personal

weeks

No name, 1 December 2011
my dad died in 2007. my grandma died last year. my mum died from cancer 2 weeks ago, I am a 20 year old student.

Margaret, 28 October 2011
My mum was in hospital with a broken hip. SHe had the op and she felt fine. She was only 4st 10lbs. My younger brother philip passed away suddenly 2009 and my older brother passed away 2003 after illness. Getting back to mum after her hip op she was fine and looking forward to going home. I went to visit her in hospital on Monday 24th which was Monday 2011. I sat dwn to talk to her and nurse came put her into add. I noticed my mummys head to the side. I called her name and aske mum are you alright. She wasn't.. she tool blood clot to the stem of her brain. SHe lived one day after it happened. She was breathing and her eyes were opened. But she passed away. MY hearts breaking. I miss her so much. We were very close. The funeral was today 28th October 2011. I can't stop thinking about her. I loved her with all my heart. I can't stop crying. I want my mummy back. I feel all alone.

Tracey, 6 October 2011
My Dad was so special and within 26 days we had lost him to cancer how will I ever cope I know he would want me to be strong but we only get one Dad!
It's so hard and the strength is I know I am not alone and others out there are the same we have too be strong.
I love you Da x

Sophie, 30 September 2011
a good friend of mine commited suicide and i found out 2 weeks later on facebook:(

No name, 27 September 2011
my dad died nearly 2 weeks ago in a tragic accident it was a head on collision and im not sure how to feel :(

Georgia-Jane, 23 September 2011
i know some people havent got fathers,mothers,nans or granfather but it dose me head in when someone in my family die because if you think ur not goin to see them no more and when its the people u love it kill you. my nan and my mother granmother have died but there was nothing we could of done to help them i no me and my family love them but it was time for them to go as my little brothers and sisters say they are goin to see or meet the Angels and they say to me all the time be good because they are watching you and somethink if u wanna see them agone you have to close your eye and think about the people you love see one night i was just going to sleep and i got up and cryed because i saw my nan sitting there next to me hugging me and i said to her i need you please dont go and her said nothing do you how much that kill that day and the next day i went to school and i was trying not to cry but i did but i did care because my best friend was where with me

Georgia-Jane, 23 September 2011
my nan died at the start of september
sometime i wish she didnt go but she need to go she couldnt do it no now and she was just 56 year old and that not that old, so when i go to her home and help my granfather i try not to cry

Rachel, 4 September 2011
My nan died 8 days ago nd i am missing her so much, boxing day dinners will never be he same again.

Laura, 14 July 2011
My Dad died suddenly in the early hours of the morning of his 50th Birthday. Its been 19 days now and I am still feeling as though it is all a bad dream and that I will wake up soon and he will walk back in. I feel numb and I'm not sure how I should be feeling.

Abi, 10 July 2011
lost my father to suicide 2 weeks ago :( dont know how to feel at all so confused!!!

Michelle, 6 July 2011
My dad died 2 weeks ago and i miss him so much.
After a nine and a half week battle in icu, the meds had to be turned off and he only lasted an hour without them. When he was 1st taken in is was told he was going to die then things improved slightly, he was transferred to get an op as he had a rare infection, i was told the worst again, but my dad always did defy the odds and make a recovery, after 5 weeks he was transferred back to the original icu, where is was going to do his long haul of recovery. After 3 weeks he took was he had in the beginning all over again, and the 1st time his kidneys and liver started to fail, but picked back up again, i knew when he took the infection again he wouldnt be able to defy the odds twice. every night i was advised to stay over incase he died, he managed another week and a half. His kidneys had totally failed this time, liver too. had a heart attack, massive amount of flesh and bone removed from his chest. I'd really like to say how much of a fight he put up and the agony he went though just in the hope he could watch his grandson grow up. My dad was only 57. I cried so much the whole 9 and a half weeks watching him deteroiate and improve, he died whilst i was laying beside him. i just feel numb, i cant focus on anything and i dont care about anything anymore. my dad and i never spent a day apart, we were soo close. he apart from my son was the only one i had, i may have looked after him physically, but he looked after me in every other respect. i feel like he should be here at least another 30 years. I truly miss him.

sadie, June 2011
well im sadie im 14 and my grandad died not so long ago. i was very and i mean very close to him! since hes gone ive hit rock bottom i feel useless, alone, helpless, upset, angry, mad.. lots of mixed emotions. i have been diagnosed with bad depression which doesnt help! i miss him so much its unbelievable i feel as i cant cope :/

Stacey, 15 June 2011
My Gramp Died On The 17th Of May 2011 He Was My Best Friend You Dont Relise How Loved He Was Until He Gone Not A Day Minute Or Second Goes By When My Grampy Isnt On My Mind Part Of My World Is Missing But He Is Watching Over Me Pleased At Everything I Do XX

kay, 27 May 2011
may gran died 8 april 2011 i miss her so much i cry myself to sleep i just wanna die to b with her. her death has hit me so hard im only 14 i misss her so much i feel so guilty i didnt go to her funeral now im so upset i have been causinng mayhem at home so im getting put into care

Allan, May 2011
I lost my partner suddenly on 25 March (5 weeks ago) at 2.40 in the afternoon. It was sudden and quick, so he didn't suffer, but that doesn't stop me hurting so much. I am a spiritualist so believe that he has crossed over and is with me right now, but I can't stop the pain over the loss of his physical being; I miss the hugs, the conversations, the kisses, the safety. I have good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments. But in the bad days/moments I would do anything to be with him again. I don't understand why I'm still here and he's been taken away. I try to tell myself that getting upset is pointless because it won't bring him back, but it doesn't stop the pain - when it comes back it's like a sledgehammer or a breaking ball whacking me in the face. I hate the cliches of time is a great healer, or it will get easier. I don't think I want it to get easier cause in my head that says I'm forgetting and I never want to forget. As I type this I am in the place of I would do ANYTHING to be with him again, my soulmate. I miss him with all my heart and it aches beyond belief. We always believed that our 'purpose' was to look after each other. Therefore what's my purpose now? I don't get it :'(

Emma, April 2011
My dad passed away on the 7th of april this year 6 days after my 19th birthday, he was just 43 its so unfair. He had been ill for 15 years with a brain tumor and never ever complained not even in hospital he carried on with every day life as if nothing was wrong, he whent in to hospital last october for a operation to take some of his tumor away and never came home again he caught infection after infection,he always used to battle his way through them and was so near to coming home then he got pneumonia after being on a ward with someone that had it, his lungs collapsed which he overcome but the fight ahd become to hard and one day he just gave up fighting and was put on life support and never woke up his brain had gone to sleep but his body was still alive he was taken off life support and we were told he would die in a few minutes but he was such a fighter he held on for another 13 hours, i thought 'thats my man' i knew he was ready to go although everyone kept telling me he would be ok i knew he wasent going to be, he was told in 1996 he had 5 years to live, he has lived and extra 10 years he was so so strong ill never meet a fighter like my dad he looked to good to die people in ICU got to leave their and go on to a ward looking worse than my dad nothing seems fair,i was closer with my dad than enyone else a was a proper dads girl, i love you dad forever and ever xxxxxxxxxx

Courtney, 18 April 2011
(This Is A Long Story.)I Am Very Sad To Say I Have Lost My Bampy On the 26th March 2011, I Was Extremely Close To him. Actually I Was The 2nd Closest Person To Him,Well I Practicly Lived With Him And Here's My Story...
<BR>My Bampy Has Already Had A Stroke Before I Was Born, This Meant He Couldn't Use His Right Arm,It Wasn't Paralysed Just Hard To use. He Had An Operation To Get It Fixed But Unfortunly This Operation Didn't Work And It Had Damaged Hai Speech, He Carried On Working As A Plaster. When I Was About 4 Or 5 He Fell Off His Armchair And Hit His Head Against A Wooden Plank Along A Glass Door, And He Was Rushed Ito Hospital.He Has Been Fine Ever Since But Christmas 2010 He Fell Very Ill On New Years Eve He Was Rushed Into Hospatil By The Family Doctor. After A Large Amput Off Studies They Found Out He Had Phenomia That Was Caused By Food Going Into His Lungs. He Was Put On Lots Of Tubes, He Wasn't Event Allowed To Eat Anything At All, He as On Food Tubes,And Oxygen, And Water And Many Other Things. Since There Was Nothing Else The Doctors Could Do We Decided To Bring Him Home, By Now It Was End Of February.After Along Battle We Got Him Home 23 Third Of March We Knew Thursday He Had Given Up Fighting, Friday Night He Was Very Bad!
All His Children And Me One Of 7 Grandchildren To Him And One Great Granddaughter. Then When We Got There He Had Got A Bit Better. I Woke Up Saturday Morning To Find My Mother Very Upset To Find He Had Died, It Has Been Very Difficult Ever Since, But We Will Miss Him Very Much.
Thank You For Reading My Story.

Trish, 5 April
Umm, my nan was admitted to hospital at 4pm on Thursday 10th March 2011, she had had a bit of a cold and the cough had just got a little bit worse and was causing some breathing trouble, doctors said she just needed some oxygen and she would be fine, when she was admitted to hospital, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being moderately ill and 10 being practically dead, my nan was marked a 1, by 8am on the Friday morning, she was dead.
I was staying with my auntie at the time as it was my nans birthday on the 13th March and we were planning to take her out for a meal, me and my cousin returned from our morning outing to find not only my auntie, but my mum in the lounge with blank faces, we knew that nan had gone.
I have never really accepted the fact that I will never see her again, I miss her so much and would give anything to bring her back, she was my inspiration in life and even now as I write this, I find tears rolling down my cheeks, rest in peace nan, forever in my mind and forever in my heart, miss you and love you always xxxxxxxxxxxx ,

Becky, 7 February 2011
I lost my mum to cancer on the 5th jan this year, it broke my heart as my mum had always been there for me, I was very close to mum and I was her full time carer, now I dont know how Im ment to cope. I promised I take care of my brothers and dad for her which I promise I will do, but I dont feel like me anymore its like the moment she died apart of me went with her. I know now shes in no more pain and watching over me and I miss her everyday xxx

Tom, 20 January 2011
My mum died 2 weeks ago i feel really sad and angry.When i heard that she died i was full of despair and whenever im at school,out and about or at home i always have a picture of her in my head but im glad that i can still remember what she looks like and i can still remember her voice coz i never want to forget her face or voice.I recently talked to my dad and he said that it will take a long time to get used to it and he also said that my mum will be proud of me for what i did for her.I have a older brother who cares for me alot,a little brother who is 8 years younger than me so i have been told to look after him because its more painful when you are younger so i will always look after him and acompany him when he is sad i also have a older sister who looks afther me alot and i look after her and i also have dad who i bet is as sad as i am but we all look after each other and we stay together whatever happens lastly i have a dog called Troy whi i am his master so i look after him alot because i feel sometimes hes the only one who i can speak to.Finally heres a bit of advice to other viewers of this website,

1.Always speak to someone if you are felling sad and its percutly normal to be sad and its also normal to cry so never hold them back.

2.What i have at the moment is a memory box so i can put things that remind me of my mum and my mum would really like that so i will encourage otheres to do the same as me.

3.I know that sometimes you will have really sad days and really happy days but remember whoever you have lossed they will want u to be happy and they will always want you to never forget about them.

4.Finally if you are reading this i will like to let you know that things will get better and im sure your loved one will always stay in your heart.

charlotte, 14 December 2010
my daddy died a month and 1 week ago

Rubie, October 2010
Ive recently lost my brother over the new drug Ivory Wave. It was the first time he had taken any Legal High. He thought he could fly and he had troubles anyway. The drug was a horrible legal high that made me lose my brother, i havent got other the fact that he is gone. The funeral went pass and it was still all a blur. He committed suicide and jumped off a cliff but some of our family think he fell. I know it sounds bad but i wouldve rather if he had jumped because then i wont have so much pain and stress inside. If he fell it would be like a million knives satbbing me in the back. I hate that i ahve no one to talk to anymore because my brother was my best family member and i could tell him anything and trust him loads. Im angry and hurt for what has happened and it still ahsnt sunk in. My mum reported him missing because he never leaves the house without his wallett and his phone but he had left it on the table at home and a letter saying :" Mum, i have gone to the hospital to try and get help with my anger, please tell everyone i love them all loads and i will see them soon, tell sammy (his fiance) and alesha (his baby) i love them ever so mich and they will always be in my heart. I love you mum and dont forget it. Love you lots, your only son Mickey."
After that the police came round our house and told my mum they have found a body and his fingerprints matched Mickeys. Me and Mum was distarught. I hated that day. The next day we went to see him at the chapel of rest and it was horrible, just to see my borther stone cold lying on a bed with a samshed face up as where he jumped/fell off the cliff was terrible. If i had one wish in the whole world i would chose to have my brohter back.
I love MICKEY <3
BEST BROTHER EVER..... R.I.P :D XXXXXXXXxxxxx

No name, 18 September 2010
I lost my mum on the 29th of april 2010 at 5:25 AM. The same time my son was born 2 years befor. my mum died of cancer which she had for 5 years. i was there when she died and cant stop thinging of her last moment. i cant cry and i havent cryed i dont know why. i feel sad but just cant cry.my mum is all i had and i mis her so mush.!!!!!! i still think she is still going to walk though the door. when i fonud this page i read about a 15 year old who lots there mum on the 30th which made me cry for the 1st time.i knnow if my mum was reading this she would kick me right up the ass.[and your mum would too....]

No name, 4 September 2010
:/ nan
My nana rcently past. she was 65 yars old, The only person I could tell anything to. everydays a constant struggle trying not to cry. She was my bestfriend. If i could just hug her again see her smiling. It happend so fast. I promised her sh'd be allright. I wish it was me instead of her.

Liam, 23 August 2010
It has been about three weeks since my mum died when the day of the funeral was upon my family there was a lot of grief I mena how would you feel if you lost someone close.
But after the funeral we all went back to the pub to get drunk just like my mum wanted us to but me and my friend charlie were sat at the back of the room and I thought to my self and then told charlie it doesn't feel right every body cheering and shouting (I think it was the booze but im not sure) but I thought wait a minute about ten minutes ago there were loads of sobs and crying now evry bodys acting like there on another planet weird....!

No name, 13 August 2010
I lost my boyfriend 2 weeks ago in a cr accident. I only feel at peace when im praying for him. Sometimes i find myself talking to myself, cos i know and i feel him there. It's only been 2 weeks. And all i want it is to always remeber him. I was with him on the very day he passed away too. By making my family proud, is the only way i think he'll be proud off me.

broken heart, 12 August 2010
My boyfriend was killed on his motorcycle by a drunk driver.It was two weeks ago and it is so hard.We have been together for two years and talked everyday.I miss him calling me and asking how my day has been, or telling me goodmorning. I miss watching tv with him and going out to eat with him. I miss riding on his motorcycle with him. I miss spending the night with him.I feel like I have lost a part of me and it really hurts.He was my best friend that I could talk to about anything.My friends are great but the pain is still there. So many plans and dreams just gone in a blink of an eye.I feel empty,my stomach hurts a lot,I cry when I think about him,everytime the phone rings I think its him and then I remember.They say it takes time....its during that time it takes that is so hard...to live everyday as if all is good...go to work,eat,sleep and somehow try to smile.The pain in my heart that just will not go away.

Jessica, 31 July 2010
My father died less than a month ago. I cant get over it, i am in shock, i was angry at him because i never knew him for personal reasons but i understand now why.

How long will i feel like this for? I cant stop crying but i feel a presence around me all the which NEVER leaves what is it?

Laura, 26 July 2010
i am feeling exactly the same as all these people who have already shared their experiences. i lost my gran 3 weeks ago and i have never been the same since. she died of cancer and i knew she was really ill, i'm 16 years old, so i understood. although it all happened so fast. she was in and out of hospital for the last wee while and each day i went to see her and even though i knew there was no cure, i always thought, in a little bit of me somewhere that she'll get better. that everything would be how it used to be. she would be making me dinners on a friday and we'd go to the shops or snuggle on the sofa in front of the telly. anyway i was in school, in my english class and i got taken out because "someone was in the reception for me" and i knew. i knew from those words. that was the 28th june 2010 and that was the worst day of my life. i would love to talk to someone who feels the same. i feel like i have nothing to live for and each day i just want to die and be with her.

Tracey, 16 July 2010
My dad died a few weeks ago i find it hard to cry i just feel like there is a big lump in my throat. i feel so lost i dont know how to help the rest of my family its so hard and i actually feel a bit angry towards them sometimes what is wrong with me?

Star, 16 June 2010
My boyfriend died two weeks ago, he was hit by the police while they were answering to a call of duty. I miss him so much and it's so hard for me to even accept that he's gone. I still call him, text him and leave him messages on facebook. I just hope one day soon, i will be able to talk about how wonderful he was without choking back tears and when that day comes I pray to God that he doesn't become a distant memory, i want him to forever be in my heart like I will be in his.

Nicola, 30 May 2010
My mum died 3 weeks ago, It was so sudden and shocking to watch her quickly deteriate, she was sick for six weeks and went to hosptital on Easter Sunday and was dismissed and went back home for another two weeks she layed in her bed and was not eating, we all thought it was a virus as she had been told and then She went to hospital becauce my sister and i insisted we knew she could not continue and that she needed different medication and we stilll had to wait for 7 days of them finally looking into her illness further and did scans. She was told on the Sunday she had lung and bone cancer and died on the thurs, it has been so hard I cry myself to sleep everynight i feel lost empty and hollow, My life will never quite be the same again. I hate it when people tell me to be Strong, how can you be Strong when your Bestfriend/mum has died so suddenly. I cry so much and feel so much pain i feel like a little girl again who is calling for mummy. No one can understand the greif you feel and everyone is so differnt but my pain is so intense i feel a ache in my heart.

David, 5 May 2010
My mother passed away on the 14th of April 2010. Probably the most horrendous day of my life. I felt guilty for not having been there at the end. I felt guilty for all the things I should have done and said when she was alive. I felt anger at myself for not being able to save her. Most of all I miss her and know life will never be the same without her.

No name, 26 March 2010
My Grandad Died 2 weeks ago and we have just had his funeral but yet still it really hasnt sunk in that I wont see him again, I don't really cry much over it all, although he was one of the closest people to me and one of the best friends I had, I will show anger instead of Tears, I take it out on my friends which I know I shouldn't. It has helped that I can just walk out of class whenever I like and go to a teacher for support and to calm me down as my anger is over taking me completely and I am scared of what may happen. I read a speech at my Grandads funeral and I tried my hardest to stay strong for him which didnt really work out but I knew he would of known that I had tried for him. That ius one of the hardest things I have ever done and probarbly ever will do in my life reading for my Grandad but I am proud in myslef for doing it as I feel like that is the way I had said my final Goodbye to him. It was a shock, his death, no one could of knew it was coming and I dont think anybody did to be fair, he was 68 and a strong hard working, non retired man but he had a sudden heart attack whilst he was at work on his own and my Auntie found him 6 hours later. That was the hardest point in all of this, the shock of things but the saying TIME IS A HEALER. Is not true in the slightest, just take as much time as you need to get used to things but everybody knows with death nothing will be the same again you just have to try and stay strong.

Me, 9 March 2010
He died in motorcycle accident miles away .I knew about it the day after his funeral, on febuary 14th .Since the moment I learnt time stoped and this 4 weeks are just one long day or a bad dream I still hope will end.He was 24, beautiful like an angel .We were together when everything was against it and separated like it's only for five minutes.Last couple monthes we didn't talk , and it's not my fault but I was choking myself for everything I didn't do and didn't say.He deserved so much more.I don't watch tv-nothing, it's pointless , everything doesn't make sense if he is not in this World...

No name, 25 February 2010
my brother died in august. it seems like years ago. it was such a shock and has taken this long to even sink in. ihere's a trial in a few weeks. i don;t even know how i feel about that really. my grandma died a couple of weeks ago. that was another massive shock. i miss her so much and feel emotional almost constantly about it. i think it's because my brother's death's just sort of hitting me now and i love them both so much so everything's becoming harder to cope with. it still sometimes doesn;t feel real. i cant really talk about it to anyone. i wouldnt even know what to say. brother...6 months. granny..2 weeks.xxx

Kaddy, 1 February 2010
My nannan died a few days after new year and ive never been the same since. My boyfriend and i almost split up because i was too emotional and always took it out on him. My dad moved to kent and left me in sheffield, now i feel i have no-one who cares for me. The only person who is always there for me is my mum. My nannans death has killed me inside, and im gonna be turning 15 in a few months and my nan always had the perfect gift and smile there. She loved me so dearly and when she was laying in her hospital bed she was always staring at me trying to say something but then when she only got one word out i heard her breath go and her eye's just automatically shut. I shook her and shouted her name but she had left me. I will always miss her.

Archive up to end of 2009 is here