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2 - 6 months
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Amy-cate, November 2008
I lost my mum in july 08.This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I miss her more and more everyday, my mum was amazing, she fought for years, she was ill ever since I was a little kid, I lost her when I was 18, she died from a lung condition called c.o.p.d,and it was a very long and painfull death for her. She was such a fighter, it was unreal. she was told that she would get a lung transplant as this was the only thing that could save her, but she got taken off the list and she had to go to a care home. I'm so angry, why do people get taken away from us? I love her more than anything, she was my life and world.all I want is a cuddle from her,my heart aches everyday. Mum, I miss you so much, wish I was with you. Sweet dreamz mum, love you lots like jelly tots xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
No name, 29 November 2008
my dad died just over five months ago but i still cant accept that i'm not going to see him again - the more time goes by the more i miss him and everything is just getting harder, i only have my mum now nd she's at work alot so i find it difficult to make other people understand how i feel - i'm just dreading the christmas period at the moment
No name, 29 November 2008
my dad died on the [10.09.08].the police found him as i hadnt spoken to him in a week i got worried and my guidance teacher phoned the police for me and at 4.00pm that day when i returned home from school,a police sg was there and he told me.i dont feel sad nor do i feel angry i feel normal,,it may be hard to understand but i cant imagine my dad dead.it was an enlarged heart that caused his death;;due to alcholism.he's been in and out of hospital all this year but never learnt his lesson,,im writing this for other peoples benifit,im sick of listening for once i want to understand and help others just getting on with life seems to help me one day soon i hope to believe that hes dead but for now i cant
No name, 16 November 2008
my mum died 6 months ago. she died because she took some tablets for her health and had an allergic reaction which is an extremely rare thing to happen. it makes me angry that this was the only reason that she died.
No name, November 2008
My dad died 5 months ago. it has made a bit gap in my life and i feel like something is missing. I still reallycarnt beleive he has gone.
kay, October 2008
it was about nine(9) weeks ago and im still not over it.
No name, October 2008
Hi , my papa died on the 18th of July while he was on holiday with my nana. He had a massive heart attack , and the sad thing is he had just arrived on holiday and hadny even been there for 12 hours. I still find it very hard even though it has been 13 weeks now. I had to go over to Lanzarote with my dad to help my nana deal with everything and get my papa home but i had to leave my mum and two sisters at home. I recently went back over to lanzarote and i felt much better being over there. Some days i just dont want to get out of my bed. Im dreading my birthday coming because i know that he should be there with all my family to help me celebrate . Love you lots and lots papa xxxxxxxxxx
delphine, October 2008
hi,
i recently posted an experience of my grandads death and just wanted to say how hard it still is for me and i know it must be even harder for some of you
i am 11 now i was the same age when my grandad died he had been living in greece for about 20 years with my gran he had a few bad and not so bad things wrong with his body some of many needed operations but he refused especially one to help his eyes open up me and my family in englan were annoyed and dident understand why he dident want the treatment a few months later things started getting serious he was having fits and his liofe was hanging by a therad my mum and sisters new they had to go out there but thiings werent easy there either but while my mum and aunt stayed in england my other aunt went that was when it happened he had a huge fit and the doctors couldent stop it my nan watched the man shed been with for ove50 years die it was horrible and the worst part was i never got to say goodbye it has now been four momths and i still feel so bad
No name, 9 October 2008
My wonderful dad had a massive heart attack in July. Although he lived for nearly two weeks, the hospital said he had sufferred such internal damage he would never recover and he never did! Those 2 weeks were horrific and after the life support machines were turned off it was such a nightmare waiting game where I began to hope it would all end quickly. But now I dont want to believe he is dead! He was my world and I didn't even realise how much he meant to me.He was always the calm one in a crisis and now me and my family are cracking up I dont know what to do. I;m angry with everyone and cry whenever i stop for a second. I feel I have lost my hope and happiness and despite knowing about the greif prtocess I cant see when this will ever end! I miss you dad xxx
No name, 3 September 2008
My boyfriend died 3 months ago, i started feeling ok now i feel rubbish again, its like im going backwards! :(
frankie, 28 August 2008
hey my names frankie and i heard about this site from a magazine.
On may the 14th my mum had premature twins,they were early by 3 months
sadly one of them died 2 days later(named luca)when my mum told me i cried so much, i dident no wat 2 fink or wat 2 say. I mean i have had people die in my family before( my great nan and grandad), but this was my brother it was so differant. I no some people said well how could she be said (talkin about me) because i never saw him but he was still my brother. 5 weeks later my other brother died, i was so upset because with this brother named joshua i had formed a bond with him although he had been in hospital i went up there every week and me any my mum always talked about when he would be coming home x
im so sad now, i cant even think about them because i start cryin writin this has even made me start cryin x
does any1 else feel like this?
Korell, August 2008
My dad died in feburay of this year and i mis shim loads i lvoe you wish yu were here dad
xxx
No name, 19 August 2008
my girlfriend died nearly 2months ago by a boyracer who hit her at nearly triple the 50km speed limit. each day seem a big ordeal to get through and hasnt gotten easier yet, if anything, a lot harder. My heart goes out to all of you and hope wish you all the best with trying to cope with your lives.
Barry, 11 August 2008
My mum died on 13/03/08. I'm so lost. I try to remember her but i can't. I loved her so much and miss her. i did not say goodbye. She died in hospital all alone.
No name, 7 August 2008
i am so depressed because my mum was diognosed with cancer. then 2 months l8r my papa was diognosed with terminal cancer he passed away 18.3.08 my mum survived but is still vey ill beacuse of her chemo it gets harder every day time is suppost to help but all time dose is make things worse!!!!!! i dont know wot 2 do cause my papa brought me up as a child and now im on my own lookin after my mum sometimes life stinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No name, 20 July 2008
My dad died in may. I found out he had cancer in at the start of april, by mid may he was dead. i was with him when he died and it was the most upsetting experience of my life sitting in that room with him in pain while he died. he fell into a coma a few hours before he died and i didn't even get to say goodbye and I wish I could have told him how much i loved him..it's only been two months but i feel like it's forever. People say that you learn to accept it after a while, but after two months i still find it hard to accept that he's gone and to learn to let go and move on through the stages of grief. does it get any better?
chantelle, 4 July 2008
well my nana died in may and she had donated her body to science, but i couldn't stop crying because we were really close but still now in july i still feel heart broken but at times i wish i wasn't here to feel how i feel and when i speak opf my nana i can't help but sit and cry although i am taking things day by day and sometimes i just sit and talk to a photo of my nana.
Sarah, 1 July 2008
My big brother died on the 12th of April 2008
We still don't know how, i miss him so much.
No one understands how i feel and when i am at school evryone treats me different but i don't want them to.
chelsea, June 2008
my sister past away on the 3ed of february in a car acsadent u could of herd it seems like it was yesterday but then like years i have readed some of the timelines it made me feel sad but i know iam not alone
love u chloe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kmcc, 23 June 2008
My dad was an alcoholic and cause of this a very abusive man, as a family we lost everything because of him. In the end its still your father, he passed suddenly a few months back and nothing could have ever have prepared me for the feeling f loss and guilt. It honestly feels even still like my heart has been ripped out and torn to pieces. Today is my birthday and now i think i miss him even more, although he was a drunk, i no he cared and tried to give the drink up for us but wasnt strong enough. Anyone out there who has lost a father, knows it doesnt get easier through time but unnecessarily harder. May you find strength in your own way and keep your chin up as theres no way ur dad would want u to feel depressed and down he'd want u to live your life.
No name, 17 June 2008
My mum passed away (i still can't bring myself to say those 4 letter words)on the 21st of April 2008, i was at work when i got the call, she was in hospital for only 1 week so it was and still is a shock, undoubtedly the most devastating thing that's happened to me so far. I am crying now but i have found strenght and courage in the Lord, through prayers and reading the bible
Lauren, 12 June 2008
i lost my friend Travis on the 7 of Jan 5 monts and five days ago
elisabeth, 7 June 2008
My dad died on January 18, 2008.I had to make the decision on taking him off life support.He was on a breathing machine for 18 days.I made him suffer for those 18 days because I couldn't let him go.He had cancer of his liver and emphasyma.It has been almost 5 months now since he passed.He was a Vietnam Veteran and he was my hero.My father asked Jesus into his heart and was saved by God's grace.So honestly,the only thing that gets me by, is the blessed assurance that I will see him again someday.
Sarah, June 2008
Well basically I lost my nan.
She went into hospital on a monday and we didnt leave her until 3am tuesday morning and she seemed to be perking up but at 7am we got a call saying that she had taken a turn for the worse we went straight in and spoke to the consultant who told us she had had a heartattack but had come back but what we didnt know was that whilst he was with us she had had another one, so we went into see her and she had already died and we didnt know we sat there for two hours not knowing that she had died.
I didn't know how to cope with my grief because my family told me i couldn't cry and i had to be strong for my mom, but now its finally hit me after 3 months and i feel horrible because my mom has got to go through it all again. But my friends are being great and im getting there ill never forget my nan as me and mom have lived with her for 17 years, but the worst bit is now that the house has to be sold and we have nowhere to go but as my saying always goes "things can only get better". So anyone who has a similar experince keep smiling as it will get better.
No name, 26 May 2008
my mum died 8 weeks ago and i am finding life very hard to live at the moment
Chloe, 21 May 2008
My best friend, Erin, had cysistic fribrosis all her life, and was very ill, and had many transplants and treatments during her life.
she was one of the tiniest people i knew! and soo lovely, she would always be there for me, and we would have such a laugh.
we had some brilliant times, and ones i'd never forget. when i went to australia in the summer, we were planning all of the things we would do when i came home, and planned life for years ahead! (like most girls hey!)
soon after i came home from oz, she started to get weak, and more ill than ever. and in and out of hospital all of the time. i was away in london, when i got a call to say that she had been admitted to hospital, and it was looking like she would have to go into HDU. she did go, and the second i got off the train, i went to see her. she was all in pink, and tried to smile. she talked for a while but then became to breathless to talk. she wasnt right, i knew she wasnt. your best friend just knows that type of thing!
i knew she was going to die, and so did she. but everyone i tried to talk to, just told me that she would be ok, and i should be positive.
i felt like everyone was trying to protect me, but i didnt wanna be protected, i wanted someone to be honest to me.
Erin went into ICU, and later transfered to a specialist hospital in london, where i wasnt allowed to visit, incase of infections.
she became to weak to talk on the phone, so we text loads. i knew by her text that she was giving up, and shutting down.
the last text i got from her, told me that she would never forget me, and loved me always, and would be looking down on me, and proud of who i am.
which made me cry so much.
i didnt want to hear the words in that text, because it just made it so real.
my best friend, was leaving me, and there was nothing in the world i could do to change that.
she was on a ventialtor, and for about a month we were just waiting and waiting and waiting. i was called to say, that she was dying, and within the hour she would die. but then she would still be alive the next morning. it was such an emotional rollercoaster.
my parents had booked to go away for the weekend in december, with their friends. they didnt want to go, as i was waiting to hear. but i didnt want them to sit around and worry about it. i wanted life to carry on, as normal as possible.
i knew, the moment i dropped them at the airport, that i would be without them when i most needed them. but i couldnt change it now.
the friday night, was the night of the work christmas party, it was the worst place i wanted to be. i was glued to my phone, waiting for the phone call that i knew would kill a part of me.
it was fancy dress party, so i was on my way to pick my dress up, and crashed my car, the person who crashed into me (who's fault it was) got a bit of a shock, cos i went mad at them, my car was a write off, my parents where away, it was my mum's car, i had no one. and to top it all off, my best friend was lying in a hospital bed dying.
i exploded at this woman, and then broke down, i couldnt move, talk, cry, shout, i couldnt do anyting. numb.
in the end i called my grandma who came to get me, and help sort out details. which was a god send. because i physically couldnt move, or do anything.
it was the straw that broke the camels back!
i went to the party, and put on a brave face, which was horrible, and wouldnt put my phone down. someone stayed with me that night, because i said that they could call me any time of night if erin died.
after hours of insurance company phone calls, and calls abroad to my parents, i sorted out a hire car, and made my self drive again. i met my cousin and grandma for lunch, and then took them home.
i was going to come straight home, but decided to stay for a drink.
and then i got the phone call, she'd gone.
someone somewhere had stolen my best friend, riped my heart out, and i was lost.
i was so glad that i stayed for a drink, other wise i would have been alone.
i wasnt sure if i should cry, or screem, or what i should do.
her funeral was the worst day of my life.
it was family only at the crem, but she asked that i was there. having the leave her body in that room, was aweful, i dont think i've ever cried so much in all my life. but then after that day, i didnt cry for 5 months. all i wanted to do was cry, but i couldnt.
Lana, May 2008
My dad passed away over 2 months ago on 25-2-08. It was so sudden and unexpected, he was only 52 and had not been ill. He died of a blood clot in an artery leading to his heart. I was at home from uni as I'd had a wisdom tooth out, I'm glad I was. I was woken up by him making noise and my mother crying around 5:20am. When I went downstairs he was dying on the kitchen floor. I tried to give him heart massage to save him but nothing worked. It felt like an age waiting for the paramedics as my dad was lifeless on the floor. It broke my heart. I tried to keep it together for my mother, but I knew the worst was true. I was furious at first. All these years I had tried to convince him to stop smoking, eat better, excercise, work less. He wouldnt listen and I hated to fight with him about it. I shouted at the ceiling and cried for hours. "Look what you've done!!" Everyting seemed so uncertain. Would we sell the house? The cars? What would happen about the holidays we'd booked? Would I have to move home from uni? Would we be poor? It seems selfish, but not only did I grieve for my father, I grieved for the part of my life I had lost. He was charasmatic, energetic, funny and caring. I was his only child. His 'charmer'. I loved him so much and of course still love him now. He gave me and my mother such a wonderful life.
We held the funeral 2 weeks later and it was lovely. He would have loved it. I chose Frank Sinatra 'That's Life' as the final song. He loved that song, I can hear him singing it now in the car. My mother was heart broken. She still is I guess. The past 10 weeks have been hard, I wont try and pretend that things get better every day. Because some days I guess everything seems worse. After my dad died, I was petrified of everything, even my own shadow. I couldnt sleep alone or be downstairs alone. I was scared when my mother got a headache, so scared I had to keep going to check on her when she was in bed and wake her up to prove to myself she was ok. But I guess thats all part of the sensitization you suffer when something so unexpected happens. But as the days have passed, I've learned to cope with whats happened and be grateful for the 20 years and 8 months I got to share with my dad. I've framed photos of him, lit candles for him, talked to his ashes, prayed for him, read books and poetry, and everything I've done helps me a little on the way.
I think the most important thing to remember when you've lost someone you love is that it's ok to talk about how you feel, and its ok to be angry, hurt, resentful and full of emotion. Its acknowledging these emotions that helps you deal with them. I've found that asking myself why I'm angry or why I'm scared helps me to put things in perspective. People who die never leave us. Just because they are gone doesnt mean they were never here. A good friend of mine said to me a few weeks ago 'thinking that someone falls unconscious and never wakes up is an incredibly naive way to think. We know so little about everything else, how could we possibly know if death is the end- that's just one of many possibilities.'
robyn, 26 April 2008
my sister died 3 months ago and i am still really sad and all my family are.
her name was sammy she died in a car crash i was 11 when it happen she died in perth she was beautiful girl she was only 16 years old and she had a good life ahead of her r.i.p sammy love you lots sammy love and kisses sammy love robyn
robyn, 24 April 2008
my sister sammy died in a car crash 3 months ago she was only 16 year old i am sad and really miss her i wish she was here i miss her so so so so so much love you sammy
natalie, April 08
i lost my mom who died of terminal cancer in several places when she was diagnosed she was told she would only live a couple of months which was very hard to take in for all the family, my mum was in and out of hospice for 18 months in total very ill she was, and the last few days before she passed away she did not eat nor drink and also was unable to talk or walk, she very sadly died on the 12/02/2008 heartbroken i was and im missing her very very much, she was very strong woman and tried to keep well, she also left her husband and other kids behind, one of which is my lil sister only 4 yrs. i know my mum loves me and is at rest now no more pain
Ebony, 15 April 2008
I lost my dad to cancer almost 2 months ago now on Feb 29th 08. I live at home with my mum and step dad and only ever really saw my dad once every 2 weeks or so. It didnt sink in at first that he was gone, even though i was holding his hand as he passed away, and even the funeral was very surreal, as though it was happening to someone else. The problem is, now its begun to hit me that i will never see him again and im finding it VERY hard to cope, and even tough my life hasnt really changed that much, i have. Iv become very withdrawn and feel i have nobody to talk to about it. I just dont know what im gonna do, I miss him so much.
No name, 7 April 2008
My Nanna died two months ago and it made me realy upset. I dont think I knew how much I loved her untill she died.I got a phone call telling me and my mum that she was going to die I fellt hartbroken all I wanted to do was to see her and all of a suden I found myself runing down the rode cring my eyes out at last I could see her. The next day she died. It was so hard to get over and it still is but its geting better to cope with and evry day I am geting stronger and stronger. some times we have v bad days and good days but thats just how life gos.
john, April 6 2008
it took my an entire month after my mother passed away to shed even a single tear it's now been over 4 months and i now want to start talking about things as in those 4 months i've become more and more angry with people hopefully by the end of the 5th i will be normal again :|
jess, April 3 2008
im 17 and i lost my mum on the 30th of december2007. when i was woken up by dad i knew there was somtheting wrong. my mum had been suffering from cancer for about four years two years ago we though it went away but only 4 it to come back. she didnt tell me until august as i was sitting my GCSE's and she didnt want us 2 suffer from it. on dec 17 th i got told she had a year to live... my heart felt so heavy ...then christmas day she was so happy and that was the last time i spoke to her. when she died we were there all day.. i felt like i couldnt help her in any way watsoever... now 4 months on i still feel like no mates understand me!! but im so much closer to my sister and dad!
luv u mum luv jess
hannah, March 2008
i lost one of my closest mates 4 months ago she was knocked over by car and she went into a coma she was not strong anough so they decided to turn her life support machine of it was my worst day of my life. i knew her 4 8 years and it still hasnt sunk in thts she gone i just keep thinking thats she going to knock on my door and i would see her beautiful smile. i feel so stupid that i never got to say a proper gd bye no one would let me go to the hospital to say gd bye i just wish i did not listen to them and went. even though i cnt see her she always in my heart i just keep thinking tht i am goin to see her again one day
Charlotte, March 2008
I am 16 years old, and on the 1st January 2008 i woke up to something that was going to change the rest of my life. My dad had died very suddenly.
My sister who was 9 at the time found him down stairs.
He died because he had a Genetic Heart Defect, that neither us or my dad knew about it.
Even now, 11 and a half weeks on, it still isn't feeling real. I never knew this yr would change my life forever.
I would never wish this on anybody.
Becci, March 2008
Chris died on 10 jan this year. He had bronchitis, fluid on the lungs and got really drunk. Then some one in a house he had to stay in full of junkies offered him heroin. It was a small amount which coroner said at inquest would not have been enough to be fatal. But a combination of drink lung problems and the small amount of heroin killed him. He never took heroin before and i am so angry he did it. We have two kids and all love him so much. I cant let him go.
Its hard to love him so much and be so angry
DEBORAH, March 2008
HI,I LOST MY STEP-DAD LAST OCTOBER TO 2 HEART ATTACKS AT THE AGE OF 52 AND IT WAS A VERY,VERY SUDDEN DEATH,I CAME INTO THE LOUNGE 1 DAY AND FOUND CHRIS LYING ON THE SOFA AND I KNEW STRAIGHT AWAY HE WAS DEAD MY MUM HAD GONE UPSTAIRS TO DO SOMETHING AND SHE WAS ONLY UP THERE A SECOND,THE DAY HE DIED I HONESTLY DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT MYSELF AND STILL DONT,I KEEP GETTING IMAGES IN MY HEAD NOW FROM THE MORNING I FOUND MY STEP-DAD AND I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME CRYING,BEING ANGRY AT CLOSE ONES AROUND ME AND NOT COPING PROPERLY,ALL I KEEP ASKING MYSELF IS-WHY?WHY?WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED TO MY MUM AND I ?MUM WAS ONLY MARRIED TO MY STEP-DAD FOR 3 YRS TOO.
Laura, 24 March
My aunty, who I was incredibly close to, lost her battle with Motor Neurone Disease in September last year. She was diagnosed with the illness four years ago, and I watched my active, healthy aunty become wheelchair bound and slowly unable to do anything for herself. She needed carers and she often became very depressed.
She lost the use of her hands and could barely talk. All the time her mind was still fully functional. It hurt me to witness her frustration and discomfort. I hated knowing that any day could be her last. Everytime I said goodbye I didn't know if I would ever see her again. Just spending time with her was very upsetting and I suppose I had already lost the person I used to love so much. But there were still happy and special times despite everything, and I liked knowing she was still there, alive and here with me, and I could see her if I wanted to.
Nothing could have prepared me for the day she died. I was shopping in my own, in town, and I got a strange phone call from my grandad asking where my mum was. He sounded weird and I knew there was something wrong with my aunty. I found out a few hours later that she had died. I was at home with my boyfriend, waiting to hear what was happening. I felt as though I had been waiting forever. My nan called my phone and spoke to my boyfriend. She told him the sad news but he wasn't sure if he had heard correctly, and he didn't want to tell me something so terrible if it wasn't true. So it was still another 30 minutes before I knew she was dead. My uncle told me in the end, on the phone. I think I knew deep down, but I just didn't want to believe it.
I cried loudly and uncontrollably for about ten minutes, and for some reason I stopped. I just felt empty. That was all, empty. I felt sick in my stomach and empty in my head. I wanted my mum, but she was 45 minutes away at my aunts house with the rest of my family. My boyfriend drove me there a bit later. I was glad to be around people that were feeling the same as me, there was a tiny bit of comfort in that. I knew my aunty was still in the house, but at the same time she wasn't there anymore. I asked to see her, to try and realise the enormity of what had happened, to face the reality that my beloved aunty was no longer with me.
I opened the door to her bedroom and saw her lying in bed. She looked like she was asleep.
I touched her hand and she was cold. I stroked her hair around her face but she didn't stir or look at me. It was so strange to see her body without the person in it. It confused my brain, and it still does now. Where has she gone? Where is she now? I often ask myself that. I can't accept that she doesn't exist anymore.
I kissed her and left the room, but straight away I wanted to go back in. I wanted to hold on to her and try and keep what was left of her close to me. I couldn't lose her completely. My mum stopped me from going back. She told me that was jut my aunty's physical body, it wasn't her. She wasnt in there anymore. Going back would upset me more. I knew she was right, but there are still times that I wish I had soaked up more of her. More of her smell, the way she looked, the way her hands felt, so I could keep her with me forever.
Afterwards, we sat in the living room. Me, my mum, my nan, my grandad, and my two uncles. We could hardy talk or cry. We just sat there, going through the motions. The undertakers came, but my mum asked my boyfriend to take me home so I didn't see the body bag.
The drive home was horrible. In my head I just kept thinking, it's all over now. Nothing seemed real. I couldn't keep one thought in my head for longer than a second. Tears came randomly. I can't remember what happened when I got home, I think I just sat in my room with my boyfriend cuddling me. I did manage to go to sleep. The next morning I woke up with sore eyes.
The next few days until the funeral are mainly a blur of grief. All I can really remember is a constant urge to be around my family, and dreading the funeral.
Now, six months on, it is easier. The grief isn't so intense, but it is still there. A song that reminds me of her, or a film that deals with death, or going to a place we had been together, still make me cry. I still miss her so so so much it's difficult to describe. At the moment I still feel as though life will never be the same without her. A part of me will always be sad without her. I know I haven't reached a place in my mind where I can think of her and smile at my memories. When I think of her, I am still overcome with great sadness because I wish she was still alive. But I am carrying on with my life for her. Her death has been a great hurdle, but everything that I find a challenge, I think of my aunty and do my best. I want her to be proud of me. In that way, she lives on.
Juju, 24 March 2008
My Dad died in October and it is March now and I am having a harder time missing him. I have been overeating and staying up really late to comfort myself. It is actually making my life worse. If I don't eat I cry. I don't mind crying and I know I will for a long time. My guess is that if I keep stuffing my hurt down I will end up very sick. I know my Dad is watching over me. I can feel it. I think it is my worse loss cause he was my Dad for 55 years. We only lived 10 minutes from one another. We didn't always see eye to eye but we loved one another. Does anyone else have a hard time sleeping or using food? What helps me the most is being around friends and family that talk openly with me about my Dad.
Rhiannon, 20 March 2008
my mum passed away just over 2 months ago 12/2/08 and when i found out my whole world had collapsed. i feel so alone , i no i have got my dad and my 2 sisters and my brother but there is still part of me that feels so empty. we did everything together and she wasn't just my mum she was my best friend, my soul mate.
love you always and forever mum
all my love from rhiannon xxx
sleep tight godbless xxxxxx
Niikii, 19 March 2008
Well ii Was On Holiday When ii Lost My Dad Which Was About 4 Months Ago.
It Was A Sudden HeartAttack Which Shocked Me Alot Becuase We Have A little Arument.
That Day i Spent My Time Down The Beach With Him, Couldnt Be Happier.
He Was Proud Of Me For Obeying Him.
I Heard Him Say It To My Mum When i Was In Bed,
That Night About 3am He Was Having A HeartAttack... i Thought He Was Going To Come Back From The Hospital..
It Turns Out He Died, ii Didnt Get To Tell Him i Love Him....
R.ii.P DADDY !!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxx
erin, 18 March 2008
On the 30th of december 2007 exactly one week before my twelf birthday my beloved daddy died i miss him so much and whats worse he is buried in ireland so i'm over a hundred miles away from him and we can't go to ireland all the time because i have school. but when my mum cleared out the pub he used to run she found a birthday present he bought for me so i cried for ages on my birthday. But things are not getting any better i'm falling behind on school work and i can't relax this results in phisical pain and sleeplessness i just can't go on like this.
erin
tara, March 2008
on xmas night i lost my sister how was only
16 years of age
and i am 11 years of age
my sister name is laura
i miss her a lot
by tara
Becky, March 2008
My grandad died on Monday 1st October, 2007. He was such a caring and loving man, I would do anything for him. I will never forget him and I still dont believe he's gone, i know its going to take time, but to me he was my dad, best friend and grandad all rolled into 1. Im trying to move on but its hard. None of us were expecting my grandad to die because he was the best he'd ever been, he always spoke to me and rung me daily to see how I was, he encouraged me to do many things so thats what im going to do. I will never forget the early morning that my mum told me, I went into total shock mode, i still dream about that and the funeral. Im starting to live my life again because i know thats what he would have wanted.
I love you so much and miss you loads too,
love u grandad, see u again.
Becky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jade February 2008
I lost my mum 31 December 2007 and it was a really hard to take.A couple of days afer the death of my mum my grandad died.It was really sudden for my mum and everyone was really really upset.I didn't feel confident in myself for a lot of things because most people relied on my mum for a lot of things.I really miss my mum,Helen.
Lots of Love from
Jade xxx
xxxxEMIxxxx, February 2008
My next door neighbor died on the 15th November 2007. She was like a grandma to me. we have a big front window and almost everyday after school she would come over and pull funny faces at the window. She died of a sudden heart attack. I had no warning. On the day that she died I was called out of lesson and the receptionist told me that my neighbor had gone into hospital. That same day i rang my mum to see what had happened. when she answered the phone she was crying. i guessed the worst and I was right. Jan (neighbor) had died. I hung up the phone and started to cry. It is unbearable when you lose someone lose to extremeley close to you.
All that evening i was crying. I couldn't talk about it because i am not that kind of person. My mum was as upset as me. All of the following week our other neighbors kept knocking on the door to say how sorry they were that Jan had gone. Practically everyone said to my mum that Jan had said to the " M (my mum) was like the daughter we never had."
I hope Jan is resting in peace.
I give my love to ANYONE that has lost someone close to them.
I believe that "you can never forget the people you've lost.....you just have to learn to live without them."
All the best
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jessica, February 2008
I moved out of my mums then i moved in with my uncle who took me in and promised to bring me up much better than i was getting treated at home...
but then he decided that he didnt want me and started treating me badly!!
and kicked me out of his home...
so i had moved into my nan and grandads and went to visit my other grandads, he was not well at the time :( so i moved in with him so it was easier for me to get to school and so i could help my grandad and take care of him!
but i realised that i never had my uniform that it was in my other nan and grandads so i had to get it to go to school!
so i rang my nan and told her and she offered to come and get me from my grandads because my grandad was too unwell and we new that, but my grandad insisted on bringing me hom to my nan and grandads!
we got out side my nans an it is a dead end so my grandad was doing a for point turn to turn the car around he got half wat through it an stopped the utomatic car, then he had a massive heartattack and died in the driving seat with me in the passenger seat!!
because it wa a automatic car the car just sped off and crashed into another car out side my nan and grandads home.. this all happened in december 2007 ,, only a few months ago but i still cant get over it, and i cant take it really it really upsets me i cry all the time even though nobody really nows i do and just blame myself because if it wasnt for my ggrandad taking me home for my uniform then none of this would have happend and he would still be ere with me but i have no one on that side of the family to talk to or grieve with about it so i do it in my own way to myself !!does anybody now how to deal with it, i now that there is now real way of getting over it but i need to now sort of how to help me with it!...
Jen, February 2008
My mum died of cancer 2 month ago she had, had a stroke 9 months before she died she was so ill 4 so long she was so young i have allways lived with my dad and seen her at weekends i fell bumped out of time with her but i will allways love her and her big blue eyes
Penny, February 2008
My mum died less than 2 months ago. Some days are better than others and I've exhausted myself by trying to keep busy so not to think about her suffering and not being here. She once told me that days are like places, we won't like every place/day however be sure there is a better one to come. I believe that and get through one day at a time because the pain will ease. I'm sad for my mum as she was young and loved life. I surround myself with friends and people who loved her too, that's where I get my comfort. It's reassuring to know we are not alone.
No name, February 2008
I lost my Aunt died a couple of months ago, with Cancer. I never stop thinking about her, and i'm struggling with school and at home. I just wish my Aunt was still here because i miss her so much. =(
No name, January 2008
I lost my dad on the 17th December 2007. Only now i am really coming to terms with it. I cried on the day of the funeral but have struggled to cry ever since. It doesn't mean i didn't love him just i find it hard to show my emotions. It was a little over a month ago and i am finding really hard to come to terms with his death.
Lorna, January 2008
my mum died 4 months ago of cancer im still finding it hard its difficult when u miss them so much x
Amy, January 2008
3 mounths ago i lost my step mum in a accident i nearly lost my dad aswell i just think life really does suck.
No name, January 2008
my dad was murdered i wil never get over it. 2months xx
No name, December 2007
I LOST MY BOYFRIEND ON NOV 17,2007 HE DIED OF A HEART ATTACK I FOUND HIM AND I CAN NOT GET THAT PICTURE OUT OF MY MIND AND HOW COLD HE FELT HIS FAMILY ASK ME TO LEAVE HIS HOME AND THEY HAVE NOT CONTACTED ME SINCE HIS DEATH THERE IS NO BURIAL PLACE TO GO TO MOURN HE WAS CREMATED AND HIS 1/2 BROTHERS AND SISTER TOOK CARE OF HIS REMAINS I MISS HIM MORE THAN ANYONE CAN KNOW!
No name, December 2007
my dad died in AUG 2007.he was 60.he was on life support for 5 weeks and i had to make the decision to switch things off and let him go.my childhood was often sad and dad was violent,but when he died it knocked me sideways.I miss him and i long to hear his voice.I used to believe in heaven but i cant feel anything about where dad is except in a coffin 6feet under the ground
Griff, December 2007
My dad passed a couple of months ago. I went to see him in the hospital and knew he was in bad shape but we live a thousand miles apart. The day he died I woke up in pain and it kept intenseifing until I almost passed out. i KEPT TELLing my wife to call the hospital and tell them to stop but she thought i was crazy . 20 min later I was called by my aunt and told my father had passed. this has really messed with me
Vikki, December 2007
My beautiful cousin died 2 months ago on sunday, and I miss her like crazy. We were so incredibly close and it hurts to think that she isn't here anymore. I loved her so so much, and we spoke all the time on msn, I didn't see her often because she lives about 3/4 hours away from me, but we were planning to meet up next summer, and go travelling in a few years. I sometimes feel okay, normal even, but then it all comes flooding back that she really isn't here. She died in a car crash the day after she passed her driving test, 11 days before her 18th birthday. Christmas is going to be so hard this year. I miss her and love her so much! x
Amy, December 2007
i saw my stepdad commit sucide about 2month ago and i feel like i want to kill my self and i have started taking drugs alot more than i use to and my beavihour has got worse i dont know what to do and i still cant cope with seeing my stepdad hanging i still see him some times when i close my eyes
Becky, December 2007
I lost my Grandad just over 2 months ago (19/10/07). He was my world and was alwys there for me, listening, giving advice. He went in to hospital for a checkup, diagnoised with cancer the next day, died a week later. We never thought he wouldn't be coming home. Afterwards I didn't want to talk to anybody, shut myself in my room, the pain and loss was too much to bear. As a result I had alot of arguements with my family. Theankfully I realised they are the most important thing in my life before the problem got too serious. Don't shut yourself away, it doesn't help. My Grandad was so special and loved by so many people not just his family. He was kind, caring and gentle. If I'm anything like him it would be a great achievment.
Gemma!! December 2007
well my best friend davy was the most amazing lad that anyone cud ave asked 4 e was the 1 went n cheered u up wen u wer feelin down e was th most charming boy about and i miss him so mch he took his on life in July 07 and i will never forget the day i got told i was in town with my granny wen 1 of mi friends said gemma did u hear bout davy i thought she was goin 2 tell me he had a new gd bt little did i kno she had told me that he had comitted sucide i just ran out of the shop cryin because a week be4 it i was at a markethill parade with him and i was seeing him and it brought it all back i miss him so mch and cnt get him ot of my head i jus wish he was here now so that i cud tell him that he was the most amazing boy out and i realli do love him with my heart!! jus wish he was ere!!
love yhoo david!! R.I.P. WEE MAN!
x
AMY --X, December 2007
I LOST MY MUM 3 MONTHS AGO YESTURDAY ... AT FIRST IT WAS NOT BAD COPING AND ALL BUT AS THE TIME HAS GONE BY AND BASICLY NO1 IS BUZZIN ROUND US ANYMORE IT HAS COME ALOT WORSE. WITH MY MUM BEING TERMIALLY ILL WITH CANCER && A BRAIN TUMOR ... I KNOW THIS SOUNDS BAD BUT WE HAD TIME TO PREPARE OURSELEVES EVEN THO I DIDNT WANT TO EVEN DREAM ABOUT MY MUM NOT BEING THERE. RECENTLY I HAVE BEEN CRYING ALOT AND BEING REALLY DOWN AND ALL. SCHOOL ARE GOING TO GIVE ME CONSULING BECAUSE THEY KEEP SAYING I AM NOT MY BUBBLY SELF AND IT WORRIES THEM ... I HOPE IT GETS BETTER BECAUSE I KNEW IF MY MUM WAS HERE SHE WOULD TELL ME TO PICK MYSELF UP ..X THANKS FOR READING X
molly, December 2007
my dad died of cancer in september...my life is just unfair..it feels like everything has just fallen on top of me and it feels like a bad dream..he was only ill for about 4 weeks and only 2 of those weeks were in hospital
he was my best friend..i miss him nore than anything..im not bothered about christmas presents or christmas or trying to enjoy myself..i just want him back
lisa, November 2007
my dad died in september and my head is a mess. he sexually abused me from as far as i know 6 till i was 16 and i got strong and said no. i never told anyone and i still havent, this is the first time i have mentioned it. i still saw him neally everyday because he was still with my mum i just pushed it aside and ignored it. he died of cancer really quick from being diagnosed to passing it was 2 weeks. it was awfull i cried when it happened a i wispered i forgive you. i cant grieve its hard i remember everything he did but he was still my dad noone knows and im suffering alone. i have been strong for my mum and brother i sorted the funeral and everything but i feel trapped i need help IT HURTS SO BAD!!
Jon, November 2007
My best friend JJ died of a drug overdose 2 months ago. I had always told him not to mess around with pills but he wouldnt listen to me. he literally saved my life many times. he changed my life in so many ways. i dont think i will ever be the same without him. The worst thing is......the last time i talked to him i said something mean. if only i could re-live that last day........
bianca, November 2007
my cuzins died 2 years ago
my nan died 1 years ago
my auntie died about 4 months ago
my uncle died on febuary 3 2007
jordan, November 2007
My nan died 3 months ago in August 2007 i was sad when i heard the bad news and my sister was sad when she heard the news as well
raegan.xo, November 2007
my mum dies 6months ago and im findin it reely hard.it was all so sudden i reely miss her she wasnt just my mum she was also my best friend.
that mornin she dropped me off at school i sed bye to her and she seemed fine.
i walked out of school awya to get in my friends dads car to go home and i saw my auntie in her car and she beeped so i went with her..
i was in the car and my little brother was in a school where he needed picked up from and she usually picked him up so i sayd has my mum picked richard up from schhol and she sed i dont know and i went well where is she and then she sed dunno agen.
i knew sumthin was wrong?
i walked into the house and my little brother was crying and so was my aunties and my dad couldnt speak i was wondering what was going on?
i asked my dad what it was and he sat me down and told me.
my heart had been broken
i had two older sisters and one of them was in london and one was in france so they had to find out over the fone!
i heard them both screamin !
i was so scared to go and see my mum and i reeely reely miss hur
things have moved on now it has been 6 months and i reely still do miss her ilove her so much and just wish she was here!xo
iloveyoualwaysmumandalwayswillxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Vicarage Crew, November 2007
Its Been 2months Now Since Chris & Nathan gt killed And it Hasnt Gt any Easier We all Miss Them Dearly Jus Wish We had a Little More Time With Them To Tell them How much We All Loved Them && Enjoyed There Company Miss Yu Bth So Much
x
x
x
Jo x, November 2007
2 months ago my dad died.
it was in an accident and was very sudden.
i am finding it quite hard to cope as i am only 12 and sometimes (rarely) find i almost have to act as the dad of the family.
and when im at school i sometimes find it hard to keep my mind on lessons for worrieing about my mum and how she is getting on at home, even just what shes doing all day.
i miss dad so much and never expected him to be gone so soon in my life, as he was only 41.
it also makes me upset to hear my friends/ teachers talking about their fathers/ teaching (eg. French)
but i do have peace at mind knowing that he loved and cared for us all so much, and remember not to forget all the amazing times we shared.
Rosie, November 2007
My best friend Sarsh died of a brain tumour in May this year. At first I was doing okay, I missed so much and cried loads but I was doing alright.
All of a sudden when I started Year 8 my life just went downhill. I couldn't believe how lonely I was, everyone seemed to have forgotten about it and it felt like I was the only one who was still devastated, apart from his family. It got worse and worse after that. I was more forgetful, had less energy and found little meaning in what I was doing. I did worse at school and got into trouble because I was always distracted and the teachers didn't understand. I have never felt so alone. I cut myself, thought about suicide and was seriously depressed. He was a true best friend and even though I have other friends I can't trust them and they're not nearly as good as him. I don't feel like I'm my usual self and smile far less.
During the time between his death and now, I started dating a boy in my form. He's been there for me throughout my depression and I'm so grateful to him for that. Other people have helped me but one girl was basically telling me to let it go and I was holding on to him too much. She told me that I shouldn't go to counselling and just move on. I was upset and angry because she didn't understand and was being unbelievably dismissive of how I was feeling. Weekends and holidays are lonely for me, and it seems like everyone else has a best friend.
I feel like I should have told him how much he meant to me. I couldn't even go to his funeral beacuse it was in South Africa, which is where he used to live and it's where all his family lives too.
I'm slowly getting better. I have talked to my parents about how I'm feeling. They've been really supportive and I'm very grateful to them. Reading other people's experiences makes me feel like I'm not alone.
RIP Sarsh I love you so so so so much.
Can't wait to see you again.
Best friends forever and ever and ever.
Amy, 29 Oct 2007
Only a few months ago i lost a friend (age 14), who was also known amongst a lot of people.I didnt mix with him at High School, but still it was a friendship i would never forget. I may have known him since year 3 but i didnt get that close to him, but when i found out he had cancer i didnt know what to do.
He would have his ups and downs with his condition, and sometimes make it into school and be playing football with his mates like nothing was wrong. He was always so happy and cared more about his friends than he did himself.
A couple of months before he was diagnosed with cancer, his mum died unfotunatly i dont know why. But that really hit him and to be told that your mum has just died and find out that you have cancer all in a close time, must have been really hard.
He started to go downhill very quickly after that and was in hospital on numerous occasions. He knew he was going to die but never let it get him down.He planned his whole funeral and went ot his own wake...but he didnt let it be like a wake it was more like a party to celebrate all the friendships he had.
During the school Easter Holidays of this year, we were told that he had passed away, just after wacthing an England footie match. He was a footie finatic to say the least. His favourite team was aresenal, and me being me who doesnt like football didnt think that that team would mean alot at the funeral.
How i was wrong, everything to do with Arsenal was there. His coffin was coloured in the Arsenal colours, we wanted it to be a happy occassion to remember the good times. And the one piece of advice i told people was that to think of it as he was out of pain. Because he was.. finally free of all the pain.
So if you ever feel like the world is going to end when someone close to you dies just think of it as they are out of pain. I still visit Phil sit and talk to him by myself. Hes there somewhere listening i know he is....
carla, 27 Oct 2007
my boyfriend died in a car crash a couple of months ago im 6 months pregnant with our first baby he would have loved to see his child he would of been a great daddy xx
natasha, 21 Oct 2007
i am 13 i went over to see my grandad during the summer holidays this year (2007) he had been in hospital the christmas before (2006) he was diagnosed with cancer and it turned out that he had had it for 4 years even though it didnt show in any of the blood tests my grandad is dead now i sat there and watched him die for 5 days how is a 13 year old supposed to cope with that he was the person i always wanted to grow up to be like now who do i grow up to be like bet you cant answer that
Hannah, 8 Oct 2007
5 months ago my best friend, aged 22, committed suicide. I miss her terribly, and i know a lot of other people do too. I just hope she is feeling better up there in the sky then how she felt down here.
Sarah, 3 Oct 2007
I still feel like i'm going to fall to pieces. it just hasnt happened yet. it hasnt sunk in that she isnt coming back. shes been gone almost 6 months and my brain still doesnt wanna acknowlegde that.
sam, 1 Oct 2007
my boyfriend died 3 months ago in a tragic accident, he was my whole world and i loved him so much, he was the only person who kept a constant smile on my face, but more than anything he was my bestfriend. He was only 18 and was the nicest most caring person you would ever meet, he always put people before himself its just not fair that he had to go. i miss him so much and just wish i could tell him i love him one more time.
Yasmine, 1 Oct 2007
I found my mum dead in her bed when i was home alone on the 23rd july 2007. She died from a sudden brain hemmorage. I am 14
emma, 26 Sep 2007
my nan died in March of this year suddenly!
she was only 68.
i had my 18th birthday not too long ago and getting through my party was the most painful experience i have eva had to do.
when she died i was in shock for about a month and i didnt really have my time on mourning. she died on the thursday and i was back to coll on the tuesday. every day without her is so unbareable. i feel as tho i cant spk to my mum and dad about it as they keep saying that it was my dads mum and just to imagine how he feels.
i dont like to seem silly about it but i didnt expect to loose my nan this soon and sudden and i really dont know how to cope without her.
No Name, 24/09/07
My dad died 3 months ago from being diagnoised with gullet cancer in the April, 9 weeks later he was gone. Never having being ill at all. I still cannot beleive he is gone, still expect him to answer the phone or walk throught the door at any minite. Its so easy for people to say it does get easier and you do have to carry on , which I am doing, because nothing will bring him back. All we have is memories, and I can say all my memories of my dad are good ones, not any bad, which maybe not all people can say. We should all live life to the full,live every day as if it was your last, as you just never know what is round the corner, we never expected this to happen to any member of our family, but when it did, it was too late. We will never forget our dad and I think about him every day, with great memories, lets hope he is looking down at us and laughing as he always did . love you always.
Rebecca, 31 Aug 07
My great great uncle died in april this year. nd even tho he had been ill for 10 years i never thought he actually would go. i feel so lost and i had to be so strong for so many ppl afterwards that i feel like im still grieving and i dont think it will ever stop.
evrything is wierd without him, nd like i promised him so much and wen things happen wich i had told him about, i feel so bad. like i promised to show him my prom dress but i never got the chance nd so at prom i cried as i missed him nd felt i had betrayed him.
A week before he died he was reli reli ill, but 4 sum strange reason on my bday he was sitting up, smiling nd eating a complete transformation from how he was days b4. but the next day he was ill agen, nd he died a week l8r. this was by far the best bday ever.
i just reli need sum1 2 talk 2 - i miss him so much its untrue.
i love you uncle - nd i no u r always here lookin after me - but sumtimes i feel like ppl r forgetting that im grieving for u 2.
i loved nd still love u
xxxxxx
Jenny, 21 Aug 2007
i lost my mum 2yrs today she had cancer and had heart failure i was 19yrs old at the time 24 hours before she died we had told her that her farther had passed my grandad they were both ill for a long time my mum was a strong kind and smart woman who loved us she always seid i am not scared to die but i am scared to leave you all behind. i still feel numb now. but i know she ok because she can not feel the pain that she felt on this earth i know she be with other people who passed on my only wish and hope when it time for me to pass she be thier love you forever mum jenny x
No name, 08/07
my dad died 2 months ago but i find my self still carrying on even though i dont wont to some days i feel fine and cant cry somedays i ask why, i feel angry that he was only 42 but somedays i feel happy that when he died he was happy and that he loved me and he still does
No name, 08/07
Roughly, 5 mnth ago my boyfriend of 6-7 years died on our anniversary. due, to a conflict that was going on between some people we knew. the worst part is that i was there and he died in front of me in my arms. it was turmoil but be patient and easy on yourself as well as your well-wishers keep yourself busy and try to talk to someone who really does know you and wants to help you
Jackiei, 08/07
my dad died 22 weeks ago i cried like a baby taught i was doing ok sent home from work and cant stop cryingmy heart is breaking feel terrible for my two daughters and my husband is at A LOSS
Carolina, 08/07
MY BEST FRIEND'S LIVE IN BOYFRIEND OF 5 YEARS DIED JUNE 30. HE OVER DOSED ON INSULIN. HER LIFE HAS BEEN ROLLER COASTER SINCE, I TRY TI BE THERE FOR HER IN EVERY WAY AND FEEL THAT I HAVE HAD NO TIME TO GRIEVE BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR HER. SHE NEED ME RIGHT NOW AND I CAN NOT LET HER DOWN, WHAT DO I DO?
Emily, 08/07
My boyfriend died in a car accident that we were both in. It was only in June this year (2007) and he was only 17. I am 16 and we knew that we were meant to be. Not just puppy love, we had our whole life planned, from wedding to children. It is very hard since we spent everyday together.
No name 08/08
On february 18th this year my friend was killed in a car crash on the way back from a date with a girl he liked. i don't really know how im feeling, everything is confused. sometimes i hate myself because i lost touch with hm in the months before he dies. he was my guardian angel, whenever i was scared he would help, we would talk on the phone at night and he was always there. he had trouble expressing himself but he always let me kno that i was loved, i don't think i did the same for him! even now it doesn't feel real, we are too young to die, i feel so guilty for having my whole life ahead of me when his was taken and not only do i blame myself but those closest to me! the world was deprived of a wonderful boy who was turning into a great man the day Steve died. I only wish he had the chance to shine xxxxxxx
Elle, 07/07
My Dad passed away in May 2007 and I still haven't accepted it. I still expect him to walk through the doors and make some stupid joke. I've shed tears yet very few. What makes it worse is that I was with him when it happened and I was alone in the house. Whenever I close my eyes I see it replay like in a horror movie. I'm fourteen and so much has happened to me and I wish that he was still here with me. So many regrets that will stay with me for so long and I know I shouldn't dwell on them but sometimes it hurts too much.
Does anyone understand what I'm going through?
Catherine 07.07
Almost two months ago I lost someone who I was very close to.I am writing this to tell people to hold on.I know everything seems terrible I didnt think that the death of this person would affect me as it did but I turned into a complete mess and thought I was stuck like this forever.Time doesnt make you forget but it does heal you slightly I am now back to almost feeling ok and coping with the lose but if you feel you cant cope my advice is to talk to someone and tell them everything it helps so much.I know you can feel very alone but when you start opening up you realise so many people care about you.Things will seem better people kept telling me it and I didnt believe them but it is true it just takes time xxx
becca 07.07
it's been nearly 2 months since my big brother died, and mostly i'm always really happy, and sometimes i'll just be really angry and just want to cry.
jodie 07.07
my grandad died of cancer 2 years ago which was extremly hard, and my nan suddenly died 8 weeks ago, and i was the one who found her, i was alone and had to do first aid on her which i cant explain how horrific it actually was, she died later that day, im finding it extremly hard,and cant talk to anyone about what actually happend apart from in email, im trying to get my life back together but its very hard, i will eventually get there.
Sarah 07.07
My mum died on April 19th. I'm so numb. I'm just existing.
She had cancer, but we thought she'd be okay. It's still such a shock. It wasn't expected. How am I supposed to cope?
This goes beyond explaining; beyond expression.
genny 07.07
i had a hard time when my brother died 4 months ago. i could not cope at all. it was my birthday last week and i was crying the day before coz i spent it with him the years before.
Stuart 07.07
In the first few days of my grans death I found it very hard now I am finding it just as hard and I am framing a Puzzle that reminds me of her,I have also got a Koala of hers and I would like a small trinket box because dhe uses to collect them,This on she perticuarly liked.
Halmrast 07.07
My Dad died about 3 months ago and all I feel is anger and sadness. My grad is this weekend and I'm so sad that he is not here. There are so many things I want to experience with my Dad. People think since it has been 3 month that I'm fine and just because I'm trying to enjoy my grad and be happy that I'm fine but I'm really not. I have no idea how I deal with this pain.
(anon) 07.07
i lost my true love 3 months ago to a car chash. the love we had was like no other- i loved him with all my heart and he was the only one i thought of all day. he was my best friend and my boyfriend. a couple months before he passed away i broke up with him out of ignorance ( a hhuge regret) but we never stopped talking , nor did we stoip loving eachother. we got back together once in there. now that he passed away i feel sooooo alone. i feel like no one understands or cares bevacuse we werent dating at the day of the accident. we never showed our love to many ppl so i feel hes the only one who would understand how im feeling rite now, and i cant talk t him. i jus am dieing to see a sign that he still loves me too.
kirstin x 07.07
march... my nan died suddenly in the middle of the night. we were due to see her the day after but we were to late :( my grandad had died just a few months before this happening so the last few months have not be good at all !!!
Jessica 07.07
I lost my Grandad and Great Grandma within 3 months. I miss them. I hope they are both proud of me. I love them forever and for life! xxx
(anon) 07.07
on the 7th of March my bestest mate in the whole world died we were always so close we had known each othewr for 11 yrs. it was unbelievable we did every thing together the worst thing is that she died of such a rare disease only only 1 in a million people get this disease and the worst part is that only 3 people in the world actually got that disease lead to there heart. I find it so hard at lunch times and i find myself alone half the time. For the past 6 months of her illness i didn't get to see her much because she was 2 tired to come into school so i always think that she will walk in the door at some point. I cry my self to sleep most nights and i always feel like i have a part missinfg from me. It didn't help when my aunty died becausse it brought back the emotions i had when she died. I miss her every day and want her back more than anything else in the world.
Jodie 07.07
I lost my Dad nearly six months ago, and it all still seems so surreal, I dont understand it at all. Sometimes I cry, but I don't like talkin about it, or crying infront of anyone, i hardly cry at all. I keep expecting him to come walking through the door to hug me. I dream alot about him. Its all going so slowly. I just want him back. I Miss Him so much its unbelievable. I've got to stay strong for my mum and sister, but now its really startin to weigh me down. I keep remembering him in hospital, and him suffering and keep wishing i could've done something for him. Sometimes I remember the happy memories. I miss him.
(anon) 07.07
My Mum died in January this year. I had cared for her for years. It's strange, but I have never felt any grief. I miss her in an odd way, but haven't cried. I loved her tremendously; she was always there for me when she was more able and she and I were great friends. I cannot be sorry that she is gone because she was suffering; only in that she was old and had dementia. I can only be glad that she is in a better place and young and free again. I don't understand why I haven't grieved, but I wonder if it's because there is no-one except myself to feel sorry for! I wonder if grief is mainly feeling the sorrow of someone left bereft by death. My Mum was a wonderful woman and I look forward to being with her again fairly soon.
Paul 07.07
My Grandad lost his battle with cancer earlier this year. I live with my mum and I've never met my dad, although I do have a stepdad. However I've never got on well with him and my grandad was always kind of like my dad. He was ill for around six months but his death was sudden at the end and it left everyone very shocked. I'm trying to be strong for my mum but I don't feel as though I'm dealing with it very well. My cousin is only 2 and he doesn't understand what has happened and I'm sad for him that he won't have memories of his grandad like I have.
Philip 05.07
My brother Ben died a few months ago, no fault of his own, but let down by the council that employed him. I miss his is an understatement. Can i explain how i feel in words? No. Do i understand that he is gone? No. Do i want to admit he is gone? No.
His birthday would have been tomorrow, neither of us ones to celebrate our birthdays, but how i wish i could.
I can remember his smile, laugh, they we spoke to each other and about our families. Those things are engraved into my memory. I coped with my fathers death much easier, but then it has been thirteen years so may be time has clouded my memory. With my brother it is different, i have changed.
(anon) 05.07
My best friend died becuase of a brain tumour. i remember the night she rang saying shes only got between a week and a month left. i was holding onto hope, for that shed have that month or the doctors were wrong and she had a lot loner left. but within a week her mum rang saying that she passed away in her sleep. but the worst bit of it is, the fact that i feel so guilty becuase i never went to see her. i only rang her. but i feel so alone, and lost, i dont know what to do.
shanice 05.07
last november a close friend of mine who i loved very much committed suicide. i felt as if the whole world was against me and as if i had done something really bad to deserve this much pain. i never knew one person could hurt this much or even close to hurting this much. although i hadn't known him long the thought of Paul not being here anymore really hurts. it is a struggle to get out of bed on a morning. knowing that he isn't here, knowing that i will never hear his voice or smell his aftershave. all i know is that i hurt more everyday knowing that i have to live my life without him.
danny 05.07
my mum died on the 27th of febuary and i still dont feel okay about it. i used to help my mum in the best way i could. i used to live with my mum and my sister and a dog called zack and now i wish i was back at home with them just as it was. love you mum and will never forget you love danny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
(anon) 04.07
my boyfriend took his life 3 months ago, he died new years eve. Christmas eve he had asked me to marry him, and 6 days later he had felt so low because he thought he wasnt good enough for me that he took himself out of the equation. I am at the end i just cant seem to pick myself up, i love him and miss him soooo much that i just want to be with him the guilt I have is just too much. The answers to my question of "why" only he holds so i am left to conclude my own answers which keep coming back to me that I was to blame.
nicola 04.07
my dad was found passed away in his house aged just 52 on 5th january 2007, it was a sudden unexpected death that has left me and my brother and sisters just so distraught! i personally am still trying to come to terms with everything, and are still can not believe he has gone, what makes it harder is he lived opposite my house, so seeing his house where he lived for over 27 years has made it more harder, it was also our family home! so there is a lot of memories, its hard also because we couldn't say goodbye, or tell him how mush he was loved! i just hope i can be strong for the coming months.
david 04.07
i lost my brother on janurary 26 2007.He had been under medical treatment for many years for a brain tumour.Mum was taken seriouslly ill in August 2006 and things looked bleak.Mum had a brain tumour 20 years ago but a blockage in her lower intestine by a gaul stone caused multiple organ failure. Days passed and Mum started to respond to treatment.This had a devasting effect on John.He took a turn for the worse and ended up in hospital too,the tumour had returned with a vengenge.
John responded well to his treatment but on Jaurary 22 2007 he was admitted again to hospital as he went into decline.
A phone call to my work place from my dad said `come home`.John developed breathing difficulties and died within hours on 26 Janruary. Ifeel so sad and low.Cry at the slightest thing.I have helped arrange his funeral and choose some songs for the day`Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bochelli..`Time to say goodbye`.I break down just listening to the song`
Thanks to all who have told of your experiences as i felt so alone but i know now i am not. REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES!Thank you for reading this.xx
sophie 04.07
it's realy hard with my dad gone now, i get so angry and take it out on who ever is there at that moment of time even if they are doing me a favor. every one gets realy annoyed with me, but they dont know whats going on in my head, and i cant explain it.
i find it realy hard to talk about it, but i do have one person who i can trust and his name is Charlie, his dad is goin out with my mum at the moment and i find it so hard seeing them together as its only been 3/4 months since my dad died. i wish everything was back to normal. i realy do.
beth 04.07
i lost my littlest bro in april 2006 then this year on new years mornin at 4 am my oldest bro died in a car crash i have falen apart i am tryin to stay strong for my parents.I turned 9 on the 15th of january i found it real hard wiv out him there.My friends all act as if nothins happened and my best friend doesnt care at all!
Hayley 04.07
My beautiful mum died. My mum died 3 months ago, she took her own life and ever since I've been finding it really hard to cope. I've gone back to Uni but no'one here seems to understand or know what to say. I feel embarassed about getting upset or that people are guna get annoyed with me. I feel so alone and I miss her so much, nothing makes sense anymore. My Dad died in April but we I didnt know him very well and it's always just been me and my mum. There isnt anyone that can make the pain go away anymore.
Bruce 03.07
My father fell into a coma from an aneurysm of the brain on august 15 of 2005. My brother and I decided to give him a chance to come out of it, although doctors were doubtful. I had just turned 22 at the time and was made the legal guardian at for his affairs, and I had to travel 130 miles just to visit his unmoving body. He finally passed on December 25th, 2006, and it was both the best and worst present I've ever received. I miss him every day and cry toward the heavens wondering how to keep moving with my life. None of it has gotten any better, and I think it's nature's way of trying to get you to love your time here even more. Just try to think of what they would want you to be doing - our parents always will give us that guidance when needed.
rebecca 03.07
well when i found about my dad i couldent stop crying the night i found out. When it was the funiral i turnd around and i saw my dads best friend crying that made me cry. The last time i saw him was the week before he died and i was in his arms saying bye bye i love you and i will see you in one week and i regret going to scotland now i wish i spent more time with him.
(anon) 03.07
About three months ago i lost my Nan. It was really unexpected and happened all within about 24 hours. She was ill for a week but we thought it was just her diabetes playing up again, and the doctor seemed to think she would be ok, until she stopped eating and kept sleeping all the time. My mum and aunt got the doctor round again and he phoned for an ambulance team to come and get her, they said they were only going to keep her in a day or two to get some fluids in her. Then my dad got a call at about 10 o clock that night saying to bring my sister, my cousins and me up to the hospital because it weren’t looking good.
We waited 7 hours for her to be stabilised in re-sus. They said she had 3 heart attacks but that they thought that she’d be ok because she was improving and even moved her onto the intensive care ward. At 7am the doctors told us to go home and get some rest because things were looking up and he was pleased with my nans progress. So we went home feeling relieved. We were woken up at about half past nine by a doctor; all he said was get your family to the hospital now.
When we got there they sent us straight to the family waiting room. A Nurse came in to tell us that they had to let her go. She had another two heart attacks and after that she just went. The doctor said the septicaemia she had was so bad that there was no chance she would recover because they didn’t detect it before hand and her diabetes made everything worse.
They let us go in to see her after they had cleaned her up abit, but as much effort as they made to make her look ok, she still didn’t look like my nan :( she was so pale, and my heart broke to see her like that. She was a proud woman; she always made an effort with the way she looked. That image of her stays in my mind, no matter how hard I try and forget it. I can look at pictures of her on her birthday and at Christmas, and then that thought of her on the hospital bed comes crashing through all the good memories.
Everyday I think about that night in the hospital and how it all could have been avoided if she had only told someone how ill she actually felt. She wasn’t old enough to leave yet.
I can’t stand that I’ll never see her again. She’s the only grandparent I’ve ever known and for her to go now just seems so unfair because she was the most un-judgmental and thoughtful person I think ill ever have met. She literally did anything for her grandchildren
I miss her so much. I'd give up so much if I could bring her back for even just a minute to give her a cuddle and tell her how much I love her and just let her know what an amazing person she is.
Micci 03.07
My step-dad died on the 8th of January 2007. It was a complete shock to me and the rest of my family. I am 16 and did attend college, but have now quit because I can't catch up and concentrate. Sometimes I resent my family at times like this because I am a strong person, and don't really show my emotions in front of them. My mum and gran are there for me, but I dont want them to see me cry. So then i resent them for not giving me support. But is this my fault because I'm hiding my emotions from them? I have a boyfriend who is so supportive and they know I have him, but sometimes you need your mum.
People also think that because he wasnt my biological father that it's not the same, but he took on father role when I was 3 and has brought me up since then. I have seen him as my dad, but my friends just say 'sorry about your step-dad'. Is anyone else in a similar situation?
beth (bebby) 03.07
On the 1st of january my brother Steve died in a car accident. He was 16 and was coming back from a new years eve party. My lil sis is 2 an a half she doesnt under stand. I turned 9 on the 15th of january. I found it real hard with out him there. Also my lil bro Ronan on the 14/4/03 died because he just stoped beathing all of a sudden. He was only 3 months and 17 days. I really miss them both. If only i could put back time i would stop it from happening.
(anon) 03.07
My mum died in september. shes had cancer for a year and a half, but they couldnt diagnose where the cancer was. my mum has been dead for 6months but i miss her so much. Problems that i used 2 be able to cope with i find really hard to deal with now. I have a brother and 4 sisters i worry about them so much theyre all older than me but Zoe and Liam mean more to me than anyone and im more scared and worried for them then i am myself. i really hope that after more time has passed i will start to feel less empty.
jen 03.07
My dad was ill just before christmas we got told he had the flu it turn out to be cancer it seemeed as if every one new expect for us.He got sick and with in a month he was gone it was just so sudden never really had chance tosay good by. Iwish i spent nore time with my dad done more for him.
sophie 03.07
i lost my grandad on the 31st decemeber it was a orrible day ive ever experinced i feel so lost with out u grandad u were my rock u kept me going i never forget u and i always wait for the day to come to be with my grandad and i just hope ur there to open up the gates for me so i can run into ya arms and never let u go theres a hole missing in my heart i do anything to get u back i love u soooo much it hurts i just want u here with me i always look up in the sky at night and point out the brightest star and that will be u looking over me for now its time for u to sleep with the angels so until we meet agen good nite grandad i hope ur some where betta u deserve alot u gave everything to me and the memories which i will never forget xxxxxxxxxx i love you grandad and i always will.
Poppy 17! 03.07
i lost my dad 4 months ago, on september the 12th 2006. he was an alcoholic! i lost him due to drug abuse, he wasnt ur average dad, was always in the wrong place at the wrong time and associated with the wrong people. eventhough he wasnt like any normal dad, he was still my best friend, aswell as my father. i just wanted to share my experiance as i am only just realy coming to terms with it, i have a disabled brother who is only 11 months younger than me so we are kinda like twins he doesnt understand realy wat happened to dad but he does know he is dead. it is hard to try and deal with my greif aswell as his as i have to try and stay positive and happy all the time and cant just sit and cry. so thats my story, aswell as sharing my experiance i would also like to warn ppl of the effects of alcohol and drug abuse and just say if u ever think about doing it because u are down or depressed DONT it doesnt work! u will just leave behind ur familyn friends hu care about you!! R.I.P DaD!!(w).
Tove 03.07
my brother died last august in the morning he was so happy yet by dinner he had died from an asthma attack and the air ambulance hadn't been able to save him I'm coming to terms with it but I will never forget that day - the day my heart was torn appart!!!
Hannah 03.07
My boyfriend died in a car crash in December
I'm doing much better than i was
but im a complete state still.
All I can see when I close my eyes is him at the hospital.
I have flashbacks of finding out, and driving to the hospital, and waiting to see if he would be ok.
But as I said, slowly but surely it's getting easier.
I haven't exactly coped well
skipping school and cutting myself
i feel stupid about that now.
I'm starting to remember the good times though
and its easier to face facts than it was.
But everythings still all wrong.
I'd give anything to bring him back again
even just for a day.
x
kery 02.07
My dad died two months ago. He had been sick for the past five years. He had had his leg amputated this past summer. When he died it happened so suddenly, he was in the hospital and last that i knew he was getting better and talking. All of a sudden he was gone. I never got to say goodbye. We never agreed on much but he was always there for me, always caring about my future. I am going to miss him so much. Somedays I feel like I just want to cry all day and shout out to people that "Hey my dad died". Other days i just want to laugh at all the good memories. It's just hard sometimes.
Erin 02.07
It has been 6 months since I lost my boyfriend in a motorcycle accident. In all honesty it hasn't gotten any easier at all. Everyday it is a battle to wake up in the morning, no matter what I seem to do. I don't cry as much as I did at first, but the void I feel in my heart is almost unbearable to live with. They say that time heals all wounds, and I can only hope it's true. BENNY was the best thing that ever happened to me. He showed me what it was really like to truly love someone with my whole heart. I felt things with him that I didn't even know I could feel... I feel like we experienced broken fate, but there's nothing anyone can do to take away our precious memories. I would give up eternity in a heartbeat to touch you one last time!!! You have truly been the one for me Angel!! Now spread you wings and fly... I LOVE YOU TOO MANY.
Laura 02.07
My dad died about 4 months ago i still find it really hard. I cried alot at the funeral. I put on a brave face half the time when really i dont feel like smiling at all. It gets to me at night when i wish i could go and sit down with my whole family like we used to. I know things will get easier but what ive been through is going to be with me fir the rest of my life. Its never going to be the same again. Its taught me that lifes to short and you have to live your life to the full.
Kayleigh 02.07
I know a lot of people have experienced the loss of a human very close to hem but what about us who hve experienced the loss of a pet? They are family members all the same and I am still overwhelmed by grief by the death of my precious feline angel, Codey, who was hit by a car on Nov 5th 2006 at 11:30am. It hurts so much and he was only nearly 4 years old. I don't mean t sound harsh or unkind or disregard a person who has lost a human close to them as I know that it hurts a lot too. (I am lucky enough to not have experienced a close human being recently). It just seems that people who have lost a pet seem to be told that it is "just an animal". Codey was not just an animal...he was my baby.
(anon) 02.07
My dad died in mid October last year, he was diagnosed with Cancer early september. He had always been a reasonably healthy and active man. I just can't believe he is gone, I am crying most days 3 months on, just looking at his picture or thinking about him upsets me, I feel like I am going mad. I miss you so much dad xx
larissa 02.07
well my life seemed nomal until 2 months ago . well my mum was sick for about 6 months and than see went to hospital she got treated for lung cancer wich than spread to her kidney and she had cemo and unfortinly died 3 weeks later.
katie 02.07
i'm 14. on the 17 november 2006 i was happy and confident. my mum was having her operation for her avm to be removed and she was soo strong and sooo happy and soo confident i just knew she was going 2 be ok.
i got home from school and me and my dad and my brother and my nan all sat round and waiting for a phone call. my dad rang at 4 oclock and they said she wasnt out of suergry yet they said the same thing at 5. and then at half 5 we got a call from the suergon. she wasnt ok. we had to get down there quick. i didnt go and nethr did my brother.
at 11:35 on the 17th of november i found out that i would never again see my mum, my best friend and the closest member of my family.
she died at 7:30 at the hospital on the 17th of november.
christmas wasnt christmas without her. and new year just wasnt a happy time =[.
at school noone understands and most people just stare because i'm that girl thats lost her mum. i miss my mum so so sooo much. more and more everyday. x
(anon) 02.07
my mom hung herself on the 9th of July 2006. she was suffering from atypical depression. i find that my zest for life has been drained out of me, and frankly, the only reason i haven't followed in my mother's footsteps is because i want to try and make it in the world. is there a cure for this feeling of uselessness i have?
(anon) 02.07
I lost my cousin very suddenly on the 22/11/06, and I feel awful I wish that he was here with me now. 'I miss you jawade, you will be in my heart forever, I will never forget you'. I hope that I will see you again one day, I miss you so so so much I really do, love you always.
Caroline 02.07
My cousin died a few moths ago and I don't know how to cope, I feel that everything is just getting on top of me and I just feel like I should of done more for him when he was alive.
Hayley 02.07
My mum died very suddenly in August 2006 of a heart condition in the car on the way back home, she wasn't ill and she didn't know she had it. What makes my mums death even harder to cope with is that I hadn't seen her for over a week because my parents had been away on holiday. I never had a chance to say goodbye. Like so many people who have lost loved ones I have hundreds of things I wish I could have said to her but mostly I wish I could have told her I loved her and will always love her.
I remember my Dad coming back home and telling me what had happened. Those first few days after it had happened were hell on earth. I have never and don't think I will ever again feel so helpless and lost. My heart felt ripped out and there was nothing anyone could say to console me. The funeral passed in a blur, so so many people were there, just showing what a truly lovely lady my mum was.
Christmas has just passed and I'm now 18. Christmas didn't feel like Christmas and my birthday didn't feel like my birthday. There was a void in the house which will never be filled. I miss her laugh and her smile everyday. I miss the way you used to tell me off for being cheeky. I'd give anything to see her, hear her, touch her and kiss her one last time. Sometimes I even have this in my dreams, if only it was real.
I will always love you mum, nothing can change that. I will miss you everyday with every beat of my heart. I'll treasure my memories of you forever, no-one can ever take them away. I don't know why you were taken from us, I just hope you are happy wherever you are now.
Untill we meet again one day,
All my love forever, Hayley xxx
Holly 02.07
My dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer a year ago, though they think he;d had it for years. He lead an extremly active life and even had my little sister 4 years ago. He fought so hard against it all and the doctors couldnt believe how determined he was. We all set targets for him to meet. The next one would have been my graduation. I cant believe he is not going to be there. He died in Auguest 2006. I am 22 and have noticed other people my age with the same situation and I just want to say that this site is a life saver! I miss my dad everyday and all I can do is hold my head high and be proud to have been a part of his life. Uni is hard now as it takes twice as long to do stuff as before, but I still want that first!! xxHxx
(anon) 02.07
im am 14 and bak on july 10th 2006 i lost my dad to suicide! wen i went to see my dad in his coffin i shook him as i coudlnt accept he was gone, the day after was his funeral and i couldnt stop cryin, a close teacher went to his funeral and she told me to ring her. since my dad has left i hav had to move and about 2 weeks after he had gone my mum told me she had a new partner and wen i went to see my dads bruver i found out that she was seein him in the february and my dad killed himself coz of it.
(anon) 01.07
My Grandad died in July. I thought things would be better by now and they are not. Everything has gone wrong. I hate uni, my Nanna is predenting she is okay, but she misses him too. There is something everyday that reminds me of him. He loved xmas and this is possibly the worst time of the year to be without someone you love and who was such a massive part of your family. I prentend to be okay, because I'm scared that if I'm not my whole family will fall apart...
Abbie 01.07
My Dad died just over 3 months ago.
He took his own life, but it was only because he was in so much pain.
I was only 14 when it happened, starting all my GCSE's.
It's been the hardest thing in the world & i'm not coping properly.
x
vicky 01.07
im 17 and my mum died unexpectedly on augast the 24th of this year she was my best freind we were so closs we were on the same wave length we liked the same thigs we had the same morrals, and she told me she loved me all the time and she showed it so much and now she has gone ....i hav no one, no one will ever love my like that again, ill never hav that unconditional love. she will never see my 18th birthday, and i wont hav my mum on my 18th, she will never see my wedding day, and i wont hav my mum on my wedding day, she will never hold her first grand chiled, and ill never hav her advice for my 1st baby, i hav been ignoring my feelings untill now and no one could understand why i was coping so well as i was the closses person to her, and now i think about it im scared cos the more i think the more i genuinly think its not possible for me to carry onn living whith out her..................i wont do it.
(anon) 12.06
my dad died 4 months ago n it still seems like yesterday. at first i cud look at pictures now i cant, i dont no why it just makes me feel angry. i miss him so much he had so much to live for n cancer took him away n am 18 so i had years with him n ma lil sis is only 4 n she will forget him n i want her to have the experiences that i had wi ma dad. i just wish he was here to tell me off n stuff like that coz since we found out he had cancer i went of the rails n wen he died it just made it eavan worser i just drink at the weekends n i always end up crying n ma m8s dont understand i think there sick of me talking about it n i think they think i should have moved on but its only bin 4 months am never gna get over it he was ma dad n a miss him so much i just wish he was ere x x x
Erin 12.06
I was daddy's little girl, and the pain I felt when he passed away in August of 2006 is undescribable. I'm 25 years old, and am dealing with the death of my father. His life could've been saved, but the hospital didn't take the neccessary steps. There is so much I will need him for, that he won't be here for. He won't walk me down the isle when I get married. He'll never meet his grandchildren. He'll never see me graduate from college(a dream of his). I miss him so much. I saw him just 6 days before he passed away, because he lived in TN and I live in FL. At that point everything was going to be ok. But it wasn't, and now he's gone...
xxx 11.06
my boyfriends dad died on my boyfriends birthday he was on his way to give him his present and he had a crah on his motorbike and its been really hard for me. x
Susan 11.06
I lost my brother, Michael, in July of this year, 2006. He died of cancer. My heart is broken. Every day seems like one day further away from when I last heard his voice or saw him smile. I will never understand why he got cancer. The grief is overwhelming. I miss him so much.
(anon) 11.06
My boyfriend just passed away 3 months ago. Im completely devastated heart broken and mad at life. Sometimes I feel like Im really losing it. How do you cope with something like this? I love this man with all my heart. Our relationship was absolutely amazing. It was PERFECT. Now that I don't have him anymore I'm very lost. I just don't have much motivation to move on with life. I'm stuck.
(anon) 11.06
IM A 26 YR OLD GUY. IN JULY MY DAD DIED. I MISS HIM SO MUCH. HE WAS MY ROCK, I MISS HIS LAUGH, HIS SMILE, HIS WALK. EVEN THE WAY HE SNORED,, DAD I MISS YOU. I WISH YOU WAS HERE WITH ME...MUM MISSES YOU. OH YES YOU BECAME A GRANDFATHER A FEW WEEKS AGO. MARTIN GF HAD A BABY BOY.
Fifi 11.06
My best friend died of cancer two months and eleven days ago. She was so incredible and I miss her so much. I'm very lucky - I have a lot of really great friends but no one will ever replace her. I still keep thinking I'll get a voicemail or will want to call her off the cuff. I can't believe that she's gone. To be honest I don't think she believes that she is gone. I know that she is in a better place where she isn't in pain or suffering or missing out on all the things she loved. I just wish that better place could be her with me.
irum 11.06
my dad passed away on 26th june,2006. he died all on his own in a centre. i feel lonely and upset. its nearly been 3 months ,i have been able to smile and not let things get to me... but now i am feeling my dads death. my mum would rather not see me cry or talk about it... i never accepted my dads death until i seen his grave. when i seen my dad laying in his coffin i thought it was someone else... i have accepted his death now but in the past i laughedthinking my fasmily made a mistake and my father is coming back.. but i was mistaken...i lovee u dad forever... XXXX
(anon) 11.06
6 months ago my dad died. I found him dead after four days. it was very traumatic. i love my dad so much im never gona be able to accept it. He's always in my dreams but now he is always dead and then comes back to life again. its just very sad. Whenever i dream about him i sleep for hours and hours and hours..i know it sounds stupid but i need to spend as much time as i can with him, even if its only in my dreams, and even if they're disturbing. I justt can't believe me dad has gone. I dont want to accept it. I need my dad.
sammie 11.06
I lost my best friend in August due to cancer, she was only 15, it is really hard accepting that she has, gone and in May this yr I also lost my nanna, people around me seem to be dying and I dnt know why. I hate to think who may be next because I can't seriously cope properly and loseing someone else will throw me off the rails!! I love u both xxxxxxxxxxxx
heather 11.06
when my nana died on the 9th of september 2006 it really hurt me lots because i was not there and i really miss her but now everything is getting worse my mum and dad are splitting up and i dont want my nana to think its her fault i miss her lots and i wish i could see her again.
xxkellyxx 11.06
my mum died on the 7th july 2006 i miss her soo much i feel rele empty since shes gone. she was a big part of mine my two sitas and my brothers life and now shes gone we have 2 live wiv ma dad. he gambles n is jus a dead loss he doesnt understand how we feel. lyk 2 weeks after mum passed away and he tried to throw some of her stuff out... the things he does annoy me 2 the extreme n ill always no he caused ma mum 2 much stress. she deserved soo much better than him.. i luv u mum n i hope that im a part of u that will always carry on coz as iv alredy said u mean the world 2 me. i wish i cud no that how u r but until then ill prey that ur ok. its my sisters 18th 2morow n i no ull b thinkin of her as we will of u. wen things go right i get happy coz i no theyll make u proud. im always proud of u n i live now 2 make u proud xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Erin 11.06
It's been a little over 3 months since I lost my Benny in a motorcycle accident... The days don't seem to get any easier and the pain doesn't seem to fade. Till this day I still find myself thinking that he's going to walk in the door and wake me from this nightmare I've been living. Don't get me wrong... I do believe that there is a God and that he has a master plan for us all, yet I can't help but wonder why he took away my happiness. For the short time I had him in my life I knew what it felt like to be completely happy. That is something that I thank God for every single day because not all of us get to experience it in this lifetime. Who knows what the future holds. All I know is that my Angel is home and one day I will be up there with him again!!! I miss him like crazy, but I know he is with me everywhere I go... YOU HAVE BEEN THE ONE FOR ME BENNY!!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER!!!
emma 11.06
nearly 6 months ago i lost my beautiful boyfriend and not a day has gone by when i havent thought of him or begged him to come back. i still dont believe hes dead and why should i, he was only 19, he died in a moterbike accident because an illegal immigrant pulled out infront of him. i love him so much and just wish he was here, i want to do all the things we talked about.
god why would you want to take him away from me??? it wasnt his time.
baby please come back to me, i need you so much....... luv u loads
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx RIP CHRIS xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
KELSEY 11.06
MY DAD DIED WHEN HE WAS 36 HE DIED TUESDAY 4th APRIL 2006. MY MUM AND MY LITTLE SISTER HER NAME IS ALYSHA SHE IS 6 I AM 8. MY DAD DIED WITH A ILLNESS CALLED BRAIN HEMERG IT`S WHEN BLOOD COMES OUT OF YOUR BRAIN FIRST HE WAS SICK THEN A FRIEND PHONED FOR A ANBOLANCE AND HE DID`NT NOW WHO HE WAS HE DID`NT NOW THAT MY MUM WAS HIS WIFE AND ME AND MY SISTER WAS HIS DAUGHTERS. THEN HE FEL INTO A DEP SLEEP AND DIED HIS FAVOURIT SONG THAT HE THORT HIM AND MY MUM WHET TOGETHER WAS CALLED DON`T WON`T TO CLOSE MY EYES IT IS SO UPSETING I THINK BEFORE HE DIED HE SAID HE LOVED US AND GIVE US A KISS AND SAID BYE.
(anon) 11.06
My dad died nearly four months ago, on 28/6/06. Today is my 22nd birthday and I cant believe he's not here with me.I miss him so much I cry every day. He had metastatic prostate cancer and I watched him suffer for months. We were so close and I dont know how im going to spend the rest of my life without him.
(anon) 11.06
my mum died in augast its the worst thing that cud of happend she was amazing and young she just fell dwn the stars the wrong way.
charlotte 11.06
i have known my stepgrandad all my life and suddenly in auguest this year he died of cancer it hit me really hard and life became much worse after i couldnt stop crying and he isnt their to talk to he was a great person and i loved him so much i cant get over the fact that he will never be there to see or talk to him again and even worse i was never able to say goodbye.
stacy 11.06
i lost my boyfriends mum on the 13th june this year very suddenly, she went in for a hysterectomy we were told she was recouvering fine but then she colapsed and didnt respond to CPR i was the last person to see her alive and i wish there was something i could have done but we later found she died from internal bleeding. Because i was in care she was the only real mother fogure i had, moving from house to house her home was always open for me. Evan though me and daniel are now just good friends i still miss his mum and wish she was here. Her house amde me feel so safe and i could tell her anything. I cant seem to cope very well and i cant accept that shes not here anymore evan though i saw her being lowered into the ground i need her around to share me secrets with again and be the mum ive always wished for!
Jodie 11.06
My bestest friend ever died 5 months ago.
(anon) 10.06
My best friend died just over 4 months ago and it kills me every day.
Teresa 10.06
My Dad died on June 28, 2006 after my sisters and I decided to take him off life support. The day before Father's Day my dad had a motorcycle accident, they think he had a stroke while riding down the highway. For 10 days my family and I sat at his bedside and then the doctors told us he was brain dead. After hearing this news I never went back into my dad's room. I wish now I would have. I wasn't even there when they shut the life support off, I did not want to watch my Dad die. I feel guilty now for not being there.
Jess 10.06
My Dad died just over two months ago of cancer of the lungs that spread. He had had cancer before 2 years ago and was given the all clear. He was so unlucky that he got it twice. He was only 42. He was only diagnosed 5 weeks before I just can't cry and i don't know why i just feel numb i know i should but i can't i just don't want to live at home anymore, it's a constant reminder. I feel really bad that i can't cry but i've learnt that there are other way of expressing your emotions than crying and just remembering the good timesliving through a parent having cancer one is bad but twice is the worst thing in the world.
(anon) 10.06
my dad died from cancer just over 2 months ago and it hasnt really sunk in the only time i cry is when am drunk and that is every week. i think the worst part of him dieing was watching him go from a strong man to someone so weak.
sophie 10.06
i was in technology 1 day when 1 of my close friends come in and talks to the teacher and then starts to cry so i run over and the teachers face goes whyt n eyes fill up i sey to sophie my friend are u oki she seys dat reanne passed away yesterday so me and sophie have a hug and a cry all day and then at the end of school evry yr 9 student nerli was cryin we had an assembli abwt her n i was cryin so badly but nw shes okie in heaven she was 14 n died of a heart transplant she ad 3 month to live or she cud have a risk and ave the transplant she was runnin of a plastic heart bcz her real 1 had holes in n she choose to af the transplant n she had it dun n den after it the heart refused her body !!:O cryy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx r.i.p reanne i luf u lowds so dus evry yr 9 luf yew lwods mwa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx r.i.p.
lauren 10.06
i am 17 and lost my dad to cancer on the 31st of may this year (06). he told me on the sunday that he had cancer of the pancreous, he was so positive that he could fight the disease that i believed he could i never believed he would die for one second. i went to visit him on the following friday to suprise him and found him completely out of it, with nurses there. they told me it was the morphine and left me alone with him to wait for an ambulence for 6 hours. he died on the wednesday morning. although i visited him in hospital every day i never got to say goodbye as he did not know who i was. i love him and miss him and feel i should have some how helped him. i just want to see him again and see his face light up when he smiled at me. I love you dad you will be in my heart forever and i will never forget you.
Melissa 10.06
Well, right now I am 23 years old. I have lost both my parents and then my aunt who raised me afterwards, just recently passed away. I came to this site to talk with other people who have gone through the same things and get some help.
Lizzie 10.06
My grandad died, I don't know when or why. No one will tell me, I'm too scared to ask. I felt really angry and I want him back.
Bree 08.06
My boyfriend died on June 22nd. He was in a horrible car accident. I have lost my love, my everything. I dont think its actually hit me that he is really gone. im not sure i will ever get over it.its only been 3 months but i try to remember the good times and i know he would want me to move on. But can u really? i went to his grave and it was really hard. How can something that lasted that long be over in the blink of an eye?
Kassy 08.06
I really miss my gran. I pray for her every day. I really miss her and can't believe she gone. It happenned so suddenly. I wish I could have her back.
very sad 08.06
My nan died about 3 months ago. She had been in a coma since august and came out of the coma in december, she was finally allowed home in january. We all thought she was getting better and improving but then one day she just suddenly stopped breathing. She died on the 8th June 2006. My family reacted badly and i kept it inside , itwas eating away at me so i decide to self harm and it released my anger and upset. In july i told my form tutor and he helped me realise i had to go the funeral to help me deal with the grief. Going definately helped and now my life is starting to get back to normal and i hardly self harm anymore.
Julia 08.06
My dearest sister died half a year ago and i still dont really believe it. She was only 20, young and absolutely gorgeous, with long silky hair and blue eyes. Many people told us she was a real beauty. Now i think many were jelous und now are satisfied. I want them all to die. and.....die myself.
(anon) 08.06
Tomorrow marks three months and I still can't believe he's gone. I don't think I ever truly got over the initial shock. The hardest part is realizing you'll never be able to tell him all that you left unspoken. My boyfriend was killed in a car accident on his way home from work. It was just a few minutes down the street, it hurts to know how close he was to making it home to me. The last words he spoke were to his co-worker as he was getting into his car, he said he just wanted to get home to me.
Craig 08.06
My best friend Stuart died 6 months ago. We had grown up with each other, he lived 4 doors away. He was diagnosed at the age of 10 with diabetes on Christmas Day 1996. We were living at University together. I was at home for the weekend and he died at our uni house on his own because he didnt have enough sugar in his body. It is so hard to cope sometimes. Anger, sadness, regret are just some of the emotions. He lives everyday through me. He was unhappy at times, even though he was the perfect specimen that modern society looks up to. Live your life lighthearted and happy, to the fullest, because it may be one of your friends writing about you and speaking at your funeral at an unfortunate and unexpected time.
max 08.06
my dad died about 3 months ago at the age of 55 im 17 and recently not in school, we found out my dad was sick in oct 2005 he had a liver disese we didnt know how bad he really was untill april he went into the hospital and never came back i never even got to say goodbye i love my dad more than anything i miss him so much. after my dads death i stoped going to school and ended up not passing my senior year. im numb inside i cry everynight , id give anything to see him 1 more time and just to say goodbye, it seems its just getting harder and harder i dont know how much longer i can deal with this pain.
julie 08.06
I lost my mom 3 months ago. My life will never be the same. I never thought she would die, not my mom. She battled for 4 1/2 years and I believed she had won. How naive I was. When the cancer came back, it came back with a vengence. We were drowning and we didn't even know it. We never gave up on her and never believed that death was an option. I watched her die and I still don't beleive she's gone. She IS my everything, my famlies rock. What will we do. Everyday I wake up and realize it is another day without my mom. My heart aches for her. I will never see her again on this earth, death is so final. She will not see my kids grow up, she didnt even see my baby turn one. I don't want to hear that she is in a better place. A better place is with her family. I am angry! I am Hurting! I want to know how to help my dad-her husband of 43 years. This happens to other people, not to my family.
(anon) 08.06
just over 2 months ago my grandad died. He was diagnosed with cancer in April and told he had 6 months to live. He died little over a month later. i can't really accept it. He was more like a father to me than my actual father is. I still can't quite believe it. I can forget it and go about my everyday life, but every so often it hits me and it feels like being punched in the stomach. It knocks the breath out of me. All through this I've had to be strong, hold myself together, for the sake of grieving relatives, but I'm not sure how much longer I can do that. I've never lost anybody I loved before. It shatters you from the inside out.
laura 07.06
my mum died a couple of months ago and i am still very sad every night i lay in bed thinking i can hear her voice.
(anon) 07.06
my best friend was killed in a car accident 3 months ago. Id fallen out with her over £20 a few days before. £20. what the HELL is that??? it was just another stupid little tiff we had! as i sit here with tears rolling down my face, im struggling to cope with not having her here anymore - we were meant to grow old and grey together. I honestly dont know what im gonna do. I miss her more than I can ever put into words and Ive give ANYTHING to have her here to cuddle me. I sit and think of the memories but I cant help but cry, im making myself ill and I know it but I cant stop wishing she was here. I dont know what to do.....
Britney 07.06
Hi everyone,
I am new at this and my dad had just died of a heart attack 2 months ago so id thought id give this a try. My dad died of a heart attack he was 36 and. All I remember is being at the mall with my mom and lil brother and getting that terrifing phone call from my grandmother (my dads mom) I remember running through the mall to get to the car and drive to my grandmothers as fast as possiable. I feel so alone I talk to him everynight I think I am finally coming to reality and knows he is not coming back. I cry almost everynight befor I go to sleep. I am only 16 and my brother is only 12. I feel like god took him away to soon for us to do anything. Please if anyone whos how i am feeling write me back.
Wheeler 07.06
i lost my dad 27 th march 2006. one if his friends came into the house and found him lying there still he had a heart attack.People tell me it gets better it has been nearly 4 mounths and i still feel the pain he died and he should be restting in piece but people want his money i feel sick with them.
(anon) 07.06
i had known my best friend since we were babies. we were always at the same school and always inseperable. she was the only person who accepted me for who i am. she was smart, beautiful, athletic, and didn't care what anybody thought of her. she passed away in january of this year from a brain tumor. i've felt numb ever since. none of my friends ever bring it up unless i start talking about her. half of my heart died with her and i don't think i'll ever be the same.
haydee 07.06
MY OLDER BROTHER WAS MURDERED IN FRONT OF MY MOMS HOUSE THEY WERE REALLY AFTER A GUY HE KNEW BUT WHEN THEY STARTED SHOOTING AT THEM HE DINT GET DOWN AND HE WAS HIT,HE WAS GOING TO BE 28 YRS OLD.BUT DEATH CAME 2 DAYS FIRST. I MISS HIM VERY MUCH WE WOULD BE VERY CLOSE.I FEEL ANGER TO THOSE WHO DID THAT I ALSO WANT TO GO FAR AWAY FROM THIS STATE.
(anon) 07.06
my mum died 3 months ago, she had heart problems and she would always go in and out of hospital, but she would always cme out fine agian, so like every other time i thought she would come out to be fine again. but this time she was weak and losing so much weight and she could no longer fight it. i miss her soo much she was the only person i was ever close to. she loved me sooo much everything she did was all for me, she use to cry because she use to think she was a burden on me because of her illness. nw shes gone i feel so empty and lonely. most of all i feel so guilty, i feel like i should have done more for he so she was happy. its like my worst nightmare has come true and i keep asking myself, why take my mum...im only 18 years old and i need her so much i want her to be here with me
Bobbi 07.06
I went away to college. My father and I fought a lot. I got the news that he died. I was by myself. I miss him so much. This was in February. I don't know how to cope with this...it hurts so much.
Lozarus 07.06
A friend i met five years ago died just afer christmas of heart faliure. he was the most unique charachter ive ever met, allways had a smile on his face which in turm made those around him happy. at his funeral i was supprised to see hundreds of his freinds, many who i didnt know and i suppose i felt glad and upset all at the same time. glad that i had 5 years of memmories with him and sad that there was so much more that i never got the chance to find out about him. ''rest in weed big fella, catch you later dude...''
(anon) 07.06
my dad died suddenly in april i cannot believe that he has gone and i am finding it really hard to cope as me and my mum were quite close before and now she cant stand me and we argue all of the time.
(anon) 07.06
I've recently l | 
