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what do i say to a bereaved pupil?

Schools and colleges can play an important part in supporting a young person who is bereaved. They provide structure and routine when other things in a young person's life may be unstable and difficult. In many ways the school may be the only place where the child or young person is not surrounded by a grieving environment. Although it is essential that the young person's loss is acknowledged and that it is okay for them to come and talk to a teacher if they need to, or take some time out to be quiet, other things need to remain as normal as possible to ensure that the child has some degree of a continuity of normality in their lives.

The teacher or tutor could talk to the young person's friends and discuss ways in which they could be supportive to their friend. Many young people may want to help but feel anxious about how to approach this subject and what to say.

Teachers can help by being aware of the date when the death occurred and be sensitive on the special days which may be difficult for the child e.g. the anniversary of the death, Father's or Mother's Day, Christmas and birthdays.

It is often the case that a child or young person's behaviour will change during their bereavement process. This is normal. It may be that changes in their behaviour do not occur immediately after the death but may happen months later. In particular the child is likely to feel vulnerable and tearful over little things that may seem unrelated, they may experience mood swings or act out of character - less sociable or with a tendency to daydream or be disconnected. Their work patterns may change, some young people may over work and become more absorbed in what they are doing, other people may lack concentration and their performance may go down. All of these things are normal reactions to the grief.

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