personal

One to two months

Megan, June
my dad died a couple of months ago and ive been finding it really hard. sometimes i think i want to die. then other times i think he was a good man and now hes in peice.
my school nurse helped me by giving me a leaflet for this site.
it helped a little but its still going to be hard for a couple more months i miss him alot and he will never be forgoten r.i.p dad x

From RD4U:
We are sorry to hear of the death of your dad. It is good that you have posted a message.

We have a Young People's Freephone Helpline on 08088081677 which is open from 930am to 5pm Monday to Friday. There is also another good Helpline called Childline on 0800 1111.

If you want to see one of our bereavement support workers details of our branches are on our website www.cruse.org.uk

ANGE, June 2009
ON THE 24 OF THIS MONTH I LOST MY MAM SHE DIED OF A STROKE BUT ALSO HAD LUNG CANCER I MISS HER SO MUCH TWO YEARS PREVIOUS I LOST MY MOTHER IN LAW 54 AND BROTHER IN LAW AGED 37 MY LIFE HAS CHANGED SO MUCH ITS LIKE SOMEBODY TOOK MY LIFE AND SMASHED IT INTO A THOUSAND SPLINTERS I TRY TO GO ON FOR THE SAKE OF MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND THREE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN BUT ALL THIS HAS MADE REALISED THAT THE WORLD CAN BE A UNFORGIVING CRUEL PLACE AND ALTHOUGH I DONT WANT TO IT LEAVES ME ASKING WHY US WHY TAKE EVERYONE IN SUCH A SHORT SPACE OF TIME. I NEVER FELT PAIN LIKE LOSING MY MAM MY HEART ACHES REAL PAIN NOT ONLY FOR ME BUT FOR HER GRANDKIDS WHO SHE ADORED WHAT I WOULD NOT GIVE TO LOOK BACK AND SEE HER FOR JUST A MOMENT SINGING THEM TO SLEEP LIKE SHE USED TO I MISS YOU SO MUCH I CANT SAY I LOVE YOU MAM EACH DAY LIKE YOU WERE STILL ON EARTH

Woo, 11 May 2009
I've lost my girlfriend dash dearest friend about 2 months ago from a fatal car accident. We were in love for three and a half yrs caring for each other just like any other couples would do. She was my life and I was hers as well. We will alway love each other no matter what. I miss you Hana!!!

justine, April 2009
my experience is just lost my mum at age of 14 years old

BRISZU, April 2009
About two months ago my boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident. Life has been turned upside down and I know it'll never be the same. Even thought sometimes I feel guilty for living, keeping busy is the only thing keeping me going. ... And occasionally aimlessly staring at the TV or taking long drives. The numbness helps as do the laughs through the tears.

No name, March 2009
my dad died just 8 weeks ago, i am the youngest of 5, and i was there with him until his final breath, my mum died 11 years ago and suffered depression 8 after that which i am scarced that its going to start all over again

No name, March 2009
My dad died a month ago. It was very sudden and I am not sure how I am supposed to carry on. I no he would want me too, but some days I just want to stay curled up in bed and never come out.
I can't do that, I need to work to pay rent. I need to find a job, coz I was doing contract work before and that has finished. I don't no what to do! I want to be able to do what i want not what i need to do!

No name, March 2009
me nan died last jan i used to live with her on weekends ever realy thought she would have cancer agen like but anyway thats life now i drink and cant get off it i get in trouble all the time and im anger gettin worse

Lisa, February 2009
My dad died last month. I think about him everyday with all the usual suspects following me...anger, regret, denial, sadness, acceptance.
I miss him, if only to say goodbye.

scotty, 23 February 2009
it has been five weeks and it has fallen on me like a ton of bricks and feels like yesterday

No name, 16 February 2009
I am only 10 years old in fifth grade and my dad died at work on his 41st birth day and I had the best day at school that day and my aunt picked me up from the bus stop and she told me that I wasnt going to my grandmas today like I was planning. when I walked in the door I saw my mom who looked like she had been crying and I said is something wrong? she said, "Sit down by me for a minute." thats when I knew something was wrong. " you know how daddy hasnt been feeling good?" I said, "yes." "daddy passed away." Thats when I started screaming, "No!,pleas tell me that this is a joke!!!" I dropped to the floor screaming,"nooooooooooooooooo!!!" It is going to be the worst thing i will ever have to go through. It has been just over a month, yet I still cry off and on, and I still dont think its fair. I feel your pain

Kazz, 5 February 2009
I lost my nan on the 5th January 2009. A Month ago. She went a few hours before my 17th birthday and it's ver hard to come to terms with. People don't understand how i feel. They think i am over it as it's been a month but i'm not. It still feels like yesturday. I miss her so much.x

kirstie H
i lost my mam almost 2months ago .2 days b4 she passed away i went 2 the hospital 2 c her and even tho the place we wer in woz no place 4 arguments . she was telling me of 4 nt being in college so i told her that she mre important it woz so horrible the lst words i sed 2 her nd nw i regret them so so so much nd im just wishing i never sed those evil words 2 her . i miss incredibly so much she woz my hero nd friend nd id do nefing 2 have her bk .i love u mum always did always will. if any of u's wana chat sumtime hope 2 hear frm u all sumtime . take care .

kirstie, January 2009
MY name is kirstie .ive just lost my mam recently well actually it was only a week before xmas and the day she died i was there with her holding her hand ....when the machine started beeping i went all pale and started shouting at the docs to bring her back , and dnt let her go . i could not believe id just lost the one main person of my life and now i feel my life as ended ........i knw its easy 4 ppl 2 say life goes on .but 4 me my life as stop atm i dnt want to move unless my mam was here and now in 6months ive got 2 turn 18 without my mam being here 2 have a laugh nd have a few drinks with me .i remember her face when she saw my tattoo she flipped out on me .but before she died she began to like it . and i was happy .now im designing my nxt tattoo which is guna b a memorial 1 for my mam .

helene, 24 January 2009
My dad died on the 4th December 2008 and I miss him so much. It has been about a month and a half and it doesn't get easier, but everyone around me won't talk about it anymore and it makes me feel like I should be 'over it' now. None of my friends understand and are avoiding me and I feel really alone

No name, 27 November 2008
my dad stop seeing me and my sister en we was 6&8 as his not a very nice man & now my mum just passed away. the only thing left in our lives who brougth us up on her own then early hours bout 2:00 am 28 days ago we found our mum in bed with foam in her mouth &unable 2 wake her up. she was cold we dunna cpr on her till the paramedials come ...
i thougth she was gonna be ere 4 ever & wacth me grow up ,,im 15 & ive got a yoinger sister 13 .x

heather, 22 November 2008
my best friend died in a car accident a month ago. why wan't i with her? we did everything else together. she was 16, four days younger than me. the world has lost a superstar. the hardest part is knowing that her parents feel even MORE pain. is that possible? it is. and what do you say to the parents of only two kids, whose only daughter is now gone? i love you bryn. maybe they'll see this. and maybe they will find some sort of comfort. God knows i cant face them right now.

Jack, 20 November 2008
mum died 2 months ago. i start crying at the silliest of moments, when i see something she used to love, or her favorite flavour milkshake.
i dont understand how other people get upset about the silliest of things. i feel like hitting them. they dont truly understand what its like to feel sad.

rose, 31 October 2008
my grandad died of cancer on saturday 15th september.

No name, 24 September 2008
my dad died a month ago. wow that feels loke such a long time ago and just yesterday all at once. he was sick for a few years and i think i got used to him always pulling through. i didnt think he was really going to die. he had lost so much weight and looked so different whe he died sometimes i look at pictures of him before he got sick and wonder if the man in the picture is the same person, if maybe that happy healthy man is still out there somewhere.i try not to think about all the time.but i miss him so much.its so hard to just not have someone so loved around all of a sudden. i dont know what to do.

jodie, September 2008
i lost my own baby 1 month ago i feel like ive let her down and that im useless

Cathy, 4 September 2008
My dad died August 6th 2008..The worst day of my life he had been sick for about 7 weeks we were told it was pneumonia turned out he was full of cancer. We found out on a monday he was gone 2 days later. Although we were all there and got to say how much we loved and told him we'd meet again some day. It doesn't help, my heart hurts so bad and the emptiness is horrible he was my best buddy. I met him everyday for coffee and then for lunch. Just looking at his picture tears me up...I love him soooo much it hurts.
What I want to know can he hear me talking to him? Does he know how much he's missed?
It feels like I am stuck in a bad nightmare wanting to wake up and talk to him again.

No name, 8 August 2008
My ex-boyfriend died about a month ago. It's been really hard. We weren't broken up very long, and we had spent over 4 years together. I try to be as normal as possible but there isn't a second I'm not thinking about him. I try to talk to him and it helps knowing he's around me. All I can do is share the great stories we had together and show how much he was loved. As much as I want to be with him now I will wait my turn, and I will wait patiently till we are reunited in heaven. RIP Sweetheart.

Tootss, July 2008
My Nan Died recently about 6 weeks ago and i cant get my head around that she is dead . i dont no what to do . she was my best friend and sum1 i could always go and talk to . she died while she was on holiday and i didnt get to say bi ... i no she luvs me like everyone tells me and i love her to . but that styll doesnt come to how much i miss her and want her back sometimes i feel like killing myself but my nan wouldnt want that she wants me to be happy and i want to make her proud but i dont no if she knowz how much i miss herr ....x

Chelsey, 28 June 2008 :
My Gran died May 2008, i'm finding it really hard to cope as we were so close and i don't really know what to say in this :S

sophie, 10 June 2008
my mum tragically died on may 16th

Hannah, 25 May 2008
I lost my friend Donna a month ago. I am so proud of her! For the majority of her life she battled with ilness but never let it pale her by. She was so funny and loved her cuddles! Dons, I love you! You were amazing!
XxXx We love Argos!

Megan, May 2008
My Grandad died on the 8th april 08 suddenly. Me, my older cousian and my little sister and my mum was with him when he died. we all miss him like mad. But we know he knew we all love him. miss you grandad
xxx

jay, March 2008
my brother died aout a month and a alf ago i dont no how to take it cause im just tryin to be my self and when im laying there under the stars i see his face looking down on me smiling. id give anything to have him ack not only were he my brother but he were the best friend i always had he always were there for me when i got down or into trouble he never turnt me away e always listend to me cause he were just simply the best bloke that anyone could ask for i miss drinking with him in the pub or going out together i just miss everything we did even fight with each other. but now i fell so lost hurt and i just really dont no how to ake it it just does not seem to sink in and is there anyone out there that could help me in this situation

Carole, March 2008
My dad died 4 weeks ago, very suddenly in hospital. The Coroner was involved and an inquest opened as to to the cause of death, and 4 weeks on my mam and I don't know what happened. It is very hard trying to 'move on' and I feel so angry with the lack of care he recieved in hospital that I have filed a complaint. I am the only child of my mam and dad who survived, my siblings all died pre-birth so have a very close bond with my parents, especially my dad who I cry for every day. I know in time it will get easier, but my life feels so empty without him.

Archive of messages up to the end of 2007