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2 - 6 months
Messages up to the end of 2007

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No name, December 2007
I LOST MY BOYFRIEND ON NOV 17,2007 HE DIED OF A HEART ATTACK I FOUND HIM AND I CAN NOT GET THAT PICTURE OUT OF MY MIND AND HOW COLD HE FELT HIS FAMILY ASK ME TO LEAVE HIS HOME AND THEY HAVE NOT CONTACTED ME SINCE HIS DEATH THERE IS NO BURIAL PLACE TO GO TO MOURN HE WAS CREMATED AND HIS 1/2 BROTHERS AND SISTER TOOK CARE OF HIS REMAINS I MISS HIM MORE THAN ANYONE CAN KNOW! 

No name, December 2007
my dad died in AUG 2007.he was 60.he was on life support for 5 weeks and i had to make the decision to switch things off and let him go.my childhood was often sad and dad was violent,but when he died it knocked me sideways.I miss him and i long to hear his voice.I used to believe in heaven but i cant feel anything about where dad is except in a coffin 6feet under the ground

Griff, December 2007
My dad passed a couple of months ago. I went to see him in the hospital and knew he was in bad shape but we live a thousand miles apart.  The day he died I woke up in pain and it kept intenseifing until I almost passed out. i KEPT TELLing my wife to call the hospital and tell them to stop but she thought i was crazy .  20  min later I was called by my aunt and told my father had passed. this has really messed with me

Vikki, December 2007
My beautiful cousin died 2 months ago on sunday, and I miss her like crazy. We were so incredibly close and it hurts to think that she isn't here anymore. I loved her so so much, and we spoke all the time on msn, I didn't see her often because she lives about 3/4 hours away from me, but we were planning to meet up next summer, and go travelling in a few years. I sometimes feel okay, normal even, but then it all comes flooding back that she really isn't here. She died in a car crash the day after she passed her driving test, 11 days before her 18th birthday. Christmas is going to be so hard this year. I miss her and love her so much! x

Amy, December 2007
i saw my stepdad commit sucide about 2month ago and i feel like i want to kill my self and i have started taking drugs alot more than i use to and my beavihour has got worse i dont know what to do and i still cant cope with seeing my stepdad hanging i still see him some times when i close my eyes

Becky, December 2007
I lost my Grandad just over 2 months ago (19/10/07). He was my world and was alwys there for me, listening, giving advice. He went in to hospital for a checkup, diagnoised with cancer the next day, died a week later. We never thought he wouldn't be coming home. Afterwards I didn't want to talk to anybody, shut myself in my room, the pain and loss was too much to bear. As a result I had alot of arguements with my family. Theankfully I realised they are the most important thing in my life before the problem got too serious. Don't shut yourself away, it doesn't help. My Grandad was so special and loved by so many people not just his family. He was kind, caring and gentle. If I'm anything like him it would be a great achievment. 

Gemma!! December 2007
well my best friend davy was the most amazing lad that anyone cud ave asked 4 e was the 1 went n cheered u up wen u wer feelin down e was th most charming boy about and i miss him so mch he took his on life in July 07 and i will never forget the day i got told i was in town with my granny wen 1 of mi friends said gemma did u hear bout davy i thought she was goin 2 tell me he had a new gd bt little did i kno she had told me that he had comitted sucide i just ran out of the shop cryin because a week be4 it i was at a markethill parade with him and i was seeing him and it brought it all back i miss him so mch and cnt get him ot of my head i jus wish he was here now so that i cud tell him that he was the most amazing boy out and i realli do love him with my heart!! jus wish he was ere!!
love yhoo david!! R.I.P. WEE MAN!
x

AMY --X, December 2007
I LOST MY MUM 3 MONTHS AGO YESTURDAY ... AT FIRST IT WAS NOT BAD COPING AND ALL BUT AS THE TIME HAS GONE BY AND BASICLY NO1 IS BUZZIN ROUND US ANYMORE IT HAS COME ALOT WORSE. WITH MY MUM BEING TERMIALLY ILL WITH CANCER && A BRAIN TUMOR ...  I KNOW THIS SOUNDS BAD BUT WE HAD TIME TO PREPARE OURSELEVES EVEN THO I DIDNT WANT TO EVEN DREAM ABOUT MY MUM NOT BEING THERE. RECENTLY I HAVE BEEN CRYING ALOT AND BEING REALLY DOWN AND ALL. SCHOOL ARE GOING TO GIVE ME CONSULING BECAUSE THEY KEEP SAYING I AM NOT MY BUBBLY SELF AND IT WORRIES THEM ... I HOPE IT GETS BETTER BECAUSE I KNEW IF MY MUM WAS HERE SHE WOULD TELL ME TO PICK MYSELF UP ..X THANKS FOR READING X

molly, December 2007
my dad died of cancer in september...my life is just unfair..it feels like everything has just fallen on top of me and it feels like a bad dream..he was only ill for about 4 weeks and only 2 of those weeks were in hospital

he was my best friend..i miss him nore than anything..im not bothered about christmas presents or christmas or trying to enjoy myself..i just want him back

lisa, November 2007
my dad died in september and my head is a mess. he sexually abused me from as far as i know 6 till i was 16 and i got strong and said no. i never told anyone and i still havent, this is the first time i have mentioned it. i still saw him neally everyday because he was still with my mum i just pushed it aside and ignored it. he died of cancer really quick from being diagnosed to passing it was 2 weeks. it was awfull i cried when it happened a i wispered i forgive you. i cant grieve its hard i remember everything he did but he was still my dad noone knows and im suffering alone. i have been strong for my mum and brother i sorted the funeral and everything but i feel trapped i need help IT HURTS SO BAD!!

Jon, November 2007
My best friend JJ died of a drug overdose 2 months ago. I had always told him not to mess around with pills but he wouldnt listen to me. he literally saved my life many times. he changed my life in so many ways. i dont think i will ever be the same without him. The worst thing is......the last time i talked to him i said something mean. if only i could re-live that last day........

bianca, November 2007
my cuzins died 2 years ago
my nan died 1 years ago
my auntie died about 4 months ago
my uncle died on febuary 3 2007

jordan, November 2007
My nan died 3 months ago in August 2007 i was sad when i heard the bad news and my sister was sad when she heard the news as well

raegan.xo, November 2007
my mum dies 6months ago and im findin it reely hard.it was all so sudden i reely miss her she wasnt just my mum she was also my best friend.

that mornin she dropped me off at school i sed bye to her and she seemed fine.

i walked out of school awya to get in my friends dads car to go home and i saw my auntie in her car and she beeped so i went with her..
i was in the car and my little brother was in a school where he needed picked up from and she usually picked him up so i sayd has my mum picked richard up from schhol and she sed i dont know and i went well where is she and then she sed dunno agen.

i knew sumthin was wrong?

i walked into the house and my little brother was crying and so was my aunties and my dad couldnt speak i was wondering what was going on?

i asked my dad what it was and he sat me down and  told me.

my heart had been broken

i had two older sisters and one of them was in london and one was in france so they had to find out over the fone!

i heard them both screamin !

i was so scared to go and see my mum and i reeely reely miss hur

things have moved on now it has been 6 months and i reely still do miss her  ilove her so much and just wish she was here!xo

iloveyoualwaysmumandalwayswillxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Vicarage Crew, November 2007
Its Been 2months Now Since Chris & Nathan gt killed And it Hasnt Gt any Easier We all Miss Them Dearly Jus Wish We had a Little More Time With Them To Tell them How much We All Loved Them && Enjoyed There Company Miss Yu Bth So Much
x
x
x

Jo x, November 2007
2 months ago my dad died.
it was in an accident and was very sudden.
i am finding it quite hard to cope as i am only 12 and sometimes (rarely) find i almost have to act as the dad of the family.
and when im at school i sometimes find it hard to keep my mind on lessons for worrieing about my mum and how she is getting on at home, even just what shes doing all day.
i miss dad so much and never expected him to be gone so soon in my life, as he was only 41. it also makes me upset to hear my friends/ teachers talking about their fathers/ teaching (eg. French) but i do have peace at mind knowing that he loved and cared for us all so much, and remember not to forget all the amazing times we shared.

Rosie, November 2007
My best friend Sarsh died of a brain tumour in May this year. At first I was doing okay, I missed so much and cried loads but I was doing alright.

All of a sudden when I started Year 8 my life just went downhill. I couldn't believe how lonely I was, everyone seemed to have forgotten about it and it felt like I was the only one who was still devastated, apart from his family. It got worse and worse after that. I was more forgetful, had less energy and found little meaning in what I was doing. I did worse at school and got into trouble because I was always distracted and the teachers didn't understand. I have never felt so alone. I cut myself, thought about suicide and was seriously depressed. He was a true best friend and even though I have other friends I can't trust them and they're not nearly as good as him. I don't feel like I'm my usual self and smile far less.

During the time between his death and now, I started dating a boy in my form. He's been there for me throughout my depression and I'm so grateful to him for that. Other people have helped me but one girl was basically telling me to let it go and I was holding on to him too much. She told me that I shouldn't go to counselling and just move on. I was upset and angry because she didn't understand and was being unbelievably dismissive of how I was feeling. Weekends and holidays are lonely for me, and it seems like everyone else has a best friend.

I feel like I should have told him how much he meant to me. I couldn't even go to his funeral beacuse it was in South Africa, which is where he used to live and it's where all his family lives too.

I'm slowly getting better. I have talked to my parents about how I'm feeling. They've been really supportive and I'm very grateful to them. Reading other people's experiences makes me feel like I'm not alone.

RIP Sarsh I love you so so so so much.
Can't wait to see you again.
Best friends forever and ever and ever.

Amy, 29 Oct 2007
Only a few months ago i lost a friend (age 14), who was also known amongst a lot of people.I didnt mix with him at High School, but still it was a friendship i would never forget. I may have known him since year 3 but i didnt get that close to him, but when i found out he had cancer i didnt know what to do.

He would have his ups and downs with his condition, and sometimes make it into school and be playing football with his mates like nothing was wrong. He was always so happy and cared more about his friends than he did himself.

A couple of months before he was diagnosed with cancer, his mum died unfotunatly i dont know why. But that really hit him and to be told that your mum has just died and find out that you have cancer all in a close time, must have been really hard.

He started to go downhill very quickly after that and was in hospital on numerous occasions. He knew he was going to die but never let it get him down.He planned his whole funeral and went ot his own wake...but he didnt let it be like a wake it was more like a party to celebrate all the friendships he had.

During the school Easter Holidays of this year, we were told that he had passed away, just after wacthing an England footie match. He was a footie finatic to say the least. His favourite team was aresenal, and me being me who doesnt like football didnt think that that team would mean alot at the funeral.

How i was wrong, everything to do with Arsenal was there. His coffin was coloured in the Arsenal colours, we wanted it to be a happy occassion to remember the good times. And the one piece of advice i told people was that to think of it as he was out of pain. Because he was.. finally free of all the pain.

So if you ever feel like the world is going to end when someone close to you dies just think of it as they are out of pain. I still visit Phil sit and talk to him by myself. Hes there somewhere listening i know he is....

carla, 27 Oct 2007
my boyfriend died in a car crash a couple of months ago im 6 months pregnant with our first baby he would have loved to see his child he would of been a great daddy xx

natasha, 21 Oct 2007
i am 13 i went over to see my grandad during the summer holidays this year (2007) he had been in hospital the christmas before (2006) he  was diagnosed with cancer and it turned out that he had had it for 4 years even though it didnt show in any of the blood tests my grandad is dead now i sat there and watched him die for 5 days how is a 13 year old supposed to cope with that he was the person i always wanted to grow up to be like now who do i grow up to be like bet you cant answer that

Hannah, 8 Oct 2007
5 months ago my best friend, aged 22, committed suicide. I miss her terribly, and i know a lot of other people do too. I just hope she is feeling better up there in the sky then how she felt down here.

Sarah, 3 Oct 2007
I still feel like i'm going to fall to pieces. it just hasnt happened yet. it hasnt sunk in that she isnt coming back. shes been gone almost 6 months and my brain still doesnt wanna acknowlegde that.

sam, 1 Oct 2007
my boyfriend died 3 months ago in  a tragic accident, he was my whole world and i loved him so much, he was the only person who kept a constant smile on my face, but more than anything he was my bestfriend. He was only 18 and was the nicest most caring person you would ever meet, he always put people before himself its just not fair that he had to go. i miss him so much and just wish i could tell him i love him one more time.

Yasmine, 1 Oct 2007
I found my mum dead in her bed when i was home alone on the 23rd july 2007. She died from a sudden brain hemmorage. I am 14

emma, 26 Sep 2007
my nan died in March of this year suddenly!
she was only 68.
i had my 18th birthday not too long ago and getting through my party was the most painful experience i have eva had to do.
when she died i was in shock for about a month and i didnt really have my time on mourning. she  died on the thursday and i was back to coll on the tuesday. every day without her is so unbareable. i feel as tho i cant spk to my mum and dad about it as they keep saying that it was my dads mum and just to imagine how he feels.
i dont like to seem silly about it but i didnt expect to loose my nan this soon and sudden and i really dont know how to cope without her.

No Name, 24/09/07
My dad died 3 months ago from being diagnoised with gullet cancer in the April, 9 weeks later he was gone. Never having being ill at all. I still cannot beleive he is gone, still expect him to answer the phone or walk throught the door at any minite.  Its so easy for people to say it does get easier and you do have to carry on , which I am doing, because nothing will bring him back.  All we have is memories, and I can say all my memories of my dad are good ones, not any bad, which maybe not all people can say.  We should all live life to the full,live every day as if it was your last, as you just never know what is round the corner, we never expected this to happen to any member of our family, but when it did, it was too late.  We will never forget our dad and I think about him every day, with great memories, lets hope he is looking down at us and laughing  as he always did  .  love you always.  

Rebecca, 31 Aug 07
My great great uncle died in april this year. nd even tho he had been ill for 10 years i never thought he actually would go. i feel so lost and i had to be so strong for so many ppl afterwards that i feel like im still grieving and i dont think it will ever stop.
evrything is wierd without him, nd like i promised him so much and wen things happen wich i had told him about, i feel so bad. like i promised to show him my prom dress but i never got the chance nd so at prom i cried as i missed him nd felt i had betrayed him.
A week before he died he was reli reli ill, but 4 sum strange reason on my bday he was sitting up, smiling nd eating a complete transformation from how he was  days b4. but the next day he was ill agen, nd he died a week l8r. this was by far the best bday ever.
i just reli need sum1 2 talk 2 - i miss him so much its untrue.
i love you uncle - nd i no u r always here lookin after me - but sumtimes i feel like ppl r forgetting that im grieving for u 2.
i loved nd still love u
xxxxxx

Jenny, 21 Aug 2007
i lost my mum 2yrs today she had cancer and had heart failure i was 19yrs old at the time 24 hours before she died we had told her that her farther had passed my grandad they were both ill for a long time my mum was a strong kind and smart woman who loved us she always seid i am not scared to die but i am scared to leave you all behind. i still feel numb now. but i know she ok because she can not feel the pain that she felt on this earth i know she be with other people who passed on my only wish and hope when it time for me to pass she be thier love you forever mum jenny x

No name, 08/07
my dad died 2 months ago but i find my self still carrying on even though i dont wont to some days i feel fine and cant cry somedays i ask why, i feel angry that he was only 42 but somedays i feel happy that when he died he was happy and that he loved me and he still does

No name, 08/07
Roughly, 5 mnth ago my boyfriend of 6-7 years died on our anniversary. due, to a conflict that was going on between some people we knew. the worst part is that i was there and he died in front of me in my arms. it was turmoil but be patient and easy on yourself as well as your well-wishers keep yourself busy and try to talk to someone who really does know you and wants to help you

Jackiei, 08/07

my dad died 22 weeks ago i cried like a baby taught i was doing ok sent home from work and cant stop cryingmy heart is breaking feel terrible for my two daughters and my husband is at A LOSS

Carolina, 08/07
MY BEST FRIEND'S LIVE IN BOYFRIEND OF 5 YEARS DIED JUNE 30.  HE OVER DOSED ON INSULIN.  HER LIFE HAS BEEN  ROLLER COASTER SINCE, I TRY TI BE THERE FOR HER IN EVERY WAY AND FEEL THAT I HAVE HAD NO TIME TO GRIEVE BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR HER.  SHE NEED ME RIGHT NOW AND I CAN NOT LET HER DOWN, WHAT DO I DO?

Emily, 08/07
My boyfriend died in a car accident that we were both in.  It was only in June this year (2007) and he was only 17. I am 16 and we knew that we were meant to be.  Not just puppy love, we had our whole life planned, from wedding to children.  It is very hard since we spent everyday together.

No name 08/08
On february 18th this year my friend was killed in a car crash on the way back from a date with a girl he liked. i don't really know how im feeling, everything is confused. sometimes i hate myself because i lost touch with hm in the months before he dies. he was my guardian angel, whenever i was scared he would help, we would talk on the phone at night and he was always there. he had trouble expressing himself but he always let me kno that i was loved, i don't think i did the same for him! even now it doesn't feel real, we are too young to die, i feel so guilty for having my whole life ahead of me when his was taken and not only do i blame myself but those closest to me! the world was deprived of a wonderful boy who was turning into a great man the day Steve died. I only wish he had the chance to shine xxxxxxx

Elle, 07/07
My Dad passed away in May 2007 and I still haven't accepted it. I still expect him to walk through the doors and make some stupid joke. I've shed tears yet very few. What makes it worse is that I was with him when it happened and I was alone in the house. Whenever I close my eyes I see it replay like in a horror movie. I'm fourteen and so much has happened to me and I wish that he was still here with me. So many regrets that will stay with me for so long and I know I shouldn't dwell on them but sometimes it hurts too much.

Does anyone understand what I'm going through?

Catherine 07.07
Almost two months ago I lost someone who I was very close to.I am writing this to tell people to hold on.I know everything seems terrible I didnt think that the death of this person would affect me as it did but I turned into a complete mess and thought I was stuck like this forever.Time doesnt make you forget but it does heal you slightly I am now back to almost feeling ok and coping with the lose but if you feel you cant cope my advice is to talk to someone and tell them everything it helps so much.I know you can feel very alone but when you start opening up you realise so many people care about you.Things will seem better people kept telling me it and I didnt believe them but it is true it just takes time xxx

becca 07.07
it's been nearly 2 months since my big brother died, and mostly i'm always really happy, and sometimes i'll just be really angry and just want to cry.

jodie 07.07
my grandad died of cancer 2 years ago which was extremly hard, and my nan suddenly died 8 weeks ago, and i was the one who found her, i was alone and had to do first aid on her which i cant explain how horrific it actually was, she died later that day, im finding it extremly hard,and cant talk to anyone about what actually happend apart from in email, im trying to get my life back together but its very hard, i will eventually get there.

Sarah 07.07
My mum died on April 19th. I'm so numb. I'm just existing.
She had cancer, but we thought she'd be okay. It's still such a shock. It wasn't expected. How am I supposed to cope?
This goes beyond explaining; beyond expression.

genny 07.07
i had a hard time when my brother died 4 months ago. i could not cope at all. it was my birthday last week and i was crying the day before coz i spent it with him the years before.

Stuart 07.07
In the first few days of my grans death I found it very hard now I am finding it just as hard and I am framing a Puzzle that reminds me of her,I have also got a Koala of hers and I would like a small trinket box because dhe uses to collect them,This on she perticuarly liked.

Halmrast 07.07
My Dad died about 3 months ago and all I feel is anger and sadness. My grad is this weekend and I'm so sad that he is not here. There are so many things I want to experience with my Dad. People think since it has been 3 month that I'm fine and just because I'm trying to enjoy my grad and be happy that I'm fine but I'm really not. I have no idea how I deal with this pain.

(anon) 07.07
i lost my true love 3 months ago to a car chash. the love we had was like no other- i loved him with all my heart and he was the only one i thought of all day. he was my best friend and my boyfriend. a couple months before he passed away i broke up with him out of ignorance ( a hhuge regret) but we never stopped talking , nor did we stoip loving eachother. we got back together once in there. now that he passed away i feel sooooo alone. i feel like no one understands or cares bevacuse we werent dating at the day of the accident. we never showed our love to many ppl so i feel hes the only one who would understand how im feeling rite now, and i cant talk t him. i jus am dieing to see a sign that he still loves me too.

kirstin x 07.07
march... my nan died suddenly in the middle of the night. we were due to see her the day after but we were to late :( my grandad had died just a few months before this happening so the last few months have not be good at all !!!

Jessica 07.07
I lost my Grandad and Great Grandma within 3 months. I miss them. I hope they are both proud of me. I love them forever and for life! xxx

(anon) 07.07
on the 7th of March my bestest mate in the whole world died we were always so close we had known each othewr for 11 yrs. it was unbelievable we did every thing together the worst thing is that she died of such a rare disease only only 1 in a million people get this disease and the worst part is that only 3 people in the world actually got that disease lead to there heart. I find it so hard at lunch times and i find myself alone half the time. For the past 6 months of her illness i didn't get to see her much because she was 2 tired to come into school so i always think that she will walk in the door at some point. I cry my self to sleep most nights and i always feel like i have a part missinfg from me. It didn't help when my aunty died becausse it brought back the emotions i had when she died. I miss her every day and want her back more than anything else in the world.

Jodie 07.07
I lost my Dad nearly six months ago, and it all still seems so surreal, I dont understand it at all. Sometimes I cry, but I don't like talkin about it, or crying infront of anyone, i hardly cry at all. I keep expecting him to come walking through the door to hug me. I dream alot about him. Its all going so slowly. I just want him back. I Miss Him so much its unbelievable. I've got to stay strong for my mum and sister, but now its really startin to weigh me down. I keep remembering him in hospital, and him suffering and keep wishing i could've done something for him. Sometimes I remember the happy memories. I miss him.

(anon) 07.07
My Mum died in January this year. I had cared for her for years. It's strange, but I have never felt any grief. I miss her in an odd way, but haven't cried. I loved her tremendously; she was always there for me when she was more able and she and I were great friends. I cannot be sorry that she is gone because she was suffering; only in that she was old and had dementia. I can only be glad that she is in a better place and young and free again. I don't understand why I haven't grieved, but I wonder if it's because there is no-one except myself to feel sorry for! I wonder if grief is mainly feeling the sorrow of someone left bereft by death. My Mum was a wonderful woman and I look forward to being with her again fairly soon.

Paul 07.07
My Grandad lost his battle with cancer earlier this year. I live with my mum and I've never met my dad, although I do have a stepdad. However I've never got on well with him and my grandad was always kind of like my dad. He was ill for around six months but his death was sudden at the end and it left everyone very shocked. I'm trying to be strong for my mum but I don't feel as though I'm dealing with it very well. My cousin is only 2 and he doesn't understand what has happened and I'm sad for him that he won't have memories of his grandad like I have.

Philip 05.07
My brother Ben died a few months ago, no fault of his own, but let down by the council that employed him. I miss his is an understatement. Can i explain how i feel in words? No. Do i understand that he is gone? No. Do i want to admit he is gone? No.
His birthday would have been tomorrow, neither of us ones to celebrate our birthdays, but how i wish i could.
I can remember his smile, laugh, they we spoke to each other and about our families. Those things are engraved into my memory. I coped with my fathers death much easier, but then it has been thirteen years so may be time has clouded my memory. With my brother it is different, i have changed.

(anon) 05.07
My best friend died becuase of a brain tumour. i remember the night she rang saying shes only got between a week and a month left. i was holding onto hope, for that shed have that month or the doctors were wrong and she had a lot loner left. but within a week her mum rang saying that she passed away in her sleep. but the worst bit of it is, the fact that i feel so guilty becuase i never went to see her. i only rang her. but i feel so alone, and lost, i dont know what to do.

shanice 05.07
last november a close friend of mine who i loved very much committed suicide. i felt as if the whole world was against me and as if i had done something really bad to deserve this much pain. i never knew one person could hurt this much or even close to hurting this much. although i hadn't known him long the thought of Paul not being here anymore really hurts. it is a struggle to get out of bed on a morning. knowing that he isn't here, knowing that i will never hear his voice or smell his aftershave. all i know is that i hurt more everyday knowing that i have to live my life without him.

danny 05.07
my mum died on the 27th of febuary and i still dont feel okay about it. i used to help my mum in the best way i could. i used to live with my mum and my sister and a dog called zack and now i wish i was back at home with them just as it was. love you mum and will never forget you love danny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(anon) 04.07
my boyfriend took his life 3 months ago, he died new years eve. Christmas eve he had asked me to marry him, and 6 days later he had felt so low because he thought he wasnt good enough for me that he took himself out of the equation. I am at the end i just cant seem to pick myself up, i love him and miss him soooo much that i just want to be with him the guilt I have is just too much. The answers to my question of "why" only he holds so i am left to conclude my own answers which keep coming back to me that I was to blame.

nicola 04.07
my dad was found passed away in his house aged just 52 on 5th january 2007, it was a sudden unexpected death that has left me and my brother and sisters just so distraught! i personally am still trying to come to terms with everything, and are still can not believe he has gone, what makes it harder is he lived opposite my house, so seeing his house where he lived for over 27 years has made it more harder, it was also our family home! so there is a lot of memories, its hard also because we couldn't say goodbye, or tell him how mush he was loved! i just hope i can be strong for the coming months.

david 04.07
i lost my brother on janurary 26 2007.He had been under medical treatment for many years for a brain tumour.Mum was taken seriouslly ill in August 2006 and things looked bleak.Mum had a brain tumour 20 years ago but a blockage in her lower intestine by a gaul stone caused multiple organ failure. Days passed and Mum started to respond to treatment.This had a devasting effect on John.He took a turn for the worse and ended up in hospital too,the tumour had returned with a vengenge.
John responded well to his treatment but on Jaurary 22 2007 he was admitted again to hospital as he went into decline.
A phone call to my work place from my dad said `come home`.John developed breathing difficulties and died within hours on 26 Janruary. Ifeel so sad and low.Cry at the slightest thing.I have helped arrange his funeral and choose some songs for the day`Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bochelli..`Time to say goodbye`.I break down just listening to the song`
Thanks to all who have told of your experiences as i felt so alone but i know now i am not. REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES!Thank you for reading this.xx

sophie 04.07
it's realy hard with my dad gone now, i get so angry and take it out on who ever is there at that moment of time even if they are doing me a favor. every one gets realy annoyed with me, but they dont know whats going on in my head, and i cant explain it.
i find it realy hard to talk about it, but i do have one person who i can trust and his name is Charlie, his dad is goin out with my mum at the moment and i find it so hard seeing them together as its only been 3/4 months since my dad died. i wish everything was back to normal. i realy do.

beth 04.07
i lost my littlest bro in april 2006 then this year on new years mornin at 4 am my oldest bro died in a car crash i have falen apart i am tryin to stay strong for my parents.I turned 9 on the 15th of january i found it real hard wiv out him there.My friends all act as if nothins happened and my best friend doesnt care at all!

Hayley 04.07
My beautiful mum died. My mum died 3 months ago, she took her own life and ever since I've been finding it really hard to cope. I've gone back to Uni but no'one here seems to understand or know what to say. I feel embarassed about getting upset or that people are guna get annoyed with me. I feel so alone and I miss her so much, nothing makes sense anymore. My Dad died in April but we I didnt know him very well and it's always just been me and my mum. There isnt anyone that can make the pain go away anymore.

Bruce 03.07
My father fell into a coma from an aneurysm of the brain on august 15 of 2005. My brother and I decided to give him a chance to come out of it, although doctors were doubtful. I had just turned 22 at the time and was made the legal guardian at for his affairs, and I had to travel 130 miles just to visit his unmoving body. He finally passed on December 25th, 2006, and it was both the best and worst present I've ever received. I miss him every day and cry toward the heavens wondering how to keep moving with my life. None of it has gotten any better, and I think it's nature's way of trying to get you to love your time here even more. Just try to think of what they would want you to be doing - our parents always will give us that guidance when needed.

rebecca 03.07
well when i found about my dad i couldent stop crying the night i found out. When it was the funiral i turnd around and i saw my dads best friend crying that made me cry. The last time i saw him was the week before he died and i was in his arms saying bye bye i love you and i will see you in one week and i regret going to scotland now i wish i spent more time with him.

(anon) 03.07
About three months ago i lost my Nan. It was really unexpected and happened all within about 24 hours. She was ill for a week but we thought it was just her diabetes playing up again, and the doctor seemed to think she would be ok, until she stopped eating and kept sleeping all the time. My mum and aunt got the doctor round again and he phoned for an ambulance team to come and get her, they said they were only going to keep her in a day or two to get some fluids in her. Then my dad got a call at about 10 o clock that night saying to bring my sister, my cousins and me up to the hospital because it weren’t looking good.
We waited 7 hours for her to be stabilised in re-sus. They said she had 3 heart attacks but that they thought that she’d be ok because she was improving and even moved her onto the intensive care ward. At 7am the doctors told us to go home and get some rest because things were looking up and he was pleased with my nans progress. So we went home feeling relieved. We were woken up at about half past nine by a doctor; all he said was get your family to the hospital now.
When we got there they sent us straight to the family waiting room. A Nurse came in to tell us that they had to let her go. She had another two heart attacks and after that she just went. The doctor said the septicaemia she had was so bad that there was no chance she would recover because they didn’t detect it before hand and her diabetes made everything worse.
They let us go in to see her after they had cleaned her up abit, but as much effort as they made to make her look ok, she still didn’t look like my nan :( she was so pale, and my heart broke to see her like that. She was a proud woman; she always made an effort with the way she looked. That image of her stays in my mind, no matter how hard I try and forget it. I can look at pictures of her on her birthday and at Christmas, and then that thought of her on the hospital bed comes crashing through all the good memories.
Everyday I think about that night in the hospital and how it all could have been avoided if she had only told someone how ill she actually felt. She wasn’t old enough to leave yet.
I can’t stand that I’ll never see her again. She’s the only grandparent I’ve ever known and for her to go now just seems so unfair because she was the most un-judgmental and thoughtful person I think ill ever have met. She literally did anything for her grandchildren
I miss her so much. I'd give up so much if I could bring her back for even just a minute to give her a cuddle and tell her how much I love her and just let her know what an amazing person she is.

Micci 03.07
My step-dad died on the 8th of January 2007. It was a complete shock to me and the rest of my family. I am 16 and did attend college, but have now quit because I can't catch up and concentrate. Sometimes I resent my family at times like this because I am a strong person, and don't really show my emotions in front of them. My mum and gran are there for me, but I dont want them to see me cry. So then i resent them for not giving me support. But is this my fault because I'm hiding my emotions from them? I have a boyfriend who is so supportive and they know I have him, but sometimes you need your mum.
People also think that because he wasnt my biological father that it's not the same, but he took on father role when I was 3 and has brought me up since then. I have seen him as my dad, but my friends just say 'sorry about your step-dad'. Is anyone else in a similar situation?

beth (bebby) 03.07
On the 1st of january my brother Steve died in a car accident. He was 16 and was coming back from a new years eve party. My lil sis is 2 an a half she doesnt under stand. I turned 9 on the 15th of january. I found it real hard with out him there. Also my lil bro Ronan on the 14/4/03 died because he just stoped beathing all of a sudden. He was only 3 months and 17 days. I really miss them both. If only i could put back time i would stop it from happening.

(anon) 03.07
My mum died in september. shes had cancer for a year and a half, but they couldnt diagnose where the cancer was. my mum has been dead for 6months but i miss her so much. Problems that i used 2 be able to cope with i find really hard to deal with now. I have a brother and 4 sisters i worry about them so much theyre all older than me but Zoe and Liam mean more to me than anyone and im more scared and worried for them then i am myself. i really hope that after more time has passed i will start to feel less empty.

jen 03.07
My dad was ill just before christmas we got told he had the flu it turn out to be cancer it seemeed as if every one new expect for us.He got sick and with in a month he was gone it was just so sudden never really had chance tosay good by. Iwish i spent nore time with my dad done more for him.

sophie 03.07
i lost my grandad on the 31st decemeber it was a orrible day ive ever experinced i feel so lost with out u grandad u were my rock u kept me going i never forget u and i always wait for the day to come to be with my grandad and i just hope ur there to open up the gates for me so i can run into ya arms and never let u go theres a hole missing in my heart i do anything to get u back i love u soooo much it hurts i just want u here with me i always look up in the sky at night and point out the brightest star and that will be u looking over me for now its time for u to sleep with the angels so until we meet agen good nite grandad i hope ur some where betta u deserve alot u gave everything to me and the memories which i will never forget xxxxxxxxxx i love you grandad and i always will.

Poppy 17! 03.07
i lost my dad 4 months ago, on september the 12th 2006. he was an alcoholic! i lost him due to drug abuse, he wasnt ur average dad, was always in the wrong place at the wrong time and associated with the wrong people. eventhough he wasnt like any normal dad, he was still my best friend, aswell as my father. i just wanted to share my experiance as i am only just realy coming to terms with it, i have a disabled brother who is only 11 months younger than me so we are kinda like twins he doesnt understand realy wat happened to dad but he does know he is dead. it is hard to try and deal with my greif aswell as his as i have to try and stay positive and happy all the time and cant just sit and cry. so thats my story, aswell as sharing my experiance i would also like to warn ppl of the effects of alcohol and drug abuse and just say if u ever think about doing it because u are down or depressed DONT it doesnt work! u will just leave behind ur familyn friends hu care about you!! R.I.P DaD!!(w).

Tove 03.07
my brother died last august in the morning he was so happy yet by dinner he had died from an asthma attack and the air ambulance hadn't been able to save him I'm coming to terms with it but I will never forget that day - the day my heart was torn appart!!!

Hannah 03.07
My boyfriend died in a car crash in December
I'm doing much better than i was
but im a complete state still.
All I can see when I close my eyes is him at the hospital.
I have flashbacks of finding out, and driving to the hospital, and waiting to see if he would be ok.
But as I said, slowly but surely it's getting easier.
I haven't exactly coped well
skipping school and cutting myself
i feel stupid about that now.
I'm starting to remember the good times though
and its easier to face facts than it was.
But everythings still all wrong.
I'd give anything to bring him back again
even just for a day.
x

kery 02.07
My dad died two months ago. He had been sick for the past five years. He had had his leg amputated this past summer. When he died it happened so suddenly, he was in the hospital and last that i knew he was getting better and talking. All of a sudden he was gone. I never got to say goodbye. We never agreed on much but he was always there for me, always caring about my future. I am going to miss him so much. Somedays I feel like I just want to cry all day and shout out to people that "Hey my dad died". Other days i just want to laugh at all the good memories. It's just hard sometimes.

Erin 02.07
It has been 6 months since I lost my boyfriend in a motorcycle accident. In all honesty it hasn't gotten any easier at all. Everyday it is a battle to wake up in the morning, no matter what I seem to do. I don't cry as much as I did at first, but the void I feel in my heart is almost unbearable to live with. They say that time heals all wounds, and I can only hope it's true. BENNY was the best thing that ever happened to me. He showed me what it was really like to truly love someone with my whole heart. I felt things with him that I didn't even know I could feel... I feel like we experienced broken fate, but there's nothing anyone can do to take away our precious memories. I would give up eternity in a heartbeat to touch you one last time!!! You have truly been the one for me Angel!! Now spread you wings and fly... I LOVE YOU TOO MANY.

Laura 02.07
My dad died about 4 months ago i still find it really hard. I cried alot at the funeral. I put on a brave face half the time when really i dont feel like smiling at all. It gets to me at night when i wish i could go and sit down with my whole family like we used to. I know things will get easier but what ive been through is going to be with me fir the rest of my life. Its never going to be the same again. Its taught me that lifes to short and you have to live your life to the full.

Kayleigh 02.07
I know a lot of people have experienced the loss of a human very close to hem but what about us who hve experienced the loss of a pet? They are family members all the same and I am still overwhelmed by grief by the death of my precious feline angel, Codey, who was hit by a car on Nov 5th 2006 at 11:30am. It hurts so much and he was only nearly 4 years old. I don't mean t sound harsh or unkind or disregard a person who has lost a human close to them as I know that it hurts a lot too. (I am lucky enough to not have experienced a close human being recently). It just seems that people who have lost a pet seem to be told that it is "just an animal". Codey was not just an animal...he was my baby.

(anon) 02.07
My dad died in mid October last year, he was diagnosed with Cancer early september. He had always been a reasonably healthy and active man. I just can't believe he is gone, I am crying most days 3 months on, just looking at his picture or thinking about him upsets me, I feel like I am going mad. I miss you so much dad xx

larissa 02.07
well my life seemed nomal until 2 months ago . well my mum was sick for about 6 months and than see went to hospital she got treated for lung cancer wich than spread to her kidney and she had cemo and unfortinly died 3 weeks later.

katie 02.07
i'm 14. on the 17 november 2006 i was happy and confident. my mum was having her operation for her avm to be removed and she was soo strong and sooo happy and soo confident i just knew she was going 2 be ok.
i got home from school and me and my dad and my brother and my nan all sat round and waiting for a phone call. my dad rang at 4 oclock and they said she wasnt out of suergry yet they said the same thing at 5. and then at half 5 we got a call from the suergon. she wasnt ok. we had to get down there quick. i didnt go and nethr did my brother.
at 11:35 on the 17th of november i found out that i would never again see my mum, my best friend and the closest member of my family.
she died at 7:30 at the hospital on the 17th of november.
christmas wasnt christmas without her. and new year just wasnt a happy time =[.
at school noone understands and most people just stare because i'm that girl thats lost her mum. i miss my mum so so sooo much. more and more everyday. x

(anon) 02.07
my mom hung herself on the 9th of July 2006. she was suffering from atypical depression. i find that my zest for life has been drained out of me, and frankly, the only reason i haven't followed in my mother's footsteps is because i want to try and make it in the world. is there a cure for this feeling of uselessness i have?

(anon) 02.07
I lost my cousin very suddenly on the 22/11/06, and I feel awful I wish that he was here with me now. 'I miss you jawade, you will be in my heart forever, I will never forget you'. I hope that I will see you again one day, I miss you so so so much I really do, love you always.

Caroline 02.07
My cousin died a few moths ago and I don't know how to cope, I feel that everything is just getting on top of me and I just feel like I should of done more for him when he was alive.

Hayley 02.07
My mum died very suddenly in August 2006 of a heart condition in the car on the way back home, she wasn't ill and she didn't know she had it. What makes my mums death even harder to cope with is that I hadn't seen her for over a week because my parents had been away on holiday. I never had a chance to say goodbye. Like so many people who have lost loved ones I have hundreds of things I wish I could have said to her but mostly I wish I could have told her I loved her and will always love her.
I remember my Dad coming back home and telling me what had happened. Those first few days after it had happened were hell on earth. I have never and don't think I will ever again feel so helpless and lost. My heart felt ripped out and there was nothing anyone could say to console me. The funeral passed in a blur, so so many people were there, just showing what a truly lovely lady my mum was.
Christmas has just passed and I'm now 18. Christmas didn't feel like Christmas and my birthday didn't feel like my birthday. There was a void in the house which will never be filled. I miss her laugh and her smile everyday. I miss the way you used to tell me off for being cheeky. I'd give anything to see her, hear her, touch her and kiss her one last time. Sometimes I even have this in my dreams, if only it was real.
I will always love you mum, nothing can change that. I will miss you everyday with every beat of my heart. I'll treasure my memories of you forever, no-one can ever take them away. I don't know why you were taken from us, I just hope you are happy wherever you are now.
Untill we meet again one day,
All my love forever, Hayley xxx

Holly 02.07
My dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer a year ago, though they think he;d had it for years. He lead an extremly active life and even had my little sister 4 years ago. He fought so hard against it all and the doctors couldnt believe how determined he was. We all set targets for him to meet. The next one would have been my graduation. I cant believe he is not going to be there. He died in Auguest 2006. I am 22 and have noticed other people my age with the same situation and I just want to say that this site is a life saver! I miss my dad everyday and all I can do is hold my head high and be proud to have been a part of his life. Uni is hard now as it takes twice as long to do stuff as before, but I still want that first!! xxHxx

(anon) 02.07
im am 14 and bak on july 10th 2006 i lost my dad to suicide! wen i went to see my dad in his coffin i shook him as i coudlnt accept he was gone, the day after was his funeral and i couldnt stop cryin, a close teacher went to his funeral and she told me to ring her. since my dad has left i hav had to move and about 2 weeks after he had gone my mum told me she had a new partner and wen i went to see my dads bruver i found out that she was seein him in the february and my dad killed himself coz of it.

(anon) 01.07
My Grandad died in July. I thought things would be better by now and they are not. Everything has gone wrong. I hate uni, my Nanna is predenting she is okay, but she misses him too. There is something everyday that reminds me of him. He loved xmas and this is possibly the worst time of the year to be without someone you love and who was such a massive part of your family. I prentend to be okay, because I'm scared that if I'm not my whole family will fall apart...

Abbie 01.07
My Dad died just over 3 months ago.
He took his own life, but it was only because he was in so much pain.
I was only 14 when it happened, starting all my GCSE's.
It's been the hardest thing in the world & i'm not coping properly.
x

vicky 01.07
im 17 and my mum died unexpectedly on augast the 24th of this year she was my best freind we were so closs we were on the same wave length we liked the same thigs we had the same morrals, and she told me she loved me all the time and she showed it so much and now she has gone ....i hav no one, no one will ever love my like that again, ill never hav that unconditional love. she will never see my 18th birthday, and i wont hav my mum on my 18th, she will never see my wedding day, and i wont hav my mum on my wedding day, she will never hold her first grand chiled, and ill never hav her advice for my 1st baby, i hav been ignoring my feelings untill now and no one could understand why i was coping so well as i was the closses person to her, and now i think about it im scared cos the more i think the more i genuinly think its not possible for me to carry onn living whith out her..................i wont do it.

(anon) 12.06
my dad died 4 months ago n it still seems like yesterday. at first i cud look at pictures now i cant, i dont no why it just makes me feel angry. i miss him so much he had so much to live for n cancer took him away n am 18 so i had years with him n ma lil sis is only 4 n she will forget him n i want her to have the experiences that i had wi ma dad. i just wish he was here to tell me off n stuff like that coz since we found out he had cancer i went of the rails n wen he died it just made it eavan worser i just drink at the weekends n i always end up crying n ma m8s dont understand i think there sick of me talking about it n i think they think i should have moved on but its only bin 4 months am never gna get over it he was ma dad n a miss him so much i just wish he was ere x x x

Erin 12.06
I was daddy's little girl, and the pain I felt when he passed away in August of 2006 is undescribable. I'm 25 years old, and am dealing with the death of my father. His life could've been saved, but the hospital didn't take the neccessary steps. There is so much I will need him for, that he won't be here for. He won't walk me down the isle when I get married. He'll never meet his grandchildren. He'll never see me graduate from college(a dream of his). I miss him so much. I saw him just 6 days before he passed away, because he lived in TN and I live in FL. At that point everything was going to be ok. But it wasn't, and now he's gone...

xxx 11.06
my boyfriends dad died on my boyfriends birthday he was on his way to give him his present and he had a crah on his motorbike and its been really hard for me. x

Susan 11.06
I lost my brother, Michael, in July of this year, 2006. He died of cancer. My heart is broken. Every day seems like one day further away from when I last heard his voice or saw him smile. I will never understand why he got cancer. The grief is overwhelming. I miss him so much.

(anon) 11.06
My boyfriend just passed away 3 months ago. Im completely devastated heart broken and mad at life. Sometimes I feel like Im really losing it. How do you cope with something like this? I love this man with all my heart. Our relationship was absolutely amazing. It was PERFECT. Now that I don't have him anymore I'm very lost. I just don't have much motivation to move on with life. I'm stuck.

(anon) 11.06
IM A 26 YR OLD GUY. IN JULY MY DAD DIED. I MISS HIM SO MUCH. HE WAS MY ROCK, I MISS HIS LAUGH, HIS SMILE, HIS WALK. EVEN THE WAY HE SNORED,, DAD I MISS YOU. I WISH YOU WAS HERE WITH ME...MUM MISSES YOU. OH YES YOU BECAME A GRANDFATHER A FEW WEEKS AGO. MARTIN GF HAD A BABY BOY.

Fifi 11.06
My best friend died of cancer two months and eleven days ago. She was so incredible and I miss her so much. I'm very lucky - I have a lot of really great friends but no one will ever replace her. I still keep thinking I'll get a voicemail or will want to call her off the cuff. I can't believe that she's gone. To be honest I don't think she believes that she is gone. I know that she is in a better place where she isn't in pain or suffering or missing out on all the things she loved. I just wish that better place could be her with me.

irum 11.06
my dad passed away on 26th june,2006. he died all on his own in a centre. i feel lonely and upset. its nearly been 3 months ,i have been able to smile and not let things get to me... but now i am feeling my dads death. my mum would rather not see me cry or talk about it... i never accepted my dads death until i seen his grave. when i seen my dad laying in his coffin i thought it was someone else... i have accepted his death now but in the past i laughedthinking my fasmily made a mistake and my father is coming back.. but i was mistaken...i lovee u dad forever... XXXX

(anon) 11.06
6 months ago my dad died. I found him dead after four days. it was very traumatic. i love my dad so much im never gona be able to accept it. He's always in my dreams but now he is always dead and then comes back to life again. its just very sad. Whenever i dream about him i sleep for hours and hours and hours..i know it sounds stupid but i need to spend as much time as i can with him, even if its only in my dreams, and even if they're disturbing. I justt can't believe me dad has gone. I dont want to accept it. I need my dad.

sammie 11.06
I lost my best friend in August due to cancer, she was only 15, it is really hard accepting that she has, gone and in May this yr I also lost my nanna, people around me seem to be dying and I dnt know why. I hate to think who may be next because I can't seriously cope properly and loseing someone else will throw me off the rails!! I love u both xxxxxxxxxxxx

heather 11.06
when my nana died on the 9th of september 2006 it really hurt me lots because i was not there and i really miss her but now everything is getting worse my mum and dad are splitting up and i dont want my nana to think its her fault i miss her lots and i wish i could see her again.

xxkellyxx 11.06
my mum died on the 7th july 2006 i miss her soo much i feel rele empty since shes gone. she was a big part of mine my two sitas and my brothers life and now shes gone we have 2 live wiv ma dad. he gambles n is jus a dead loss he doesnt understand how we feel. lyk 2 weeks after mum passed away and he tried to throw some of her stuff out... the things he does annoy me 2 the extreme n ill always no he caused ma mum 2 much stress. she deserved soo much better than him.. i luv u mum n i hope that im a part of u that will always carry on coz as iv alredy said u mean the world 2 me. i wish i cud no that how u r but until then ill prey that ur ok. its my sisters 18th 2morow n i no ull b thinkin of her as we will of u. wen things go right i get happy coz i no theyll make u proud. im always proud of u n i live now 2 make u proud xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Erin 11.06
It's been a little over 3 months since I lost my Benny in a motorcycle accident... The days don't seem to get any easier and the pain doesn't seem to fade. Till this day I still find myself thinking that he's going to walk in the door and wake me from this nightmare I've been living. Don't get me wrong... I do believe that there is a God and that he has a master plan for us all, yet I can't help but wonder why he took away my happiness. For the short time I had him in my life I knew what it felt like to be completely happy. That is something that I thank God for every single day because not all of us get to experience it in this lifetime. Who knows what the future holds. All I know is that my Angel is home and one day I will be up there with him again!!! I miss him like crazy, but I know he is with me everywhere I go... YOU HAVE BEEN THE ONE FOR ME BENNY!!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER!!!

emma 11.06
nearly 6 months ago i lost my beautiful boyfriend and not a day has gone by when i havent thought of him or begged him to come back. i still dont believe hes dead and why should i, he was only 19, he died in a moterbike accident because an illegal immigrant pulled out infront of him. i love him so much and just wish he was here, i want to do all the things we talked about.
god why would you want to take him away from me??? it wasnt his time.
baby please come back to me, i need you so much....... luv u loads
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx RIP CHRIS xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

KELSEY 11.06
MY DAD DIED WHEN HE WAS 36 HE DIED TUESDAY 4th APRIL 2006. MY MUM AND MY LITTLE SISTER HER NAME IS ALYSHA SHE IS 6 I AM 8. MY DAD DIED WITH A ILLNESS CALLED BRAIN HEMERG IT`S WHEN BLOOD COMES OUT OF YOUR BRAIN FIRST HE WAS SICK THEN A FRIEND PHONED FOR A ANBOLANCE AND HE DID`NT NOW WHO HE WAS HE DID`NT NOW THAT MY MUM WAS HIS WIFE AND ME AND MY SISTER WAS HIS DAUGHTERS. THEN HE FEL INTO A DEP SLEEP AND DIED HIS FAVOURIT SONG THAT HE THORT HIM AND MY MUM WHET TOGETHER WAS CALLED DON`T WON`T TO CLOSE MY EYES IT IS SO UPSETING I THINK BEFORE HE DIED HE SAID HE LOVED US AND GIVE US A KISS AND SAID BYE.

(anon) 11.06
My dad died nearly four months ago, on 28/6/06. Today is my 22nd birthday and I cant believe he's not here with me.I miss him so much I cry every day. He had metastatic prostate cancer and I watched him suffer for months. We were so close and I dont know how im going to spend the rest of my life without him.

(anon) 11.06
my mum died in augast its the worst thing that cud of happend she was amazing and young she just fell dwn the stars the wrong way.

charlotte 11.06
i have known my stepgrandad all my life and suddenly in auguest this year he died of cancer it hit me really hard and life became much worse after i couldnt stop crying and he isnt their to talk to he was a great person and i loved him so much i cant get over the fact that he will never be there to see or talk to him again and even worse i was never able to say goodbye.

stacy 11.06
i lost my boyfriends mum on the 13th june this year very suddenly, she went in for a hysterectomy we were told she was recouvering fine but then she colapsed and didnt respond to CPR i was the last person to see her alive and i wish there was something i could have done but we later found she died from internal bleeding. Because i was in care she was the only real mother fogure i had, moving from house to house her home was always open for me. Evan though me and daniel are now just good friends i still miss his mum and wish she was here. Her house amde me feel so safe and i could tell her anything. I cant seem to cope very well and i cant accept that shes not here anymore evan though i saw her being lowered into the ground i need her around to share me secrets with again and be the mum ive always wished for!

Jodie 11.06
My bestest friend ever died 5 months ago.

(anon) 10.06
My best friend died just over 4 months ago and it kills me every day.

Teresa 10.06
My Dad died on June 28, 2006 after my sisters and I decided to take him off life support. The day before Father's Day my dad had a motorcycle accident, they think he had a stroke while riding down the highway. For 10 days my family and I sat at his bedside and then the doctors told us he was brain dead. After hearing this news I never went back into my dad's room. I wish now I would have. I wasn't even there when they shut the life support off, I did not want to watch my Dad die. I feel guilty now for not being there.

Jess 10.06
My Dad died just over two months ago of cancer of the lungs that spread. He had had cancer before 2 years ago and was given the all clear. He was so unlucky that he got it twice. He was only 42. He was only diagnosed 5 weeks before I just can't cry and i don't know why i just feel numb i know i should but i can't i just don't want to live at home anymore, it's a constant reminder. I feel really bad that i can't cry but i've learnt that there are other way of expressing your emotions than crying and just remembering the good timesliving through a parent having cancer one is bad but twice is the worst thing in the world.

(anon) 10.06
my dad died from cancer just over 2 months ago and it hasnt really sunk in the only time i cry is when am drunk and that is every week. i think the worst part of him dieing was watching him go from a strong man to someone so weak.

sophie 10.06
i was in technology 1 day when 1 of my close friends come in and talks to the teacher and then starts to cry so i run over and the teachers face goes whyt n eyes fill up i sey to sophie my friend are u oki she seys dat reanne passed away yesterday so me and sophie have a hug and a cry all day and then at the end of school evry yr 9 student nerli was cryin we had an assembli abwt her n i was cryin so badly but nw shes okie in heaven she was 14 n died of a heart transplant she ad 3 month to live or she cud have a risk and ave the transplant she was runnin of a plastic heart bcz her real 1 had holes in n she choose to af the transplant n she had it dun n den after it the heart refused her body !!:O cryy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx r.i.p reanne i luf u lowds so dus evry yr 9 luf yew lwods mwa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx r.i.p.

lauren 10.06
i am 17 and lost my dad to cancer on the 31st of may this year (06). he told me on the sunday that he had cancer of the pancreous, he was so positive that he could fight the disease that i believed he could i never believed he would die for one second. i went to visit him on the following friday to suprise him and found him completely out of it, with nurses there. they told me it was the morphine and left me alone with him to wait for an ambulence for 6 hours. he died on the wednesday morning. although i visited him in hospital every day i never got to say goodbye as he did not know who i was. i love him and miss him and feel i should have some how helped him. i just want to see him again and see his face light up when he smiled at me. I love you dad you will be in my heart forever and i will never forget you.

Melissa 10.06
Well, right now I am 23 years old. I have lost both my parents and then my aunt who raised me afterwards, just recently passed away. I came to this site to talk with other people who have gone through the same things and get some help.

Lizzie 10.06
My grandad died, I don't know when or why. No one will tell me, I'm too scared to ask. I felt really angry and I want him back.

Bree 08.06
My boyfriend died on June 22nd. He was in a horrible car accident. I have lost my love, my everything. I dont think its actually hit me that he is really gone. im not sure i will ever get over it.its only been 3 months but i try to remember the good times and i know he would want me to move on. But can u really? i went to his grave and it was really hard. How can something that lasted that long be over in the blink of an eye?

Kassy 08.06
I really miss my gran. I pray for her every day. I really miss her and can't believe she gone. It happenned so suddenly. I wish I could have her back.

very sad 08.06
My nan died about 3 months ago. She had been in a coma since august and came out of the coma in december, she was finally allowed home in january. We all thought she was getting better and improving but then one day she just suddenly stopped breathing. She died on the 8th June 2006. My family reacted badly and i kept it inside , itwas eating away at me so i decide to self harm and it released my anger and upset. In july i told my form tutor and he helped me realise i had to go the funeral to help me deal with the grief. Going definately helped and now my life is starting to get back to normal and i hardly self harm anymore.

Julia 08.06
My dearest sister died half a year ago and i still dont really believe it. She was only 20, young and absolutely gorgeous, with long silky hair and blue eyes. Many people told us she was a real beauty. Now i think many were jelous und now are satisfied. I want them all to die. and.....die myself.

(anon) 08.06
Tomorrow marks three months and I still can't believe he's gone. I don't think I ever truly got over the initial shock. The hardest part is realizing you'll never be able to tell him all that you left unspoken. My boyfriend was killed in a car accident on his way home from work. It was just a few minutes down the street, it hurts to know how close he was to making it home to me. The last words he spoke were to his co-worker as he was getting into his car, he said he just wanted to get home to me.

Craig 08.06
My best friend Stuart died 6 months ago. We had grown up with each other, he lived 4 doors away. He was diagnosed at the age of 10 with diabetes on Christmas Day 1996. We were living at University together. I was at home for the weekend and he died at our uni house on his own because he didnt have enough sugar in his body. It is so hard to cope sometimes. Anger, sadness, regret are just some of the emotions. He lives everyday through me. He was unhappy at times, even though he was the perfect specimen that modern society looks up to. Live your life lighthearted and happy, to the fullest, because it may be one of your friends writing about you and speaking at your funeral at an unfortunate and unexpected time.

max 08.06
my dad died about 3 months ago at the age of 55 im 17 and recently not in school, we found out my dad was sick in oct 2005 he had a liver disese we didnt know how bad he really was untill april he went into the hospital and never came back i never even got to say goodbye i love my dad more than anything i miss him so much. after my dads death i stoped going to school and ended up not passing my senior year.  im numb inside i cry everynight , id give anything to see him 1 more time and just to say goodbye, it seems its just getting harder and harder i dont know how much longer i can deal with this pain.

julie 08.06
I lost my mom 3 months ago.  My life will never be the same.  I never thought she would die, not my mom.  She battled for 4 1/2 years and I believed she had won.  How naive I was.  When the cancer came back, it came back with a vengence.  We were drowning and we didn't even know it.  We never gave up on her and never believed that death was an option.  I watched her die and I still don't beleive she's gone. She IS my everything, my famlies rock.  What will we do.  Everyday I wake up and realize it is another day without my mom.  My heart aches for her.  I will never see her again on this earth, death is so final.  She will not see my kids grow up, she didnt even see my baby turn one.  I don't want to hear that she is in a better place. A better place is with her family.  I am angry! I am Hurting!  I want to know how to help my dad-her husband of 43 years.  This happens to other people, not to my family. 

(anon) 08.06
just over 2 months ago my grandad died. He was diagnosed with cancer in April and told he had 6 months to live. He died little over a month later. i can't really accept it. He was more like a father to me than my actual father is. I still can't quite believe it. I can forget it and go about my everyday life, but every so often it hits me and it feels like being punched in the stomach. It knocks the breath out of me. All through this I've had to be strong, hold myself together, for the sake of grieving relatives, but I'm not sure how much longer I can do that. I've never lost anybody I loved before. It shatters you from the inside out.

laura 07.06
my mum died a couple of months ago and i am still very sad every night i lay in bed thinking i can hear her voice.

(anon) 07.06
my best friend was killed in a car accident 3 months ago. Id fallen out with her over £20 a few days before. £20. what the HELL is that??? it was just another stupid little tiff we had! as i sit here with tears rolling down my face, im struggling to cope with not having her here anymore - we were meant to grow old and grey together. I honestly dont know what im gonna do. I miss her more than I can ever put into words and Ive give ANYTHING to have her here to cuddle me. I sit and think of the memories but I cant help but cry, im making myself ill and I know it but I cant stop wishing she was here. I dont know what to do.....

Britney 07.06
Hi everyone,
I am new at this and my dad had just died of a heart attack 2 months ago so id thought id give this a try. My dad died of a heart attack he was 36 and. All I remember is being at the mall with my mom and lil brother and getting that terrifing phone call from my grandmother (my dads mom) I remember running through the mall to get to the car and drive to my grandmothers as fast as possiable. I feel so alone I talk to him everynight I think I am finally coming to reality and knows he is not coming back. I cry almost everynight befor I go to sleep. I am only 16 and my brother is only 12. I feel like god took him away to soon for us to do anything. Please if anyone whos how i am feeling write me back.

Wheeler 07.06
i lost my dad 27 th march 2006. one if his friends came into the house and found him lying there still he had a heart attack.People tell me it gets better it has been nearly 4 mounths and i still feel the pain he died and he should be restting in piece but people want his money i feel sick with them. 

(anon) 07.06
i had known my best friend since we were babies. we were always at the same school and always inseperable. she was the only person who accepted me for who i am. she was smart, beautiful, athletic, and didn't care what anybody thought of her. she passed away in january of this year from a brain tumor. i've felt numb ever since. none of my friends ever bring it up unless i start talking about her. half of my heart died with her and i don't think i'll ever be the same.

haydee 07.06
MY OLDER BROTHER WAS MURDERED IN FRONT OF MY MOMS HOUSE THEY WERE REALLY AFTER A GUY HE KNEW BUT WHEN THEY STARTED SHOOTING AT THEM HE DINT GET DOWN AND HE WAS HIT,HE WAS GOING TO BE 28 YRS OLD.BUT DEATH CAME 2 DAYS FIRST. I MISS HIM VERY MUCH WE WOULD BE VERY CLOSE.I FEEL ANGER TO THOSE WHO DID THAT I ALSO WANT TO GO FAR AWAY FROM THIS STATE.

(anon) 07.06
my mum died 3 months ago, she had heart problems and she would always go in and out of hospital, but she would always cme out fine agian, so like every other time i thought she would come out to be fine again. but this time she was weak and losing so much weight and she could no longer fight it. i miss her soo much she was the only person i was ever close to. she loved me sooo much everything she did was all for me, she use to cry because she use to think she was a burden on me because of her illness. nw shes gone i feel so empty and lonely. most of all i feel so guilty, i feel like i should have done more for he so she was happy. its like my worst nightmare has come true and i keep asking myself, why take my mum...im only 18 years old and i need her so much i want her to be here with me

Bobbi 07.06
I went away to college. My father and I fought a lot. I got the news that he died. I was by myself. I miss him so much. This was in February. I don't know how to cope with this...it hurts so much.

Lozarus 07.06
A friend i met five years ago died just afer christmas of heart faliure. he was the most unique charachter ive ever met, allways had a smile on his face which in turm made those around him happy. at his funeral i was supprised to see hundreds of his freinds, many who i didnt know and i suppose i felt glad and upset all at the same time. glad that i had 5 years of memmories with him and sad that there was so much more that i never got the chance to find out about him. ''rest in weed big fella, catch you later dude...''

(anon) 07.06
my dad died suddenly in april i cannot believe that he has gone and i am finding it really hard to cope as me and my mum were quite close before and now she cant stand me and we argue all of the time.

(anon) 07.06
I've recently lost my nan in March. I feel as if I have no friends around me. My best mate was great when it happened and she is still ok but shes really moody all the time and leaving me out when she goes off with the boys. The boys are ok but recently they've been off with me and going off with my best mate.
In drama i've being doing the topic 'lonliness' and we're working on the lonliness of elderly people and that been difficult for me. My teacher dressed up as an old lady and described to my class what its like to elderly and alone and I had to go out of the class because it upset me so much. But I was fine when we had to go into groups and act out 'a day in the life of a elderly person' I was even the old lady. This message really helped me get it off my chest, thanks. x

katie 07.06
my dad died 27th march 2006 at home alone and living in filth one of his work frineds found him peacfuly asleep on the sofa,my dads heart had stopped.
things seem to be gettin harder and harder i find my self hurting those close to me when all i need is them near.
things are so complicated nothing is going staight the sad thing is people wont let him rest now hes gone im fighting his battles on his behalf.
im so hurt i didnt see my dad for 3 years only were in touch by text i hope he nos i love him
rest in peace *spirit in the sky* love you

mel 06.06
i lost my boyfriend just over 2 months ago. its jus not sinkin in that he aint comin bak. i mis him so much, he was my best friend not jus my boyfriend i could tlk 2 him about anythin. he made me so hapy and now i dont kno wat im goin 2 do withouth him. r.i.p joe 31/3/06 love u x x x x x x x x

S 06.06
My friend was killed in a car accident about 2 and a half months ago. I've known her and her twin sister for 7 years. There are days when I feel like everything is going to be okay, that life will go on and she is watching over us, smiling. But there are other days where I can't bring myself to get out of bed. I can't stop thinking about her, and what her family, especially her twin sister, must be going through. She touched so many people's lives and was an amazing, beautiful person. It isn't fair. I miss her and love her so much, and would do anything to bring her back.

Marie 06.06
I lost my boyfriend almost two months ago. Its really hard cause he was my motivation to do everything. Now I feel so lost and lonely I still love him with all my heart. One week before he died he got my name tatted and i got his name tatted too along time before him. I miss him so very much I wish I could see him again I know I will but I have to be patient. I still think its not true I feel like any moment im going to go crazy. But until its my time to go ill always have him in my heart.

Emma 06.06
I lost my Mum, very suddenly on March 10th, two days before her 57th birthday. It was a massive shock as she was at her aunts funeral and suffered a cerebral heammorhage. She was my best friend and it was the most difficult thing to see her in a coma and unable to answer me. I think of her every minute of every day and i miss her more than I can ever express. I used to speak to her every day on the phone, and I still do speak to her every day, but now she can't answer me back. She was the kindest and most honourable person i will ever meet and loved me so much. I want people to remember her always. I am proud to be her daughter.

nikki 06.06
ma nan died 2 months ago i have coped ok with it but still can't believe she has gone forever. i wish she cud cum bk and mi and my family are very woried because since this has happened my sister has found it very hard to cope and i want to know what can i do to help her get through this no matter what we do or say she attacks back at us with shouting and yelling. how can we stop her and help her get through this without making her actions and retaliations stop?

(anon) 06.06
my mum died on january 25th. she had leukemia. I thought i could fix her by helping her stay strong and positive but when there was no hope left i didn't know how to accept it or how to be with her. I wish more than anything in the world that I could have back those last few weeks of her life to show her how much i loved her and to really have been there for her through that time. Now my father has found someone else and I feel like we have all betrayed her. But I love her more than anything in the world and I wish she was here. She was such a good mother to me and my brother and i can't imagine the future without her. Mum I will carry you with me always.

natasha 06.06
i lost my uncle just before christmas 05 by murder and its is really hard to cope with such a sunnden way he went then in april 06 i lost my nan too she went in for an opperation and didn't come back it is so hard to cope with to that have both been sudden and in the matter of 6 months and sometimes i fill as if the world can not go and that i just don't want to do anything i am going to get help to deal with this because you cant do it on your own.

(anon) 05.06
my mum died in march, she was only 56, I cant belive shes not here anymore, she was my best mate, and so beautiful. I miss her so much, I still cry all the time, I feel like i am little and vunerable.

kelly 05.06
my dad died on the tenth of march 2006. I feel lonely without him.I mostly remember when he got in from work he always gave me and my mum a kiss and a hug. Me and my mum are finding it hard to cope without him. This morning I woke up and looked at his picture in my room then i looked outside and thought to myself that my dad would of loved this morning then i remembered when i was annoyed and sad one night and he comforted me, he hugged me, he kissed me and he held my hand when i was in bed. its times like that i remember the most. He died aged 40 and his birthday was in december and we had a big party. me and my mum are not getting on the best but i think we will get stronger and be more helpful to each other without falling out.

abi & lee 05.06
jan 4th i lost my baby girl wen i was pregnant at 5 mnths! i got to see her and i called her mia but this dunt change the fact shes gone. its been a hard time for me nd lee nd latley we have benn fellin suicidal I'm only 14 yrs old nd lifes just gettin to me.

Donna 05.06
My dad recently died 2nd of january this year(2006) he was there for me all my life and was the greatest dad ever, he was so loving and caring he would have done anything for anyone at any time, if he could.
He died of cardiac arrest which means his heart just stopped all together, im glad he died suddenely and not in any pain, even though it was hard for me and my family to cope with, he did have a heart attack 2 years ago which left him with angina which ment he had a deceased heart, also he had high blood pressure as well.
I still find it hard to cope now with him gone it feels unreal even though i know he's gone.
I'm glad he saw my 18th birthday in august he through a nice suprise party for me, he called me his "little princess" even from this day on i still think back to all the good memories i had with him.
It still feels like it happend the other day it's hard to cope with and it feels like my hearts been torn apart i've lost one of the most important person that ment something to me in life.
I still cry sometimes at night thinking about how much i miss him if i had one last wish it would be to see my dad one more time and tell him i love him so much and say a proper goodbye, even though i know it's impossible.
Good night and god bless dad i have always loved you and always will you'll be in my heart and in my mind forever i'll never forget you your loving daughter donna xxxxx
To all people who have losed some one they really love, saying from how i feel, it's really hard to deal with the loss, but it does get easier as times goes on even though it's not easy that person will always be there in your heart and in your mind all times, if you feel like you can't talk about it to anyone close to you in your family talk to someone you don't know like a counseller, but don't hide it in because it will eat you away.

(anon) 05.06
My brother died 2 days before Christmas '05. We buried him on Christmas Eve, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and it's unbelievable how much it hurts. I cry in school sometimes and my friend just tell me to grow up, but it's only been a few months! I am starting to get over it though and I try to remembr the gd times...

(anon) 05.06
i lost ma brother an cuzin last year 2005. i miss them so much! i love them so much but i know now that i have gained 2 more angels! xXx

(anon) 05.06
my mum died of a heart attack in october 93 and i was 11 years old i really miss her.
on 7 of feb 2006 my dad died in hosptial of mrsa and other things. his last wish was for me to marry and i have to i lost both parents at 23 years old i feel like an orphan.

(anon) 05.06
My boyfriend (19) and both of his sisters (17,27) were all lost in a car accident four months ago. They were traveling back to their hometown for their grandmothers funeral the next day. We were together for just a few short months, but they were the best months of both of our lives. He was my first boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend. I'm still going through the hardest time of my life, and it doesn't stop hurting. What helps me though, is to keep in touch with family and their friends, and understand that I'm going through a life altering experience, so it's okay to feel very different. So give yourselves time, cry if need to, and always remember the best times you had with them. You are not alone,....

(anon) 05.06
my grandad died about 5 months ago. He had been ill for 8 years. I had been very close to him. When he died it didn't really seem real. Even at the funeral it didn't seem like he was really dead. The church was packed and i realised how many people my grandad was special to. It was really sad when my grandad's coffin was carried out of the church. I go to my grandad's grave every weekend. It is the only way I feel close to him. I LOVE YOU GRANDAD!!!!!

SHAZ 05.06
MY MUM WAS A BEAUTIFUL PERSON INSIDE AND OUT. HER SENSE OF HUMOUR ALWAYS STOOD OUT MAKING EVERYONE LAUGH AROUND HER, YOUNG OR SMALL.
THIS YEAR SHE DETERIORATED VERY QUICKLY, SHE SUFFERED RFOM COPD. IN DEC THE DOCTORS TOLD US THAT SHE WOULD LEAVE US IN ABOUT 5 DAYS. BUT SHE WAS A FIGHTER, SHE SURVIVED, AFTER SPENDING FOUR CHRISTMASES IN HOSPITAL, SHE CAME HOME ON THE 12TH. WE WERE ECSTATIC.MY BROTHER , THE YOUNGEST AND CLOSEST TO MUM TOLD HER HE WOULD GO OUT ON NEW YEARS EVE TO CELEBRATE IN STYLE.
BUT SHE WENT BACK IN ON 24TH. SHE DIED ON 30TH DEC. WE BURIED HER ON NEW YEARS EVE.
OUR WORLD HAS FALLEN APART. HOW DO YOU FIND THE REASON TO LIVE
IT HAS BROUGHT MY SISTERS CLOSER BUT MY BROTHER,WHO WAS THE APPLE OF HER EYE HAS DISTANCED.
I KNOW SHE WAS IN PAIN, AND NOW AT PEACE BUT THE ACHE DOESNT GO AWAY.
LIFE HURTS AND DONT UNDERSTAND HOW LIFE CAN CARRY ON....

kirsty 04.06
i lost my grandad the boxing day just gone 26/12/05. we lost him to a 8 year battle to cancer. however he was only given 6 months when he was diagnosed so i'm greatful he he had them extra years. its hard to cope as its only been a while. i miss he more than anything and cant bare it. i wish he was still here as he was the best person you would ever meet. sleep tite grandad wish you where here xxx

Angela 04.06
It was really good to read about all your experiences and has helped a lot. It seems that although everyone reacts differently (I don’t know about you but if I hear one more person say that...!) depending on peoples relationship's to people they react the same sort of way.

On 6th Feb 2006 I lost Pete my boyfriend aged 29 in a motorbike accident. I still don’t know why it happened waiting for the police investigation to be done. This is my first experience of death and I feel of all the people in my life Pete was the worse person to be taken from me. After people die, they are spoken about like they are amazing people but sometimes that’s not the case. Whereas where Pete’s concerned he was everything to me. He was a fantastic person to everyone he came into contact with. This was proven at his funeral when people were outside as it was packed out. The worse part is the only person in this instant I would want to speak to is him but yet he is the one person I can't talk to.

I can’t speak for anyone else but I feel it’s harder to loose a boyfriend/girlfriend then anyone else as it affects you forever in terms of "moving on". I don’t think I could ever kiss, go out with, and sleep with another guy as it would feel like I am cheating. Has anyone got over this? If so please reply with how you got over it. I am not interested in doing any of the above but I was just wondering if or how anyone does.

Loosing anyone is a horrible experience and would not be wished upon your worse enemy. But with loosing a boyfriend there is no one else you can talk to about your relationship as they wouldn’t understand. E.g. If you loose a friend you have many other friends you can talk to on the same level. This is not to take anything away from anyone that has lot a friend so please I don’t want to sound like I am taking anything away from anyone.

As for dealing with it like everyone who has lost a boyfriend I have read says it does get harder after the funeral as it feels like everyone has forgotten. It’s been two months and 6 days and yet it’s harder now then before. I will never forget being told the dreaded words by the police lady “I think you should sit down”.

I saw Pete at the chapel of rest, to look at he was fine in that respect. But it wasn’t him. My reasoning for going is I would have rather regretted going to see him than not going. My advise to anyone faced with this decision is make sure your 100% sure of your decision. I would never go again as it was not pleasant but yet I do not regret it. I feel if you love someone then it’s a good idea to go.

I miss Pete so much, I miss cuddling up to him at night and our hour long conversations each night which is practically unheard of for guys! I am only 20 and I know I have a lot to learn about life but I really thought Pete and I would have been together forever. I love him so much and will do forever. I intend to live my life to the full and never regret anything. It is a shame we have to go through this experience to appreciate life but now our eyes have been opened we should not waste our second chance,

Love you babes, not goodbye but good night. Sweet dreams x

Amanda 04.06
My friend killed himself 25th of Jan he was only 15 it was such a shock its been months and i still cant believe he has gone i wish i could have spent more time with him.
miss you Jon you were a great boy with so much ahead of you, you will always be im my heart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alicia 04.06
My dad died on the 30th September 05, if there was one last thing i could of said 2 him just before he left me was," love you and just because you might not be here tomorrow you will always stay in my heart no matter what and no one will ever change that." He was a spark and he was always shining no matter what happened.We all miss you and you are still loved deeply by everyone

Hannah 04.06
I'm 21 and my dad died 9 weeks ago. he had cancer and had been battling it for nearly 4 years. he was only 50. he never gave up hope and was always happy and humerous right up until his last few days. we were told there was nothing more could be done for him in July 2005 and we were just waiting it out. on 9th Feb this year, he couldnt get up the stairs to bed and decided he needed help. we contacted the hospital on the Friday and he was admitted and he died on the Monday. the day before valentines day. i wish i had told him one last time that i love him. i know he knows though. i know he did everything he wanted to and was happy with his life. even though it was short. im forever greatful for his dry wit - i still hear him and i know i always will.

(anon) 04.06
My best friend since 4th grade died in a car crash 2 months ago. we had a falling out about a year before he died. He had a lot of problems that was too hurtful for anyone close to deal with. There were many hurtful times toward the end. The only thing i can say is that i sure as hell miss the good times. Knowone told me life would be this difficult when i graduated...

(anon) 04.06
my boyfriend of 3+ yrs dies 3 months ago and it still hurts so much. he was 18 and died suddenly due to breathing difficulties. we lived together and evrthing around me is him. at first i just went out all the time trying to drink my pain away 2 make myself forget he will never be with me again. now i jst keep asking myself why would this happen? it has made me question so many things in my life like should i be here, is there a god, what if things had been different? people tell me i'll move on but i dont want to. i would do anything to have him back or to have one last hug and feel loved. i'v never felt so alone. he was everything. more than a boyfirend, my bestfriend and my family. how do you carry on after something like this?

(anon) 04.06
on the 19th of april it will have been 6months since my grandad died. I keep dreaming about the funeral especially the part when the curtains closed... i think about him all the time but i want to be able to think about him when he was well not when he was ill and dying.. he had been ill for a few years... as he suffered from a stroke but i wont go into detail.. i remember seeing him in hospital.. i see that image of him every night before i fall asleep and it is killing me.. i guess everyone grieves in different ways and people can hide it or show it... im having trouble at hiding it.... with a bit of luck i will be able to remember the good times...... time isnt a healer

Debbie-Lee 04.06
A few months a go a while after christmas my friends grandad died.He had been suffering from a illness and i was really close to him.When my friends mum told us we both broke into tears.we had been sitting in my room on the computer when my friend mum came in and said that he had died.It was a great tragedy adn we all cried. but we all knew that at least he was out of pain. He had left us but he seemed to follow us everywhere.For me i have a picture of him stuck to my computer and when ever i do somethign nice i feel that im recieving a hug from him. Even if it is cold. Today im still depressed and on friday i broke into tears.I like to take long walks, preferbry in the rain. But the most when i go into a nice park like bedworth park, sit underneath a tree and draw or read.It relieves my stress and depression for a while. I find that it helps a lot. We miss you Sid we always will. XOX

claire 04.06
i lost my father in november 07 2005, only 4 months ago and it is really hard to come to terms with, im 18 and an only child and i never knew he wouldnt be here today if i knew there would have been so many things i would have said and done for him, i wish he never lived miles away from me, i wish he would have told me he was really ill, if id have known i would have been with him all the way! i really miss him terribly and am upset i was not there to say goodbye or how much i love him. however i know deep downs he does know this. i want to make him proud and to rest in peace. he passed peacefully and i am glad my aunties were by his side and that he wasnt alone. he was suffering when he was alive and it was very hard for him, i really feel he is still around and watching over me. i love you dad, i will never forget you! see u in my dreams :) loads of love your daughter claire xxxxxxx

amy 04.06
my dad died 5 months ago from cancer. It was very sudden so it upset me even more, i still feel sick now when i think about it which is all the time. and because i hide how i am feeling people just think i am ok which makes it even harder :( i miss him sooooo much n wud do anthing 2 get him back.

ryan 04.06
i am 16, i lost my sister 12 weeks ago, she was 29 yrs old,she has a baby girl who is only 7 months old a has a husband,she went out shopping and collapsed and left us all behind,my life is nothing without her,she was my life,im only here today because i cannot put my family through the pain it would cause if i was not here. She was my everything, life will never be the same, i know that, i will never get over it, nothing can ever prepare yourself for somthing like this, the pain you feel is unbelievable, im only here to help my family and to look after her little daughter,i love her so much, shell be remebered forever, and missed greatly, and one day i will be with her again. xxx

Kailey 04.06
I Lost my boyfriend in a terrible car crash 4months ago he was 23 and we had been togehter for 3and half years. and now things come back and haunt me. i imagine of what was he thinking, What pain did he suffer, what the car must of looked like!! His mum & Dad wouldnt let me see the car because the only thing left was the steering wheel and drivers seat. He had hit a tree, and wasnt found untill 4hrs later because he was alone down a quite country lane. Why did he have to be taken like this??? What a horrible way to die! i miss him so so much and i long to see him just 1 more time. If your reading this had have recently lost the one you love aswell, then im not gona lie to you, it does take time & it gets worse before it gets better and i know exactly what your going through! i still shed a tear everyday and think about him the moment i open my eyes in the morning. I LOVE YOU BABYx x x x x xx

gemma 03.06
i lost my grancher 4 months ago and it felt as tho i had my heart ripped out.i havnt really shown my true feelings becoz i never really cried on the funeral becoz i didnt want to cry becoz i wanted to be brave for my mum and my nan the hardest for me was deeling with the song they played it was robbie williams becoz its the family song im still really upset but i have to take it that he aint comeing back i went up my nans and him not being there then thats when it really sunk in that he was no longer with us.i havnt really cried much but i have days where i feel really upset and down but i am now trying to get on with my life but he will always be part of my life and i will neva forget no matter what love u gramps love gemma xxxxxxxxxx

anon 03.06
My best friend died 22nd Sept 2005 - I havent been the same since! she was an amazing person 2 no n wen she died because of organ failures i didnt know what to do!She was the best thing that happened in my life! I have been having counselloring ever since but stopped at beginning of March.
I ow have to deal with it on my own, i dont nknow what im going to do because nobody wants to know. Nobody mentions Becky anymore! i believe she is an angel looking down on me now. I MISS HER

anon 03.06
i lost the love of my life 6 months ago, my heart goes out to all of you. i miss him so much.but he lives on in my heart and he always will! my advice to you is keep going because things can only get better. "if your going through hell just keep going"!!!

anon 03.06
I lost my nan in December 2005 5 days before christmas, we buried her 2 days before christmas. Ten had to be happy for Christmas day since i had two younger cousins who deserved a geat day!
I went back to uinveristy in jan, and since then felt alone, i had no family around to help me, my friends were too worried about me to talk about things.
It was awful, i turned to self harm and getting drunk.
But it didnt work, i was told people couldnt cope with me anymore and i need proffestional help.
Its March now and im seeing a counciller, things are not much better and i stil havent accepted that my nans dead.
But i do know, that shes always been there for me and still is. She is my Gardian Angel.

gemma 03.06
i have felt like i cant go on becoz my birthday last year my grandad died 2 days before it and i didnt enjoy myself becoz my mum n nan was out alday preparing my grandads funeral so i felt alone all day and when it was his funeral i wasnt that upset but when they played the family song angles by robbie williams i started to cry because it only hit me then that he was really gone forever. its been 4 monyhs

(anon) 03.06
my mum died four months ago from cancer, we were supposed to have about 6months more but she died suddenly and I was abroad. I was quitting my jobs 6weeks later and was going to spend the summer with her. Instead I had three days in the hospital watching her stuggle for breath and she couldnt speak. But thank god I got to her in time and could hug her and tell her how much I loved her. When I called from the airport in japan she managed to say she loved me and I told her to wait for me and she said of course. That is the very last thing my mother ever said to me. And that is what mothers are all about. They would do anything for you, even postpone their own death. The only slight rationale I have for what has happened is that this world was never meant for someone as kind and giving as mum. God wanted his angel back.

Ryan 03.06
Im 17 my mom died nov.9 2005 of cancer she was battling cancer for a couple years I dont know how to take it im mad at evryone i cry everyday. I would like to talk to someone that has had the same thing happend to them and same inncident please if there is anyone who wants to talk because im all confuse and everything so please hit me up Thank you to this website because i found alot of people who are feeling the same way I am.

charlotte 03.06
at the beginning of 2006(i hate this yr)my great nan died and then still in january my brother died and in the middle of febuary my grandad died and its weired because all of the dates like my brothers funeral was on the 6th of febuary and my great nan died on the 6th january and all the dates go together.i miss them loads and they will always be in my hearts and minds for ever and ever and ever.

emma 03.06
my dad lived in boltn and we r in bamber brige he died in november 05 on a friday his boss found him on his bed dead on the monday i cry every night to sleep im only 12 and i carnt get through i looked through his phone and i found a messege that he sent saying i had a mild heart attack we never new about that he was waiting for the results from the hospital from emma plz some 1 replyXxXxX

sophie 03.06
my dad passed away 6 months ago , he was an alcholic and it finaly killed him , i mainly feel angry at my dad for lettin this happen to him , but i also feel almost asshames of him .. he knew it was killing him and he still drank ... he knew what it was doin to me and how much it hut me but he still did it , but at the end of the da i can see that he had a problem and he couldnt see that and if you dont help yourself you cant be helped i only wish that i could of helped him to realise this before it was to late - sophie aged 13

Lottie 02.06
my gran commited Suicide on 18.12.05 leaving behind her Terminally ill husband my grandad who died on the 13.2.06 he will be sadly missed as we all watched him go. but not all of us getting to say goodbye which is the hardest thing that i think we have to cope with. good memories are always treasured with us however watching him go was hard as we will always have that memory left with us forever. love you for ever my treasured granparents xxxxxxxxxxxx

jodie 02.06
my dad died four months ago now and the pain is still very raw i cry less but still feel so alone i sometimes feel like the rest of the world has carried on without me and they have all forgotten about my dad even his girlfriend is now pregnant by one of my dads friends this all just adds to the pain and i'm not sure how to deal with it how can people just forget about someone so quickly i miss my dad every day i find myself just thinking of him at the strangest times and small things remind me of him the pain will probably never end but at least while i'm still in pain i can remember him even the small things these are the things i hope to keep with me forever

(anon) 02.06
my boyfriend died on the 28th dec 05 of a quick illness.we were together for 3 years,since he died i feel lost without him,very sad and confused and some days unable to go on,although i know i must becoz of my two lovely children,i have support from my family but still feel very lonely.i miss him so much and just wish that he was still here,he made me so happy and took me to lovely places all the time in his car.my life now just seems very dull and boring,im sad all the time now and find i cant laugh,will some one PLEASE tell me how to move on and find new friends who have been through the same as me

(anon) 02.06
I lost my boyfriend in a car accident just under 4 months ago. I miss him so much, and its still hard to believe that some one so special to me has gone. We both loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and i dont want to be with any one else in the world. He mite have gone to a better place, but he is not with me.

(anon) 02.06
my ex bf died about a month ago on boxing day 2005. i just want him to know that i love him now and forever, you were my one true love, i never stopped loving you, and i never will. i crave for the day i meet you. i hope you are listening out for me as i talk to you babes. my soulmate, my one true love, thankyou for the joy and happiness you have brought to my life, i will cherish all our memories together forever. love you soooooo much x x x x x your in a better place now my love, nothing can hurt you now x x you live in my heart forever x x x

Dave 02.06
My Mum died on 23 July 2005, just over 7 months ago. We didn't know what was wrong with her right up until the day she died - we always hoped she would get better. It has been very hard, especially because me and her never really got along too well. She always said we would get along better when she stopped being my mother and started being my friend. She also always used to say she couldn't wait for me to have a child that would keep me up all night like I did to her. Unfortunately she didn't live long enough to see either of those things.
I miss you Mum - I will always love you

Alejandra 01.06
I was the closest grandchildren to my grandma I called her tatita for me is devastating she left on spet 13 and <i felt as if I didnt wanted to live this difficult life without her since she was such a support to me, she was more like my mother, and not many people understand how >I loved this woman with all my soul, i need to communicatte with her i just can stay like this need 2 talk to my best friend so I am in search for a professional medium if anybody knowas bout someone please let me know

(anon) 01.06
I lost my mum in September to Cancer. I never thought it would happen to me. My mum battled with cancer since 2000 and i just thought that she was invicible, never did it cross my mind that she would die. My mum was a single parent who looked after me,16 and my sister 12 since birth so the only family we ever really knew was her, and now shes gone. It's not fair, my mum did'nt do anything to anyone but look at how she was repaid. She donated money to every cancer charity going even though we did'nt have the money. My mum loved me and my sister soooooo much and she would do anything for us. We miss her soooo much an it hurts. Ive just turned 17 and my sister 13 and its difficult knowing that my mum won't be around to watch us grow up. All the things she wanted us to acomplish and achieve she'll miss. We would have made her soooo proud. I miss u mummy and i love you.

Victoria 01.06
My Mom was the most devoting, caring and funloving person anyone would wish to meet in their lives. She thought and put everyone before herslf in any way possible.
As a Landlady of a very prestigious pub in Hertfordshire she built a community in which everyone felt safe and comfortable and, notaly, ran this business for the best part of seven years by herself, with just a few bits of help from her eldest daughter, myself, a dear friend also cook/cleaner and her brother on occasion at weekends.
On Thursday 24 Nov I was working in the pub with Mum when she disappeared whilst we were cleaning up. At first I thought nothing of it until one of the regulars asked if 'Cilla' was OK because she looked very disorientated when she went to the ladies.
I rushed into the ladies and banged on the door but heard only faint mumbles from Mum. I knew smething was wrong and managed to break the lock open, my Mum was unconscious. The ambulance rushed her straight to the hospital, initially they thought it was a stroke but were worried about the non-reaction to pain. This is where the worry began.
I actually brought her shoes with me in the ambulance because they'd taken them off for tests and I knew she'd be mad if she had to walk out with no shoes!
At the hospital we knew it was bad, Mom was taken for a CT scan and the worst results came back.
Our Mom had suffered from a severe brain haemorrhage due to a blood clot on the brain,the part of the brain affected was non-operatable.
My Mom never regained consciousness but fought strong for four days, breathing by herself for three,she didn't want to go. The Doctors admitted that apart from what was happening in her head, she was perfectly fit as a fiddle, she had a strong heart.
My Mum passed away on Monday 28 Nov 2005 at the young age of 49, fit as a fiddle, beautiful and slim and looking better than most 30 yr olds. Diagnosis was a brain stem haemorrhage. She left behind a Daughter aged 25, a Daughter aged 24, a Son aged 20,a partner of 7 years, 3 brothers and 3 sisters.
Between 300-400 people turned up for my Mum's service, there wasn't even enough room in the chapel, people stood ouside, that's how much she was loved and respected.
I have never before experienced the pain and sense of loss I feel now, but I know I must move on and that hurts even more.
Mum you gave me so much, more than you could ever realise, I only hope I can continue your good name and make you proud.
You are always in my heart and in my thoughts, I thank you for everything.
Your Victoria XXXX

stephanie 01.06
Hi im 12 years old and my older brother died 6 months ago when he got shot.Everyone told me he was in a better place or it'll be okay.But my brother tought me to always be strong.My brother got shot over only God knows what.(it must have been a good reason because he did not desrve that he was only 16

Kev 01.06
My father died on the way back from holiday in the airport on July 24th 2005 from a heart attack. There are no words that can express the way that i felt when i say my dad collapse infront of me. I still think about him every single day. Its the little things that remind me, like tv programs he used to like. I just hope tha things can get better here again for my family

Jess 12.05
My Mum died in hospital in the summer just when everyone thought she was getting better. I found after she died that she had a rare type of cancer that people only survive with for 2-3 years. I knew she had cancer but i didnt think it was fatal. I still really miss her and I get angry with everyone alot since it happened but now im trying to learn to control my feelings and look to the future.

karen 12.05
i lost my dad in july 2005 we were devastated the rock of our family had gone. there we were mam and me sitting at the hospital waiting for the doctors to come and say that my dad was worried about being on his own when the doctor came in he said that my dads heart had stopped and he had died

Lyndsay 12.05
My gran died nearly 3months ago, i miss her soooo much i dont think she loved me as much as my brother as i was the 'devil child' i did things i shouldnt have and arugued with her ive been thinkin of killing my self and jst leaving at night i beg that my gran wood come back and god would take me , since this i have lost all faith . i do think my gran did love me she had demitia and so me and her fought alot all i can think bout at night is that daycoming home from school and finding out she had left me i never got too see her or anything i wished sum1 would bring her bacck to me to tell her i loved her. i miss her to this day im full of anger and hate and guilt i feel like my heart has been ripped out PLease sum1 help!!

jodie 12.05
it's been almost 3 months now since my dad died i feel no better but then i think i am still in shock half the time i can't beleive he has really gone and when i think of christmas day i feel so so sad thinking i can't see him be with him or even talk to him on the phone dad i miss you so much i love you xx

(anon)12.05
Alice was my best friend in primary age, from age 5. We didn't see as mcuh of each other in high school but still kept in touch. Last year she was diagnosed with cancer, and in August she died, aged 17. I hate all the euphemisms people use. I don't like being with people who know. I cry a lot, am depressed a lot and i'm unmotivated. I can't accept that she's gone; i haven't been to her grave yet because i was afraid and I feel guilty about that.

charl 12.05
my brother died on the 16th september at 12.15am when his car hit a tree! i just want him back, to give him one last kiss, to sahre one last fag together and to tell him that i love him! he was only 18 and has never done anything wrong in life! 2 innocent lives died that night caused by some stupid tree being there! i fell alone and scared of life now! he was always my protector and always looked after me! hes gone and so has ross but they will never be forgotten! ill love him forever but i miss him greatly xxxx

Liz 12.05
I posted an experience on the timeline after a week of losing my mum. Its been two months now, it did get better, but I think after the initial shock of losing someone goes, it really hits you. Its been two months now, and I really miss her. She was my best friend, I thought I was doing really well, crying less but im not. Its starting to hit home how alone I feel. I dont have a boyfriend or anyone I am close to. I ache constantly.

chloe 12.05
my nan died in 2005 julu 1st and i loved her really much and i still love her the same way

Tracie 12.05
My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in April May 2005. I remember the day she told me it was like a knife in my heart. The whole family went on holiday in July/August and she caught a ches infection when we got home she went to hospital and eventually got better after 3 weeks. Then in September after 2 lots of chemotherapy on the sunday she went into hospital with sickness I visited almost every day as the days went by she deteriorated rapidly and on the wednesday we were told she had contracted menigitus and if he made it through the weekend great on the 25th Sept 2006 was last time I saw mum alive..... God how I miss her... I feel numb she was my best friend My mum, I find it really difficult to cope dad relys on me and my two children miss her so much too will the pain ever stop and the tears dry up. If I had one wish this christmas it would just to have mums arms around me again

tara 12.05
i av lost both my parents,but lukily i av my nan n grandad ea 4 me evry step of da way,i stil cry most of da nites finkin y me but evry day i av 2 put on a brave smile n cary on goin wiv jus memories remainin.

tom 11.05
my only question is why
i am not close with all my family so i am scared that its just a matter of time before every one i love will fade
i hide my emotions and never tell any one my fears
one day will they all come screaming out of me

Pamela 11.05
I lost my Dad in May, i am really struggling to come to terms with it admittedly its only been 6 months - i feel very empty, lost, confused, lonely - he was my best friend - my Mum has Alzheimers and that is not helping me either - i dont see any light at the end of the tunnel -

Elllie 11.05
My dad committed suicide 4 months ago and im still coming to terms with it!!
The thing you have to remember is that whoever you have lost is gone from your vision but never from your mind!

Sammy 11.05
my dad died on the 21st june,(longest day of the year).i thought it was gettin easier bt its not,im jst hiding my emotions.he has a motorbike accident,police found no fault wif bike or problem wif my dad. i dnt get it,he wasnt a bad man or anything.y dus this happen to the best ppl. i wud do anythin t b wif him rite now. i jst want him so much. he was my life line. i always hav bin a daddy's lil girl. jst wana say, i luv u so much daddy and i will always xxxxxxxxxx

adwina 11.05
I lost my brother on Nov.16, 2004. It's been almost a year. A car pulled out in front of him on his motorcycle. He was killed instantly. We were really close. He was very close to my 2 children. My son is having a real hard time dealing with it. I still cry every day. It still seems like it was yesterday. He was killed 2 days before my older brother's birthday. You never know when you could get the call.

queenie 11.05
since I lost my dad it's like I have this constant burning headache my eyes feel sore and I have this knot in my stomach that won't go away I fight off the tears as best I can but I feel scared, lonely, guilty, angry, sad, bitter, and I don't know how to make it stop I walk around in a daze like I’m not even there I wish I could see him one last time just to say I love you and goodbye I miss him so much

(anon) 10.05
My dad died two months ago.. I'm from an other country and my dad and brother came over as a surprise with my stephmam and sister, I was so happy and couldn't believe they where here. Then on the morning they where suposed to go home my dad died.. I still can't believe he isn't here anymore, there are so many things I want to say him, to ask, to do with him.. I miss him so much.. To everyone i try to act like i'm not changed and try to be the same person, but inside me is a big part missing, a part nobody can ever replace

Kate 10.05
my father passed away very suddenly on 25th april 2005,it was a normal day,he had heart surgery 3 years ealier and he also had high blood pressure probs,he just collapsed,died of eternal bleed dur to wafferin and heart attack,we were close and he was only 48 and im 24.now 6 months on im on antidepressants and my marriage is suffering and we on the verge of splitting up coz im always depressed,

Kel 10.05
My younger brother, Neil, died just over 3mths ago in a car accident, he was only 19. I just can't beleive it. He was just going to the cinema. His friend Luke and two girls, Harriet & Carly all died too. There was a head on collision and their car burst into flames. Thankfully he died on impact but we still were not able to see him because of the fire. That has been so hard. I wish so much that I could hug him once more. That nite was the worst of my life, I will never forget it. I love him so much, we were such good friends. Some days I can't get out of bed, I don't know how I feel. Why us, why us????? I hope you know I'm thinking of you every second of every day nellybongo. Love you always bro.xxxxxxx

Holly 10.05
My nan was never the healthiest of people, and in 2005 the doctor discovered a lump in her throat, she went into hospital, had it removed and was out wihtin a month, 2 months later anotha lump was dicovedred this was much more serious and was found to be cancerous and it could not be removed as the tumor was sitting right on top of her windpipe, we went to go and see her, i was not told that the tumor would be sticking out her neck it was awafull and that is the last memory i have of my nan, i really miss her and i cry nerly every day, thankyou xx

Renee 10.05
my boyfriend passed away this summer, even though we were only together for a month, i still knew him for like 5 years, and all those years he was everything to me, the summer i spent with him was a dream come true, and for the first time in my life i actually knew what love was. he was my first true love. he was one of a kind, no one and when i say no one could ever replace him, i just dont know what to do with my self this boy was my EVERYTHING, and the pain im feeling is so bad that words cant even express thats why its so hard to tell anyone the way i feel..when the one person you love and means everything to you has passed away, what are you left with, nothing but tears, memories and pictures, but thats not good enough, all i want and need his him
3 rest in peace my baby
i love you and forever i will ..
ilya

lucy 10.05
My Mum committed suicide just over 2 months ago. The pain and hurt I feel is indescribable.She was a troubled woman,very troubled,but never did i think she'd do that.the night i found out,i felt numb.and i keep thinking,im only 16,and for the rest if my life ill never see her,all the years she'll miss and all the things ill never be able to tell her or anything.my life since it happened has been so messed up not even a film director could think it up.i miss her like nothing ive ever felt before and i just feel so lonely.all my friends have chosen to ignore me instead of talking to me,so i dont go out with them anymore,if only they knew how hard it is each day to get out of bed.i know there is so much to live for but i just dont have the energy just now.if there's anybody who wants a little talk id really appreciate it


(anon) 10.05
My father died less than five months ago, and I think the worst part was not accepting it when I should have known it was coming. I feel like I was the only one who was really in denial about it in the days leading up to his death. If I could do it all over again, I would have accepted that it was going to happen ahead of time, so that I really could have spent the last few days with him and told him how much I love him and what his life meant to me. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for being so niave as to think he was going to pull through when he obviously wasn't. I miss him and can't talk to anyone. I feel like everyone is moving past it and I am not. I feel like people get sick of hearing about it and feel repetitive talking about it, but I just can't stop hurting.

Natalie 10.05
I lost my Grandma a couple of months ago. i have since went back to doing self harm, but for a while everything seemed to be fine. i was unconsoleable at the funeral, but ended up fighting with family who never bothered with her. My Grandme was amazing. i want her back and i feel so bad that i cry in the morning, and dream about her all the time x

Georgina 09.05
My Dad died 5 months ago. From lung and brain cancer. I keep seeing him dieing in the hospital.

rhiannon 09.05
hi to every one who is greivin right now, i lost my nan 2 months ago n i felt like sum1 ripped out my hart, still do. i felt like she was the only one who understood n loved me. i felt suicidal and like the person who's nan died in 2002 i got in truble. all im tryin to say is instead of trying to kill yourself n getting in truble, try to do sumthin posotive that you no that person will be proud of. belive me, making them proud makes you feel betta. i lost faith in god to but now i realise that it was her time, i wasn't ready but i dont think anyone will ever be ready for the death of a loved 1. just wait your time and untill then make your nan proud n rememba that there are other people feelin like this here to support you n guide you. u will get thru this. trust in god!

karen 09.05
my grandad died on 6th july 2005 and still not come to terms with it yet still not understand he died of a massive heart attack and just died, only got my nan left mum mum no more grandparents after that i miss the laughs we had grandad and miss you every day cant tell u how much it still hurts only been 8 weeks now miss you grandad and i love u lots xxxxxxx words can not explain how much x

anon 09.05
Both my grans died last year, 3 months apart. At first i bottled my feelings up but then i started feeling suicidal. Now i have a best m8 who i tell everythign to. i don't feel suicidal anymore.

(anon) 08.05
my unkle ken died not so long ago. i was kind of close 2 him , but now hes dead i dont seam 2 be upset or emotioal about his death. i feel bad because i dont fell sorry 4 him .

Kat 08.05
My 39 year old disabled friend died a few months ago he had almost taken the place of my father who left when i was 7 and althouh i see him often i dont think of him as my dad. my dad doesnt talk easily to children my age.but it makes me sad to know that i have to be 16 or older to talk to him easily.my friend taught me things that i thougt dads were supposed to teach but my dad wouldnt tell me how to climb a tree hes not that type of person i now find it hard to trust people.

Steph 08.05
My great aunt died 8 weeks ago. It doesn't feel like it's been this long. It doesn't feel like she's gone. It's not fair. When I'm on my own I just fall into myself. I can't sleep and all I do is cry at night. She was more like my gran. I was so, so close to her. I was closests to her in the family so it's hard for me. I can't realli talk to anyone. None of them understand me. I need her back to help me through this. She left me when I needed her most. She had been dying for 5 months before she passed and I had to watch her die slowly. I thought it wasn't fair that I could sit there fit and heathly and there she was dying. I can't take it. I think about killing myself. I miss her so bad!! This pain will never go away!!

beth 08.05
hi im 13
i lost my nan 3 years ago from a stroke,my grandma 3 months ago from cancer ,only 8 days after my birthday .Then 3 months later i lost my brother in really bad car accident.i have felt so alone,
its been the worst few years ever!!

anon 08.05
it has been 3 monthes since my dad died 2 days after my 15 birthday i was there with him as he took his last slow deep breath he died from liver failure and i love him very much. everyone told me that time is a great healer but it doesnt get any better it just gets more and more painful.the only thing that gets easier is learning to fight back the tears and try to have a good time. as every day passes without being able to pick up the phone or talk to him and all i want is to hear one more joke ,for him to hug me and to tell me that he is proud of me. i love you so much daddy and i always,always will.xxxx

anon 08.05
my dad died 5 weeks ago of cancer i didnt see him since i was 3 and now i am 14 and i dont remember him my mams boyfriend i love him and all but i wanted my real dad

Dawn 07.05
I lost my oldest Brother on 2nd Febuary 05. But it has only just hitme over the past couple pf weeks. And i keep asking meslef why did it happen to us. The think that is getting to me that he was only 24 years old. He has gone through all his life with a dissabilaty. But three years agao he attracted a heart problem so Andrew was on tablets. But i knew the day it happened some thing bad was going to happen but when i was told i just did not want to beleve it. I feel like that i am in a dream and that i will wake up from it and it would all be dream but it 6 months tomorro since Andrew died and i still haven't woke from this dream. I just want him to know that i LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART even though we all ways did fight but he is my big brother and he will never leave my heart.

amy 07.05
it was in November when my nan started getting ill with her kidneys.she was in and out of hospitial since then.it was the worst christmas i and my family had ever had.it wasnt untill july when my nan took a turn for the worse.
me and my 2 sisters and my mum had a lovely weekend in london for my 21st birthday.
untill we got home was when my dad told us that my nan was in hospitial,then a week later was when my mum and dad stayed for 3 nights and 3 days in the hospital with my grandad and the rest of the family.
on the last day i got told to go around my sisters house and not go to work then my other sister came round.so the 3 of us were together trying not to think of the worse,then at midday that day we had a phone call from my mum saying that my nan had past away.it was hard because we thought that she would always be with us.
the few days that have past has been hard,ive had to keep myself busy,my mum is being hard but its my grandad that we are all worried about.
i no that we will never forget the things my nan would say and that my family will never forget her.

Sarah Louise 07.05
my dear friend ede killed himself on valentines day..i miss him so much its unbearable...if only i had have stopped him..if only i had known that he was feeling suicidal...if only...he didnt deserve to die...he was so young..he had his whole life ahead of him...but hes away to a better place...after-all..god only has room in heaven for the best...
R.I.P Edward xoxoxox i will miss you forever xoxoxoxox

Vikki 07.05
hi i lost my 7 year old cousin to a brain tumour a few months ago and it has only just really hit me i miss her so much as she was like a little sister to me if i could turn back time there are things i would have done and said differently but unfortunatly i cant

(anon) 07.05
My brother was killed in a train accident, along with his best friend.
He was 14 and him and all of his friend were out one night.
My brother and his friend went onto the train tracks and were messing about with eachother and didn't hear the train coming.
They both died instantly.

Nicole 07.05
I lost my cousin at the beginning of March this year. He was more like my brother and my best friend in one. He took his own life and I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that he has gone and why. it feels like an impossible journey

steven 06.05
I lost my dad in january this year(2005)and i miss him more every day. dad had a hard life as my mum left him with five children to bring up on his own and a broken heart.but he coped as best as he could and done imself proud as we all grew up well.for wich we thank dad as i dread to think where we would have ended up as mum just slipped out of our lives without a goodbuy with her new man dad became a grandfather and very proud but very modest and shy and the pain i feel knowing hes gone tears my heart apart.he was a true hero and his sudden departure from this earth casts doubt in my faith in life.

Anon 06.05
in febuary of this year my dad commited scuicide he left me and my mum when i was 5. since then he became more and more depressed and tried to kill himself loads but never succeded until 5 months ago. he lived in another country so i didn't really see him a lot. the last time i saw him was about a year and a half ago just after xmas. the last time i talked to him i was angry and didn't even say goodbye. a few weeks ago my friend's dad also passed on and she is very upset. i don't know what to say to her as i know how she feels and wouldn't want anyone to feel that way.

Alexandra 06.05
I lost my bestfriend, my cousin, and my Hero. She passed away in a car accident...It wasn't her fault! I never got to tell her I love her so much, I lost her on January 23, 2005...I see the wreck in the head and I wasn't there. I see her...I just want to run my fingers down her hair and I want her to come through my door. I just can't talk
to God anymore.

Sue 06.05
My mum passed a way on August 5th 2004 after a six month brave battle with cancer. we never got round to saying we love each other. We were both very headstrong & not very good in showing are feelings I miss my mum so much it hurts, they say time is a healer, nearly one year on i hurt just as much.I wish i could hold her hand
again and tell her how much i love & miss her. Every week i find my self writing letters to my mum, this i find quite helpfull knowing she is probaly leaning over my shoulder reading them.After losing my mum i do believe there is life after death & she can here my thoughts & prayers.

claire 06.05
i lost my mom in september 2004 to the hospital bug mrsa. i also lost my grandad and my brother 5 years ago and i lost a close friend 3 days before my mom died. im only 20 and i feel so emotionally exhausted by death that some days i cant even get dressed. im due to marry in january and i feel like i will have this empty hole inside of me without the people i love most there. im terrified of somthing happening to my fiance or my dad as they are all i have left. and now i have been told my dad could be seriously ill. i dont understand why these things are happening to me. i just want my mommy back so she can tell me she is proud of me and be at my wedding. i need her to hold me and tell me she loves me. i cant handle losing anyone else and im terrified i will.

Becky 06.05
My grandad died on the 19th December 2004. Its bin so hard 2 come 2 terms wiv the fact hes gone. Every Christmas we went 2 my nan and grandads to show off our prezzies but this yr i was lukin at my grandad in a coffin, it didnt seem rite. It was a total shock wen he died he was alrite then at nite he had a little heart attack then went 2 hospital then he had a big heart attack n he died in hospital on his own, cuz my nan went 2 take her tablets.

If u can read this grandad i love n miss u so much, ill never 4get about u. n im lukin after nan 4 ya loads of kisses n hugz xxxxxxxx

Natalie 06.05
On January 4th 2005 I lost my best friend, Steven, in a car crash. He was 17 years old. He had a younger brother called Peter, he was also a close friend. Peter died 31st January 2005 from depression
and grief at the loss of his brother. He was 16 years old. I loved both of them so much and they made up a large part of my life. The pain is almost never ending. I watched Steven die infront of me and I felt so helpless because I couldn't help take his pain away. Their lives were cut so unbelievabley short and I can't bring them back. I only hope they knew how much there family and friends treasured them.

cherie 06.05
my nana died on january 22nd 2004 i have never felt so alone and scared in my life.

Michelle 06.05
My dad died 5 months ago on 29th December at first every week I would think its been exactly one, two three weeks since he died. thankfully I got over that.
But I can still remember that day so clearly like its been printed in my mind. I was asleep and thought I could hear the doorbell ringing it was 7am my partner went down to answer it and came up and said my mum was there, I can remember thinking how nice my mums come to see me, which is ridiculous cos it was 7am and they live an hour away. Anyway i went downstairs and could see mum and my brothers girlfriend and someone else and my first thought was that my brother had died, then when I saw him I felt relieved which I now feel terrible about. I just said dads dead isnt he? and started to cry. Then we all just sat there not knowing what to do.
That day went on forever, we had to tell the rest of the family which was terrible as mum wanted to tell them all in person and it was so hard saying that he had died over and over again.

Since then we have tried to get on with our lives but its so hard i never knew something could affect your life in so many ways. Everything reminds me of him, all films and tv seems to be about dads, i see people with their dads and i feel jealous.

I am terrified that everyone else I love will die, sometimes i am so frightened I cant think straight, I feel like the whole world is falling apart.
I truely feel a part of me has died.

mother, brother, sister and myself. Talking about our family like we didn't care about him. I dont' know what it is but it seems families seperate after the death of a loved one. If anything, they should become closer. Anyways, I'm miss my DADDY!!!