personal

1 year

crystal, 28 August 2008
A little over a year ago I lost my boyfriend of two years in a car accident. He was everything to me and it has been difficult moving on. We had plans to move in together after I graduated from college and to start a life together and it was hard to imagine getting out of bed in the morning without him. I felt like the sunshine had gone out of my life.

But to everyone who is dealing with a new loss, I can honestly say that it gets a easier to handle. He is still in my thoughts every day and there are times when I feel completely comsumed with sadness but it does not occur as often anymore.

My best advice is to take some time to yourself and completely immerse yourself in feeling sad for a little while. watch sad movies, involve yourself in things that you loved doing together. Don't put it on the back burner to deal with when you feel less afraid of the reality of losing your boyfriend because it will cripple you emotionally. I spent a month surrounded by loved ones and friends not working, not doing much of anything, and it made an enormous difference in how I felt about it. I soon got restless with sitting around the house thinking of everything that was gone and wanted to take the first steps towards the rest of my life.

Beth, 20 August 2008
I lost my loving Nanna a year ago, of natural causes, on 7th August 2007. Obviously, I was so heartbroken and I feel that I haven't said my proper goodbye yet, even though I went to her funeral and visit her grave often to plant flowers. I loved her so much and I wish I could see her again and hear her lovely laugh. Everyone thinks that I am okay now but really, I am not. I am still hurt deep down inside and I always think about her everyday. I even think how she was before she died and what she was thinking. Her death has made me think about my aunty a lot, my Nanna's daughter. My aunty died at the age of 12 in 1970 and I keep wondering what it would have been like if she didn't die and what she would be like as a person. I just can't stop being mentally sad and I wish I could see my Nanna and tell her that I love her so much and she meant the world to me. Nanna's girl always xox

No Name, 12 August 2008
My lovely cheeky always laughing mother died 1 year ago tomorrow 13th August 08. God how empty I feel!! I became her carer, sister, mother nurse but I was never her daughter as she had altzimers!! I wish she knew me at the end. She was in hospital with cdiff for 10 days then could not handle it anymore . she was a lovely happy person who kept telling me that she was never ill but did not know she was in a care home. I miss her so much Love you mum x

Elizabeth, July 2008
I have lost my nana it has been a year for here and i miss her so much, well she had been in and out of hostpittal and the last time she came out they said that she would be okay but a few months after that she was in bed for 6 weeks and then the time came for her to go and my mam found her she was laid right next to her and i came in the bedroom and i saw here and thats when all my hole worl came crashing done on me and i just cant stop think of what happened that night and it keeps going ovr and over in my mind, but i have loaads of Pics of her to think of her but when thimes get to hard i cry it all out of me and i think of her an i want to be with her all the time R.I.P NANA missing you all the time and loads to always in my heart and mind and you will stay there for ever xoxoxoxoxoxo

JORDAN OV WIDDY, 17 July 2008
hi,
My dad was diognosed with terminal cancer two days after my baby niece was born.
He was only given 4weeks to live. He was a great dad, my best m8. I went to work with him, we went to car racing events and i used to help him on his ice cream van!
He died wen i went away wif the cadets He passed away on 2nd June 07.
I still feel guilty now even though it has been 1yr.
14 days after this my uncle Andy died of cancer also. This was my mams brother. Although me mam and dad split up my mam still love him as a brother.( my mam's mam died of cancer to in 1999)
My uncle peter has just been given 6wks to live too wif cancer. (Asif fings cudn't get worse)! I LOVED MY DAD SO MUCH AND NOW HE IS GONE X X X X X X R.I.P HE WAS ME BEST FRIEND

kayz, 3 July 2008
i was 13 nearly 14 when my sister got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the consaltant could not belive it and said it was soo rare and being so young at the the age of 22. they gave her an operation and it went wrong and nearly killed her my mum would take her to every opiontment and be with her all the time. then she went on to cemo and when she got really bad in june 2007 and so i took care of her in the hospice and stayed there and bathed her , helped her drink water and take her out for cigerettes in her wheelchair this went on for a weeks in july 2 days before my birthaday she past away infront of me when my famiy was geting coffee. once she had gone i washed her and dressed her with the nurses. i felt angry and upset and still do now. However now i am training to become a nurse to help people like my sister. im 18 this year do want to celbrate with out her. rest in piece michelle x

Charles, 17 May 2008
I lost a very close friend , to a drug overdose. The date was June 04 2007 .Its been
very diffuclt dealing with the pain .
My friend had a mentall illness .

Tom, 16 April 2008
My brother died about a year ago of a brain tumour but I too am struggling to remember certain memories as I was away at uni for alot of his final days. I would really like to strike up correspondance with anyone who can understand what i am going through.

No name, March 2008
My boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident 12/2007. I was away at school and we hadn't seen each other for 4 months. It happened one week before I was supposed to come back. I was so hurt and angry especially since we didn't see each other in so long. It's been a little over a year now and I still think of him everyday. I've recently tried to start dating again... but I don't think
I'm truly ready yet. No one can meet my standards anymore.

Ruthy, March 2008
My Dad died last year sunday 11th march of a heart attack. Next tues is the 1st anniversary. I miss sooooo much. It still hurts greatly. I feel torn apart. I don't know what to do with myself. I long for him soooooo much. I cry.
Dad I love you and wish you were here. Just you wait till I see you!!!
xxxxxxxxxxx

Aaron, February 2008
My nan died 26th february 2007 and it was so upsetting. It was monday and i was getting ready for school when we got a phonecall saying that we needed to get to the hospital. She died that day at 11:45. I miss her so much.

Its her deathday on tuesday this year. I still dont know how to cope with it. I will always love her.

Anna, February 2008
My Mum Died Last Year
I am 13 now but when my mum died i was only 12. When me and my sister were youger My Dad and Mum had split up becuse my mum had a Drink problem. So my Dad couldt deal with it because he had to work and look after us when we were little. But we went to vist Mum at weekends and we had loads of laffs and a few upsets but we all got threw it. When we had gone away for a few days dad was told some news that My Mum had died. When we got home he told us too . He just burst out crying because we didnt no what to do and My Sister was really close to my mum and we were very upset to know that My Mum has died and that me and my sister were never going to see her again. But all i can look back at is that we had some good times together , we shall never forget them. I still find it hard and miss mum.When i have probs i want to talk to my mum but know i can't.Will it get better ???

From: Shannon (age 12), February 2008
My dad died of lung cancer last year. i really miss him and i still cant believe it. i just feel like he'll walk in the door at any time. it always makes me feel better when i look at the candle he made with me (i have this candle making kit) and also at my piano, which was the last thing he got me, when i passed my grade 3 violin exam. he loved me playing the violin for him when he was ill so i tried to. But i always think of my gran and grandad who's daughter,(my auntie) died of cancer as well. Her daughter is my best friend ever and we cant say anything without laughing. she posted a note through my door when it happened. And to everyone who is in the same position, the note said just keep smiling. and i'll tell you what, it worked!

From: Girl
It will be one year since my world fell apart all too soon. It feels like the anesthetic is just wearing off. The first year its shocking. Next year he will Just be gone. Oh my darling, darling Curly. I miss you so much it still hurts me. You were all of me xxx

From: paige
my mum died 1 year ago on halleween i was round next door going to a halleween party but i didnt find out till the morning when my dad started ringing all the friend up so i had to find out my self. My mum died of cancer and she had it for 2 years without the doctors knowing and i was so mad. Everyday im looking at her in my mind because we ere never close but when she went i felt like i could speak o my dad about girly things but the only peson who i could talk to is my auntie but she lives 3 hours away from me.

From: catherine, 25 November 2007
i lost my grandma last year 2006, and there isnt a day that has gone by that i dont think about her she was so speacial to me.i always thought my gran would live forever. ive recently found something that helps some of my emotions not all of them but every little helps.its a website called GONE TOO SOON and you dedicate a webpage for your loved one where you can write messages and light candles whenever you feel you want to talk to them or send them a message.you can also personalise your page with photos of them and music.i hope this helps somebody because it has helped me i feel im sending my message to my grandma and i know shes listening.x

From: Lucy, 25 November 2007
My best friend Hannah died. I miss her SO much. I never told her how much she ment to me. I just want to see her once more so i can tell her just how much i love her and miss her. :( I'll never forget you Hannah.
I LOVE AND MISS YOU XXX 18.4.93 - 13.12.06

From: nik, November 2007
my daddy died when he was going to see a freind in england and when were at home were we live he died a year ago and he was the best i can get over it i was comin 12 when he died and last week he was not ther to celebrat my 13th brithday i cry for him i dont know wat way to take his death

From: Kayleigh, November 2007
It's been a year seecn ive lost my uncal and when i found out, that my unaile was dead,it was a friday.When i woke up on the morning i woke up and saw my mum, on the ege of my bed i wouned why she hadnt woke me up at my aoshal time.When she tolled me i cryed my eyes out i new that i was,and if i was sad then i wouned how much sader Savanah and Shantelle wouled be.Then they came in there the door.I ask Shantelle how it happened ofesly there mum had tolled them them the story shantelle and savanah thout it was Shans thout and didnt whant to now him any more.My dad siad that shan tied to save my unciles life by pulling the brack but wasent sicksesfull and he beaned my Unceils door. he ran to call an ambells but my uncaile dead bother they got to him.

From: nat
I was really close to my mum but last year she became ill with cancer and she was really sick then she got pnumonia and got really weak and i was really scared as i was there when my mum died i feel really lost without her.

From: aimee
my grandad died just over a year ago in front of me, i was a right state blaming myself even when every one told me it wasnt my fault. it is hard to get over something like that but you learn to cope. talking to my mum and my nan and my boyfriend helped me the most.

From: his princess, 25 Oct 2007
my granddad died just over a year ago. it had just past our birthdays mine the 16th and his the 11th we were close in that way and i knew something was wrong when he didnt come on my birthday or phone but he sent me something. i didnt even get chance to say thankyou as the day i was going 2 ring him my mum got the call and my whole world crumbled around me as everything was just perfect hes taken away from me.
i felt angry with myself and angry with the world i just wanted to die but my friend head been through the same and we had sleepovers and sobbed and helped eachother otherwise i dont know were id be today.
R.I.P grandad

From: jemimah, 23 Oct 2007
a year ago a really good friend of mine died due to cancer she was like a mammy to me and i miss her so much things seem to be geting harder than easier. i wish she was here now

From: Pandora, 10 Oct 2007
My best friend killed himself. Now it's coming closer to a year since he's been gone, I've started drinking again and getting really down. I was already depressed before he died which makes me blame myself for not being there for him...I self harm and have tried to kill myself so I could be back with him. He was the only person I had and now he's gone. I think I need some specialist bereavement counselling but I'm scared to tell my parents because they just don't understand. I've stopped going to school and getting out of bed because I just can't stop thinking about him, imagining images and wanting to sleep the days away. I wouldn't mind dying, but I don't want to kill myself.

From: No name, 4 Oct 2007
my mum had cancer, 2 types ovarian and brest
she fought it for a year
a year of pain and misery
for what ?? she died in the end
there were so many things i should have said
people say its not big deal why are yooh upset but all i can see is her, the day she died, when i saw her suffocate

From: Laura
My Dads anniversary is coming up and i am going to do something special im going to celebrate his life. My boyfriend has helped me loads through the last year. He has taught me that i have to move on i cant stay and live in the past for the rest of my life. Books by Jacky Newcombe have helped me realise that there is life after death and my Dad is still very much with me. I now feel that my Dad is closer to me now than what ever he was before. At the end of the day i still miss him loads but i know that if he had lived he would be unhappy with the way he wouldv'e had to live his life, he is in a better place now. I can still talk to my Dad and i know he is listening. Things still get hard sometimes i still think why him but then i kick myself after because i feel selfish. Grief will always stay with you but you will find that in time it will begin to get easier definetly. Just remember love life live life.Its too short. xxxxxxx

From: chazalina, 20/09/07
1 year after loosing my step-grandad tragically to cancer i havnt come to terms with it its hard to live without him. step-grandad just to let you know that i love you so much even though your gone.cant wait to see you again in heaven. love you love.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
p.s. you will never be gone from my heart and memory xxxxxxxxxxxxx

No name, 08/07
my dad died just over a year ago. he was absolutely fine until he suddenly had a heart attack, and died moments later. the pain i'm now having to deal with is rediculous, i'm 18 years old and feel like i need my dad in my life but knowing that i'll never hear his voice again makes me so sad. at first i coped really well, i remained strong and tried hard to be happy. but now, it seems my lack of grieving has caught up with me ... and i'm struggling to cope with everyday tasks, constantly reminiscing about times with my dad and missing everything i dont have anymore.

Rachael, 08/07
MY COUSIN DIED A WEEK BEFORE XMAS 2006.
I MISS HIM SO MUCH AS HE WAS TAKEN VERY QUICK BY STOMACH CANCER AT THE AGE OF 42.

(anon) 07.07
I lost my boyfriend a year ago in a motorcycle accident. Every day I wake up and he is on my mind, I go to bed and he is on my mind. I think about him 24/7. I love him even more now. I will never love someone the way I loved him.

natalie 07.07
my boyfriend hung himself, we have 2 children together 4 and 2 wa were together 4 years. last may 30th i came home with kids and found him hanging from the loft, i had to cut him down. the worse thing is that we were arguing all that day saying loads of horrible stuff to each other. his 1st anniversarys coming up and i just dont what to do with myself, even tho i gota stay strong for the kids, sometimes i dont want to, i just want to break down.

chazalina 07.07
its nearly a year since i lost my step-grandad to cancer. its really hard to live knowing that they are never coming back. i think about him everyday thinking about the good times we had. grief is hard and i havnt come to terms with his death yet.sometimes i just cry all the time. he may have left life but he hasnt left my heart i will always love him forever.

SHARRON 07.07
IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE MY BEST FRIEND CHRIS PASSED AWAY. I MISS HIM SO MUCH. IT TOOK A YEAR FOR ME TO GO BACK INTO THE PLACE WERE WE WORKED. IT WAS HARD AT FIRST BUT IT'S BETTER NOW. I DREAM ABOUT HIM ALOT. I DREAM ABOUT ALL THE FUN THINGS WE USED TO DO. THE PLACES WE WENT. I MISS HIS SMILE THE MOST. HIS SMILE WAS LIKE SUNSHINE. IT COULD ALWAYS MAKE ME HAPPY. I LOVE YOU CHRIS WITH ALL MY HEART. I KNOW YOU ARE HAVING A GREAT TIME IN HEAVEN.

(anon) 07.07
tomorrow will be one year since my father died. it feels like just yesterday my family was sitting down at dinner. after he helped clean up and then went off to work at our new house. that is where he died. and today thats where we live and i feel him everyday. even though it has been a year, i still feel like he is going to come home from work. nothing is the same without him. i can't talk about it with friends or anything. i am dreading tomorrow. i dont know what i am going to do.

Ella 07.07
My bother died when Iwas 10 years old. I am now 11 and I still can't get over him.

Olivia 07.07
My dad died a year ago but I still can't help it.It doesn't help when you hear you Mum start to cry.My mum want's to move but I keep refusing to go because there memories of my dad here.If your wondering how my dad died i'll tell you.It all staeted on July 12th on a Wednesday morning at three o'clock .my dad was at his mum's house with his friened's and he's friend shoot him to deaf I did not know until a month later.My friend say I don't act sad but really I feel it.Some of my Freinds don't belive that my dad has died.I tryed to make a box a few things my dad liked but it doesn't work.I write letters to him that helps but make's me cry love you daddy.

Bethanie 07.07
My sister passed away last year aged 21 months, I loved her so much, she was a little star, always laughing and smiling, she cruelly was taken away from me in a horrible freak accident. I think about her all the time and miss her incredibly, I know as long as i live my sister will be in my heart always, she was in my life for a while, but she left memories to last forever.

samantha 07.07
my dad died then a year later my grandad died.

Tarnya 07.07
its now been 16 mths since ny lovely boyfriend died in hospital, im not over him by a long shot but feel that life should not be put on hold and that life goes on...his family have recently turned against me bcoz i have a new male FRIEND.They have smashed up this mans car. attacked me and said that i shouldnt and cant have a man in my life as its too soon. i think they are out of order and need to get a life them selves and leave me to get on with mine...its up to me who i have in my house and whom i choose as a friend...!

freya 05.07
it will be a year next month that my mum died age 56 of lung cancer. she died a week before my 17th birthday. i miss her everyday although the pain weakens. it is hard to forget how weak she became after only 6 months of being diagnosed, if only i could forget these memories and only remember the best. there are so many things i want to tell her and show her. just to hug her. i tell her i love her everyday and i do.

Heather 05.07
My best friend died last year. She had been sick for a week but no one thought it was anything very serious. She went into Hospital on a friday morning and died thta night. Her brother called me the next day to tel me. My whole family were on holiday at the time so I was completely alone. i was her only real friend which makes it harder because I feel I have no one to talk to about it.

(anon) 05.07
MY big cousin died on the 28th of october 2005 she was climbing on a fence beside a main road in balliston she slipped and a bus ran right over her. I cant describe the feelings inside because i bottle things up and dont ever talk about her and when someone does i always change the subject i come here for comfort most days i cant concontrate proparly because of it

(anon) 05.07
My Grandma died over a year now. Im still not over her death. I cry all the time. We were very very close. I love her so much. Im upset because her and my Gdad never told me how sick she was. She lived far away from me and I missed seeing her in her last days. She never met my son. She would have loved my son so much. I wanted to take him up to see her but she said 'next year'. She knew she was so sick and didnt want me to see her the way she was. My son looks so much like my father and his brother,my Grandma would have loved to see his cheeky grin. I dont know when Ill stop crying about her. I do get tired of grieving for her. I just miss her so much. I just feel so upset because I know if she told me how sick she was I would have gotten used to her getting ill and I would have made sure she met my beautiful little boy.
I want to go and visit my Gdad but he has kept her room the same even her makeup is still on her dresser. I dont think I can handle seeing my Gdad and seeing her room like that. Oh it hurts how much I miss her!

rebecca 05.07
we all got in a car me katie calume n matty i was the only one who lived they died y did i live i loved matty i was going to marry him we were 12 in that car we were stubid if only they could make a time machine i stayed in my room 4 weeks saying y the is this me ??? i loved all them so much y could god be this curel he mad a big misstake i am now 13 n still upset all i got was a broken arm spilt head broken legs x2 n a big dark hoel in my heart xoxox rest in pace bzz matty calum katie lve yous!!!xoxoxoxoxo

(anon) 05.07
It's been nearly a year now since you went away and I miss you as much now as I did then. We never expected you to go. My heart and soul broke when I heard the news. You are utterly irreplaceable, and indescribeable missed. The first few days without you were the hardest, I felt so numb and couldn't eat. I've moved on a bit now and can think of you and smile but want nothing more than to bring you back. I'm sorry if you tried to tell me something was wrong, I love you. I'll never forget you. I don't believe in God but I hope you're with me, and help me fill the hole you have left. Sweet dreams my lovely boy. "The original naughty boy" and always the best. I love you xxxxxxxx

Tarnya 04.07
its been 15 mths since my lovely boyfriend died now...feel guilty for havnt thought of him lately...Today im having a bad day, cant get him off my mind, feel sad, gutted, lonely and tired...love and miss you deeply GAZ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(anon) 04.07
My brother died last year. He was a few years older than me. He died from a heart attack but I have been convinced it was my fault that he died as we had a huge argument that morning. It's been really hard coping with his death cos we were so close and also I have been feeling very guilty. But I know he's always watching out for me!

emma 04.07
1 yr and 4 months on d 27th my mom died of alchol!!! i am finding it soo hard and i just want too give everything up and not have everything at all because that way i will not hurt anything of anyone which i am afraid of doing. i miss her soo much and theer are soo many things i want to do to say i love her one last time. my sister has found it quite easy but i was always my moms little girl. i can still remember the last 3 days word for word!!! and it just keeps getting hader i got told it would get easier but for me no !!! but i love my mom and now its time for me too let her go but i dont no how!!! love you forever and always mommy xxxxx

Sarah 04.07
I lost my partner Daryl december 05 (at the age of 23)...and it still feels raw. It was so sudden and unexpected that I still cant quite believe it. Only the other day we finally entered the home we shared. It was so difficult...However, with the love and support from friends you can start to see that you can continue to live...at first that didnt seem ever possible. Please be strong if you are going through the same pain...keep going!!x

Amy 04.07
I am 17, and my grandad died a year ago on wednesday of secondary liver cancer. I keep going over this time last year in my head; seeing him for the last time at home and eventually seeing him the day before he died at the Hospice. I never, ever want to see someone suffer the way he did because the way he looked will stay with me for the rest of my life. He was a shy but loving man and there wasn't a more horrible way he could have been taken from us in my opinion. I still think about him every day- but I don't speak about it very often. Its too hard and I don't think most people would understand anyway.
Amy xxx

Carla (age 14) 03.07
over a year ago my auntie died, and im stil sad.
I dont understand why i get upset so easily as I seem a bit stupid as I can't get over it.
She had cancer for 8 years and I saw her get weaker and weaker, it was really horrible to see.
I no now shes out of pain but i miss her and i don't know what to do as I don't want to talk to someone.
Times suppose to make it better but I haven't really changed.
We were so close Ive stoped eatin b4 and Ive taken a few overdoses.
Luv u ldz RIP xxx

Lauren 03.07
My friend died in 2005 and he was really close and like my brother i miss him so much and i wish i could see him again.

Georgina 02.07
My Dad died 18 months ago and I still cry most days. I don't think I'll ever get over losing him, he was my hero, and one of the loveliest people. I'm frightened that I will forget him so pin pictures up eveywhere so that I can speak to him! Life seems so much more scary without him, I really can't believe he's gone forever. My Dad's wife has all his stuff and I don't have a good relationship with her. I wish I had something of his so that I could progress through my grief.

Alex 02.07
My Mum died on 30th January 2006 after nearly 11 years of Cancer. I really miss her and can't stop thinking about her. I try to block it out of my mind, but everything reminds me of her. I was 12 when she died, but i never really got chance to say goodbye properly. We just got a phone call to say that she may not be alive when we get there (we lived 50mins from the hospice).

deb 02.07
My mum, Dorothy, died on JUne 17th 2005. 2 days before my birthday. I think she chose to die then so that I could have a 'happy' birthday. I am so sad. I miss her all the time. I thik of the things I could have done to prevent her death... but she was the one who knew about death- as a nurse. I'm writing this and I don't quite know why. She loved me every day of my life...I was so lucky to have her, I so love you, my mother... everything you said I would know and think about now you are not here...its all true. You are with me all the time..and although I'm sad I am see and smell you everywhere. You will always be my most beautiful mother...
I so love you.

Jessica 02.07
My Mum died a year ago in the summer. I still have moments where i really miss her and i always want her back. I feel like everyone is blaming me and its still hard to cope with it. I just hope everything will get easier as time goes on but right now things are getting worse. Love yoo mum wish yoo were heyre x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Tina 01.07
Twas a year to the day yesterday that my boyfriend died...what a weird feeling i had all day, i felt numb, thoughtless, feelingless but very emotional...rest in peace my Gaz. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tina 01.07
Today is the 20th of December 2006...next week on the 28.12.06 will be a year to the day that my lovely boyfriend died in intensive care. He suddenly become ill six weeks before he died of a an illness that im still not sure of, his familly havnt shown me his death certificate...we was told so many different things in the hospital, that we didnt know what to believe...i think it might well have been pancreatitus? Visiting him in hospital was the hardest thing ever, watching him go from good to bad to worse...so so hard...And then having to come to terms that ile never ever se him again...So heartwrenchin...im still not over him, DEATH is the worst thing ever to have to deal with...I LOVE YOU GAZ...ILE FOREVER REMEMBER YOU. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lleee 12.06
my grandad died a year ago. they say times a healer but i think it takes more time. It is especially worse at times like christmas. Christmas is coming uo and all i want to do is spend time with my grandad but i cant. on a starry night i look up to the sky and look 4 the brightest star. that it my grandad looking down on me xxxx

C. 12.06
My Grandma died on 13th Dec. 05 and I miss her every day! I was used to visit her almost every day, we had a cup of tea and chat about friends, family and life itself. Now I feel like a part of my own soul is missing. She died on stomach cancer and was 75 Years old. I was there the day she died at home and so was most of my family, my sister said everything she wanted to say to her, that we all love her so much and that we´ll miss her. I wish I would have said something, but I don´t had the courage that day. She was one of this persons who make this world a livable place! Rest in peace, I love You!

tarnya 12.06
on the 28th of december 2006 it will be 1 year to the day that my lovely boyfriend of 3 years died in hospital...this year has gone so quick but i still feel very cut up about it all...i just want you to know my GAZZY that i deeply miss you and loved you loads, you were one in a million...REST IN PEACE UNTILL WE MEET AGAIN...Twiddle n Blondie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tracey 12.06
My sister died on Boxing Day (2005) while driving with her husband and specail needs daughter for what was planned to be a Christmas holiday last year.
I'll never forget the moment that we got the phone call. I had only just spoken to her the night before. She was so excited to be going away for a couple of weeks. They left early to avoid traffic and ended up hitting black ice, which ended with her fatality.
The time has passed so quickly now and not a moment goes by that I don't think of her. She was 9 years older than me and when I think back I realize just how much she taught me over the years. I miss her more each day.
(Merry 1st Christmas in Heaven Heather. I'm going to celebrate the holidays just as you would want, but I want you to know that it will never be the same without you. I am just so glad that I got to tell you that I loved you on Christmas Day. Your sister, Tracey).

h 12.06
My grandad died a year ago. I loved him sooo much that i can never put it into words. Although the gap between me and my granadad is getting bigger as the days go on inever forget him. I am left to live and i feel the best thing I can do for my grandad is do him proud. I love u 4eva grandad, from you little girl xxxx

Gemma 11.06
I lost my Grandad when i was 11, last year. It happened really suddenly he went walking and he had a fall, at the time he was in Wales so he got taken to a welsh hospital. He was in hospital for months and he got better and then worse and it was up and down all the time. I felt so confused i didnt know what was going to happen to him, then one day at school i completely broke down in to tears i couldnt stop and then that night he died. I felt so alone i didnt know what to do with my self. Then this year when i was 12 in the six week holidays i lost my Grandpa to parkinsons, this was a different feeling. I missed him but not as much as i missed me Grandad. I wasn't as colse to my Grandpa and now i just feel guilt. I get sad becasue i wish i would have seen him more and told him i loved him. xx i miss you both so much xx xX loveyoo Xx

cherel 11.06
my experience are lostong amemer of the famliy is hard its sad no body nows what you are going though only one person close to you i some times have flash backs and it is hard to get it out of your head iwe have gone to the spot were they was at the time.

lauren 10.06
my dad deid on a motor bick accident i loved him so much now i no how it is not to have a dad i wish he was still hear my mum and i miss him so much.

Maeve 10.06
My dad died last year when i was 12! i remember it as clear as day! i was on my way to a final of a football match and the my mums cousins fone rung n my aunt was tlkin to my grandmother,we pulled over and she told my mum to get out. wen mum came bck to the car she was crying,she told me dad was ill,we drove the 1hr drive bck to the house, we got into the kitchen n my mum turned round to me and said that he wasnt ill but that he had died, i broke down into tears. I dnt cry so much at da wake,1st i wlndt go up n see him bt once they gt me in the room i wouldnt come down for hours on end,finally wen it came to the funeral it jus dnt feel like that was MY DAD hu we were buring! sometimes it still dsnt feel real! every now n den i will jus break down! i've broke down n skool a few times and im so embarrased. i will always miss him!

Lizzie 10.06
I lost my mother on 4 January 2005. Everyday I miss her, but I am her legacy. She is on every page of my imagination, and when I think of her, I smile. - I am proud to have been her daughter, and proud that she was my mother. I know there will be times when I shall want more than anything to hear her voice, or hold her hand, but in the 22 years I was allowed with her, she gave me all she could. She is my best friend, a gift, and I am very lucky.

xxcharlxx 10.06
My big brother and ross died on the 16/9/2005 and its got worse eva since!!! A YEAR HAS PASSED AND THE PAIN FOR ME SEEMS TO HAVE GOT ALOT WORSE!! BECK IN 2005 IT DIDNT SEEM REAL TO ME THAT 2X 18 YEAR LADS COULD DIE SO SUDDENLY NOW REALITY HAS KICKED IN AND YES LIFE IS HARSH ENOUGH TO LET THIS HAPPEN!!! I BELIEVE THERE IN A BETTER PLACE NOW AND I CAN LOOK UP TO THE SKY AND SEE THEM SHINING!! THATS WHAT MY BROTHER WAS, MY SHINING STAR AND HE WILL NEVER NOT BE THAT!!! I MISS THEM SO SO MUCH MORE NOW THAN EVER!!!!! ALL I WANT IS ONE LAST HUG OR KISS OR JUST TO EVE OF SAID A LAST GOOD BYE, I'LL NEVER GET TO DO THIS!! I CAN'T WAIT TILL WE ARE REUNITED, MISS YOU FORVER BIG BRO AND ROSS LOVE ALWAYS YOUR LIL SISTER CHARL XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(anon) 10.06
i hav lost ma step dad my cuzin and my grandand in less than a yr my step dad was the first person in ma family close to me that had eva died it has bin jst ova a yr i miss him so much and i feel guilty becos i dint feel lyk i did wiv ma grandad and cuzin hu r my real family i still find it hard now n cry all the tym bt sumtymes i feel lyk i jst feel sorry for ma self n then sumtymes i jst dnt no wot to fink ppl tell me i shud talk to sum 1 hu i trust bt i dnt feel lyk i trust no`1 i wud raver keep fings to my self then tell ppl even tho its hurtin me more inside i open up sumtymes to certain ppl bt i neva say wot i want to i hav tried councillin bt my heart wasnt really in it i onli went becos ma mam wanted me to i really dnt no wot do all i can say even tho its hard u shud always find sum1 u can confide in im still waitin for that sum1.

dave 10.06
My mum, Beryl was 64 when she died, it was on the 28th of April 2005. My last words were ‘I’ve got to go’. i cant believe she's gone, she died of breast cancer, i feel so alone without her. i've never spoken to anyone about it properly. i'm so confused about it all.

(anon) 10.06
on thursday my dad died a year ago it seems like everbody but me has moved on im thurteen in march and i miss my dad so much i just think he wouldnt want me to cry =[ its hard to think hes still there
love you dad and allways will
xxxxxxxxxx

(anon) 09.06
I first lost my gran who was a very brave lady she beleived in heaven and was ready for god. (I am so happy to beleive this to). Then two months later my friend died from an aneurism he was compaining of chest pains some months before hand. He was such an active character people would suggust he just slowed down. Then I had a really weird dream about me talking to my friend about my dad dying. (I was so scared because I knew it was going to happening, but I could not tell anyone) Four months later my dad also died from aneurism. Its nothing like i have ever felt before sick, angry, sometimes totally insane, often guilty. I worry so much about my mum as she is not in a good way. We never had a close family so there is not a lot of support. It would be nice too see my mum get stronger it has been a year now. I have up and down months I suppose, I try to be happy and get on with life, then I get confused has to why I am really doing the things I do.

Matt 09.06
My best friend of almost 20 years died on his motor bike, it feels like my hart has been taken from me I feel cheated or ripped off. I have lost all faith in everything cause my dog died less then 5 months after. This year has been the worst year of my life, I am so over it. There is one thing that I would never do and that is bring another life into this awful world of pain life can be summed up into one saying: LIFE SUX. This is the truth there is nothing more true then this.

nicola 08.06
my grandad and me were so close and he died :( and i was only 12 at the time :(

clare 08.06
My gran died a year ago. She had dementia and took a stroke. I loved her she was part of me.I took it really bad and i'm just beginning to move on.
Loved and miss u with all ma heart!
love u gran xxxxxx
god bless!

CARLY 08.06
ON JANUARY 10TH 2005 MY AUNTY DIED OF CANCER. THE WHOLE FAMILY KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO DIE BUT NO BODY KNEW WHAT IT WAS GOING TO FEEL LIKE. SHE WAS LIKE MY BEST FRIEND NOT MY AUNTY I COULD TELL HER ANYTHING THAT I CLD NOT TELL MY GUARDIAN AND SHE WLD GIVE M ADVICE AND HELP. SHE WAS LIKE MY GUARDIAN ANGLE AND IN A WAY STILL IS. I MISS HER LDS AND LDS AND I KNOW THAT KNOW MATTER WHAT I SAY OR DO NOTHING IS GOING TO BRING HER BACK. I LOVE HER TO BITS AND THERE IS NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DONT THINK ABOUT HER. SHE LEFT ME HER GOLD RING AND I WEAR IT ON MY HAND AND NEVER TAKE IT OFF NOT EVEN FOR WORK.SHE WAS ALOS MAD ON SHREK THE FILM AND SHE LEFT ME HER TALKING SHREK WHICH I HAVE ON MY WIDOW SILL WHERE I CAN SEE IT, I LOVE HER TO BITS AND I WILL NEVER FORGET HER.
REMEMBER EVERY ONE THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOST SOME ONE YOU LOVE AND THEY ARE NOT THERE EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE, DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE NOT THERE WITH YOU, BECAUSE THEY ARE THEY WILL ALWAYS BE IN YOUR HEART IN YPUR HEAD AND THEY WILL MOST LIKLY BE WATHCING OVER YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY MAKING SURE YOU ARE SAFE.
THANKS FOR LISTING TO ME PPL
ALL MY LOVE
CARLY XX

susie 08.06
my dad died in march 20th 2002 my best mate died age 15 in car acdient on the june 24th 2004 my gran died november 3rd 2005 my auntie nd er daughter died on the 24th december 2005 my cusin cara died 20th march 2004 my my gr8 uncel ricky died in 2002 cant remember wat month my brother taylor died 17th 0cotber 2004 my dog died on the 30th januray 2004 my uncel died in june 2005 my mate kayla died may 19th 2003 nd i'm 13 yrs old and gone through lots off deaths in my time plz lets not av anymore just now i cant live with out u all i wish u were back goodbye people missing u all as everyday goes by your all so lovely why do the good ones die so young my best mate was 15 my mate was 13 my cousin was 14 my bro was 14 dats too young but i'll see u again when my time comes R.I.P all.

kirsty 08.06
when we found out that my brother was disabled no one could talk. the doctors said that he will only live for one year but he lived untill he was nearly four. we got invloved with a hospice which used to take hime every four to five months for about a week the after care we had when he died was amazing if it wasn't for them i don't no if i would be able to cope with my emoitions.

kirsty 08.06
i lost mu brothe just over a year ago i never got to say goodbye i miss him so much we have kept his clothes i sleep wi hi pillow as well i don't think i will ever get other this.

(anon) 08.06
my nan died a year and 5 days ago i rember the day every day i have never gotton over it she was my best friend as well as my nan i feel lost without her.
i used to self harm before she died and she helped me to stop but when she died i started again as i blam myself for her death.

Our Gran 08.06
Nerly a year ago, this september...
CANCER CAME
SO DID 6 WEEKS
THEN U WENT
WE CRIED
WE STILL CRY
... I cry 4 u, nd thers no doubt if i cood take ur place in heaven, id die 4 u... i love u x x x

Vicky 07.06
my dad died in Jan 05, my grandads brother died in Oct 05, my nana died in Jan 06, my nanas cusion/mums godmother died in Apr 06, my grandads brother's wife died Jun 06(last week), but i am wondering who is going next as so many have died in the last two years and i am only 15 and got GCSE's and Revision to worry about.

(anon) 07.06
My mum died from cancer a year and a half ago when i was 18, 9 days before my 19th birthday. As much as i knew she had cancer i never thought ever she would die and i still can't really deal with the thought, its upsets me thats shes not here anymore that i didnt get to tell her i loved her.

hollie 07.06
i lost my dad 11 months he was taken to hospital. he just had something little wrong with him then they found out hes heart was playing up again he'd always had a bad heart he was going to go up to london on the tuesday to have an opp but he didnt make it. i visted hom that day he was gettin better yes ok he didnt look the best but he looked fne not like i was goin to lose him . then i got a phone call that night sayin to my mum can hollie stay at yours to night as he has had a turn for the worst then at 9 mum answered the phon again she started crying she didnt have to day anything i could see it in her eyes i felt so empty i thought this cant be happen ITS MY DAD and do you what i still feel empty......

Jordan 06.06
My mum died 1 year 1 month today in dove house hospice but i didn't know until about 3 days before she died

samantha 06.06
Hi there,
Im 20 and my brother died last year aged 15. It comforting to know that people can relate to how i feel. Even a year on i still cry amd grieve for him. The worst part was seeing hes body and watchin him being lowered into to ground.
I believe he is at peace now, and i know we will meet again. To anyone out there u must believe each day you are one step closer to meeting them. Energy cant be destroyed there essence and spirit is still here kept alive through the memories in your heart.
Love to all samxxx

kate 06.06
Hi.well my dad died on 25th april 2005, i celebrated the first anniversary of his death with my mum and sister, after a year i thought that i would be over it but the truth is that i will never be over it, he died suddenly and unexpectedly, i have a daughter and husband who have supported me so much ,but now i find myself always helping my mum out as dad isnt here, and it gets to me, i wish i could see him one more time, but i know that he is still with me but in a different way,
I LOVE YOU DAD, from your little kate, xxxx

(anon) 05.06
my best freind killed himself a year ago. I thought i would be feeling a bit better as this year has gone on. infact i feel worse. i just can't deal with it, not seeing him knowing that he hung himself. breaks my heart. i feel like i am obsessed with him. we have grown up together me and another boy and paul. i was like one of the lad's. how am i gonna cope?

Matthew 05.06
My cousin died january 2005 and i miss him so much. But it gets to me because i keep dreaming of him, but they are not the same dreams.

(anon) 05.06
My aunt died just over a year ago, she was heavily into drugs and wasnt very good at looking after herself or her daughter (my cousin) and i remember thinking about 2 years ago when she upset my mum that i wish she would just die, i didnt mean it at the time, and now even though it was over a year ago i beat myself up about what i thought that day. I sit by her grave and feel so much guilt. How could i have ever wished all this pain on anyone, especially my family?

Siobhan 05.06
I lost my dad in 2005 i felt numb,i was very upset,i felt like my life was closing on me,i felt lonely.I couldnt believe what had happened to me im still trying to come to terms to it, even now 14 months on i still have days that i get very low, down an upset, sometimes i am better when i talk to people and express my feelings other times i like my own companty to sit and think about the times i had left with my dad the good and the bad times we shared. Theres not a time that goes by that i dont think about him but now he is resting and at peace.

(anon) 05.06
my father died a year ago this sunday, May 14th. I still can't grasp the fact that he's never coming back, I'll never hear his voice again, I'll never hug him again...it's so hard. so incredibly hard. he suffered from cancer for over 5 years and it was a tough battle so in a way it's better that he's out of pain now,but we were so close. I still cry every night, I still carry his picture in my purse, I still can't believe it. My advice to anyone who just recently lost their dad (or really anybody) is to take note of everything thats going down...it all happened so fast that i couldn't even tell you what the last thing he said to me was. Also I have found that some friends as much as they want to help, don't know how to respond, and the situation makes them uncomforatble; I suggest maybe talking to a friend who might know what you're going through...who can relate on your level.

jen 05.06
In the past year and a few months I have known so many people who have died. 9 people, all on separate occasions. The first was my dad, he killed himself. I realised a few days ago that I never asked why he was depressed enough to want to die. I asked my mother and she didn't have an answer to give me.
The other deaths weren’t that important to me except for my grandmother who died 7 months after my father. I knew that her time was coming, she was old and I accepted that she wouldn't be here forever. But the thing about her death was that it opened a lot of old wounds that hadn't really healed from my dad’s suicide.
I thought I would be better by now. Over a year seems like a long time to get over something but the people I loved are gone forever so a year compared to eternity is really quite a short time.
I want to talk to my friends about how I feel but I don't think that they understand and they might get annoyed if I talk about how I feel all the time. If I'm in a bad mood or look sad they ask me what’s wrong. I don't know what to tell them, usually I'm in school and it's not as if I can just break down in a crowded cafeteria.
I do get support from my psychologist and my mother but I feel like they're going to abandon me. I feel like everyone will eventually.

jade 04.06
it was when i was 15 and this is the first persion i have lost it was my nan and it was really hard for me to come to turms with her dying but i still have not got over it but the way that makes me happy is to sit next to he rgrave and talk to her im now 16 and i still find it hard to say that she has gone out of my life i found it hard at chrismas and on my 16th im sorry for people that have lost some 1 closer then a nan and im sorry for people that have lost other people in there life sorry and i miss u nan xxxxxxxxxxx

loo hoo 04.06
My father passed one year and six months ago. When i found out i cryed for an hour maybe two. The pain was so strong i felt as though i was walking around in a fog. And every minute i was trying not to lose it. He died on my birthday, the day i turned 18. But he left me long befor then. He was locked up for four years of my, and his life. He died in jail. I loved him with all my heart, and never forgave him for leaving for going to jail. I appreciate the life he gave me now, and i forgive him for his mistakes, i forgive my dad for leaving me. I will always miss him, and be missing somthing. But he tought me pain only brings strenght. I love you daddy.

kashan 04.06
its just over a year ago that my Fiancee commited suicide. I was in New Zealand with my family at the time. Paul was in melbourne at our home. I was having cold feet when it was time to start making the wedding arrangements. I freeked out, we had an argument so I went to N.z to be with my family. I had spoke to Paul on Tuesday before he died but could not tell him of when my return.i was in no hurry as he had hurt me and i wanted to draw things out as much as posible in spite.
My birthday was coming up in a few weeks so I went with my mother to find a cocktial dress. I wanted to look my best. I made the phone call intending to tell paul of my being ready to come home and continue with the plans... and for him to join me in n.z for my birthday beforehand..... He never answered the Phone. I tried many times.. I was worried by the message on the answer phone he left, it was strange... 6 days later the police and my mother came to find me at a friends place. I never imangined losing paul. The look on mums face as she was crying with the officer.... 1 year later and not only have I lost paul but i am unable to see the children from his former relationship. I love them very much and miss them as much as i miss the love of my life , my beist friend , my trust , and a true soul mate.
Reading as much as I can about brevement now helps me to understand myself and suicide a little bit more each day. wishing some peace to us all..x

mom 03.06
My daughter, at 18, lost her boyfriend to a tragic car accident. He was only 19. My reason for sharing is that I have spent a lot of time trying to find someone that would tell me or at least give me some advise on what to do or what to say to my child,whom in an instant became a woman and much more. I,m still trying to find the answer. I guess my sharing is to let sons/daughters know that this situation at a minimum is a situation that most moms or dads are at a lose to try and fix. All I do know is that I understand the lose. Maybe not completely. In some way I do get it.

laura 03.06
my older brother died in may 2006 in a tragic car accident, its almost a year to the day he died, he was 29. i still feel like it was yesterday and i miss him so much as he also was my best friend. its so hard coping without him but over time it does get a little better. i just wish i could have him back.

emma 03.06
well it stared on the 14 th of march 2005 when i went to school . in form i took a letter up to a teacher and one of aimees best friends said aimees deid i did not belive her . when i went back in to form i started crying one of my mate said to my form teacher that i was up set so i tolder her what happened she said are u sure i said no so see tock me to the office to make sure when i got there they said yes its ture i started cry i am crying when writing this.
she had drawed at scarbough

Louise 03.06
My mum died just about a year ago now from cancer. I was 9 years old at the time. She has had cancer before but she has always maneged. Hever thing was going great untill one night mum went to bed early. Dad told us to come and sit beside him for a minute. Then he told us. She was going into a hospis about the next mouth later. She was in there for about 2 mouths. One Monday we had just got home from seeing her when we got a phone call from the hospis telling us that mum was geting worse and if we wanted to come and say our good byes. we stayed there untill 3.30am the next day. I was holding on to her hand when she all of a sudden died right in frout of me. Me, my dad and my brother burst out cring. She was the best mum you could ever wish for. Know one could replace her. I love you mum and alwayes will. Louise

Sarah 03.06
When my uncle told me my mum had died i kept on saying no, i wouldn;t listen to him. I will always rememeber the look on my boyfriends face after he heard me shouting down the phone, he looked more lost than me. I screamed in his arms and sat while he hugged me for 5 hours without moving, i was utterly devastated. i felt like someone was repeatly punching me in the stomach. A week later i tried to take an overdose but realised how stupid i was and thought about my grandad and how much it would hurt him losing a granddaughter as well as his daughter.
The first time i went back home was the worst because i was wanting to see my mum when i walked through the front door, waiting for her to come and hug me tightly like she always did, never knowing when she'd let go, and all i got was silence and darkness. Our house used to be so full of life with my 2 brothers bounding up and down the stairs making such a noise. I just sat at the table and cried my heart out, couldn't understand why she'd been taken. I kept asking myself was i being punished? Had i done something wrong? My head was a total mess, a year on it's still the same. I'm still waiting for this feeling to lift and its showing no signs of moving. I hope it gets better, i really do.

Becky 03.06
i lost one of my friends a year ago and my teacher said things would get better but they are not getting better they are getting worse because i have started to self harm and people want me to stop but i dont think i can and people have been beging me for the past 5 months but i just cant stop.

marie 03.06
a close friend of myne , luke died a year ago today (9/3) i still haven't come to the terms with the fact thats hes gone i didn't know what to do with myself today can't stop thinking of him and how he was taken away so young , RIP luke , ure truly missed

Laura 03.06
A year ago my sister was taken from me. Just 10 months younger than me she was not only my sister but my best friend. I thought I would never get over it. I haven't in a way. I am now 18 and getting on with my life, the way Beth would have wanted me to! I am studying hard, working hard and ejoying life to the max. I never got to say how much I loved her, now I say it all the time!

louise 03.06
my gran died of cancer in the lungs
it is really sad
it is really sad
my grandad also died of a stroke
it is really sad
it is really sad

looby 02.06
wen my dad died i thought my sky was falling in and i'd neva be happy agen but with a supportive i am slowly comin to terms with it. i just want people to know that it'll get better and u can always talk to someone. please, please get help if you need it!!

Shona 02.06
OK WELL IT HAS BEEN ONE YEAR ON SINCE MY CUZIN DIEDM, EVERY BODY SEEMS TO BE VERY UPSET. YESTER DAY WE WROTE MESSAGES AND STACK THEM ON TO BALLONS AND THEN WE LET THE BALLONS GO THE BALLONS WERE YELLOW HIS FAVERIOTE COLOUR AND THEY WERE FULL OF HELIUM SO THEY COULD MEKE IT ALL THE WAY UP TO HEAVEN, I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH AND HE WAS A GREAT FIGHTER AND A INSPERATION TO MANY PEAPLES LIVES. HE WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE VERY SPECIAL TO ME. THANK-YOU VERY MUCH FOR TAKING TIME AND READING MY MESSAGE. SHONA X X X

(anon) 02.06
my grandad died on 17th november last year. i think about him everyday

nat 02.06
one of my close mate killed himslef i still cry about it i just cant belive he has gone when i think when i seen him there lying in hopsital it just makes me feel numb i cant not talk to anyone bout how i feel cuz i cant open up i just wish he wud walk bk thougth da door i miss u wanye n i allways will love u 4eva xxxxxxxxxxxx

cheryl 02.06
my sister was murdered in feburary last year it is hard to come to tearms with it but as time goes on it gets alot easier i miss her alot and all me and my family have got left know is memories i just want people to know that things do get alot easier as time passes by.

Tracey 01.06
on November 2004, my beautiful brother Rick committed suicide...he was 39 yrs old and lived alone in florida, far from his family...my life has been turned upside down and inside out since his death...my heart feels like its in a million pieces and i cannot possibly pick up the pieces...i think of him so much...the pain is agonizing...one thing that has helped me is hearing stories about him from his friends..

(anon) 01.06
my granda died last year and i am finding it really hard to deal with. every day i think about him and i used to have really bad dreams and seems like he has died all of my bad dreams have gone with. it fells like he is protecting me from all of the bad things that have happened. i am still finding it hard to deal with the fact that i cant just go to his house and go and give him a hug and a kiss and tell him how much i love him. so at night i go to bed and say good night love you and nanny loads cause i never new my nan she died befor i was born. wot do u think that i should do plz give me some answers

(anon) 01.06
i was 13 then now i am 14. my dad had been in hospital for 6weeks now and my mother told me that my dad had cancer and didnt have long to live.my and my bros was going to go and see him the next day but my mum came and woke me up and said that he had died. i am still not over it and it has nearly been 2month will the pain ever go away

jodie 01.06
2 of my mates have died luke chapman and deano lanffear, a close freind of my family has died (gary) and now my nan has recently died and this all happend within 1 year 2005!! i miss them all like crazy!! and all my anger from them passing away is all inside me and i cant get rid of it!! sometimes i get so upset about them leaving me i cry myself 2 sleep!! i sometimes even want to die, just so i can be with them!! R.I.P DEAN,GARY,LUKE AND NAN MISSIN YA LOADS N 4EVA xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX...ET

lucy 01.06
last xmas my dad was rushed to hospital suddenly. at midnight after he had been discharged hecame to my room and wished me good night and he said he'd see me tommorow. thing is he didnt. at about

debbie 12.05
i lost my fiancee one year ago dec.6,2004,his name was scott .he passed away from an mi he was everything to me my love ,my best friend.he didn't only leave behind but he left behind two wonderful children his son ed and his daughter sheblie.we will always rember the laughter he brought into our lives and the love he gave us everyday.we love you scott with all our hearts and we miss you very much.just one more thing,our love will continue when we meet in heaven. love ya, Love ed and shelbie and your fiancee debbie hugs and kisses baby.

Hannah 12.05
Just ova a year ago my nan died and i really miss her and at xmas i cried cos i knew she wasn't there and what made things worse was that if i started crying my granddad would too.

Julie 12.05
my boyfriend died last year on December 20th, 2004 from suicide. The funeral was on Christmas Eve and while my family went out for the holiday, I was home alone. I got a lot better this year after really falling into a dark depression, but I don't know how to go through Christmas with all these horrible memories. I feel like i've come so far, but I am afraid of relasping into my depression. I've come along way to moving on with my life, but with the holidays its really setting me back again. what do i do.

(anon) 12.05
It will have been a year on January 2 since I lost the love of my life. People say it gets easier with time, but for me it has just been geting worse. It hasnt sunk in to me that hes been gone for alomst a year and I really wish it would. I go to his grave but most of the time I cant even cry when I'm there. I didnt even cry on his birthday. Then there are days that all I want to do is cry. All I know is that I want Curtis back and that I hope this gets easier.

Joanne 12.05
almost a year ago, my Nan died, i didnt cry, i didnt even feel sad, even though she was like my best friend. Then in June, my Grandad died, and thats when i felt it most for both of them, i have attempted suicide 3 times since, i self harm almost every day, and now my other Nan is really ill and hasnt been given long to live. I dont know what ill do without her. I love them all so much, R.I.P. Love you Nan, Love u Grandad xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

angel 12.05
my mother commited suicide a year and a half ago. it was a shock. thought i would never be able to see straight again. it gets easier for sure. i still freak out sometimes but it isn't a constant.

laura 12.05
my mum died in october 14th 2005 of cancer and i miss her so much and i wish i was with her and my bro and sis and dad are trying to cope as best as they can but its reali hard for my dad as they where married for 19 years and im onli 16 my bro is 14 and my sis is 11 i love my mum so much and i feel like lifes not worth living anymore as i love me mum so much and the funeral was reali hard for me to cope with but my best m8 claire was there who was reali helpful she's great and i just want me mum bck and i feel horrible about her dying of cancer when she didnt even smoke or drink and she was onli 41

(anon) 12.05
i had a best friend that was 21 and she had cancer she got reli ill and had to go to a hospice she died on new years eve on my brothers first birthday 2 day after her wedding she had 2 children aswell. She took a piece of my heart when she died always got my love forever got my mind u r my one and only angel 4eva. r.i.p that death took me to take an overdose and i was in hospital for 7 days i love you x x x x x x x x x

Jasmine 10.05
Hi. well my dad passed away when i was 13. there was nothing wrong with him i just woke up one morning to the sound of my mums voice screaming and he couldnt breath. Doctors called it a "heart failure". Im still 14 now, and still going through the grieving process. I cut myself and make myself sick. i havent been able to get the help i need but i guess you have to try and get though these times.

Caz 10.05
On 27th Feb 2004 2 of my friends died in a car crash,Laura and Heather. Another lad was injured. The driver was jailed for 7years. My 2 friends were only 13, it would have been one of their, Laura, birthdays 3 days later. Laura didn't make it to the hospital and died in the ambulance but Heather got to hospital and her parents had to choose to turn off the life support machine. It tears me apart when i think about them. They didn't deserve to die it was a cold night so they got into a car with a lad who ended their lives. He has 7years but we will all be suffering our whole lives. I still visit their graves and often write letters and poems, it helps deal with the pain. No one deserves to die but it's just how things are. God bless you Laura and Heather x~X~x

Praying for them 10.05
I lost 2 people while doin my G.C.S.E'S 1st my Aunty then my friend David,it was so hard trying to consindrate and be strong i thought i was going 2 break down when my mum rang me and told me my aunty passed away i was totally shell shocked i knew she was going to die has she was fighting Cancer and Brain Tuma's but not so sudden,When david died my best m8 rang me and told me i was like no way but it was true he died in the river thames he drowned i didnt no him as well as i wld of liked but still i knew him we r holdin a big celebration of his life later this month and i am singin in it his favourite song "Phil Collins - True Colours" so when i sing ill picture him in the front row singin.
And if all this isnt enough 2 days ago my best m8 rang and told me my friend i havent seen proberly in 1 year threw himself in front of a train and is in hospital Brain dead and critical i had news today that he is breathing on his own now and is still bad.
all this makes me think life is too short and u never no what is going to happen?
at the same time it makes me sad and i cant believe all the deaths im still coming to terms with all of them and think in time i will be ok i just hope david and my aunty are together and looking down on us and PRAY!! my friend recovers.
please get better x x x x

(anon) 10.05
I lost ma bro last yr in a car crash.He was only 19 and had his whole life a head of him.I really miss him.I cant talk to my family because they have their own problems. All i wnt is my family back to normal

natasha 10.05
when i was nine i felt sick and i had headaches all day my experience happen at night i layed down to sleep i heard a scream from mum's room i scream then went to check if she was alrigth i though she was fine when i saw her the next day she went to hosptial she died on xmas eve

Samantha 09.05
Last year i was over atmi frends huse planning a sleepover 4 dat nite. i sprited up 2 mi hus wen i resived a txt frm my bro sayin dat dere was an emergency. once i got dere he said dat granda died.

Mel 09.05
I am 20 years old and my dad dies in april of 2004. I was away at college and i can not help but think that the stress that i may have caused him may have brought on his heart attack...he was only 43. I cry all the time, but people do not understand..they tell me i should be over it by now.

hanna 08.05
my life since early 2004 04. 2004 started off jus like every yr had until january 18th when a girl id nown sinc ei was in nursery with her bro died in a car crash on her 18th birthday she had life support turned off 2weeks later. r.i.p holly we miss you and hope you didnt suffer xxxxx
then at the end feb when one of my best lad friends told me he had liver cancer cos he had a drink problem, he was given 3months to live but being how he was he didnt want to suffer threw the pain n b beaten by an illness so on 26th March he took his own life, obv it hit me hard but as i had been warned it didnt hit me to badly and i got on with life, he never made his 17th birthday. love you benji babe you were 1 in a million xxxx R.I.P
Everything seemed strange from then on, me and my best mate knew 15 people who died that year whether they were friends/relatives/friends of friends, these didnt bother me as badly because most were older,that was until october.
Earlier in the year my boyfriend injured his knee so couldnt play football he did manage to recover though and continued to play for the notts county under 18s untill the october when his "mates" sold stories about him so he quit, he text me 25th of october saying he couldnt go on with his life cos football was his life and that no matter what he loved me btu he may do something stupid, i thought i talked him out of it then on the 28th october i got a call from his mum saying he'd taken an overdose and died, that really hit me hard and almost 10months since it still hasnt totally hit em and i havent had the guts to go to his grave as i dont want it to become real cos i dont think i could cope. aaron i love you so much and wish youd have said goodbye, always in my heart forever lovin u xxxxx R.I.P
i thort that would be the end of death for me but then on 2nd april 2005 my mum came and picked me up from my horse and told me that louise had died, it didnt hit me at all until i saw the papers the next day it was on the front page fo all of them no1 new why she had died, she had nothing wrong with her one minute she was fine the next she wasnt breathing, eventually they found out she had an epileptic fit but she wasnt epileptic. her funeral was the hardest day of my life id nown her for almost 13 yrs she died 2months short of her 14th birthday and no1 got to say goodbye to her, louise i love you loads and goodbye for now see you i the future babes xxxxx R.I.P

too all the people i have lost in 2004 and 2005 Rest in Peace i love and miss every single one of you i will see you all in the futre but none of you have gone cos ur all in my heart missin u all every minute and with every breath i take, may you all sleep peacefully for eternity xxxxxxxxxx

anon 08.05
My Dad died on 10th September 2004. He was 63. He wasn't a particularly ill man, or so I thought. I was his and my Mums only daughter and they waited 13 years to have me. He always told me his one wish in life was to give me away at my wedding. He did this and it was a truly memorbale and lovely dream come true for us both, unfortunately our day turned to disaster when at 11pm that evening while dancing at the reception he collapsed and died of a heart attack at the wedding.
The first couple of months I was just totally numb and then i had massive bouts of crying and crying and just feeling so much pain it was unbelievable. I kept strong through xmas for my mum and then 6 months down the line I had another depression, I tried a counsellor but didn't really find it helped.
It is 11 months today since my wonderful Dad was taken from us and I have to say to all of you who are going through the early stages now - people say it but it is true time does heal.
I will never ever forget my Dad and will love him every day as i did on my wedding day but life is starting to look a bit sunnier again now. I know he is with me and will guide me through life and be my guardian angel.
Keep strong everyone, you will start to feel better in time and the pain will slowly ease. You will never ever get over your loss but you will learn to live with it as part of your life and will be able to smile when you think of the person you have lost. That is what they would want. Try and be as positive as you can. xxxxxxxxx

Celina 08.05
My mum died a year and a half ago from chronic alcoholism - losing your mum at 18 doesn't seem fair but it has got easier. I hope she is watching me, keeping me safe and I hope I make her proud. I decided to continue with my studies at university as I know she would hate for my life to be put on hold because of her. I'm still grieving - I think I always will. She was a wonderful woman despite the bad times and that's what I hold on to. To all those out there in the same situation as me, my thoughts are with you, you're not alone xxx

anon 07.05
When i was 17 i lost the most amazing person ever, my boyfriend and best friend. we had plans for to go to university together, we were so in love. and we understood we had to make our own lives not around eachother but everything kept falling into place to put us together longer..it seems like we knew he would die. so everything just worked out before. when i lost him i looked for any signs that would let me know he was near. it helped a lot to read about death and realize we dont just die there is more to this world. so please if u are in position look things up, it will help u. and if it doesnt dont force urself to read it. also creating memory books helped. and writing out poems and stories of us. seems corny but its nice to look back and see these thoughts i may have forgotten over time

adele 07.05
i lost my dad thro suiside a year next thur i only went to his grave for the first time tdy apart from the frunaral he was one of the most cheeky but lovely guys you could ever meet when i look back to the three days he was missing the day he was found the horible things he did to himself i my hart brakes inside il never be the same person ive tried commiting suiside bec i miss him so much he was a best mate as well as a dad but as much as its hard to say we all have to get on with our lifes i know my dad would want me to and i beleve he was an angel sent to gyde me thro that time in my life i know it sound bad but id rather him at peace than the mental torchure he was in i love you dad rip

claire 07.05
i felt sad when my mum deid i was in shock and the staff where i live just left me i felt bitter this was about 1year ago

Lauren-Nicole 07.05
My Uncle died recently in a head on collision with a bus, He was just 17, My uncle, My friend, My world.
Its the hardest thing to lose someone you love, but even harder when the one you've lost is your friend too,
I looked up him so much and since he's gone my whole family has fallen to pieces and the harder i try to keep us all together, the more we fall apart.
My mother is on anti-deppressants now and has fallen apart over the loss of her 'baby brother',
My little brother is in councelling bcause he has become increasingly violent in his attempts to handle his own emotions, How can a 7 year old be expected to understand death.
My Dad has now left because he couldnt handle life at home anymore, And to cap it off my mother who did not know she was pregnant, miscarried a week after David (my uncle's) death.
So now I am alone with a Mother who doesnt care about life anymore and a Little brother who is hurting so badly but cannot deal with it.
And where does that leave me, I am after all only 16, and it feels too young to deal with this pain.
In all my life i have never felt so alone, Its like iv been put in a bubble an seperated from my life before. People are afraid to speak to me because they dont know what to say, and my own family cannot see past there own noses anymore.
So for now i am holding things together on my own, when the loss of David is greater to me than perhaps it is for anyone, I have lost everything, my friend, my uncle, and now the rest of my family too.
There is no way to describe the way that death makes the people left behind feel, it seems that sometimes living is easier than dying.
So, all i really want to say now that i have the rest of this off my chest, is that if you know someone who has lost someone,
Dont be afraid to reach out to them, because they will need it, And they will need love and support more than they have ever needed it before despite what they might say or seem like.
I know, because i have been that little girl crying alone at the funeral while everyone huddles round someone else,
It took me over a year to cry for my uncle after the funeral, because i knew if i broke down the rest of my family would follow.
So do ur best to help someone who is grieving, because left alone will hurt so much more.

hannah 07.05
my nan died last yr nd rescently ive been gettin in alot of trouble at school nd ave been in deep trouble with my parents. i smoked 2 help me cuz my nan smoked nd it smells like she did. i did a VERY stupid thing! i toke drugs nd ended up in hospital i regret it al now nd wish i neva did it but i cant stop arguing back this is VERY hard 2 cope with but i jus gotta TRY VERY HARD 2 put this al behind me!

Julie 07.05
I was round my friends house and my mum came over and said 'We have to go to Sotland tomorrow, your gran is in hospital with cancer of the liver' I just burst into tears i didn't talk to my gran very much but i miss her millions and i feel really lonely.She died 2 ays after we got there the last words she said to me was 'night night love you' i will never forget that. She died a week before my birthday. At least my gran is with me always and she will watch me and help me through my exams. Iwill think of all those people who has lost there nan. Just be strong for your Nans sake x

vicky 07.05
i lost my grandad to cancer it would be 2 years ago in november it hit me very hard the pain and the sufferin i keep on thinking that he gonna walk in teh room ans say 'come on my babbie put the kettle on' towards the end i was there looking after him i was only 15 and i still think thats its my fault that he died because if i didnt have to go back home for my exams then he wouldnt have died because i would have looked after him but deep down i know that he was fighting a loosing battle im just glad that he's not in any pain anymore i'll allways love and miss him and he knows it x x x x x x x

anon 06.05
Last year my dad died through years of alcohol abuse, when I was told of this I had just been woke me out of my sleep. I just lay in shock I couldnt take it in, then when I was brought up to the hospital to see him I broke down but for some reason I kept hearing in my head he's still alive, it was as if it was all a dream but then reality hit me and I had to be strong for the sake of my mum from then on I have bottled up my emotions, then just five months after my dad had passed away my little nephew died, it feels my world has falling apart and I have lost all control over my life, I dont do the things I used to enjoy, I feel so alone and dont have the courage to seek help, I dont want to bother my family as they seem to be dealing with it fine were as I cant.

laura 06.05
hi my name laura i lost my nan a year ago and a bit ago and it feels like you have had your heart ripped out and stuffed in a bin or some thing like that, i was close to my nan.
my story is like this-it was the beggining of september and my mum came home with a big smile on her face she said "IM ALL CLEAR" my mum had had cancer, but she was all clear, so i thought that that was it and nothing could get worse but it did my nan found out she had cancer at the end of september and she had her operation and she seemed fine but then she got ill agin and it had spread. she got worse and worse, putting on a brave face for all her family and her 8 grandchildren. and her 87 year old mum. she went into a hospice and she was peaceful a bit, then the doctors give her 3 days to live at the beginning of november. she had deep vain thrompses so we all prepared they said no longer than a week, and 2 months went by, my nan fought that so well, but on 24 december christmas eve she passesd away by that stupid, crule,horrible and more words to describe it. desise i was in denaile i couldnt belive it, and i will never have another good christmas ever again and nither will my family, but when my young cousins ask about their nan because they were young and cant remember her, i will tell them funny stories about their nan and say she was the best nan in the world. and that i love her with all my heart and i always will.YOUR IN PEACE NOW NAN.YOUR WITH GOD XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex 06.05
About a year ago my mum fell pregnant. a couple of months before she gave birth she found a lump in her breast. She had already had cancer twice before leaving her with a false eye. she went to see the doctors and they said that if continued with the pregnacie she could die. she didn't want to have a abortion so she continued. after Ssm wa born she was diagnosed with malignant melanoma. she has cancer in the bone in her skull, her liver, kidneys, in her lungs and inbetween her lungs. i've been giving loads os support but i still don't
know what i'll do when she goes.

(anon) 06.05
i didnt know how to react, everyone thought i was doing brialliantly, but now i really miss my dad i wish he was here by my side

when i got to hers i had a phone call of my brother. they had been in an accident. he said that grandma and grandad were in critical condition and then said that i should go to the hospital and meet him. when i got there he was all cut and bruised and he told me that mum and dad were dead and that the doctors didnt think that our grandparents were going to live. i was devastated. we were at the hospital for ages and at around 6 in the morning both our grandparents had died. its been just over a year now, im 16 and my brother is 18 we live with our aunt and uncle and there isnt a day that goes by when i dont want to curl up and die so that i can be with my family. all i can say is that every day i wake up and hope that i can distract myself from the fact that my family has gone and that i hope no one else has to go through what i have been through.

gill 06.05
my ex boyfriend died in a road accident.he was never really my ex boyfriend though as i always met with him every week even after we broke up.I guess we cudnt stay away from eachother.hes the only boy i ever felt close to we shared all our secrets.hes gone now.my friends have helped me but when i start to cry they say things like i have to move on.but they dont understand.they were never there when we were alone. when i go out now and a boy chats me up i feel so lonely i cant fend for myself. my friends will talk about it so much but they get upset and always steer the conversation away from it.It really hurts.I want to talk to him.I want to die and be with him

(anon) 06.05
just over a year ago i lost the majority of my life in one car accident. My mum, dad, grandma, grandad and brother were coming out to a concert of mine. i was excited cause my bro never comes to my concerts.

the concert started and i couldnt see them at all. in the break i went searching for them and there was no sign. i didnt have time to worry and i presumed they had got caught in traffic. at the end of the concert i was waiting for them but couldnt see them anywhere, by this time i was really worried and one of my friends mum said that i could stay at her house untill they found out what had happend.

when i got to hers i had a phone call of my brother. they had been in an accident. he said that grandma and grandad were in critical condition and then said that i should go to the hospital and meet him. when i got there he was all cut and bruised and he told me that mum and dad were dead and that the doctors didnt think that our grandparents were going to live. i was devastated.

we were at the hospital for ages and at around 6 in the morning both our grandparents had died.

its been just over a year now, im 16 and my brother is 18 we live with our aunt and uncle and there isnt a day that goes by when i dont want to curl up and die so that i can be with my family.

all i can say is that every day i wake up and hope that i can distract myself from the fact that my family has gone and that i hope no one else has to go through what i have been through.

Hannah 06.05
Hi, I lost my Dad in a situation simialr to Lesley's (at the top of the page). My Dad died on 30th October, 2004- also from a sudden heart attack. I remember the last time I saw him- I remember saying goodbye, not knowing it would be forever. Things are getting better. Yesterday I stood up in my English class and talked about the
day he died as "My Memorable Day". I was really proud of myself because I never thought I'd be able to do that! I miss him so much, but I'm scared that because I don't talk about it much people think I'm fine. My church has been fantastic and so have my friends- even if they don't all understand. I've found that it's not about moving on, it's about moving forward with your memories.