personal

days

Debbie 6 May 2013
My friend died 3 days ago and i am devastated. He was 42years old. My mum died last may and i am still missing mum so much my friend neil helped me on my bad days and now hes gone. I love you mummy. Plz take care of neil. And tell him i love him. X x x x x x x

No name 11 January 2013
My cousin, Sammii, died 4 days ago (1/6/2013). He over dosed on Heroin. His 17th birthday was coming up. I just turned 15 not too long ago. He'd been getting into trouble with drugs about a year back, so his mom sent him to live with his dad in Texas. She thought it would help him. Instead he got worse(dropping out of school, stealing, drinking, ect.) I didn't find out that stuff until about a month ago. I didn't call to check up on him because after he left we kind of stopped talking. And now I regret it so much. I cried for the first two days straight. But now I'm just bitter. I've always been sarcastic, but now every time I open my mouth it seems like I'm hurting people. I can't help it. And I'm just so angry.Angry at myself for not calling. Angry at him for taking those stupid drugs. I hate him for doing that to himself . . . but the crazy thing is, yesterday when I walking between periods at school, these guys started hooting and called me over, i knew one of them, so I went. And when they asked me to ditch and smoke some weed, I didn't even think, I just said yes. So I got high and had a heavy make-out session with one of the guys. I know it sounds stupid, but it felt so good to forget. I came to this site because this is easier to type than to actually say.

No name 15 October 2012
my grandad died 2 days ago when he was in hospital, hes suffered with loads of different problems but miloma was his weakest. i miss him so much i wish i could just of said bye before he went.

Eve 29 February 2012
I lost my brother to suicide last weekend. He'd been saying he loved me and was sorry if he would ever hurt me. I didn't think anything of it. Then my niece was brought to our house and she ran straight to me, she's been so clingy to me it's heart braking that a 3 year old has to go through that. I wish he'd just talked to me, I could have helped him. Why did he leave us?

Emma 15 February 2012
my mum died of a brain tumor and i find it really hard to cope

Evelyn 31 January 2012
My great gran passed away last night, she was 97. I wasn't all that close to her but I loved her and I'm really sad now that she's gone. She had a heart attack shortly after Christmas and the family were told that she wouldn't live long. I hated seeing her in hospital looking around at the family like we were total strangers. R.I.P Great Gran

No name 18 January 2012
My dad died this morning. I am still in shock and cannot fully comprehend he is gone. He was a great dad, grandpa,husband and friend and the world will be at a loss because he is gone. He died 9 days after my 31st birthday. The family knew he was sick having only one kidney and that one only had partial function. Yesterday the doctors gave him six months to live, but he didn't make it 24 hours after that was said. I am hurt and I don't have anyone to blame, I just feel robbed and it's unfair to our family. My only comfort is that he died peacefully when he fell asleep, but I still want him back.

Tracy 11 January 2012
DIED TODAY THIS MORNING THE 11TH JANUARY 2012

8:30AM MUM JUST DIED ITS KILLING ME MY BIRTHDAY WAS AT 10:00 THIS MORNING AND MY GRAN DIED AT 8:30 NEW YEARS EVE 1:30 HAD A LITTLE SHOCK AS WELL THINK THE FIRE WORKS SCARED HER AND GRAMPA DIED 2 DAYS BEFORE MUST HAVE BEEN A SHOCK IT WAS 8:32 IN MORNING
ITS MAKING ME SAD IT WAS LIKE IT WAS SUPOSED TO HAPPEN AND WAS REALY SPINNIN MY HEAD IS THAT MY DAD DIED A WEEK BEFORE AND I DONT HAVE A BRO OR SIS SO I AM HAVING TO GO TO CARE NEXT WEEK NEXT DOOR WILL HAVE ME TOMORROW

From RD4U

Hi Tracy,

I was so sorry to read your message.You have experienced the losses of so many people who you loved and who were important to you in such a very short space of time. It is so understandable that your head feels like it is spinning you have been through so, so much and you are likely to be feeling like you are in shock or numb. Over time these initial feelings of disbelief will change, you may start to feel really angry, lonely, feel like what has happened to you is unfair and wonder why it happened to you. I want to reassure that such feelings and thoughts are completely natural. The emotions you may experience may seem overwhelming and unlike anything you have felt before and these too are normal responses to the loss of people we were close to. What is really important Tracy is that you have someone who you trust who you can talk to about how you are feeling. If you want to talk to one of our specially trained bereavement volunteers then let me know. Please keep in touch and please be kind to yourself. You are going through a lot at the moment but there are people here who will listen to you and help you.

Warmest wishes,
Alison for RD4U.

lloyd27 December 2011
My nan comes down from Liverpool for Christmas, to spend it with us (I am 15 years old)She had been VERY ill earlier in the year but got better. My brother found my nan lying on the floor a few days before christmas, she had fallen and couldn't get back up. My mum took her to the doctor the next day and we found out she had extremely low oxygen levels, and was put into hospital... We went to visit her every day, and the Christmas day came, I got up and saw my presents, but couldn't open them because my mum had to go to hospital first thing, and who opens their presents without their mum? So we waited all day, then my dad told us he had to rush to hospital because mum 'needed' him, me and my brother and grandma knew it was bad then... so we carried on waiting. My mum and dad returned several hours later... And my dad told us she had died. My nan died on Christmas Day, I didn't have a Christmas this year. I just felt like i wanted to tell somebody.

samantha, 24 November 2011
my granma died a few days ago in hospital and i feel like my heart has been broken she died with no family there with just a nurse to hold her hand,and i can never forgive myself for not being there for her as she was always there for me. it was her time, i no that she had had a good life but she did not deserve go on her own. my granma brought me up from being a baby and my mam died a few years ago when i was 20 i have no one now, i will miss her forever and just want her to no how much i love her and if i could of been there for her passing i would of without a doubt. i miss u and love u granma... always. xxx

Abby, 6 October 2011
it has been a day

No name, 4 September 2011
My best friend died last night, from a self inflicted gun shot. I just talked to him an hour before. I lost the closest friend we talked ever day. And told each other everything. God please help me. I am so lost and so heart broken. I miss him and love him. I blame my self for his death I know I could have helped him if I only know. What do I do now?

tia, 1 September 2011
my dad dies

Rosie, 30 August 2011
My lovely boyfriend died yesterday suddenly of unknown causes at his parents house in Newcastle. We lived together, but he hadn't been well lately - he'd just been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I know it wasn't suicide ad myself and several others had recently spoken to him and he was in really good spirits, and he himself had lost a friend to suicide 9 years ago and I know he would never do that to me even if he suddenly had a bad episode. He was found sitting upright at his computer. I don't know what to do. I can't bear it. I woke up crying; I've had virtually no sleep. I need to pack a bag for the funeral and take up his favourite clothes etc but I don't know how, it hurts so much I don't think I can bear it and I still don't quite believe it is true. I love him so much, we had our lives planned together. He was only 25.

kiki, 21 August 2011
my dad died august 8 2011, my mom packed us up and left august 5 2011, hed always call us every night trying to get us back, i wasnt ever close to him because he would abuse all of us...the day he killed himself he texted me asking what i wanted for my birthday since it was three days away, i cried for the first time in public when i found out, im 16 now, at first i was okie staying stronge for everyone else, but now that everyone is okie i feel like im dead inside, like all my hopes and dreams were taken the day he died. my boyfriend trys to be there but i keep pushing him away ive gotten millions of texts and emails saying sorry for my loss but it doesnt make it better, my family cant even look at me because im his daughter and he talked about me alot, everyone blames my mom and I, I'll be okie for awhile thinking this is just a vacation and ill go home and see his face again...but then reality hits and I lose it all..its difficult to lose a dad at an age where everything seems real yet fake.

From the RD4U team:
We are very sorry to hear that your dad has died recently. We hope we can help. It is good that you have posted a message for other young people to see. In addition to the message board we have a Freephone Number which is 0808081677. Another good helpline is Childline on 0800 1111. If you want to see someone from Cruse we have branches of support workers and details of our branches are here on the Cruse website. We hope this is helpful.

No name, 21 August 2011
My mom died at 3 this morning 21/8/11. I'm feelin numb, empty and like my heart has been ripped out of me, shredded and then put back.
I was only told on Friday that she had 3 wks to 3 months to live. I had my 13th b'day only last week!
Every girl needs they're mom! I feel like I can't live without her.
I'm never gonna hear her laugh, get a hug or have those girlie chats! I don't no how I'm going to survive without her! I can't even cry! Xxxxxxxx

Angela, 27 July 2011
My boyfriend committed suicide a week ago. He had been with family in a different state for about a month and I had no idea he was struggling. His family didn't know either. We've discovered after reading through his things that he may have been dealing with mental illness for quite some time. He was my best friend, my love and my life. I had been in love once before him but, it was the first time I had actually FELT love pouring into and out of me. I go from complete numbness to excruciating pain. I can only hope that one day we find each other again and can get it right.

Seana, 11 July
My Aunt Liz died on the 3rd of july...just over 8 days ago and even tho everyone around seems to be falling apart i cant seem to grieve...i only cried when her body came home and at the funeral but not since then, it feels like theres something wrong with me because in my head liz is still alive and i cant understand why everyone is getting on the way they are, i still talk about her as if shes alive but then i remember and use past tense but it hasnt affected me the way i thought it would. its making me think that i didnt love her as much as i really thought i did and this is the only thing thats worrying me, i feel like some sort of robot that cant feel anything! :(

Danielle - 23 days.
My dad die very sudden early morning on the 20th of may 2011, I was shocked, scared and confused. I was in denial, I still sometime feel like this is a nightmare and I will wake up, but I know that it really real, which why it scary. My mum told me and my four brothers and five sisters that dad's cause of death was a heart failure, we didn't expected that to come, even the doctor were shocked about it all. My dad did had prostate cancer, and he said "they wouldn't be able to move the tumour", but he was going to take drug so it will shrink, he was taking female hormone, which my dad really enjoyed.
I have been getting good advice from my family and close friends, I like to hear other advice from people with the same thing that happen to them, and see how they keep on living on, because it seem hard, but I know it happen to everyone and it a part of life.

Jo, 3 June 2011
I lost my dad on the 27/05/11 after a battle with oesophageal cancer that had spread to his liver.
I was lucky to be there at the time - but it hasnt sunk in properly - I miss you so much dad xx

Gwendoline, 31 May 2011
My step-dad died on 22/05/11 at 6am - he had terminal lung cancer and survived for 6 months and 5 days from the day of diagnoses. He changed so much in final 2 weeks - we had a lovely weekend on the 14th May, he spent 4 1/2 hours with his teenage grandson and they both had a great time - chatting. I last saw my dad on 16th May, as I left I said 'Bye' at his front door and he mumbled something and I thought for a moment of going back to ask him what he said, but I didn't. He always said bye and thanks for coming and always looked at me when I said bye at the front door but this time he didn't. He went into hospital at 5am on 17th May and was not himself, he was pumped full of drugs and very ill. He gave up his fight on 21st May and told his brother-in-law that he dint want anymore needles and he'd had enough. Mum was with him on 22nd May (she was called in) and the last thing he said was '..get me dressed I'm going to see my mum' and he was gone. I love my step-dad and I miss him so much. I feel strange as I feel okay, relieved that he isnot in pain. His cremation isn't until the 8th June and we are in limbo. I wish he was still here but without the nasty lung cancer.

Mish, 27 May 2011
Never lost anyone before. I lost my gran yesterday out of nowhere. She'd been getting frailer all year and we thought maybe she would pass before next year. But not right now. Not this soon.

She went easily, happily... but I feel I didn't do enough. Didn't hug her hard enough, didn't tell her I loved her enough.

I'm glad she went peacefully but I can't help crying when I think she won't be there to squeeze my hand and look at me like I'm the thing she's most proud of in the whole world. I should have shown her that back.

I miss her so much. I was going to visit her tomorrow. Two days and I could have said goodbye... I just missed her...

luke .h, 19 May 2011
I seen my dad die in his chair from a heart attack

Lisa, 15 May 2011
i just lost my boyfriend 3 days ago, he had a massive heart attack he was only 31 years old i don't know what to do i'm so lost and confused the funeral is tomorrow which i am dreading :( can anyone help me how to try to move on?.... he was my best friend, soul mate and the love of my life i don't think i want to go on in this world without him.
Response from RD4U team:
We are very sorry to hear of the loss of your boyfriend very recently. You say you are lost and confused and don't think you want to go on in this world without him. It is so important that you have posted this message so that other young people can reply and help. Also if you want to speak to someone from Cruse on the phone do call our helpline on 0808 167 1677. Also if you want to see someone from Cruse, details of our branches of bereavement support workers are on www.cruse.org.uk Hope this is helpful

Amelia, 25 April 2011
My mum passed away on friday 22nd april 2011, it was hard but we were all with her and now shes in a better place where she hasn't got cancer and isn't suffering, x

brooke, 7 April 2011
my grandad died.

MommasBoy, 4 April 2011
I just lost my Mom. Dad's been gone 17 years. No matter how well you get on with your parents, there will always be something you *could* have done better, I suppose. As long as you get most of the big stuff right, I think that's good enough. The counselors tell us - but how could they know? - that it's harder for us who have lost than those we have lost. I don't know. But I do know my Love for Mom and Dad is truly unbounded. That is a great feeling, even now. To anyone who may read this who is also experiencing loss, I send my Love to You. I got it from my parents, and I have plenty to give ...

kayleigh, 18 March 2011
my grandma hasnt been dignosed yet but we can all see she has cancer she cant talk she has is confused and she cant remember me but she can remember everyone else and she has only got days left before she dies

Luce, 10 Feb 2010
My grandad passed away 7/02/10 which is 3 days ago now. When I first heard the news I was sick all over myself it was such a shock. I find now the deep sadness comes and goes. I have phoned his house hoping to hear his voice again but he has gone. I know he was old but it still hurts so much and when the pain goes I feel numb for a while. I can't sleep and I cant eat. I am so tired and my body hurts. I was supposed to be going to visit him at his house today so its hard for me today. I miss him so so much. I keep looking at photos and crying.

No name, January 28 2011
I lost my girlfriend just 4 days ago. I cannot focus properly and do the things I used to enjoy anymore. All I want is to hear her speak to me, at least just one more time. Many people try and ignore this and futiley attempt to cheer me up, when it is obvious for now I just want to be left alone. Just until time heals these wounds, which I am no longer sure if it can happen.

No name, 30 December 2010
My grandad died 14 hours ago of a stroke i was there and the ambulance was to late i had to watch him die. My mum and granny were away shopping. i cant believe he is gone. I feel empty and numb i cant cry. Grandad i love you so much and i will never forget you. From your princess

No name, 19 December 2010
sitting there happily as ever,listning to christmas songs,wraping up presents,then i got the call,'grandad has been taken into hospital',i had to go up to my nan and grandads house with my mum, and when my auntie broke the news to me,i was just emotionless,felt sick,cold..its been 2days now its finally sinking in, he wasnt just any grandad though,he was like my best friend,could talk to about anything,so close,spent every christmas together,i acctually cant beleive he left us 1week before christmas,my family want me to sing at his funeral,whitch will be loverly,ever scince i have cried myself to sleep,im crying now,and everynight im going to look upo in the sky and find the brightest star out there,knowing thats my grandad and he wants me to smile,i love you so much grandad, r.i.p .. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx sleep tight xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kayla, 14 December
On Saturday the 12th of december i lost my gorgeous little sister Ella after her brave fight against meningitis and pneumonia. She was my little inspriration and will remain in my heart always. When she smiled she lit up my life, When she laughed she made me feel so warm inside and when i saw her running around in the fresh air i saw how much my wonderful little girl loved life. Love you Ella, forever and always xxxxxxxxxxxx

Matthew, 7 December 2010
Sadly my cousin casey passed away.

Brianna, 3 December 2010
My dad died last week at age 52 of a brain stem bleed. I am not coping at all. Everything reminds me of him. We havent seen each other in two years as i live in a different state, but we would talk almost every week. My last two conversations with him were awkward and brief and I regret not calling him again before he died. I keep thinking I can just call him. This is all a bad dream.

Juliet, 24 November 2010
My little brother died on the 24th November 2010. He was six years old and was in primary 2. I was taken out of school to find out and it hurts. I know it always will but I also know it wasn't my fault but I wish I had seen him in hospitable earlier. The pain will fade but it will always be there. Love you lots Angus R.I.P.

Thank you for reading my story.

Daniella, 17 November 2010
On monday night at 8:15 my auntie passed away at my nonnas house where she was staying and me and my mum were extremly upset and distaught. I am so guilty for not being at her funeral and even now am very much full of grief and despair. Just want to end my life too, to be with her, God and the angels in heaven .... xxxxxx

No name, 23 October 2010
on wednesday night i found out my dad had died. he actually died on the tuesday but the cause of death isnt certain yet. i miss you so much dad, you were like my best friend. its so wierd right now, i have so much support yet i feel so alone. i just want one last hug of you dad. i actually feel like a piece of me is missing. i love you & i always will. best dad ever!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

melissa, 15 October 2010
i lost my dad a week ago
i will never forget fir 8th oct seven in the morning my phone was ring it was mum screaming she couldnt get my dad breathing at that moment my life fell a apart i drop to the floor begging for my dad and praying with all my heart but what ever i did was not good enough as he die. confushin and shock came over me how could someone who was heathy laughing and doing shopping the day before just die in their sleep. the grife for my dad and for my children to lose their grandad was unbearable a week passed by and i still cant understand that hes not going to walk in the door and ring me about x factor this week has been heal how am i going to cope the rest of my life without my dad he was everything to me and i saw him all the time. he also left his wife, his older daughter and his 17 year old son. all i can say is its not fair how a great man was taken at the age of 55 but its so hard not to say goodbye i did everything with my dad and family how can i carrie on from that. the only thing that makes me get up in the moning is my two beautiful children but it breaks my heart to know the lose they have as well we was such a close family.

No name, 9 September 2010
my mum died when i was 13 on september 8th 2010 when she was just 40.
i loved her more than anyone in the whole world and felt lost without her.
i know now she is still watching over me telling me what to do and if im making the right decisions. she died of cancer; skin, lung,stomach and liver. she was always very strong and kept battaling on. everyone loved her at her school and are now in the prosess of putting a bench in memory of her.Im so proud of my mum and love her more than anything <3

Izzie, 9 September 2010
My Grandma died last night. I want to cry but I've used up all my tears from yesterday. I feel realy bad cuz I didn't know how old she was. I'm really sad. It's like there is a big cloud of sadness filling up my mind. I'm crying now that I'm writing this. My Mum says its good to let the tears out but its just making me sadder and sadder. Ifeel like the tears are wetting my good thoughts and making them sad. i'm not going to school today as I'm in shock and crying badly.

Annie, 8 September 2010
My Yiayia (greek for gran) died today. What upsets me most is that I never got to express my real feelings to her. I never really told he I loved her and now she's gone my heart hurts. My sister is freaking out and i can't say anything to help her. I feel so useless, my dad hasn't come home yet he's staying with his brothers and my grandpa. I had a weird relationship with my nan we were never very close, but deep inside I always loved her...and I will love her always, MY AMAZING YIAYIA!!!!

Claire, 26 July 2010
my partner died 10 days ago in a car accident.i didnt even know he had left the pub we were in together and taken the car.i have a daughter from a previous relationship and he took her on like his own.he was the nicest man that treated me like a princess he was my best friend and soul mate.i dont feel safe anymore and dont feel i have a future i want to be with him so much.My pain is physical and i dont know what to do.I just want to die.

No name, 16 July 2010
my mum died 14th july this year,the hospital staff were great.even tho it had a bad name.i was very arguementive with the staff.i couldnt help it.i wanted the best care possible.not much u can do with a msssive stroke,she struggled for breath for 4 days.everyone in family said there goodbyes on there first day.i couldnt.i kept sayen over n over n over to stay with me.i kissed n cuddled mum continually.knowing well how selfish iam being,shes holding on for me.eventually i said in er ear to go.im sick to ma guts n ragen at the top of my voice.she opend her eyes and gasped last breath.iam totally n utterly devastated.iv tried ending it.it didnt work.im trying again im not interested in all the rubbish that time is a great healer.i just want to be with ma mum,greatest person in the afterlife.dont get me wrong i know what im sayen is wrong.its wot i think she would like too.love you mum.xxxxxxx

sam, 14 July
its only been a day but all my friends and family are hear to help and that makes me feel better.

No name, 4 July 2010
My dad died a week ago, yet it still doesnt feel real. Im only 18 and my dad died really suddenly, now I feel as though I will never be whole again.

Lyn, 16 June 2010
My Mum died today. I feel empty, numb, like I am in a bottle. I can't sleep. It is now 1am and I am wide awake.

No name, 18 May 2010
My dad died 6 days ago. He was an alcoholic. I didn't realise he was so sick and hadn't spoken to him for a few weeks because he was usually drunk when we spoke so I didn't like talking to him very much. I never got to say goodbye to him. I am so angry. I am angry that his funeral didn't reflect who he was, his friends which were so very important to him didn't get a chance to talk about his rebel streak and love for life. I played 'Teenage Kicks' by the Undertones as we took the coffin out to the hearse, I think he would've liked that. I'm 22 and my brother is 17, I really feel for him as he is autistic and can't get his head around it. My dad's partner has all of his things, she said I could have some things but I didn't feel ready to take anything as in my mind its still his. But I've decided I will take a few things that are important to the family and that remind me of the good times we had.

Alexx (again), 17 May 2010
My ex-girlfriend/best friend committed suicide yesterday. I miss her more than words can describe. I spent all day crying and had to skip several lessons then passed out. I can't handle it all. See alsoAlexx's poem: I Accept

No name, 17 May 2010
My Gran died early hours of Monday moarning in her sleep, she was well and healty, the last time i spoke to her was on the phone on Saturday dinner time the last thing she said was "I Love You", she only had food poisnoning when i spoke to her. She refused to have a doctor out too her but on the last sunday she called one out, he gave her an painkiller injection and said that she should feel better in the moaring and if she did'nt then she shold she her G.P. The next day she passed away in her sleep early hours of the moarning, here illness could not be diegnosed and was un treatable.

No Name, 29 April 2010
My mum died last night, i promosed i would save her and we would get through her illness, i have let her down and know i cant ever make it up to her or change it, dont no what to do, got my dad to focus on but feel so guilty and angry for what i did not do . really dont no what to think or do

Kel, 26 April 2010
My boyfriend died on April 18, 2010. I'm a week out from his death. He was hit on his motorcycyle while coming to my house. He lived 17 days in the hospital. We talked marriage a month ago. Both divorced parents, both parents to boys who are both 6...and now here I am. Starting over.

Demi, 20 April 2010
R.I.P grandad
My Grandad died tuesday and it hurt's me to say but i love him forever for each and every day i will never forget you no matter, what anyone say's your my loving grandad piecful and kind. When i used to walk in the gate the warm welcome of your big smile yousd to be the highlight of my day i will, never forget you loving and kind gental hugs you used to give
I LOVE YOU grandad no matter what.

Alexx, 19 April 2010
Today (19th April) I discovered that my friend, Keiran, who's been dying from cancer died this morning.
He collapsed a few days ago and went into a coma. Today they decided to stop his vitals so he could die without suffering.
When my friend emailed me to tell me I couldnt stop crying and it's so unfair someone of his age (14) had to die like that. It isn't fair.

ujjaini, 5 March 2010
my cousin sister died yesterday. she was like my own sister, like my daughter. I am numb with pain, wish everything was a dream, she would come back again. I lived far away from her, wish I could stay closer to her. I love you 'ninni', I wish u come back to me as my next baby. I luv'ed u like my daughter, she will miss u , when she grows up.

anomynous, 22 March 2010
mum was diagnosed with breast cancer and during the same week dad was really ill on that thursday evening dad was taken to hospital he died on friday morning and we dont know why. im currently 13 and my sister is 10 because of mums illness we cant have the funeral for a while yet because she is going in for her operation soon. im scared that i could not only lose my dad but also my mum

No name, 10 March 2010
My 2 year old cousin died unexpectedly 6th March 2009. I miss him every day, there was no reason for his death its so hard

Carys, 25 February 2010
my dad died of cancer 2 days ago (1 week exactly after my 15th birthday)and his funeral is next week and i really dont know how im going to cope. I have been crying almost nonstop since i found out and i dont think i will ever get over it. I love you daddy and i know you are looking down on me from heavan.I will never ever forget you and I will always be your little girl. xxxxx

Olivia, 21 February 2010
Hi
My grandad died of olg age and I was soo sad! I cried at his funeral and now coming to think of it its sad but im going to my mumys mates tonight so that will cheer me up!
Olivia xxx

sam, 21 February 2010
grandmother has died

Suzie, 26 January 2010
My mum died 9 days ago (17th jan), 4 days before my 20th birthday. She took her own life, and did so in quite a horrible way i keep imagining it. I feel about a thousand different emotions a day, sometimes i feel sad, angry, jelous (of other people who don't feel the pain i'm in and still have their mums), i feel scared, helpless, lonley. It's mentally exhausting. I can't believe she is gone, and sometimes try to pretend she hasn't gone and that she's at home when i'm out, but i come back and she's not here. I'm scared to live my life although everyone tells me I have to make the most of my life as its 'what she would have wanted'. People think they know how it feels, the don't. My friends try to tell me things but they have no idea. It is something I have never experienced before and I am just longing for the day I feel okay. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere, i'm scared. My mum was my best friend and i'm so upset that i don't have her around to chat to, go shopping with or just be around. I have to be the adult I am now, do everything on my own. But i'm scared and I just want her here. I know it will take time but I just want to see her and tell her I love her and have a cuddle. I know it wasn't her fault she suffered with depression and now she is free of pain. But it's so hard.

No name, January 2010
I am 14 years old. My mum died 3 days ago after losing her 10 year battle with breast cancer. I feel like a hugepart of me is missing because we were always so close.
I will always remember you mum and you will be in my heart forever.
miss you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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