personal

weeks

No name, 3 August 2008
My girlfriends died 2 weeks ago. I woke up the morning after a petty fight we had to find her next to me, dead.

No name, 28 July 2008
my dad committed suicide almost three weeks ago, he was very very ill with depression and anxiety. he also had an underactive thyroid and couldnt cope with simple things. he began to feel like a burden to me and my mum, he couldn't drive, his eyesight was worsening. he couldn't accept that he was the most brilliant man i know. everyone says that he was. i wish he could have believed that. he always told me he didn't hvae many friends but just over 100 came to his funeral. i haven't completely accepted it yet, but i won't let myself cry. i wish this had never happened.

No name, 13 July 2008
My dad died a week ago the funeral is toomorrow, did anyone else feel that with him being gone, things just didnt make sense, he died of cancer , he was diagnosed only 4 months before and he was doing better and things took a turn for the worse only 14 days ago, i flew back to him and i managed to say goodbye, i was alone with him when he went... none of this makes sense, he should still be here

No name, 27 June 2008
A few weeks ago one of my best friends died. I had to accept she was going to die before she actually died. Its been really hard for me to stop thinking about her, but i know shes in a better place. I miss her so much, but what she did was her choice and i'm glad it is what she wanted.
she was the most beautiful girl i have ever known and i will love her forever.

letitia, 29 June 2008
my mum died last week 20th june ... she was only 61 ,she was a fighter she fot so many fings and she never did go 2 hospitals coz she was scared of them and saw 2 many people die in them but in the end she had 2 go in 2 hospital and she never came back out and i feel so rotten that i sent her in cos she hated it ill never forget the way my mum followed me about the room with her eyes as if 2 have 1 more look at me b4 she died ..i luv her so much and i just cant seem 2 get over her its as if 1 day im crying then the next im fine but ill never forget her and just hope it get easer coz rite now its not xxxxx

liz, 24 June 2008
My grandma passed away last week. Her death was rather sudden and i have never felt so sad in my life before. She was the world to me. Much closer to me than my parents ever will be. She brought me up and thought me all the things that I knew abt life. She is someone who I knew will always be there for me. Now that she's gone. I just feel so lost. I miss her terribly.

Josie, 23 June 2008
I lost my dad on the friday 13th 2008. Ever since i lost him he has been doing crazy things like giving us signs, to let us know that he is still with us !!!!! And i am glad that i had that one and only dad. He did everything with me playing, arguing and loving!!! And now he has gone i miss the fun times we had has now all been thrown into the past! But no matter what happens i will always love you right the way up until i die!!!

No name, 18 June 2008
My boyfriend died a weak ago. We were very close to each other. He used to say "My love, will you marry me? Will you be the mother of my children?", almost every weak. I always answered "Of course my love, that's what I want most!". But one day he dies. He was found dead in his bedroom. No one knows the cause of death, not even the doctors. How can I pass over this if I can't even know how or why he died. I want him back in my arms so much...

Sophie, 10 June 2008
My dad died on the 5th June 2008 and i miss him so much, but it seems surreal. like its not really happening, i cannot accept that he is not coming back. he was in hospital for 2 weeks so i was kind of getting used to him not being at home anyway. He was so brave, I just wish I had spent more time with him before he died. it was so unexpected and im absolutely dreading the funeral because i think that is when it will truly sink in

Brooke, 7 June 2008
Last Sunday my uncle died from an illness and I didn't even now that my uncle was sick. If you are looking at what I'm writing I miss you a whole lot and I start to feel horrible and I still won't add you on my five okay. I love you and I always will.

No name, 23 May 2008
Its been about a week since my grandad died.
He was in the vietnam war and he love us so much.im his grandchild and he took us to see a different place in the worl every summer.
He was a great loving man who had 6brothers&sister 2 children and 3 grandchildren.im one of his grandchidren.He made us cal him grandad.i remember when i was little i would call him grandpa and he would say thats not my name.i love him so much and it will be different without him!
[R.I.P my sweet love]

Heather, 21 May 2008
I lost my dad about 3 weeks ago. I'm only 15 years old and I was his world. I don't have any idea what I'm suppossed to do. I feel so lost and Miss my dad so much. I'll never forget him no matter how hard I try. The night before he died we got into a big argument that made me feel so bad. I feel a big hole in my heart with nothing to feel it. My dad was all I ever knew. I lived with him from the time I was a baby until now. I really just want to go home and see him but when I go he's not there. I miss him more that ever. It feels like I'm trapped in a dream and can't get out of it because I'm still waitin to wake up from it but I'm not going to. Like people try to make everything perfect but no one can bring my dad back. My life has no reason. I miss him so much and just wish I was in his arms again. I loved my dad more than life itsself and he loved me more than anything. It's so hard to deal with this.

Heather, May 13 2008
Well my dad died a week and 4 days ago and it still doesn't seem real. I feel like I'm in a dream and just haven't woke up yet. I never knew my mother and all I ever had was my dad and my uncle. My uncle has went all to hell since dad died. I've cried constant since he's been gone. The night of his funeral I was pitaful. It just doesn't seem real and I've done burried him. My boyfriend's mom died about a year ago and he hasn't excepted it yet. He don't know how to be here for me and all my feelings are just stuck inside of me. I pray every night that God helps me do something with my life. It's hard being on earth without my best friend. But the last thing I told my dad was I love you. He's in Heaven watching over me so that makes it better.

Abby, 19 April 2008
My mum died on 29th march 2008. she killed herself. she was only 44. even as i write this it seems like i'm writing about someone else. it still hasn't sunk in that she's gone forever and that i'll never see her or hug her again. i have good days and bad days and i get through the bad days by keeping busy and knowing that if i keep going there will be a time when i feel better again. the pain will never completely go but i know i will be able to cope with this in time. my heart goes out to anyone who is also suffering from the death of a loved one.. stay strong and just keep going. it will get easier in time.

bee, 7 April 2008
i had two best friends a boy and a girl that i'd know since i was a baby, we did everything together.just under a year a go, one the girl died by breaking her kneck in a drunken accident, i thort i got thru it fine with the help of my other best friend but just over 2weeks my other best friend died as a result of a car accident and now it feels like a grieving for them both on my own and i cant really talk to anyone...not even my boyfriend understands how i feel.i just feel so alone and its a strange feeling after being surrounded by such livly people all the time.i dont like it

No name, 7 April 2008
my friend killed herself. i dont no why, she seemed so happy. i only spoke to her the week before it happened and she seemed fine. i wish i had spent more time with her so i could have maybe prevented her from doing it.

No name, March 08
Am 20, and my mum has been ill for some time, she died just 2 weeks ago. Already am back at uni and getting on with things, i sort of feel guilty that i should be sad all the time. What gets me through it is i know mum would want me to be happy and i wanna make her proud. She suffered for a long time and i know she is at a happier place today. I talk to her evryday and when am not sure about something i think - what mum would say. I feel safe ( a diff feeling) as if she is beside me and i cant see her. Sometimesi worry incase i havent properly acepted it yet, but what has happened has made me stronger, i never thought i could cope. It also has made me have a diff outlook on life - i just wanna make the most of everyday. Life will never be the same without my mum, but i have to deal with it. Am scared of when i get married and have kids, mum wont be there, that will hurt. I love u mum xxx

No name, 29 March 2008
My dad passed away a week ago, March 22, 2008. It's so tough to sleep at night without thinking about him. At times I think I'm starting to move past this but I will have memories, albeit good ones, and will start crying. He was my best friend. We shared a rather dry sense of humor and just seemed to do everything together. I feel so sad for my mom but she is very strong. I want to support her, but it's tough. I suppose this will heal with time, but will never go away. I miss him so much, and just want him to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I know he loved me very much and was very proud of me. Please keep my family and I in your prayers.

joe, 20 March 2008
02.03.08 - hi my name is joe im 9 years old and ive just lost my girlfriend called josephiene.im really upset!

No name, March 2008
My mum died of bowel cancer on the 25th February 2008. She was going through the battle for 2yrs and 2 months. Im happy she is no longer in pain and know she is in heaven, because she was a good person. I do agree its not fair that the good go first.If you have lost someone, just remember they are always with u and protecting u.

Kristi, 7 March 2008
February 26th, was the darkest day of my life. My boyfriend had a car accident and hit a tree and suffered brain trauma for 10 days in the Burn/Trauma Unit in Norfolk, VA. He became responsive and all the swelling had went down, and 2 days later, he passed. It's now March 7th and all I have been doing is blaming God, but it's not the right thing to do. I feel like a ton of cinder blocks and my face burns from my tears and my chest is so sore from all the crying..I just feel for anyone anyone at all whom has lost a loved one, whether who it is..It seems so hard to do anything without being with him. But my words that I am going to stick by is, time heals. I don't know how, but I'm going to make it work. - Hope, Faith, Believe-

jade, February 24 2008
My auntie died on january 3rd. That date will haunt me for many years to come as the day we lost her .It s coming up to 2 months but it feels like a life time just knowing we wont see her again hurts so much she had 3 children one who was only 11 and mummy s boy and i look at him and my heart breaks for him. However being strong as a family will get u through it .Everyday it get s that little bit easier.But the pain of losing some one will never fade away. Why is it always the good ones who have nothing but love to give who go first. I ll never understand how life works. I read stories on here and i feel for all the people. And prey that we all see are loved ones again in a different world. R we actually living in hell?! Who knows . X X X

michala, February 24 2008
i took my dad to a valentines dance with my mum at 7 30 pm on the 15/02/08 and at 11pm my older sister telephoned to say that dad was in hospital after collapsing. when i got to the hospial my dad had died. its been 8 days and i feel crushed. i cant understand how such a sweet,caring man could be taken away from us. im numb,helpless and empty. my dad was a strong believer in god and that comforts me knowing he wasnt scared of death,however im angry that god has got him and i havent. its unfair and i feel i will never feel the same ever again. if you hear this dad, I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH/and i hope you help me and mum gain strength . LOVE YOU AGAIN.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

haley, February 2008
my dad died on the 21st january 2008 it was fast and sudden even tho he was ill all his life but i sa he was so stong to put wid his illness for 53 year and show his pain to any one i always say he had a goulden harte and im very proud to call him my dad but i just want someone my age to talk to about it and someone that has lost a mam or dad recenlty plz get in touch

Leanne, 7 February 2008
My Mum died on 24th Jan 2008 after fighting cancer for roughly 13 years. She died at home with all the family around her telling her that we loved her. I feel so sad to have lost her so young, not having the chance to give her grandchildren, a wedding, all the things a Mum would be proud of. I miss her so much but most of all im so proud of how she battled the illness with dignity and never once complained. I love you Mum x

kerry, 21 Jan 2008
i lost my daddy three weeks a go and life as not be the sme a gen i keep wishing4 him to cum home but it just dos not wock like that
xxxx

From: no name, 13 Jan 2008
I lost my mum 4 weeks ago today ! I miss her soo much and feel that i cant go on anymore. i jsut want to rewind time and get her bck. I did mouth to mouth resusition to try and help her but she deid in my arms i am only 16 and very scared i jsut want her bck . please cn anyone help me c?

From: Lisa, 13 Dec 2007
My mum passed away nearly a month ago and it is so hard to cope! She passed away after a heart attack which shocked us all but now i just feel lost without her! I am only 14! My boyfriend lost his dad about 14 years ago (he's 16 now, lost his dad when he was 2). So Karl knows how i am feeling. Its so hard now living without my mum!

From: No name, 17 Nov 2007
HI
IM ONLY 15 AND I HAVE LOST 5 OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS EVEN THOUGH THEY WERENT MY AGE THEY WERE STILL REALLY CLOSE! I LOST RALPH FIRST THEN MY GRANDAD THEN WAS GEOFF FROM MY CHURCH AND THEN TWO OF THE FIREMAN WHO DIED IN THAT WAREHOUSE FIRE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MONTH AND I MISS THEM ALL LIKE MAD! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AS I DONT THINK I WILL BE ABLE TO GET OVER THEM AT ALL!!!

From: Lauren, 18 Nov 2007
im 17 and my mum died of breast cancer sept 28, I love her so much and i cant go on without her. Its always bin jus me nd mum, i miss her so much i cant breath, i want my mum so much i need her. sumtimes i wanna die jus to stop the pain and to see her agen bt i wont bcoz it wud make her sad and i dont want ny1 else to feel how i do. evry1 wants me to back to normal but i have no normal nymore, i cry all the tym and call out begin her to come bk even tho i kno she cant. my heart is broken, I love you mum xxxxxxx

From: kara, 18 Nov 2007
I lost my boyfriend 3 weeks ago, im 19 and he was 21, it was very sudden, he had a accident at work and fell from a roof. Im finding it so hard to carry on, i feel like my whole life ended the day he died, all our dreams we shared, our whole future together, he was the 1, my soulmate and my friend and i just cant see myself being happy ever again.

From: Grace, 14 Nov 2007
My grandad died two weeks ago of a brain hemeridge.
He meant so much to me.
One of the last things he wrote was how proud he was of me.
I loved him so much.
Its hard to forget.

From: no name, 13 Nov 2007
My dad killed himself two weeks ago and i miss him so much and i feel i will never get over it and get bck 2 normal. I was the last one in my family to speak to him and i only wish i had told him how much he meant 2 me and how much i needed him in my life. I feel so empty and alone now he has gone and i will never ever forget him

From: michelle, 12 Nov 2007
my dad passed away last week he had been ill for a long time i feel so empty i dont know what to do i keep carrying on but i feel lost people say it will get better but it does not i just wish he was here with me

From: no name, 8 Nov 2007
My nana died rwo weeks ago. she only found out in july she had bowel cancer and had spread to her liver. I knew she was going to die but it hit me hard. I cant stop crying i feel as if ive lost a part of me and i have no idea how to cope. does it get easier?

From: shona, 26 Oct 2007
My dad only died three weeks ago.I feel very sad I only cry alittle I feel it is not true that it is a big dream I am very sad I wish some time he will come back and only go there to get better.By shona age 10

From: Shannon, 14 Sept 2007
I lost my friend in a car accident. When I found out I was paralyzed. I just had talked to her a week before. I still think of her. I wait for her to text me, I wait for her to call me. It's so hard. I can't even explain. She was my best friend. Still is. I love her and can never nor will ever forget her. R.I.P. Best Friend.

From KATH, 27 Aug 2007
HI ON THE 14th AUGUST 2007 I RANG MY MUM JUST THE NORMAL EVERY DAY THING IT WAS AROUND 7.45 IN THE MORNING WE HAD ARE USUAL CHAT THEN I WENT FEW MINUTES LATER THE PHONE RANG MY MUM TELLING ME MY DAD HAD CALLAPSED HOW I ASKED WE ONLY SPOKE B4 ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER HE GOT THE HOSPITAL YES SADLY HE DIED 11.50 THAT DAY HE HAD A RUPTURED ANURISM WE WERE ALL THERE BUT I CANT GET OVER THE PAIN I KNOW HES GONE BUT CANT COME TO TERMS WRE HE HAS GONE TO IM SO HURTING AND DEVASTATED IN SIDE EACH DAY I FEEL ITS GETTING NO EASIER MY LOVE GOES OUT TO YOU ALL WHO HAS LOST SOME ONE SO CLOSE KATH XXXXXXXX

From Mecia, 21 Aug 2007
my boyfriend just died a little over a week ago and i think about him almost every second since it has happend. i feel soooo empty inside and wish that he could come back. it feels like that i will never find a guy like him. i hope everything just goes up from here

From Marea, 19 Aug 2007
I lost my wonderful dad two weeks ago and have never experienced pain like it. He was the kindest, most loving, caring, protective dad anyone could ever want. I feel so guilty because we lived a long way away and didn't see him very often and now I just wish I had made more effort to visit more. I can't bear the thought of never hugging him or speaking to him again. I am so lost without him. He was always there for me and made me feel safe and loved. He died suddenly and I would give anything to have had some more time with him. I can't get past the guilt of not visiting more but with a full time job and two young children it was such an effort to make the long journey but I should have done it anyway. Now I'd give anything to be going to visit him again. I took him for granted thinking he'd always be there and now he isn't I can't bear it. I'm sorry dad. I love you and miss you so much.

From S , 7 Aug 2007
one of my mates Ryan died in the huge floods that affected sheffield, UK...he was only 14 and did not deserve to die. he was a cheeky, smiley, happy guy that brought hapiness to a room. i went to visit where he died to leave flowers but it has made me so depressed..i don't know what to do now he's gone my heart goes out to his family though, the have lost someone so special to them
RIP HuggyMonster xxxxxx

No name, 6 Aug 2007
My daughters best friend died very suddenly 3 weeks ago. She appears composed much of the time, but I can tell from her reactions to the smallest of things, that inside she is struggling to come to terms with this terrible loss. She has lost her motivation and the spark which radiated from her and I long for that to return. As a parent, it is so hard, seeing your child suffer in this way and knowing how to help her and also the family of the boy who meant so much to us all.

beth 07.07
My friend killed himself on the 30 th april, on his 24th birthday.We were always together he loved me and i loved him.What eats me up everyday is my guilt.. a week before we had had a row and we went our seperate ways. i keep asking myself hadnt i had of had that row would he be here... wish i knew.

nicole 07.07
my uncle died a few weeks ago and we were really close as i lost my dad whe i was 4 months old i really miss him and find it hard to cope now i feel like theres no point in going on.

natasha 07.07
its been 3 weeks nw since my antie committed suicde i find it reali hard as we wer reali close i reali miss er n keep askin my self y did she do it ? y didnt she talk2 me or any 1 well i jst want 2 say rip amanda n we all luf n miss u xxxxxxxxxxx

Jodie 07.07
I lost my nan 3 weeks ago (on a monday) and i'm not coping well. She died of cancer It spread all over her body untill her body couldn't take it anymore yet on that same day my friends dad died and 3 weeks later on the same day(monday) my dads girlfriends aunt died of it aswell =(

Bex 07.07
My cousin died 3weeks ago of a brain tumor. it wos so sudden. 1 day he wos diagnosed, then next day he died. i cant belive it. the funeral wos last week. that wos the hardest day ever. i dont understand why it had 2 happen?!

(anon) 05.07
My boyfriend died a week ago today. Did I just type that? We were only together for three months and though it is one of the hardest things I've experienced, I know he would want me to be happy and not dwell, just as I would want for him. But I am having a hard time getting up and getting going today, Easter Sunday. I can't eat and I feel almost likeI have to entertain those who pity me and show them that I am ok. I'm not.

stephanie 04.07
i lost my boyfriend nigel of 3 years on the 19 of march a weeks gone bye. im finding it hard to cop im crying one mintute then the next im angry due to the fact he over dosed and killed himself. then i feel guilty as i split up with him 4 weeks before. what hurts most is i was going to get back with him as i wrote a letter the day before i found out the bad news. i dont no how im gonna get througth this as im 20 weeks pregnent with his baby and hell have no daddy. i dont know what to do i miss him so much. xx

.... 04.07
One of my best friends died a couple of weeks ago. She was amazing. I cant believe that she has gone. I watched her suffer for 10 months i couldnt do anything. She died of a brain tumour. She was beautiful. I just think she is gna come into school and be normal again.. but she never will... i miss her so much x

(anon) 03.07
i lost my dad nearly 4 weeks ago, icant believe he has gone, i think i will see him sitting in his house every day when i go there. my dad is the best ever, no-one can compare to him, i dread this finally sinking in cos i dont know how i will deal with life without him.

(anon) 02.07
i was in a car crash about 2 weeks ago, i was in a coma for 3 days. when i woke up i was told that my mum, dad, and gran had all died. i feel so lost.

(anon) 02.07
My boyfriend was killed two weeks ago in a plane crash and it still doesnt seem real. i feel him with me and walk around talking to him as if he were still becide me. its still all very new. im 26 and i can emagine living without him. he was the only person i could really be myself with. we had many ups and downs but through it all our love never ever faltered. he is my best friend and soul mate and i dont know how to live without him.

Sam 02.07
My boyfriend died on December 30, one day before the new year. It's been around two weeks now and even though he's gone, I still can't believe I'll never hear his voice again, kiss him again, fight with him, smell him, hold him. He is my everything and I've never loved or felt so comfortable with anyone before...we were really special and even though I fought with him everyday...he was so patient...so loving and never gave up on us.
I was in the states when I was told about his death...he was in India. I don't know the details, I don't know how it happened and what he went through...I am taking some time off school and going home for a few months so I can be with his mom (his dad died when he was three) and other people who love him and are mourning for him the way I am.
I know it's probably going to be extremely hard going home without him being there.
I hope I am making the right decision...some people think that I should just immerse myself in my work, etc...it's not easy. I need to go home and say good bye and bring back some off his stuff.
I don't know how people move on with their lives and feel happy again. I've seen so many people that have lost loved ones and now Im dealing with it. Life is so fragile...
I miss him so much. I wish I could talk to him.
I hope to hear back from you...all of you seem so strong.
Samira

(anon) 01.07
My grandma died about 2 weeks ago from cancer. I cried a lot at first, it was so weird seeing my grandma laying in a casket. The funeral was hard but I got through it. I know she's in a better place now and I'm starting to get over it, not crying as much anymore....but I still am sensitive to it and sometimes I will cry out of nowhere, especially when I listen to stories about people with cancer, because it reminds me of her. She lost all her hair from the chemo, towards the end she wasn't even talking really, I dont know if she even knew who I was. It was really hard and it's still hard, but I know that life goes on. One thing that has changed a lot now is I'm not afraid of death anymore. I used to be so scared to die, I wanted to live forever, but now the thought of me dying isn't scary, in fact I'm looking forward to when I get to see my grandma again in heaven. I would never commit suicide or anything, I'm just not scared of death like I was before.

missing him 01.07
i lost my grandad to cancer 2 weeks ago :( all my family has fallen apart and to be honest all i want is him back he meant the world to me:( i really want to have a long hug with my mum but she is too upset aswell and i dont know what to do if you can help me please ad me on msn :( (Hi there, we're sorry but for safety and confidentiality reasons we don't print people's personal contact details, you're welcome to use the Message Board where people can leave replies for you and you can of course send an e-mail to our 'private message' service for one of our volunteers to get back to you. Hope you understand why we have to do this. All the best Rd4u) thanks x.x.x.x

Dom 01.07
my bro died last week.

abi 12.06
i lost my grandad 2 septisemia (an infection of the blood) just 2 weeks ago. losin him was bad but living withiout him is worse, i just need help 2 make it through... if your suffering a loss... talk about it 2 friends and family... dont feel like u dont want 2 coz they wont want 2 lisnte.... if they really r ur m8s n they do really love you then they will be pefectly happy givin you their shoulder 2 cry on.

(anon) 12.06
My mum died 7 weeks ago from cancer, she had previously been given hope that her health was improving but unfortunately she became ill very quickly and her death was sudden. She died on my birthday which makes acceptance of her death even harder. I don't know how to cope with this and struggle daily with normal life as my friends and family think I am usually strong. Time heals they say and I hope it does.

Barry 12.06
Hi my mum died on the 22nd of november 2006 I did not get the chance to talk to her before she died, i cuddeld her she was still warm i wanted her to wake up i feel so lost i dont know where i am, i organised all her funeral and had to sort her house out.
Its been the worst two weeks of my life, i count the days i think she is coming back but shes not. I think she is with me she tells me what to do somtimes, maybe its in my mind i dont know, christmas will not be the same without her thanks for reading my story i love you mum always!

Hox 11.06
My nan died just over a week ago. We all knew she was going to die sometime, she was so frail and weak. She had dementure and became senile. She starting forgetting people and refused to eat and drink. Luckily, she died peacefully in hospital, due to lack of food and drink. The day before she died, she looked like a skeleton, and she wasn't able to talk and could hardly breathe. Her funeral is tomorrow, at least I'll get to pay my respects. I'm glad that she's at peace at last.

Mandi 11.06
Hi, my name is Mandi! Im 16..17 in January!
I have went through a lot of upsetting things in my life. Losing friends has always been a big part of my life. For some odd reason, I lose at least one friend every 2 months.
I have recently just found out that my great close friend Albin has past away. I also found out that my my other bestfriend friend Kay has also past way by murder. Also another friend, Jaz, buy a house on fire.
I also have been going through problems with finding out the other night that my great friend Justin got shot the other day and is now in the hospital dieing. He has lost a majure amount of blood. I just don't really know who to turn to right now. I always knew from the time I lost my bestest friend Alexis 4 days before my 13th birthday that I wouldn't have hardly anyone to talk to. I feel so alone and lost. Don't know what to do. See Alexis had died from Cancer. Sitting their those long days, in the hospital, was so heartbreaking. Know one really knows how it feels, till their in that possition. I felt like she was going to make it through, I really did. Then began to lose all hope. on the 16th of January 2003 Alexis has past away into another life. As she layed there in my arms, dieing, and then soon dead, all I could do was hold her and cry.
From then on, I felt like I didn't want to live, but I know I have a reason to.
I also went through seeing my friend Glen, go through dieing by drug ver doseage, in front of my eyes.
The one thing that is keeping me alive is, knowing that they could have been somebody right now, but god took them and not me. Also that I know everyone that I have lost, would have wanted me to go on with my life, and never give up. So just for them, is why I live. I miss you all! R.I.P. Albin Forever You Will Be Missed. A+M=BFF I Love You.

Charlotte 11.06
We've got quite a big close family, a step dad, nan and grandad, step sis and step bro, 2 younger bro's and a younger sister, we all stick together.
I lost my mum two weeks ago. It was sudden as she had been ill but none of her expected her to pass away.
She went into hospital and everyone expected her to come out alright the next day or something. I hate the thought of my mum being in pain as i would of wanted to be there for her.
i still don't believe she's gone, i just think that she'd gone away and she's coming back.
I never thought i'd be without my mum, she was my and still is my best friend. I went to see her at the hospital and she looked just looked like she was asleep, i thought she'd just wake up, but she just lay there. It still hadn't really hit me.
We had the funeral to arrange and that took place last thursday. We went to see her at the chapel of rest and i just couldn't bare to look at her, it didn't look like my mum and i was too scared to touch her. That was the worse bit, seeing my mum like that.
She always looked beautiful and had a really big smile that i will never forget.
The funeral really hit me hard, my heart was truely broken, i got up and read a poem out but at first i really couldn't do it but i did - my mum helped me through it.
Everyone told me how proud she would be of me.
We had her burial today, it was still hard but it wasn't the hardest. I just can't believe that all there is left of my mum is a box in the ground.
It's still for everyone, i just want to be there for everyone as well as myself.
I know that i can't bottle it up but i do sometimes as i try and be brave - but one day i will explode.
I just wish i had said bye or even said i love you to her, so i knew that she would know.
I believe in spirits and the spiratulist church, so i am going to go and see if my mum is there. There are little things that i notice they may just be coinscidences but i believe that it's my mum.
We just went to see my mum and her car alarm went off when we got back and it never goes off, also i have these pink lights that blew suddenly and my younger brother got scared one night when there was nothing there. It may seem stupid to other people but it makes me feel better knowing she's there.

Terry 11.06
Hi, my name is Terry and I'm 18 years old. My 20 yr old sister, Katie, died on Sunday, the 22nd after going into coma due to attempting suicide.
On October 17th, She hung herself at her dorm room. Her roommate found her hanging on a ledge above the room closet, screamed, people called the emergency and she was sent to a nearby emergency unit. But she had already been without oxygen for about 1-2 hours and her brain was in a terrible shape. (anexic brain damage or something) This happened at 5 PM.
Doctors called me and my mom around 8 PM. When I picked up the phone, the phone ID said "windham hospital" and I somehow felt a chill thinking somebody close to us .. maybe my sister .. may be hurt. And there was the doctor telling us that my sister Katie had hung herself and was found with great brain damage.
It was painful watching her in coma. Her once beautiful face was gone. Her lips swollen, secretions constantly flowing from her nose, her empty eyes opening time to time out of reflex, and all these tubes connected to her body. I saw from the 1st day that she had no hope of coming back to normal and the doctors made sure that we didn't get any hope. But my mom just couldn't let go. Everytime Katie opened her eyes or tightened her hands because of mere reflexes, my mom would be hopeful. The first night we were at the hospital next to unconscious katie, mom did not stop calling her name all night. And we cried and cried. That first night, I said goodbye to Katie. After crying for many hours straight, I held her hands and said to her, in my head, "Katie, bye"
Until the afternoon of 22nd, my mom wasn't ready. But then, she made the decision to cut off Katie's life support. Mom felt the pain that Katie must have been feeling connected to all those tubes. Mom said she was being selfish for holding on to her like this. We drew out the tubes at 3 PM and Katie stopped breathing at 8:30 PM. I remember the heart monitor flatlining, and just watching out the hospital window at that moment, just staring at the city lights, thinking to myself "wow my sister really doesn't exist anymore"
At the funeral, I wrote and read out an eulogy for Katie. I said that though we will miss her forever, she will always be us, laughing whenever we laugh and hold us in her arms whenever we cry.
And now I'm home. Today is 2 weeks since Katie hung herself. I went to school for the past two days. And today is halloween. I've always gone trick-or-treating until this year. I'm gonna pass today.
My mom and I threw out a lot of Katie's stuffs. I carried a lot of heavy boxes to the trash, feeling a little guilty that we are getting rid of her now. But we also kept some stuff that I was going to use for college (because I will be leaving next yr to college) and things that strongly reminded us of her. I kept a charm necklace that she made and am wearing that everyday.
I don't cry that much anymore. I cried the hardest the day after she hung herself. Now, I just cry when I hear some mp3 recordings of katie's beautiful singing.
Now it's just me and my mom because my mom is divorced. My dad has gone missing for two years and nobody knows whether he is dead or alive. I worry greatly about my mother. She is better now believing with me that Katie will live with us in our hearts but she does go into hysteric crying modes at times. I hug her and try to calm her down. But watching her like that hurts me a lot.
I feel fortunate that there are a lot of family friends who are helping us through this rough time.
And Katie's death i think gave me a purpose in my life as well. I promised myself that I will never let myself or other precious people around me get as depressed as my sister. And when I become a successful businessman and earn a lot of money, I will devote to saving depressed people from kiling themselves.
I can't sleep well lately. Secretly, I'm scared of ghosts. I feel like Katie is right next to me sometimes. I feel chills when going into a dark room. I am constantly wanting to turn up the lights. I am constantly startled by small things and noises. But maybe, I should just accept that Katie is watching me and protecting me.

sara 11.06
my dad died 2 weeks ago, he'd had cancer for 18 months and although people keep saying he's in a better place i feel really sad and angry that he's gone. I feel angry that out of all the cancers there are he had to have the most agressive type of brain tumour.

Dren 11.06
I have lost so many people who were close to me. A close cosens friends died in 1999 - they were 19 n 20. I lost my Grandfather in February 2003, then my Nanna died on the 7th January 2004 and most recently i lost a good bestfriend brother cozen anything u can name it on october 30th - He was only 23. Losing these people has made me question what I am doing with my life. Losing all of these special people was incrediblly hard on me, especially my MY BESTFRIEND, BROTHER, COZEN ALBIN.
I don't know how i will manage to get through this. It feels like no one wants to listen to me so i am just bottling up my feelings. It is a horrible feeling to think that no one cares. I miss them all and wish that life wasn't so cruel in taking them away from us all before their time.

Rachel 11.06
I lived wid my boyfriend for 2yrs, he really was my soulmate. sat 14th oct my life was turn upside down. The police came 2 our home and told me that david had been murdered, he was shot 3times, jus4knockin on da wrong door. the guy has been arrested and charged wid my baby boys murder. he has been remanded in custody. i'm so angry dat dis person has no respect 4 life, and da pain he has left behind. david was so popular, da whole area where we lived is devastated. David used 2 write lyrics and rap wid his friends, lookin through these now jus enlightens how much he had respect 4 life, as most rappers would write about guns and violence David's would go like dis; I don't carry a gun, i don't carry a knife, i wont even kill a spider, i've got respect 4 life. these go on and on.
At 22 it's such a waist of life, we had so much ahead of us. not a day will go by wid out thinkin of him.
I love you David, till we meet again sexy bum, always ur boo x x x

(anon) 10.06
My dad passed away 3 weeks ago. He had battled bone cancer for 20 months. We all know he was going to die, but we were not prepared. Cancer is evil, it wasn't enough just to riddle his bones it then spread to his lungs, liver and finally his brain, the last week of his life was so upsetting to see, there were times you could see in his eyes that he was terrified and then nothing, vacant eyes, it was horrible. He was an amazing person and taken from his family at such a young age (54). I miss him so much, I really miss him.

lynn 10.06
MY SISTER DIED 2 WEEKS AGO, SHE KILLED HERSELF, SHE LEFT 4 LETTERS, ONE TO ME AND THE OTHERS TO PEOPLE SHE CARED FOR IN HER LIFE, MY LETTER WAS SO HURTFUL, I NEVER KNEW SHE HATED ME SO MUCH,SHE EVEN WROTE DONT COME TO MY FUNERAL, I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL ETC..WHEN I HEARD OF HER DEATH, IT WAS SO PAINFUL, THE PAIN WAS BAD, AND TO SEE MY PARENTS AND HER 2 CHILDREN GO THROUGH THIS WAS AWFUL, I CRIED SO MUCH, I COULDNT EAT SLEEP OR FUNCTION, I COULDNT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HER, SHE WAS SO FUNNY, AND PRETTY, BUT WHEN I READ THE LETTER SHE LEFT ME MY TEARS HAVE STOPPED, I FEEL SO GUILTY, ALL I SAY TO MYSELF IS WHY, WHY DID SHE HATE ME SO MUCH?? BUT NO MATTER WHAT I LOVE HER AND I WISH I COULD BRING HER BACK, NO MATTER HOW YOU FELT ABOUT ME SUSAN I LOVE YOU AND IF I COULD HAVE ONE WISH IT WOULD BE TO BRING YOU BACK HERE, REST IN PIECE I LOVE YOU, YOUR SISTER LYNN.

Rebecca 10.06
My Mum woke me and my sister up, really early in the morning, and she and my Dad were really upset and i could see that they had been crying. My mum told us what had happened, and i was so sad, i couldn't stop crying. What she had said was that my Grandad had died. He was not ill or anything, he just fall over and hit has head. I am only 14 and that made me even sadder later on, becasue it made me think about it and he would never have got to see me grow and get married or anything like that. He was also my fave grandad.
I will always miss him, but you never will never forget them.

Jacqueline 10.06
For a long time a friend of mine chris wanted to start a relationship with me, I had just come out of a bad relationship, and I was scared to fall in love again. after almost 2 months of hanging out with chris and trying to see him in a diffrent light, I finally did. we had made plans on Monday to go on our first Offical date that upcoming Friday. the days went by and we spoke every moment we could. Just a day before our date, chris got into a motorcycle accident. I never got my chance to fall in love with him. I miss him so much. It's a week today, and the pain hasen't gotten any easier. I'm upset at myself for waiting so long to have that type of relationship with him... My head if full of what if's. I feel lost. he was such a great person, and I know he would have been the best boyfriend.

vcky 09.06
im 17 and my mum died on the 24th of august 2006 she was just 40 she was perfectly healthy but fell down some stairs one night and died the next day. i watched her die in hospital. its horrible...it might sound strange but i had thought about wat would happen if she died and i neaver thought it would happen she was my best friend .my sisster ..my mum. we looked so alike ,evry one would say. i was neaver close with my dad...so now the one person who i new loved me so mutch and always would ,is gone..and thers not a thing i can do about it ever...i hav to have my 18th birthday with out her 'wedding day without her, my first chiled whith out her. i feal bad that she will neaver be able to whitness these things.

(anon) 09.06
my mate died about 3 weeks ago of cancer, he had cancer for some time he beat it twice aswell. he was so strong he was amazing, and only 15, there was so many people at the funeral. he was so loved. i have never actually cried so much in my life. he had the most gorgus face ever. we will miss him and no 1 will ever forget him. all my love to his family, what keeps me going is knowing hes no longer in pain and we will see him again, r.i.p.

(anon) 08.06
My dad commited suicide about two weeks ago. He stated in the note that he was ill. I know that he had been seeing a local doctor, but after I visited with him, I came to find out that he had found nothing seriously wrong with my dad. His doctor told me it could have been that he diagnosed himself with something life threatening or could have been very depressed. I have no answers. I feel so sad and alone without him. I have always been a daddy's girl. I miss him so much and wonder why he would leave me and my mom and my 11 year old son, who loved him dearly. It was a total shock when I found him. Life will never be the same.

marcella 08.06
My Dad died ten days ago from lung cancer, I was abroad at the time and didn't manage to say a proper goodbye. I've seen him at the funeral few days agon but I still can't comprehend he is not here anymore. I get terrible mood swings, half a day I feel ok, the other half I can't stop crying and everything seems meaningless without him.

(anon) 08.06
I lost my boyfriend just last week. He had just dropped me off and was on his way home when he fell asleep and drove off the road. I was the last one to hold him and tell him how much i loved him. Its so hard to wake up and go on with life. I miss him so much, I feel so empty.

kelly-marie 08.06
Im a triplet. One of my sisters died last week, im walking around and carrying on living as if in limbo, i know its happened by i havent had much of a reaction to it yet. im just scared that one day i'll wake up and realise she's gone and realise i'll never be able see her again.
people say that losing a loved one is hard and that losing a sister is harder. But losing a triplet sister someone you've known lieterally all your life is harder, theres a special bond that has always been there one thats different to other sibling bonds, i love and miss her so much xxx

sophie 08.06
my mum passed away 2 weeks and 4 days ago she was 50 and had been diagnosed with lung cancer just 5months ago about 2 months before she died we found out that the cancer had spread to her brain, a week before she died we had been told she has months left and a week later she had gone. i miss her so much and want her back she meant the world to me she was my best friend aswell as my mum and life will never be the same without her i miss her so much and just wish i could of told her how much i loved her before she left me.

k.m 07.06
my partner and his mum that i was really close to died 18 days ago it dont seem real why did it have happen to them this way it is the worst way any person would want to die i just keep wanting to know what happened i need answers i really dont know how to feel his mum told me the night before she died she loves me like im her own daughter and my partner told me he wanted to marry me and start a family with me but it was too late his life has been taken away cruelly and his mum will never see her son get married god bless you both im going to folllow my dreams and think of what you would want me to do for the rest of my life ill never forget you babe and what you said your in my heart body mind n soul ill always remember what your last words were i love you both with all my heart xxxx

(anon) 07.06
My Grandad died on the 5th July. He had been ill for ages, but suddenly collapsed and died of a heart attack at home. He was 68. His death happend how he wanted it to, quick and at home. But, it happend so soon, I was so close to him and was lucky to have him as my grandad for 18 years, he may of well as been my Dad. He taught me all I know and is greatly responsible for who I am today. I am trying hard not to be upset, becasue he hated it when I was. But I feel like there is this big hole in my life now that will never be filled. Love you GD x

Natalie 07.06
I just lost my daddy two weeks ago today. I am only 25 and i find myself getting so angry. I miss him so much. He had been fighting cancer for 2 years about. I just want to know how to stop feeling this anger.

(anon) 07.06
My boyfriend of almost 5 years died 2 weeks ago when a warhead exploded where he worked. We had finally moved in together after years of having a long distance relationship. We had bought a house together and had so many plans. We were going to get engaged this summer and married next summer. We had talked so many times about him getting a different job and it was just too late. I expected him to come home with groceries and to go for a bike ride, but he never came home. I have never felt so much pain in my life and it just boggle my mind that we only got 6 weeks to live together when it should have been a lifetime. They say time will help heal the pain, but the pain is so intense in the meantime.

Jo 06.06
i lost my dad a week ago today, it was quick. he was too scared to go into hospital, even tho they told him he'd die. a week later he died of liver disease. he was still drinking in the last week. i feel so angry that he decided to leave me, like i wasn't enough to face his fears for. i miss him so much, we were so close. i just feel so empty.

Katie 06.06
My Dad died 3 weeks ago today. He died very suddenly late at night so I was in bed. It has been very hard for me, my brother and my mum but we have had so much support from everyone and that has helped so much. I loved my dad so much and I'm glad everyone else thought he was as brilliant as I do; when we had the funeral a week yesterday there was so many people there there wasn't enough room for everyone to sit down with loads of people standing. It has been hard and it still is but it gets slowly easier and I will always love my Daddy.

Samantha 06.06
My boyfriend died 2 weeks ago. And we don't know why. I am graduating from high school this year. I just don't know how to deal with it.

Sharon 06.06
My best friend died 2 weeks ago. I miss him very much. Its still hard to pass by the place where we worked at once. He was only 19 years old. I really thought we had all the time in the world together. When I think about the fun times we had i start to laugh more and cry less. He told me that he would always protect me. Now I know for sure this is true. Because he has become an angel. I will love you always CHRIS...

jan 05.06
my dad died on the 11/5/06 i cant except it i miss him so so very much, i cant come to terms with it, he had lung cancer he only found out 6 wks previous so did not have much time for goodbyes, i spent a lot of time with him making him comfortable, he bought me up on his own from the age of 12 with my twin sister, and brother, he has been my hero, nobody had any rights to come and take him away from me, i love and miss him so much, he was one of the most politest gentleman you could ever wish to meet god bless you dad love you always xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shannon 05.06
My best friend in the whole world died a week ago. I just stop crying. My stomach started hurting the day i found out. The pain is not so bad now. I got to see him before he was buried. He looked like he was just sleeping. A piece of me has moved on with him. I know that one day I will see him again. Until then I will always have him in my prayers and my thoughts. He was a blessing in my life.

Sammie 05.06
My nanna died 1 week, 2 days ago. She died because a blood clot had broken away from her leg and travvelled to her lungs and she died instantly. 1 hr and 30 mins before she died she was laughing and joking and she was found in her chair dead. I'm glad she died quickly and not painfully so for that I am greatful of.
My dad had not spoken to her for 6 years and we only had some contact with her, me and my little brother saw her as often as we were allowed but thinking about her now that wasn't enough.
I have memories of her, some good, some bad. I hope she rests in peace.
Love you nanna
xx

carla 05.06
i lost my graet nanna last week i only wanna to c her 1 last time be 4 she had to but now i know she is lookin out 4 the family and friends loved for eve grandaught carla xxxxxx

lou 05.06
my dad died on sat 23rd april 2006. i cant really believe he has gone, why? im an only child and my mum died nearly 4 years ago, so im alone now. why him?

Shawna 05.06
My best friend died 4-28-06 I think a part of me died 2. I sat evry day & nite in hospitol w/him. I miss him so much. Greiving is hard, but I no he isn't hurting anymore. and I soon will stop hurting to See u in heaven Chucky Bear I Love You.

Charlotte 04.06
My uncle, Sergeant Carl Stephenson, was killed by lightning at the highest mountain in Northern Ireland. (Just over a week ago) It comforts me to know that he died doing something he loved, which was climbing or anything else outdoors. But i miss him so much and find it hard to accept that im never goin to see him again.

Spoony 04.06
My dog, Tara died, she was a fantastic girl.
I love her so much and hope she's ok, and hopefully reunited in heaven.

Lisa 04.06
My nan died on the 4th April 06, I've cried so much since losing her. I was very close to my Nan and I'll miss her so much. I spent all my weekends and 6 week holidays with her when I was little. I have a lot of memories and I'm grateful for that, I'll remember her always and smile and laugh.You cant explain the pain you feel inside, but I'm grateful that I've known her and I'm happy I got to do so much with her when she was here. It doesn't take the pain away, but the good times and memories ease the pain.

Michelle 03.06
My brother was 19 he died on wednesday MArch 15 2006, i am very sad for he was my one and only brother he was driving to work just like any other day and looked down to answer his phone and went into the other lane and hit another car head on both vehicles were traveling at about 55 mph. and he died instantly, i can not explain how much pain i feel or if i will ever get over it i have been trying to find a place like this to share my experience and read about others experiences i am glad i found this and even if noone ever reads it i feel better knowing my story is out there and everyone should realize it only takes a split second for the life of someone you love to be gone forever

laura 03.06
i have lost 5 people who i was close to and i got over my nan,grandad,uncle with in 2 weeks but this time i lost 2 m8s and it has been 2 weeks and i feel worse but hopefuly it will get better

(anon) 03.06
My Dad passed away on the 5th February 2006. He had had major surgery to remove a cancerous tumour and was actually progressing quite well. Unfortunately complications developed and the Dr's were unable to fix them. It was traumatic and unexpected for all the family and we are all struggling to come to terms with the loss of our Dad. Some days i think i am doing really well, then i'll speak to someone and all these horrible feelings come racing back and i am filled with anger and sadness and frustration. I try not to think "what if" but it's hard not to. He was only 65, so much life left to live... why him? it's just not fair. i miss him so much.

Vicki 03.06
Just over a week after my nan passed away it finally hit me that she'd died and I cried for almost 3 days straight. I didn't sleep or eat or anything but I went to church as normal on the Sunday and I felt closer to her again

bex 02.06
ma mom died 2 weeks ago...on friday her favourite day. it feels likei'm in a dream n dat i'll wake up at any moment bt deep down i know i wont. i dnt know wot 2 do. i just want ma mom bk. i just feel reli messed up n i cant fink properly i nva feel like doin owt n i always feel rite tired. i aint bin bk 2 school yet n i reli dnt want 2. i hate tlkin bout ma mom in d past sayin she liked n stuff i dnt want 2 admit shes gone foreva.

kirsty-jane 02.06
i lost my mum 2 two weeks ago today and even tho its not long i miss her so much! i went downstairs and herd d tv on i went in d fruntrm 2 gt ma shoes n 4 skwl, my mum was tilted on d counch an i fort she wo aslp she was cold purple an blk i rung an ambulance an they confirmed she was ded. she wasnt just my mum she was my best friend too! im so scared i crnt sleep coz all i do is keep having nightmares its just not funi nemre. a girl at school has spreaded rnd that my mum took an overdose wen no1 knows wat hapnd. i just want everythin 2 b normal an hav my mum bk.

steph 02.06
i have just reacently lost my best friend,she was ninteen and we use to call her bertie because she loved liqurice allsorts. She ended her life after becomming ill. she just couldn't cope anymore. i just wish i could have got to her quicker that day. She rang me asking for help and by the time i got to her house she was dead ,laying on the bathroom floor. i miss her so much and her family can't get over it. her funeral is sheduled for next friday and i'm going to say one last goodbye to the angel i miss so much love you bertie love steph

Lauren 01.06
My boyfriend died when his car hit a tree 3 weeks ago. We have had the funeral and everything. Now no one seems to talk about him that much and they are all just getting on with thier lives. I kno i should to but i cant. I feel so alone and i miss him so much. I have made a scrapbook full of messages, photos and memories which really helps. I still can't imagine life without him tho.

(anon) 01.06
a friend of mine died 2weeks ago. i jus wish he cud cum bk cuz he made me laff n was funny xxx

Tessy 12.05
My boyfriend Alex died 3 weeks ago today after a two week stay in the hospital. He died 3 weeks before his 16th birthday. I still made him a present and put it on his grave today i felt akward but i loved him so. i am now 14 and just found out that have contracted his same illness.
His sweet sixteen is filled with sorrow

sam 12.05
hey iv just lost my grandad and we were very close.it was very sudden and was a shock.im glad to see there is a website for people like myself.

kate 12.05
Its been two weeks since you were cruelly taken away from me and everyone else who knew and loved you. I look every where to find some sort of sign that you are with me. Memories arn't enough for me. I need you so much. i never got to tell you how i was falling madly in love with you. This just isn't fair. I would give anything to be with you.

kirsty 11.05
a couple of weeks ago my boyfriend died. i was going out with him for 5 years. he was the best. everytime i was with him i felt specail and now he is gone it feels like my world has fallen apart. i thought we would be togetherforever. it is really hard when you loose someone. the last thing he said to me was that he loved me. i can hear him saynig them words every night. i loved him and will never forget him

Caz 11.05
i lost my mum and dad 2 weeks ago in a car accident. i never got to say goodbye.

brian 11.05
my best friend died in an accident and I will never heal. I know that everyone goes through this but I just dont see no hope. No one else will ever know me like he did. I have no words to help others, it sucks

jodie 11.05
My dad just died 2 weeks ago I met him for the first time about 3 years ago we started a lovely relationship and somewhere it all went wrong i feel guilty now that i did not make more of an effort I felt lonely at his funeral as i don't really know his side of the family that well it came as a massive shock when i got the call he was young and healthy i don't understand i can't feel like I’m just constantly holding back the tears i miss him so much i just want the chance to tell him how much i love him I’m thankful for the time we had together but can't help but feel a little bitter for all the years we both missed I just feel like the pain will never end

Liz 11.05
My mum died aged 55 from Cancer of Bowl & Liver, on 9th October, 3 days after my 23rd birthday. She only found out she had cancer in June, and no one could offer my family any support whilst she was alive. I now have 2 grieving grandparents who she cared for in their late 80's and trying to cope with the loss myself.
She was my best friend, we never had cross words, I told her everything and knew she would still love me. I feel very empty and alone. Im really brave when im around people, but the minute im on my own I break down and im a mess.

Gemma 10.05
I lost my 48 year old Mum to a tumour of the heart called angiosarcoma that she didnt know she had. I have read that there are only 2-3 cases of this nasty cancer per million. This occured on 10/10/05. I feel that she was so unlucky but at least she didnt know she was dying. Firstly ive had an upset stomach and felt i was going to throw up from the anxiety and the shock. On the day of the funeral it turned into tears. That was yesterday.

Nicole 10.05
I popped my boyfriend's name into Google just for fun one day (he lives in another province). I hadn't heard from him in a while and I thought maybe he would come up in a featured article about sports or something (because he had before). Instead his name came up on a site for death notices. I almost died. I can't tell you what that was like. It's day 6 now since I've known. This is sooo hard. I've had lots of support..but I am really out of it in a lot of ways. I don't know what to say.

Anna 09.05
Michael was the most fun loving, ambitious, political guy i know. He would do anyhting to help anyone and was always up for a challange. He successfully completed devizes to westminster twice and has done D of E gold. He also repesented UKIP in a mock election. Mike was 17 when he was killed in a colision with a lorry last week. i'm his girlfriend and im 15. i feel like Mikes life has been stolen and it is an injustice. so young and so alive.
im not sure how to get through this at the minute, but with support from my friends i will 'stand up once again' and im going to make Michael proud of me when i hope to complete devizes to westminster next year.
I feel all your pain. my tip would be, get a goal and keep busy, work towards your goal.
Mike's girl, Anna

Jessy 09.05
My boyfriend, Mark, died recently. I love him so much. He always understood me in a way that no one else ever has. He was in a car accident and went into a coma. He woke up on my birthday and said that it was me that woke him up from the coma. He was recovering, but he had problems. First he went temporaraly blind, and they had to do surgury to fix it, then he blacked out, and needed more surgury. Then he had one more surgury, ad after it he had a cerebral hemmorage and died. He was so amazing. He was a really talented song writer, and he was going to be a lawyer. It's not right...And I don't even get to go to his funeral.

Laura 09.05
My Gran died last week, and her funeral has just happened. I feel so empty just now. I can't believe how much I miss her.

It was a sudden death, and I regret not telling her how much I loved her before she died. Words cannot describe what a wonderful woman she was.

My grandad is now left alone, and I have two elderly aunts and uncles. I love all three of them from the bottom of my heart, and I am so scared that every day will be the last day with them. I don't know how I'll cope if I lose anyone else.

I love you Gran, I will never forget you xx

(anon) 09.05
I lost my mum, on the 13th August 2005, she died of a heart attack aged 58. I still cant believe im 21 and have no mum, i will never have what my brothers and sister had, my mum wont be in my wedding photos or be there when i have children and that hurts she was there for all of there's, why my mum i ask why? we was so close, so alike in many ways, music,looks,food. still hasnt sunk it yet. But i have to be thankful for the 21 years i did have with her and that i still have my dad. i will never forget my mum ever. x

Megan 07.05
My friend Clint died on Thursday July 14, 2005. It's really been hard for me I feel like I don't want to do anything, or eat anything, I even lost my belief in God and Jesus. I cry everyday, and I been cutting everyday, I even had thoughts of killing myself. Clint was like an older brother to me, he would have been a Senior this year. I just don't understand why God didn't give him a second chance, I wish I could be like Raven on That's So Raven and stop this so he could be alive today. I feel so lost and my mom dosen't let me grief anymore she always yelling at me she dosen't understand. My dad understands because he's been through the same thing as I had. He says it's really hard because you think a person dieds at old age, that's why nobody gets really upset. Can someone please help me.

rhian 07.05
I lost bro he went missing the 1st of june they found him about two week ago he was 17 I am 9 it so sad.I cry and why did you go. he was so nice to me .My other bro is sad my mum is crying lot's and my family.
our sis

Gareth 07.05
my dad died 4 weeks ago and im not really coping, ive broken up from my relationship and had to move home. I feel totally alone and the longer time progresses the harder it gets. Its like its just sinking in. Being alone is making it worse because my mum has her own emotions to deal with and when i try to talk to her she cant handle it. Im not sure how to continue, ive considered suicide but i cant leave mum... i hear her cry at night, she will wake up screaming.... i cant deal with both our emotions

jeanie 07.05
on june 11th of this year my boyfriend died. he drownded in the river. i was in the river to and i almost drownded it was the hardest thing i've ever been thru. i wasent even with him 2months. i had finnaly found my soul mate. i had to be put on meds to sleep and keep food down. i cry myself to sleep almost everynite and i keep replaying it in my head. its so hard. i miss him everyday.

Rachel 06.05
farewell Adrian, you'll be fondly missed. we all love you, at least you don't hurt any more. i've lost a goodfriend and neighbour to leukemia on 13/06/05, you were only 22.

Allison 06.05
My friend stupidly overdosed. I never got to see him in the hospital. He was pronounced dead before i got there. This is the worst hting ive ever been through. How do you get through this.

(anon) 06.05
i didnt know how to react, everyone thought i was doing brialliantly, but now i really miss my dad i wish he was here by my side

anna 06.05
a few weeks ago a close friend of mine went suicide she hung her self im still so sad its just the thought of not seeing them again or talking to them again if so please could u send prayers up to her xxx thanx

Lizzie 06.05
My dad died 4 weeks ago. Im 18 and i feel like i should be able to cope. The more time goes on, the further it sinks in, and I find it harder and harder to function on a day to day basis. The frustration of people saying 'if theres anything i can do please shout' and knowing the words are leaving their mouths with no intention behind them. I watched my dad slowly die of cancer, as he lay in the hospital and took his last breaths, knowing there was nothing i could do. I felt awful as i uncontrollably cried next to him saying goodbye, which must have made him panick. I miss him so much, my family has fallen apart since hes gone. I want my younger sister to be alright, as i know it hit her hard.Its so unfair, he was only 50! Why dont cold blooded killers suffer like this, why is it always the good people the get struck down before their time!I love you dad, I know your soul is in a peaceful place! xxx

kaylea 06.05
my neice died 2 weeks ago wid lukeamia da doctors sed she had 3 months 2 live nd she died 2 weeks after. i wanted 2 say good bye b4 she died but i couldnt but after she died 1 night after school i went and saw her body, i was rele scared but i had 2 do it cos i couldnt go 2 her funeral, i miss her more and more each day. every1 keeps sayin get on wid your life but its rele hard.

i luv you loads baby girl your my lil angel xxxxxxxxxxxxx