personal

7 - 11 months

christie, August 2008
My nana died and i wish i had appreciated her more when she was alive. she is and was the most important person to me. im so stupid and i love her. i didnt even talk to her when she was in the bed with cancer. and now i need her. but i wasnt there when she needed me so i dont deserve help. her last words were about me and i didnt even tell her i love her. and now i wish i could die to be with her. but we all know thats not the right thing to do even if i feel like it is. dont help me. just leave me suffer for what i did please. this happened at the end of last year and continues to this day.

Holly, August 2008
my dad. [7 months on]
three weeks from his 61st birthday.
four days before christmas.
thirteen days before my birthday.
complete shock.
i feel like 7 months on i am the only one that remembers he's gone.
everyday i look at his empty chair.
i see his un opened xmas present sat by where the tree used to be.
i feel pain everyday, i cant live without him.
i feel like i could leave the present now even my family here just so i could be with him.
i had the worst year before and my dad's death just topped it all off.
i just wanted him to be there for me to turn 17, to see me learn to drive, to hold my sisters baby one last time, to see his love for mum once.
i wanted him to comfort me and tell me things would be ok. i still feel all these raw feelings now.
i cant talk about it though, because noone knows what to say and they all seem to have forgotten.
x

Anon, August 2008
It's been 7 months since my great-grandpa died and I miss him so much. People say that talking makes grieving better but everyone in my family seems to have gotten over it...and it feels like it's just me who remembers him. I dont cry in front of other people instead I cry at night in my room where no one can see me. I don't know how to deal with this and for the past seven months i've just been trying to forget about it. Is that forgetting about it grieving? My mum says I have to move on but it's easier said than done. Hopefully this website will have some answers and I hope so because I miss him so much and I don't want to feel sad anymore.

toots, July 2008
i lost my mum on new years day, i miss her so much, the doctors thought she had that bug that was going around at christmas, but like normal they got it wrong. it's her birthday in two weeks..my birthday was last month and it was rubbish, i went away on holiday too escape..but it didn't work..i didn't get sung happy birthday down the phone..the little pointless presents..the questions...nothing is the same, i miss her advice with my garden this year it is rubbish, i miss her annoying calls all the time, her singing out of tune, her voice, her fuzzy hair. i miss her helping me. worse still my dad has found another woman three months ago, it's hard. i'm sat here typing this and listing to the song that she said was my song, i can her her singing it in my head

hannah, July 2008
my mum died on the 12th october at 43 years old of cancer but the doctors said that she was going to be fine but it came back three months later but this time it was much worse than before because she had a seizure and after that she was only at home for nine days and the last time I saw her was two days before she died and my world fell apart.

Jess, 30 June 2008
One of my oldest and best, passed away on the 22nd october 2007 unexpectedly. I found it hard to deal with because I just couldn't get it to register in my brain, sometimes when I scroll through my phone and his numbers there I hover over the button, then remember. As I felt myself getting on track in april, another friend was killed in a cycling accident on her way home from college, this effected a larger amount of my friends so we all were able to support each other and attempt to deal with it. At the time I felt guilty, and still do, because I felt like I was crying for my other friend too even though I should have been concentrating on her death, if that makes sense? As things began to improve slightly again, on June the 16th, another of my best friends, who was finding it unbearably difficult to cope, (she lost her dad and our friends in a short space of time) decided to take her own life.

Suddenly I felt my emotions sort of dissapear. I didn't cry at the funeral hardly, and I havn't cried since. I feel like i'm slowly going crazy and that I just cant get any lower, but I feel that i've reached this point where my emotions have shut down to prevent me feeling anymore. What's begining to scare me is when I get a really strong emotion, I over react and shout at someone who doesn't deserve it. So now i'm begining to push people away because I dont want to hurt them and I dont want them to die and hurt me.

Chelsea, June 2008
I lost my auntie on the 15th of july 07. She was in a car crash on the motorway. I still dont believe it has happened, I still expect her to walk in her door from work. Its her birthday on the 16th of June and its going to be really hard because we always had a party for it. I didnt know what to do when I found out and I still dont! People tell me it will get easier but it aint. It hit me the worst i think because I was closest to her out of everyone in my family. She was my auntie yes! But she was more like my mum
iloveu and missu SOOO much xxxxxxxxxxx

Reese, June 2008
I lost my Father on August 9th, 2007. It stings everyday like an open wound with salt pouring into it. I know everyone grieves differently. I was very close to my dad and was alone with him in the hospital when he died. My family was at home resting. I don't know if he accepted God and is in Heaven. I don't know if he is okay. I try and focus on the good things but end up delaying the grief of loss. I avoided all the things that would remind me of him until now and it simply hurts. I have never cried so much in my life for anyone except my Dad. I want him back. I'm mad at God for taking him even though I shouldn't be. I still believe in God but why so much pain? Because he died for our sins? Is grieving a sin? I hope not. I Love You Dad! Now and always, your son. Reese

michelle.xxx, 16 May 2008
my brave dad died on 21 sep 07 from a terminal illness witch he had been suffering with for 17 years.the thing is i was happy for my dad when he passed because i couldnt watch him suffer any more and it is what he wanted to go and not be in a boby riddled with pain and i loved him with all my heart and when that day came it broke my heart because i knew he wasnt in pain anymore and the thought that i would never see him again tore me apart but i kept strong for his sake because i was daddys girl and i held my head high for him.yes the funral was very hard but i knew my dad was beside my helping me to go on and to this day 8 months on i do have the odd cry because i miss him dearly but then i think of him being a free spirit now doing things he could not do in his life down here and yes sometimes i think i can sence him next to me so i would just like to say thank you dad and i am greatly proud of you.my love always michelle.my dad geoff died 21-9-07.

jordan, May 2008
sept. 10,07 one of my best friends and another friend of mine were giving alex my boyfriend a ride so he could go see his friend and if i didnt have to work i would have been with them. he texted me seven mintues before what he was to beleived to died. it wsa raining and they hydro planed adn she slammed on the breaks they rolled and flipped several times he didn't have his seat belt on or he would have probably lived. he hit his head on the roof of the explorer and broke his neck adn died instantly then he was thrown from the vehicle.... this was seriously the worst day of my life and not a day goes by that i dont think about him. every little thing reminds me of him and that is all i can do is hold on to the good things that we shared. but things slowly get less stressful but i will never once stop missing him!!!

Rebekah, April 2008
My Best friend from we were three took her own life in june 07, its nearly a year and i miss her soo much.. im lost without her.. 12 years of freindship and im on my own :( she was beautiful, stunning, blonde with huge blue eyes. Althought she just couldnt hack it anymore.. i do believe she is in a place with no pain i just dont understand why.. i was the last one with her and nothing was different.. I miss you sooo much princess...xxxxx

Courtny, 18 April 2008
I loved my grandma so very much and I lost her on Spet 9,07 it was the hardest thing.i miss her so very much

amy, April 2008
my name is amy i am 22 i lost my mum on 8,8,07 and i had my baby on the 22,8,07 they just missed one of othey (sorry 4 my spellin its not good)she die of caner she was 43 she was my best friend n still is i look after my brother now who is 16 they was only us my mum did a lot 4 us she was the best i just wish she see my baby but i no she will be lookin down i dont no how 2 put down how i fill but u cant and i am sorry again 4 my spellin and i love her so much and i wiah i said i love her 4 the last time xx

Stacey, March 2008
Well i lost my nan when i was 8. So i experianced death when i was younger. It was about 2 in the morning christmas eve. The phone rang. Being young i thought it was santa saying he was cuming. But it was my aunty crying. My nan was only going to live for the next hour. So we went to say our goodbyes. Got to the side of her bed to say my goodbye "nan it's stacey i love you so much and i will miss you but dont forget me and i will never forget you...Gooodbye" And the doctor said it's time and thats when she left me. Christmas was the worst. I was so so close to my nan. And now 6 years later still cry myself to sleep cos i miss her...
I lost my grandad 7 months ago. I didn't get to say goodbye. I was not told he was going to die. But i said bye to my nan so i had to say goodbye to my grandad even though it was his body.But i never felt so alone in my life.My grandad was like everythink to me.Now i'm left with no one. It's like my heart has been ripped out my body and i'm just about living. I don't know what to do. I get flashbacks of the time i said goodbye. I just want him back so much. So i turned to selfharm for a way out. It was a mistake. Now i cannot stop cos it makes me feel better And helps me with my other problems.
I'm sorry if you are experianceing death and lose. Just don't turn to selfharm it's makes things worse.

R.i.p nan and grandad i love you forever.

Much love stacey (14)

Nicole, March 2008
On the 29th augest i had a terrifying experience because my baby sister died.And this experience was the worst because i brock my family we were all ever so upset.My baby sister sophier was born 3 month and 4 days early.Sophie died from a uiral infection.There were no sign`s that sophie was going to die but sadly she did and i miss my baby girl so much i love u baby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx lots of love baby girl from your big sis Nicole xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

amanda, 19 March 2008
my mom died when I was 19. She died of breast cancer. But a stroke hit her 3 weeks before she died, and she was confined to bed, and forgot who I was. It was heartbreaking. I have nightmares constantly. I held her hand as she died. It's been 7 months...and 6 days. It hasnt gotten easier.

Katie, March 2008
My Dad committed suicide 7 months ago in july 07 and i find it hard to talk about my feelings to anyone. I loved my dad so much and was very close to him. I lived with him since the age of 10 and dnt really have any other family. I feel that i no longer have any motivation to do anything- i just wanna sit around all day, i dropped out of college and feel my life has stopped since he died. I have constant pictures in my head of when it happened and when i found him, i feel like i could of done more to help him. See Katie's poem, Dear Dad!

Shelley, March 2008
My sister Helen was MURDERD larst May by a 13 and 16 year old boys i wouldnt call them boys there is no words i can say about them what heart ack they have put me and my famiely true me and my sister was ever so close i still cant belive she is gone really i look at her photow and cry the pain i cant even tell becouse i have never spoke about it my self and naw im haveing a baby its all happend so farst but ive got to be strong for my baby but life is so hard please some one write bk and give me some advice thank you

LORENA, February 2008
SEVEN MONTHS MY BOYFRIEND WAS WORKING ON MY CAR AND IT KILLED HIM. I FELT LIKE A PART OF ME DIED, TO THIS DAY I JOURNAL, BUT I ALWAYS ASK HIM IF HE KNOWS WHERE MY SOUL IS AT?, IF I WILL EVER GET IT BACK? I CAN LIVE ON REGRETS BUT ALL I CAN DO IS LEARN FROM OUR RELATIONSHIP, LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND MOST OF US TAKE THAT FORGRANTED, LIKE THE SAYING GOES"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE UNTIL YOU LOSE IT"

jordan, February 2008
my dad died about 7 months ago in july 2007
i got up like any other day mum and step dad sat me and said we ve got some news for you about 1000 ideas of what it could be come into my head but i never expected them to say your dad died i decided to try and tough the day out at school and try and take my mind off it i got there and it just tore me apart and i ended up going home with my mum and relaxed for the rest of the day and cried it out bit by bit i felt angry annoyed and upset that i never spoke to him for a few months before hand i still find it hard to cope at certain times

No name, February 2008
my baby brother died in june. jus two days old..its not fair...i no people may say wel u didnt get to know him but thts just it i felt like i had known hm thwhole 9 months he was in my mums tummy....nd then he was jus taken away...i dnt live with my mum nd she gets rely depresed all the time so im always worrying bout her. its hard tryin to keep everyone happy i cnt show ow i feel coz im too busy tryin to make sure everyone else is ok

Anns, January 2008
It has now been over 10 months now since I lost my little sister. She was only 13. I miss her so much. Everyday I think about her and I am thinking about something different everyday. Even though it is 10 months since she died, I still miss her soo much. She was my little sister and always will be.

No name, January 2008
i lost my boyfriend, about 8 monts ago, he was the love of my life, my best friend, and the person i had hoped to spend the rest of my life with. he died in a car accident, i was driving. the sight of him, in so much pain, is something that no one should ever experience. he passed right next to me, screaming, baby please wake up, i love you so much, im so sorry, i tried my hardest to wake him up. but no responce. as time goes by, the pain is still there, as intense as ever.
i found my self asking god every day, "why did this happen, what did he do wrong", i have realized that god has a plan for everyone, it may end up tragic, like mine, but its his plan.
having faith, is the only thing that has kept me alive.
there have been days, where i have just wanted to die, having dreams of the wreck happening all over again then waking up in the middle of the night, screaming, is terrifying, and most times i will not go back to sleep for 2 days, scared of seing the wreck again.
he was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and i consider my self blessed to have loved him, although i lost him.
all the pain i am going through now, its all for a reason, i may go 30 years without knowing what it is, but i know there is one.
i have faith in the lord, and trust him.

for those of you who have experienced something like this, i am sorry, but dont give up, it may seem so hard at times, but keep holding on.

Helen, Jauary 2008
My lovely 21 year old cousin died in June 2007 in a tragic accident, he was no Angel but again he was no bad guy. He lived with my Grandma, god knows how she feels as I feel absolutely terrible most days. He always got what he wanted in a round about way, I can remember taking him shopping when he was about 11 to get his first pair of kickers, they were £60 back in those days a lot of money when I was just earning over £400 per month. But I believed he needed them for the "image thing" at school so he got them....My grandma continued to provide for him and he never went without. Evisu and the lot, he went to Turkey with his Girlfriend Amanda, they saved real hard to pay for the holiday, I panicked for two weeks wondering if they would be ok???I texted them and got some lovely replies about the good times they were having.
I pray he is in peace some where.
All my love always Rich, Helen xxxxxxx

jordan, 5 December 2007
my dad and i were in a car crash at the beggining of this year, i managed 2 get out and he did not i had to be pinned down and watch my dad burn in the car whilst i sat safe i could not of saved him they said but i think i could of and i have never really talked about and every one thinks that i am okay but it tears me up inside everyday maks me feel sick because i have no dad anymore i wish i could bring him back ppl say i am a miracle child i survied a 150 mph car crash and did not break a single bone the car was soft top and we hit 15 trees whilst air born but sometimes i wish ppl wud just stop think and say how are u copeing because i have no one 2 talk 2.

hayley, 5 December 2007
my dad died 7 months ago on the 25th, he had a heart attack while driving his car. it was so sudden, i miss him so much it hert me everyday to no hes not here and its gunna hert 2 as much on christmass as we use to spend it all together. u think your living in a dream and when u wake up its all going to be ok but its been 7 months now and i still havent accepted it never will he will always be my dad here or not. miss him millions. sometimes you think whats life worth living now and you think would it be better if i was with them but u think of the people you leave bhind. it does get easiler aventually but ull never 4 get it x hayley x

heledd, 5 December 2007
january 25th i lost my mum and i am really sad

rhian, 5 November 2007
i felt like writing this after somebody very ignorant told me i should 'try harder to build myself back up again, because everyone else has to too'. Not everybody else has to. I feel alone, my mum died January 2006 of an anurism, it was sudden. I was 13 and i was with her alone when she died. Im stressed and fed up with school, everyone of my friends i feel has forgotten about it. I haven't. People are ignorant and i just want to say that you just have to ignore some of the things people say. I know they only try to help but they really don't. Knowing im not the only person out there without my mother has helped. I'm trying not to bottle things up but i'm running out of people to talk to.

kelsie, 24 October 2007
on christmas i was helping my baby brother open his presants when my mum came in and said that my pap had died i was really upset then the next day my mum came in agin and said that my nan died because she was greaving for him. i felt like my life was over but all the teachers in school helped me through it i still miss them but i know how to deal with it coz i write poems about them try it for your self it really helps

tommysgirl, 8 October 2007
i lost my boyfriend 8 months ago in feb 07. he had surgery which went wrong and resulted in a stroke. he survived for 18 months after his stroke before he died. i loved him so much and miss him terribly.
i miss his laugh, smile and everything about him.
i am hurting so much inside and it seems to get more painful as time goes by.. maybe i am just beginning to grieve now.
god bless my darling.. loved you so much
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sabrina, 09/07
On January 29, 2007 I lost my boyfriend, my bestfriend and my soulmate. I woke up next to him dead. His heart stopped in his sleep. He was only 23 years old. It's been almost about 8 months since he died. I was with him for 6 years 3 months 6 days. Some days it's harder to cope than others. No one understands how I feel. People do tell me to get over it and move on with my life. It's hard to just pick up where I left off. This is a life changing experience and some people don't seem to understand that. CHANGE is a very difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible thing. I've gotten used to some new routines, but it's just not the same. They say it gets harder before it gets worse. I just can't take it anymore.

Rosie, 07 Aug 2007
my mum died in january, BONE CANCER, I truly miss her. on Sundays sometimes I think I'll go to see mum, I mostly went on sundays, or I think mum would like this book I'll keep it for her, then I remember she's not here any more,
i'm glad she's not suffering any more but I feel the world has changed now that mum is gone.

Ciara (12 yrs old) 07 Aug 2007
i'm not sure exactly how many months ago my nan actually died. all i know is that we had an unbreakable bond. she brought me up for a while when my mum was young, and at work...i was there when she died, the sound of the machine stopped dead. she was being kept alive on machines. her body was their but her spirit sould, and concsience (howeva you spell it lolz)wasn't. as the machine died down, bit by bit, i saw my nan slowly, bit by bit, peacefully.really we all knew she was dead when jim found her... but she might of still heard us when she was braindead on machines. in my mind she died twice.when she died she looked weird and pale. she didn't have her usual bright pink lipstick on, no pearl eyeshadow on. no makeup. she was cold, and clammy. not warm and glowing.as i kissed her for the last time, my eyes swelled up with tears. i was used to her being so independant, not depending on tubes, and machines to keep her alive. i was used to her looking pin neat and peachy with her eyeshadow, mascara, and her bright pink lipstick on. i was used to her smelling, and feeling warm.even know i long for her warm arms to embrace me again..

Jeff 06 Aug 2007
My Dad died 9 months ago. He had cancer and was given 3 months to live but went to live almost 7 years. In those 7 years we had some great times and we knew he was going to die eventually. We had lots of time to get things out in the open. He was able to plan his own funeral arrangments and took care of finances for the future. But it is still difficult. I cant imagine what some of you others are going through that lost thier dads so suddenly. A big hug to you all.

Anon 07.07
My Dad Died In October 2006. Me And My Dad Were Very Close, Ive Nver Really Got along With My Mum That Well. I Was Home Alone With My Dad When He Started To Get The Symptoms Of A Heart Attack, He Refused To Let Me Call For An Ambulance, Telling Me He Was Fine And Not To Make A Fuss. Till This Day I blame Myself for Not Calling 999, Thinking That If I Had Done, He Might Still Be Alive. My Friend Drove My Dad To The Hospital Instead, And He Died On Our Way, On The Road Side, I Was There And Witnessed It All, And I Can Honestly Say That It Was And Always Be The Worst Thing I Will Ever Experience.
Its Been 10 Months Now, And I Still Miss My Dad, We Wer Close Mates Aswell As Father & Daughter.
Since My Dad Passed, Ive Been Expericeing Panic Attacks, Which Lead Me To Think I Too Am Having A Heart Attack, And That Im Going To Die, If You Are Experiencing These, Dont Worry, You Are Fine And Will Get Over Them, You Just Need To Calm Your Self Down, Its All In Your Head, And When You Learn To Controll Them, You Will Get Over Them.
My Dad Was The Best Thing In My Life, And He Always Will Be, I Love Him So Much, And That Will Never Change. If Your Dealing With The Loss Of Some ONe Close To You, Jus Remember That They Are Always There, They Are Never Truely Gone.
They Love You Just As Much As You Love Them, And One Day YOu Will Be Re-untied With Them, Thats What I Believe Anyway, And Its Helping Me So Much!
I Hope Ive Helped Some One Out There!
Im 17... x

Kirsty 07.07
I miss my dad so much. He died 16th January this yr. Its something i'm never going to good used too. Last time I saw him alive was christmas day, fitting really it was his fav time of year. Nothings ever going to be the same again.
I love you dad and miss you!

Hailey 07.07
My dad Commited Suicide 7 Months Ago And I Miss Him So Much, I hate Life Without Him But Find it Very hard To Cry, I just feel Numb All the Time And Have To have A Fake Smile On My Face because if Dont then People Ask Whats Wrong And I Dont Want To tell Them,Everyone Knows What Happned But It feels Like They Have Just Forgotten, I Need My Dad Soo Much.

katie 07.07
granny died in january of cancer after a fight that lasted 10 months. she woz so special 2 me and i find it hard with out her.

Meg 07.07
I hate writing the words 'my dad died' because I hate thinking it's real...
My dad died about seven months ago of cancer, and it has crushed me and damaged me in so many ways. I find it hrd to accept it, it feels like he should just walk into the room like normal, he should just be there. I loved him so much, people say move on but its so hard, one day he was there, the next he was gone. I hate the whole situation. I still love him and cry for him very often, and it feels so surreal.

karen 07.07
8 months ago my best friend lost his best friend in a car crash. it was such a shocker...her death was devasating. I never met her but from what I can tell she was a really beautiful person inside and out. so young she died...and she made such an impact on peoples lives. I wish I would've met her...but now its too late. it even brings tear to my eyes looking through her pictures. may her soul rest in peace...

Hannah 07.07
In July 06 my Godmother(and best friend)past away. It was unexpected as she had just had a hip operation and was in the best of health that she had been for sometime. At the time of her death I was on a school trip to Spain and was not told till 4 days after. When I was told I felt so angry for not being therefor her.I know I can't but I wish I could just say goodbye to her properly. I don't feel angry anymore but now I feel lost and guilty. I think of her all the time and I still think I can see her sitting in her bay window like she always use to. The great thing though is that all my memories with her are filled with happiness and laughter. I miss you loads Gwen. You'll be forever in my heart and memories xxx

Jennie 07.07
Reading these has made me realise that its not just me.
My dad died last august and ever since then I've thought that its only me. Everybody told me that it wouldn't take long to get over but i'll just remember him. But it still feels like it was yesterday. I dont think i will ever get over it! Part of me knows that he's gone to a better place and that he's not suffering any more but part of me wants to know why he's not here...not at the other end of the phone...not there when i need a hug? does anyone have any advice?

Martin 05.07
I added a comment in september, my dad had died and i am still emotional about it. 2 days after his funeral I found out that my wife was expecting, and she has just given birth to a little boy, who we'll be naming after his grandad. I wish you were here to see him dad, I love you. x x x

(anon) 03.07
I miss my dad too. He died a little less than a year ago. I feel like part of me is missing. I feel like going out in the woods and howling like a wounded animal. This is the worst pain I've ever felt. He was part of me. I loved him It doesn't matter what bad things happened, he was always there for me. How can I get over this. It doesn't seem possible. The only comfort is that some day we will be re-united in heaven. Thank God.

Georgie 03.07
I lost a close friend 9 months ago, although it was an expectant death it still doesn't take the pain away when you find out. i used to ring her mobile and listen to her answer message but now i can't do that anymore as her number does not exist, i look at the stars to remind me she's looking down on me, i look at her funeral service and write to her parents, it's so hard, unless you have exprienced a loss you can't imagine the pain. she was 16 and was irreplaceable and touched many lives, i try to be more like her every day, she was inspiration to those that she met.

katy 03.07
my dad died 10 months ago today. he died of a heart faliure where his heart just stopped working. i was at school and my nana and auntie came and picked me up and told me wat had happened. when i got home and saw my mum i just burst into tears i felt like i was in a dream and tried pinching myself to see if it was a dream, it wasn't though. i really miss my dad and look for his star shinning. so people who have lost somebody close, i know wat it feels like. don't worry, be brave. i love u lots dad from katy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rachel 03.07
My dad died about a year ago in April...I never got to say goodbye to him as i was in Chicago for a school trip...I wish i never went on that trip...but things happen in life and you just have to live and learn from those things that happen in life but no matter what i will ALWAYS still but his "LITTLE GIRL" as he always told me...R.I.P Daddy missing you like crazy...

Emma 03.07
my brother died last july and i miss him so much he was my best friend and we went everywhere togeather and all i want to do is see him again i miss him and i love him.

sammie 03.07
Its been 11 months since my nanna died, I miss her so much, there was so much not spoken about as we missed 7 years of not talking to her because of my dad. He found his real sister about 7 yrs ago almost and since he found her he pretended my nanna was dead. He doesn't have any feelings for my nanna at all, its so hard to express how I feel because no one really cares. I miss u so so much! love u lots even though I never said it! xxxx
I also lost my bestfriend 6 months ago, she died of cancer at 15yrs old. We thought she was making progress with all the treatment etc but she took a turn for the worse and sadly died. I miss her so so much too! She was the first best friend I ever met when I moved primary school. There was so much we had in common and so much we laughed about. I love u as well sweetie! xxxxx
Goodnight both of you! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

natashia 02.07
i had a great relationship with my dad im 16 and on june 30th he committed suicide. it is so hard for me to deal with, i have bip[olar and im w\very depressed i think about death all the time.

lana+alice 02.07
our nan died 8 months ago. we no that she's in a much better place and out of pain but we wish she was still here.

sam 02.07
MY DAD LIVED MILES AWAY IN IRELAND FOR MANY YRS BUT I WENT TO SEE HIM SEVERAL TIMES A YEAR AND WE WERE VERY CLOSE. HE WAS MY HERO IN MANY WAYS AND THOUGH HE HAD SUFFERED FROM UNTREATED (THROUGH CHOICE) MENTAL ILLNESS FOR MANY YEARS, I LOVED OUR TIME TOGETHER LOADS.
LAST MAY I RECIEVED A PHONECALL FROM A NEIGHBOUR OF HIS TO SAY THAT HE WAS NOT WELL - JUST A CLOD I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE.
I HAD A GUT FEELING HOWEVER THAT SOMETHING AS NOT AT ALL RIGHT AND I BOOKED A FLIGHT FOR THE FOLLOWING DAY.
AFTER THE USUAL 3HR DRIVE FROM CORK AIRPORT I GOT 2 HIM; YELLOW DYING AND HANGING ON 4 ME. AND THEN WE DID HIS PARTING TOGETHER. I MISS HIM EVERY DAY AND ALWAYS WILL. TIME THOUGH HEALS SOMEWHAT SO "HELLO DAD;WHEREVER U R"
LOVE ALWAYS; YOUR SAM XXX

maria 02.07
i watched my dad die (from cancer) in hospital 7mths ago.i never had anyone close to me die b4.im 21 and i think it is the most hardest thing i have ever had to deal with.i still cant or wont look at his picture.everything has changed since he has gone.im scared to deal with it but i feel i need to very quickly.i havent had that huge cry that everyone says happens but somehow i feel good for writing this!i miss and love you so much dad x x

ashley 02.07
About 8 months ago my ex boyfriend passed away. We had dated for about 8 months and then we broke up. About 3 months before he passed away we had starting talking again and things were like they used to be. Everyone knew even after all that had been through we still loved each other. He was the person that I was supposed to marry. The last night I spoke with him we had got in a big argument I never got a chance to tell him im sorry. there has not been a day where he has not crossed my mind. I miss him so much. My life will never be the same without him.

alice 12.06
my nan died 7 months ago and its still hard to believe thats she died.
It feels like a big piece of my heart is missing i didn't get the chance to say good bye and to say i love her but my nan will always be in my heart where ever i go. i still go down her house to see my gramp and i always think where is my nan then thats when i feel like crying because i know she's not there.

samantha 11.06
when my grandad first died i was upset and angry
the first place i went was church
this happened new years eve 2005
it took me a while to realise what had happened
when i realised i said that i wanted to go see him
i wanted to die
august i started counciling
i started to get better
after about 3 month i didnt feel like i meeded counciling no more
then it all went down hill
my auntie got alzimera
i started to feel suicidal again they put me on tablets
now i am always depressed.

(anon) 11.06
my best friend died 9 months ago because she went to new york and died because she had got deep vain frombosis from siting on the plain and i miss her so much she will always be in my heart.

Alison 11.06
My Grandad died in February from Aesbestos related cancer. It started last christmas with stomach pains and they got so bad he couldnt eat. The doctors eventually listened and decided it was his spleen or gall bladder. They admitted him to hospital and found cancer in his liver and then in his lungs. He died a week later we had no idea he was ill. It was the worst experience of my life watching a strong man whom i adored like a father wither away. I was by his side right up til the end. The cancer spread through his body within a week and he was in so much pain. I cant get over his loss as it was so sudden. The pain i feel at his loss and the anger that no one knew earlier. My Grandad worked in a factory at 14 with aesbestos and he was 73 when it killed him. I miss him dearly.

amy 11.06
my grandma died of liver cancer in december 2005, and i still havent got over it. im an only child of a single working mum, so most of my life i have spent with my grandparents, infact i was practically brought up by them. when she was diagnosed with cancer, the doctors said she had at least 2yrs to live, 7-8weeks on, she died in my grandads arms in bed, just an hour after id left their house. she was cremated a week later and i cried my heart out. we were so close...we were almost always together. she didnt even live untill christmas, which we all thought she would. she died just 2days before my grandads birthday, and just 3months before mine. we were all badly hurt, but me and my grandad grieve the most. we were so close, and now so far apart. i think her death has brought me closer to my religion, and to God. at least when im praying, i know she's there, and even when im not, she's always with me...forever. xoxxox amy.

Donna 11.06
My experience was when ever i lost my dad 10 months ago i seen him laying dying in front of me i watch his lips go blue then pruple i felt is hands go cold i got scared. I felt as my life was over when i watch him die. Love You Loads DAD XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOX
OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
OXOXOXOXOX
DONNA

Charly 11.06
My uncle died of skin cancer on the 29th of December 2005...the day after my 15th birthday...no1 told me untill the 30th, when my mum came into my bedroom and told me, it felt like my whole world had crashed down on me, and now whenever i see his children it makes me really upset, there only 4 and 6...they need a daddy! I have been their for my auntie and when she gets upset i look after the children for her...but i get upset aswell, but i have to stay strong for the children...he didnt tell us how ill he was because he didnt want to worry anyone but i wish he did just so we could say goodbye because we didnt even get a chance.

(anon) 11.06
i lost my mum in january this year. she had battled with cancer for two years. im only just starting to accept that she is never coming back. they say time heals. well, it does, you just dont know how much time it will be. you never really get over the death, but you do learn how to live again.

chickenlil 10.06
my sister died on 24th december 2005 at the age of 3 and half years. it was he worst day of life.....she was termianlly ill so we all knew that this day would come but still were never prepared for it. she was healthy and living a 'normal' life in the days before her death. she was at a peak where her personality and health were at the best they had been. so the day she died was a big shock to all of us. just days after she had been admitted to hospital she dies from septicemia. I was 16 at the time, and now 17; my 17th birthday was the hardest day for em since her death, even harder then her own birthday. they say things get better with time, but I believe that things get worse before they get better, as it did with me...

Becky 10.06
My grandad committed suicide at the beginning of this year and at the time I just carried on as normal trying to forget about it. But now i am finding it really hard to deal with and can't sleep and i am getting really upset all the time. I don't know why I didn't feel like this before. I am really confused and just feel like ending it all. I am trying to look on the bright side but i certainly can't find them.

Liz 08.06
This is my 3rd timeline entry. My mum died in October 2005, 3 days after my birthday. I think about her everyday and still cry randomly. Mothers day has past, her birthday has gone by. Everyone in my family have had a birthday without her - except me. Im dreading it. Ive been quite strong so far - I thought I would pack my bags and leave when she died - but im still here - somehow. I can't explain how alone and empty the feeling is. I still find it hard talking to people who have never been in this situation. It has affected everything I do / dont do - I cant seem to get close to people relationship wise. She was the only 1 i could talk to and really understood me. Its an awful feeling.

(anon) 08.06
My dad died in Dec. 2005. I still cry everyday. He fell 25 feet at work and lived with brain damage for 5 weeks. He went through 10 operations. He started talking and he knew all of us. They even said he would be coming home in about 6 months. Then one morning we got the call from the hospital that said his medical condition changed. I am so depressed and I still cant believe it.

Jessica 08.06
I had a boyfriend i was on the way meeting him at my local train station and we didnt meet at the same place so me and my best friend walked off to the local shopping centre next door. My boyfriend Nick went to my house and he got run over on the way.
Nick in my heart for ever and miss you more and more each day.
I love you babez.

decklin 08.06
my mum died the day of 5th of november that was the day my mum died and im only 13 years old im only writing this beacause im only thinking of her every nite it's like theres something there whats stopping me from sleeping she died off drink poision because she drank alot but that didn't make her very bad she was the best mum in the world i just want her back for life and my mum was a palm reader she coul'd tell u who passed away in family se my mum said she is gonna die between 40 and 50 and she died at the age 47 so i will let her rest in peace r.i.p mum

Ellie 07.06
my stepdad died last christmas eve so we did'nt feel much like celebrating. its so strange and horrible to think that i will never see him again he was the kindest person ever and i think about him everyday i will continue to remember all the fun things we did and all the memories, but i wake up everyday and wonder where he is.

(anon) 07.06
My grandad died 7 months ago. I miss him alot and he is still in my heart 7 months on. It was the first fathers day without him yesterday and I was heartbroken to know we will never spend another fathers day together again. The thing that gives me the sregnth to go in is knowing that he is not suffering anymore. I feel jealous of some of my friends because they have gradparents that are in their 80's. My Grandad was only 75. Some people say that it gets easier with time so I will just have to wait and see.

ellen 06.06
my gran died 10months ago and the pain is slowly goin away. i'm thinkin bout her less and less each month without realisin. but now i've realised and i'm feelin guilty for not cryin anymore.

Jenny 06.06
My boyfriend dies in September '05. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. After about 6 months, I started not to think about him at every second of my life (this does not mean i forgot about him, the thought occurences just werent as frequent). And now these past two weeks have been hell...i cant concentrate on ANYTHING, i cry so much for reasons unknown, i've even had to call off work a couple days this week. I have no advice for anyone on this, because i can't even seem to help myself. i miss him so much.

Em 05.06
I lost a good mate 9 months ago in a car accident, her name was Natalie . She was on her way home from a summer holiday, at least her last days would have been fun and with the people she loved. We all miss her and things will never be the same without her. Nat touched so many people's hearts and her death was so sudden and unfair. She died only 8 days after her 15th birthday, there's so much she has missed out on. It just shows bad things happen to good people.
R.I.P. Nat
We all love you babe x x x

Hannah 05.06
Dad died
i was there
cancer won another great one
Geoffrey
15th March 1952 - 2nd September 2005

*~stephanie~* 05.06
my brother died 8 months ago he was in the car with 2 of my other brothes and some one fired a gun and justin turned around to see what was going on and he got shot in his head the bullet was meant for my other brother sometimes i feel if it would have hit my other brother shayn i wouldnt hurt so bad inside but i love my brother with all my heart and i miss justin i still cry and ppl say i need 2 move on but i think they should mind their own buisness my brother was 16 when he died and that in my piont of you is to young i am only 12 but i know alot more than ppl think ido because they say i havent had real pain at all but i have had more pain in body then some ppl will have in their whole life so take that as not having pain in my life. RIP JUSTIN T BERNAL.

STEPHANIE 05.06
MY BROTHER DIED 9 MONTHS AGO AND EVERYONE DOES NOT LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT CAUSE THEY THINK IT WILL HURT BUT REALLY IT WILL HELP I MISS HIM BUT STILL IF WE DONT TALK ABOUT HIM IM AFRAID NO ONE WILL REMEMBER HIM SO I TALK ABOUT HIM MORE NOW OUR FAMILY WILL BE LAUGHING ABOUT SOMETHING FUNNY THAAT HE DID THE NEXT WE WILL BE CRYING CAUSE WE MISS HIM SO MUCH BUT HIS SPIRIT MOVES ON

xxcharlxx 04.06
my bruva died bout 7 munths ago 16/9/05 in a car accident along wit his bst m8 ross! i miss hm so much over da last few mu8nths thngs have gt worse! it wuz his 19th bday on da 4/4 n he wornt here and dat rli hit me! he wuz everyfnk to me and i just wish he knew that! i neva gt to tell him obne last tym how much i loved hm and that i thnk of him everyday! im so lonely without him now!

sissy 04.06
about 9 months ago my brother died i felt so alone. i couldn't eat or sleep. every one said it would be okay. but they didn't lose thier brother and no one else knew what i felt when i found out what happend. people say i should just get over it but screw that.

serenity 04.06
My boyfriend of 6 months died in sept. of 05' and I still miss him so much. He was killed in a hit and run accident and that makes it harder because we have no idea who killed him. I have spent alot of time and sister who I am very close to to help me get over him slowly. I was very close to him and it still hurts so much every day. We did everything together. It's so hard to see his old friends. I just keep my head up as long as I can. I talk to him sometimes to and, let him know how I am doing and that helps to. I just remember how much love we had for each other:(

Jamie 03.06
my sister died last year in a car accident. She was only 16. I was only 14 months older than her and we were really close. I miss her everyday and I don't think I will ever be able to live my life the same. She was a great great person and even though we were going through a rough patch I think that she knew I loved her. I was there when they stopped cpr. It was the worst day of my life. I wish I could have done something better than just standing there holding her hand telling her to wake up. I know I will always remember her even if other people move on and kindof just forget about that friend they had a long time ago.

Jenna 03.06
My dad died 8 months ago from cancer. I can't even express how alone I feel sometimes, or how much I wish I felt like someone else understood. I can't remember what his voice sounded like...its like the more time that passes, the farther he gets from me. It just hurts.

gemma 03.06
my dad died on the 24th july 2005 he died very suddenly of heart disease. I miss him so much

Elle 03.06
My Gran died in July and i obviously cried alot when it first happened but then ...nothing and about a month or two ago i started to realise she was dead and that she is not coming back. I miss her so much and i just wish i had spent more time with her and appreciated her more while she was still with me.

Jade 03.06
me and my best m8 went on a school trip to disneyland and paris. on the 27th may 2005 we was at the dover port waitin for the next ferry and me and my friend was in the perfume department in the store, and i remember my art teacher coming ouver to us and movin us into a corner and tellin us my best friends dad had died, we new he was probably never going to make it but we didnt fink it would be so soon as he had severe cancer. my friend seemed fine i was hysterical i couldnt stop cryin and this is when the tri[ gets worse.
on the satday we spent it at disneyland and me and my friend spent it eatin icecream and shopping for a teddy for her dads coffin, at about 7ish we got back to the hotel and had a rest got in our rooms etc b4 meetin later on 2 go into the little town. everythign thing was fien then gary told sarah he wasnt feelin well so he wnet to bed 2 rest and the rest of us followed him at about 11ish.

Sarah 03.06
My little brother died 8 months ago. he was only 9 months old and I miss him so much.

shona 03.06
i went to my dads for easter 2005 we spent a few days at a hol camp and had fun, when we went back to my dads house we went to see my nana in hospital she didn,t look weak but she felt weak that was the last time i saw her. the next day dad had a call saying she needed cheering up. it was my dads birthday and she was very weak. but she survived the day. me and my sisters went out for the day to a place dad promised to take us. when we got home we were all excited from the day out. dad went to the hospital but he came back earlier than usual, he lokked in a photo and then went to my younger sister Emma and gace her a hug and then told us nana died. we all had a good cry but i still miss her and i try not to forget her i love her

Nay 02.06
My best mate from primary school died of a brain hemorrage on May 22nd, she was fitter, healthier and happy than me, but she died, it was a shock and I'm still numb from it and I'm slowly getting over it, but she will always be missed.
Love you Josie
xx

mc laughlin 02.06
my two brothers died may and july 12 weeks between each i still think that it all a dream i will alway remember both there smiles i alway speak to them when i go to there grave there is still a big bit off me missing i hope the angles are looking after them i still cant stop crying thinking about them

lydia 01.06
my dad died in march 2005 off alzhiemers desease its been really hard to cope as i have been use to looking after someone. he died a month before my 15th birthday so tht was hard to.i still think bout him all the time i miss you xxxx

Leanne 01.06
My mam died on the 26th april 2005 just aged 44 on the 25th ov april i got a phone call from my brother in-law darren sayin that mam had been taken 2 hospital so he picked me up from work nd took me 2 see my adorible mam it was a sudden death no 1 knew she was poorley not even mam coz no matter wot was wrong she just got on wiv things since mam has died i hav signed up 4 the army and am due my medical i know mam would b so proud ov me as us 5 kids are proud ov her WE LOVE YOU LOTS MAM LOVE Leanne,Kerry,Donna,Lyndsey,James and only 4 gran kids Liam,Jack,Kimberley,Shelby LOVE YOU YOUR PARTNER KEVIN

laura 01.06
hi my dad died in june 2005 he had motor nursence diesece iam not sure he stayed at st roccos hospice and i miss him so much i love you daddyxxxxxooooooooo

liza 01.06
7 months ago my mumu died and my worst fear came true: to live with the dad i dont get on with. its just after christmas and i can never live without my mamma . i love ehr , i never said it , but i do . i hate life . my sister misses her too and i want to help her . she wrote she was tired of being strong and playing this game . thats what it feels like, a game.

(anon) 01.06
my father died when i was 12 years old, and in 6th grade. now im 13, and in 7th grade...and it just hit me that he died.
he was a singer, and he loved what he did.
he was in a band, too.

one night i was at my bestfriends house, and i was sleeping over. we were babysitting her little sister and brother, and all of are parents went out to a bar.
a band that knew my dad asked him to go on the stage and sing a couple of songs with them, so of course he did...he loved to sing and did any opportuinty he got...and while he was on stage he suddenly collapsed, and hit his head on the drums.

all i remember after that was my friends step-dad calling us, and then s family friend came and picked me and my bestfriend up. i was in the hospitial, and i saw family members form my dads side and started to cry. i knew what happened.

he passed away 5/22/05.
i'll never get over his death...
i miss him so much

BeeBee 12.05
My Grandad died this year and it felt like I had lost a part of my heart and I felt much more weaker. Then my Aunt Marge died (also this year but in the six week hols, but my Grandad died just after the Easter hols) so I just felt like someone had ripped out my heart and chucked it in the bin for the dustbin men to come and collect it and never see it again. I still haven't got over those worst days of my life but I will sometime in the future. I know what it is like to lose a loved one like everyone else on this website and I truly do feel so sorry for them but I know I will never get my Grandad or my Auntie Marge back. BeeBee.

Debbie 12.05
My mum died on 24th May 2004 just 4 and half months after I had my first baby which took us so long to get but am so please that mum saw her daughter pregnant and saw her lovely grand-daughter if only for a short time. Mum fought Breast cancer twice but the third time she had no fight left but died peacefully at home which was one of her wishes. We all miss her so much especially me because she was not only my mum but also my best friend and I get great comfort from my little girl as I do believe that she was sent to me to cope with the passing of my mum.

m 12.05
my dad died on 10 jan 2005 from lung cancer and i really miss him! he was a great dad to me and he was only 39.

sammy 12.05
heya my dad died on the 20th june 2005 from a brain heamorahge he became unconcious the day after my birthday which is on the 8th i really really miss him as he was the person i talked to the most i still cry loads and have felt really confused for ages. we had a really nice funeral for him and no1 there was a stranger. i can still remember the whole expereince i am just really glad that i stayed with him untill midnight on fathers day and i had a chance to say goodbye XxX

emma 12.05
my grandad died of cancer less then a year ago i miss him so much, i didn't even tell me he had cancer, he thought he could get better again

hi 12.05
i am only 15 my grandad died of cancer last feb and i miss him so much,he didn't tell me he had cancer he thought he would get better. i still have his number in my phone.i don't want to forget him i think that is what i'm really scared of. i just what him back so i can tell him i love with my whole heart. but i can only tell him in my dreams.

beth 12.05
my grandma died this march about a week after my birthday my 13th.she was like a mom to me and my best friend ,i dont really get on with my parents so i stayed with her most of the time and looked after her , she had lung cancer and it spread to by her kidneys they didnt really tell me what was going on .
she went in to hospital because she was finding it hard to breathe i thought she'd be okay but they ended up sending her to a special hospital .they looked after her and she seemed to get a bit better but then they gave her 2 weeks to live but sadly she died about 2 and a half days later. it was terrible i was with her holding her hands but then they wouldn't let me stay with her , i'll never forgive myself for leaving without saying a proper goodbye I LOVE HER SO MUCH !!!!
But sadly a month later my big brother died in a car accident, he wasnt even driving he had been out with his friends and was getting a taxi home then a car went into there car because the driver was drunk but he only had wiplach .WHY MY BIG BROTHER, WHY WHY WHY?
i couldn't beleive it .i've lost all my consintration at school ,im getting into trouble,aruguing even more with my parents ,my little brother and everyone around me , now i couldn't care less about school. im so alone , i just dont know what to do . i hate everything my life and everything!

Denise 11.05
My Dad died in March this year aged 67. He had Parkinson's and deteriorated over a relatively short space of time. This is the one place where I can shout I WANT MY DAD!!!! and know that you will understand

kate 11.05
my father passed away in april,almost 8 months ago,people say its still early days,but i dont think that it will get any easier,life is harder now than what it was when he first passed away,i miss him so much,he died so suddenly and we never go to say goodbye,will i ever accept it,i dont want to.

Laura 11.05
My dad died in April, really suddenly in the most stupid of accidents that shouldnt have killed anyone. He wasnt ready to go. He'd just got over years of clinical depression and he and my mum were getting on really well. Then one day that was it, he was gone. Ever since I've been so angry at myself, my mum, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, anyone and it scares me that it's not getting any easier. It's great at uni, I've just started my first year. No one here knows what happens, and it's like this great bubble where I can talk about my dad as if he were still here and not have the arkward looks or sympathetic pats on the back. It feels like I'm falling apart though, my mum uses me as her emotional punch bag, and probably worse, I use my boyfriend as mine. I dont know what to do to make this right, I'm still just as upset now as when it happened. Nothing is making it better and I feel so alone. linda 11.05
lossed my big brother to suicide in jan 04 miss him so much

Sarah 10.05
Ny nana died in February. she had senial dementure.when she died she had no understanding of where she was or who she was with. i remember walking into her house and her screaming at me, 'get out!i don't want strangers in my house' After all the times she was there for me, i let her down because there was nothing i could do. i watched as day by day and week by week she slowly deteriorated to the point when she couldn't control the muscles in her throat to swallow. this went on for about 18 months. what quality of life is that? and as i saw her slipping away, i realised that the women infront of me isn't my nana anymore. its a ghost of someone i used to know. that was terrifying.

Shannen 10.05
My dad died in January of 2004. It has been really tough. I feel like I live in a fog, a dream like state. I get up and go about my day like always and that turns into days which turns into months and I guess eventually years. I can't imagine living without him a whole year. He was my friend. He always knew if something was wrong with me without having to ask. I miss him so. I feel like surely he must come back but I know he won't be coming home.

anonomous 09.05
i lost my friend in a hit and run seven months ago on saturday.i didnt know what to do at the time. it was such a shock- you shouldn't bury your friend at 15.it never really sunk in untill saturday. i was at a party near his house and all i could think was ' Mikey should be here'. he'd have loved it. then it hit me. he is here in everyone of us. Mikey hope ur enjoyin gangstas paradise babes se you soon big man xXx

anon 09.05
I lost my friend suddenly, he was killed in a car accident... 7 months ago yesterday exactly. Everything has changed for me now, i am not the same as i used to be, i can't concentrate properly at school any more, i loose my temper so easily and im now getting into trouble alot more! i miss him so much and jus wish we could have him back. I have my friends with me all the way and they're being so good to me, but at the moment i can't imagine anything getting any easier. we were doing a german exchange that week, and that night we were all suposd to be meeting up. I just wish we could of, ALL together. We miss you mikey love you RIPxxxxx

aunty shirley 09.05
My niece died very suddenly in Febuary 2005, she was 19 years old, she had a very rare heart condition,called cardiomyopathy and nobody knew she had it. The shock and suddeness of her early death

zoe 09.05
my mum died 9months ago from cancer, we all thought she would be ok so did the doctors,my dad wasnt the best carer and i cant help thinking whether he supported her enough.my mum as my best friend at at 23 i should be going shopping and stuff wit her but i cant.starting from the day she was ill my dad has made our lives hell,drinking and talking how HE has lost his best friend and wife he hasnt even considerd we have lost our mum,he doesnt know but i was the one who had to decide for mum to have stronger painkillers so she could go to sleep and never wake up at the hospice i never left that hospice till the day she died,10 days of helping her through the pain and stroking her hair when she was asleep. life now is so hard.

Kate 09.05
My dad died about 11 months ago when i was 13 yrs old, he had recently gone into hospital to have an operation at first it seemed successful but suddenly he started gettin worse and was obviously he was suffering. but still i didn't think he would die, not my dad.
When my mam told me i didn't cry i was more shocked than anything and it didn't hit me until i saw my sister crying. I didn't cry much at the funeral i felt i had to be strong, my sister cried alot i wish i could cry to people but i don't like to, instead i like to cry to myself. I often find myself talking to my dad when i'm alone, i know he's here with me i can tell. I don't believe time is a healer because im still in alot of pain now, i just think u get used to it as time goes by.
I don't know how to explain the way i feel, im so confused i feel hurt, anger, love, sadness and so much more. It hurts me so much to think im never going to be able to cuddle up with him like i used to love doing so much. he's going to miss so much in my life like walkin me down the isle, seeing me get my gcse results, meet my future children. I know i was so luckly to have 13 GREAT yrs with him but i just wish i had the chance to have many more an i just want to know why did he have to be taken from me, why do i deserv this??? i want him back so bad, so , so bad. I love him so much and i know he knows that.

Jessica 08.05
I lost my soul mate and bestfriend 8 months ago on September 2nd. He past away on January 2 2005 from brain cancer. It has been so hard for me to deal with this because I talked to him everyday and we made sure we talked to eachother before bed everynight. Even when we were fighting we still talked before bed and at least said goodnight. I am very happy to say that the last time I saw him was one of the best times we had. We had been dating for 1 year 2 months and 2 days and at one point he wrote me a letter and in that letter at the end it said I know I am still young and all but I am planning on being with you until the day I die. He was! I miss you very much my Curty Bear. And for all of those who have loved and lost, I feel for you and it is the most horrible thing to go through.

hana 08.05
9months ago on the 28th of august my boyfirend of just ova a yr will hav died, he commited suicide, the worst thing was when he said he might i thought i talked him out of it but then a few days later he was gone, i neva said goodbye and nver told him i loved him when he warned me, if i could turn bac time i wud do that ino he knew i loved him but it doesnt help, what makes matters worse is that in august one of my best friends died suddenly and for no apparent reason so it has made everything harder but ino when i look up at the sky that they are both watching over me and i am lucky cos i have 2 angels to watch out for me, btu if i cud id wud do anything to bring them bac,
id cry an million tears,
scream and shout,
but nothing will change it,
because they are never coming back no matter what i do.
im still not over it and wont be for a long time,
R.I.P Aaron my first love and my true love no1 will ever mean as much to me as you, you will always be in my heart, babyboy i love you to pieces and wish you were here to hold me again, sleep well baby xxxxx goodnight xxxxx
R.I.P Louise you were 1 ina million and every1 misses you and wishes you were still here, nothing will be the same without you, love you and miss you for eternity you were an amazing friend for 13 yrs you were true to us all now your gone, love you babes see you again but for now goodnight xxxx sleep well xxxx

Tyl 08.05
My dad passed in january. I knew that he had been feeling bad for a while, so he didn't come for the drive to take me back to school. That evening he went to the hospital. He wouldn't go until my mom came home, six hours of pain he endured. His kidneys were failing. 7 days later he passed. I got the call in the middle of the night, and my life hasn't been the same since. I still feel guilty about him waiting so long, i didn't even get to say goodbye. I'll always miss him.

lesley 07.05
my husband died 3 1/2 weeks after we got married in a helicoptor crash in the czech republic along with 5 other soldiers. he was only 20 {just turned} and i was 19. we had our whole lives ahead of us and we were planning to try for a baby after he came back, which never happened.
im still completely devestated and feel i cannot go on without him, hes my best friend and the love of my life. i miss him so much the pain has not eased even tho its nearly a year {9th september}.
my family are so supportive but i know its not going to last for ever. i miss him so much all i want ot do is see him again and tell him that i love him.x

Simon 07.05
my dad died on 14th december 2004. i really miss him so much , it has been hard for my family plus myself to get over his loss but i havent got over it yet. i feel a mixture of anger and pain in this loss and i never, EVER forget this. the pain and crying over him will never be forgotton,this has scared me for the rest of my life and it will always be there!

christle 07.05
i lost my best friend on october the 24th 2004, and then on december the 10th i lost my sister, and then 18th i lost my grandma

Haley 07.05
I lost my partner of three years, 9 months ago today, sitting here reading the stories about how so many people have lost someone that they love too has helped me alot. Matty, my partner was also the father of my 2 year old son Mason. It's extremely hard at times, but I know he is still around. I really do not think you ever get over losing someone, gradually in time learn to accept your new life without your special someone, they never leave your thoughts but someway you get there and the pain well it makes you a better person. It's true what I have read, no one truly understands the pain associated with death until they have experienced it first hand.

Sometimes I just want to smash things and I want to scream at Matty and say why did you do this to our family?, but it won't change anything it won't bring him back, instead I try and laugh, laugh at the good times we had and I realise that death is a part of life, one day we are all faced with it and I truly believe we will all meet again.

Good luck to you all.
Love Haley

kirsty 06.05
My best mate trusha dies 7 months ago she died on a monday and all her mates werent told till the thursday we had a big group of friends the pain of looseing her is still there we never got to say to bye to her she is aslways in our hearts we have done a memory board at college for her we no one knows how she died apart from the
parents we really need to know