that i miss you so much my life is not compleate with out you love you forever till we meet again now its time to lay your head and rest my darling miss you loads vicky x x x x

anon 08.05
My Nan died just over two years ago. We were very close. She wanted me to go out with her on the night that she died, and she didn't want to go alone, but I was really selfish and wouldn't go. I never saw her again. I went with my mum to the hospital, and she wanted me to go and see Nan with her, but I let her down and wouldn't go. I can still see every detail of what happened from the moment she left the house. I feel so guilty, and I would give anything to see her one last time and say sorry. I know she would be really disappointed with me if she could see me now, and it tears me apart. She was like a second mum to me and I miss her so much. I feel so sad all the time and feel so stupid because I should have got over it by now.

jean 07.05
my mam died a year and a bit agao, when my mam first got diagnosed with cancer we all thought that she would get better after she had her chemo. how wrong were we?
my mam was told she had 6months left to live on 20th feb 2004 as she had cancer of the stomach. within five weeks the cancer had spread to all of her vital organs such as her spine, ovaries, kidneys, lungs etc,
on the 9th april she went into the hospital in sunderland as she couldnt stop bein sick it was horible to see her like that, within the week she was in the hos we never once seen a nurse or a doctor around her all we seen was the cleaners and the people that gives the patients the tablets.
my mam died on the 16th april 2004 (the day she was meant to start chemo) with no-one around her except me nana she was even left on the ward for 4hours after she died with just the curtain around her.
i felt guilty after she died as i told her that i hated her 6weeks before she died as we had an argument i just wish that i had enough time to tell her that i loved her before she died but i didnt, also the day before she died she asked me to go into the hospital to see her on the thursday night i said no so i never really got time to say bye to her.
i really miss my mam still and theres not one day i wish she never got t cancer as she has left a 6yr old boy.
My brother dont remember me mam as he was to young n he still thinks that our mam is going to come through the door.

jemma B 06.05
I lost my dad about a year and a half ago. He was almost 41 and it was very unexpected. My cousin and his wife turned up at three in the morning and I woke up. I put on some clothes as quik as I could and went into the dinning room.I saw my mum on a chair crying and before she could explain I had guessed just by looking into her eyes. I could'nt believe it. It wasn't possible. He went to a boat show for the company and never came back. It was the worst day of my life. For about a year I lost most of my memory of what happened before that day. It has almost all come back but the first thing i rememberd was those dreams that I had a few weeks earlier: i was waking up and I felt that my dad had died. I was always crying in the middle of the night. The night before yesterday, the day that my little sister came back from a school trip, I had a nightmare about her. She was also going to die. I was terrified that it would happen like those other nightmares about Dad. I'm constently scared that something is going to happen. I always thaught that hese things happened to other people, not to my Dad! It's a terribly selfish thing to say but before that I was a kid and now I have been forced to grow up and face reality. I'm only 15! My Dad was only 40! Life isn't fair. It never will be and we have to accept it even if most of the time it seems inpossible. We all have to be brave! Love u Daddy! Your bigkid. XXXXXXXXX

Andrea 06.05
Although my boyfriend and I were only together a little over a year, it was the most Complete year of my life. I always looked at him as if he were above words, some sort of angel. Hours before his accident I hugged him and told him that I loved him so much and nothing mattered as long as I had a piece of him. It is amazing to be left with that kind of closure. I was able to say everything I could. 10 days after the funeral I found out the night he died I became pregnant. Amazing, my son looks just like him. Almost two years has passed and I'm still grieving. But I will be strong and positive for my son.

Vicky 06.05
My Grandma and Grandad died within 2 years of each other

Brittany 06.05
my boyfriend of 2 years died on April 17th, 2005 of unknown causes...still to be determined....i dont know how i am supposed to go on anymore...he was my life and i miss him sooooo much...i just wanna give him a big hug and a kiss but i cant...theres soo much i wanna tell him but i cant...i dont know wut to do anymore...i feel like i hold all my emotion inside so my family thinks im alright doing better....but
inside im dying....it hurts soo bad

nicky 06.05
a boyfreind that i liked for 2 years dyed of cancer.