personal

days

No name, 30 August 2008
so sorry
Today I got a phone call from an old friend who I have not talk to in a while. He just called me to tell me that my old friend died. I was speach less however, I could not cry all I felt was a sharp pain in my chest and I can't believe it. I still can't believe it. The way he died was terrible too hes car fell of a bridge on the freeway. I'm so sorry and i hope were ever you are you are in peace.

Jane, 29 Aug 2008
My beautiful daughter Kate died this morning.
16 years old
she had the world at her feet
marvellous GCSE results
i just dont know what to do
my husband and I are completely lost. i couldnt have children and she was my miracle baby. she had complained for about 2 yrs of feeling ill and sick with headaches. i would never have imagined that today she would collapse and never wake up. i dont believe she had a tumour. i wish i could have said goodbye before i left for work but i didnt want to wake her. if i had she might have been alive now.
i am so sorry baby
i will be with you soon. dont be scared
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jane, perhaps you would like to call our Helpline on 0844 477 9400 which is open from 930am to 5pm Monday to Friday and also email helpline@cruse.org.uk so we can suggest various ways of helping you at this tragic time - Helpline Team

No name, 26 August 2008
my mum died, i died

Saz, 8 August 2008
Hi my dad died 8 days ago. I hadn't spoken to him for 6 years and had written a letter to him saying I hated him. I've had so much to deal with from my dad, and I only hated him because I loved him. I feel so guilty.. I don't know whether he kept the letter or not, and I don't know if he knew how much it aches not to have told him I loved him too.
I feel sad that he couldn't be the father I needed, and angry that he chose not to do the one thing that would have changed my mind. But most of all, i feel guilty that I feel sad. It feels like I have no right to. It feels hypocritical. I know I have to make my peace with him now, but I feel like I'm not welcome to.

No name, 6 August 2008
My dad died today. I checked on him and thought he was asleep. We were never the closest of father son relationships but had a good link. I am in shock I think because he went from good health to death in 4 days. I don't know how to feel. My mum died 18 months ago and I learnt not to feel guilty when you don't react in a TV, crying and screaming style. This is how it is. React in your own time and grieve in your own time. There is no ned to force the tears. they will come. Hope this helps one person.

No name, 3 August 2008
My dad died three days ago, from cancer. He was diagnosed less than a week ago. I can't imagine going on without him, and it hasn't sunk in that he won't ever come home again. I miss him so much and just want to talk to him and tell him how much I love him.

kevin, 25 July 2008
My grandma died on 25 july 2008 after a stroke.
I didn't have much emotion when my mum told me.
I didn't want her to see me cry because it would have made things worse for her
My mum is strong tho and having a big family around us makes a difference.
I know my grandma is in a better place and that I will see her again in heaven.

W, 4 July 2008
Hi...well..my girlfriend died two days ago, 02/07/08. I'm still feeling pretty lost at the moment. We had only really been together 3 months but it was a relationship with so much more than any other i have ever had.
She had been in hospital for days and seemed to be on the mend, the only worrying effect being her memory loss, the fact that she couldn't remember who any of us were or even who she was.
I helped her along the way with that, writing down everything she had ever told me about her life and family history. She told me that although she couldn't really remember me, she felt strangely drawn to me over anyone else and she knew that i loved her and felt so much love inside for me.
One hour before she died she asked me to marry her because "life is too short"....i said yes, it would be an honour to marry such an amazing person, to spend my life with her. She was wheeled away for a routine brain scan and never quite made it....
...as you can imagine, i'm finding it very hard...within the space of an hour i went from being king of the world to absolute devastation...since then i have just broke down at the most random times...i miss her so much...nobody on this Earth made me smile the way she could...i used to say she was like a blessing from God, an ANgel sent just for me....it would appear God wanted his Angel back :o(

Carrie, 10 June 2008
My dad died 3 days ago (June 6th 08) and I'm scared that I'm not feeling normal. I kind of act as though things are normal. I've cried twice, once when I found out, and once tonight.
I keep hoping that if I pray enough he'll come back. But I know in my heart that he won't.
He was only 48. He killed himself.
This can't be right.
I keep thinking what if I'd have called him that day, or gone to his, but I know I can't turn back time. And I know it wasn't my fault.
I just need to be with my dad. It hurts so much I feel that I might die. But I don't show it. I can't. And I don't know why.

Dani, 9 June 2008
My mum died 6 days ago. She had been ill for a very long time and had survived many, many things. I had started to believe she was indestructible. We had had a few years where my mum and I hadn't got on and sometimes we said stuff that we didn't mean but as I got older we started to get along much better. I loved her so much, I still do, she was the funniest, most exciting and interesting person I knew.

I've just got my first job and I got the call whilst sitting at my desk. My first reaction was to say "I'm at work... she can't do that now... I can't leave." However the shock subsided and I was racked with guilt.

We found out later on she had been in a lot more pain than she told us and even though I'm devastated she is gone, I'm happy she's not suffering anymore. When I cry about it I know that I'm only crying for me and my family and not for her. She'd tell me to stop or she'd give me something to cry about. :)

Tracy, 27 May 2008
My father dies last week, i am in shock still. My heart aches with pain and anger. He was so young with so much more to do. He was a beautiful man who filled so many lives with inspiration and hope for themselves. Nobody knew that this man with an awesome exterior was dying on the inside, very slowly. It pains me to know that i couldnt help him in his last hours or days or years.
i knew and i let it happen? i pray that he is no longer suffering, i pray that he knew how much i loved him and how much i will miss him.
alcohol is a killer. it does take lives not only the one drinking but those around them.
i love you dad!
xo
tracy

Karen, 23 May 2008
TODAY THE 23 MAY 08 ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS DIED ALL VERY SUDDEN THERE ONE MOMENT DEAD THE NEXT I LOVED HER AND HER COMPANY SO MUCH, WE WENT THOUGH A TOUGH TIME TOGETHER BACK 10 YRS AGO WHEN WE MET, I ALWAYS SAY THAT THE ANGELS SENT US ONE ANOTHER BACK THEN, WE BOTH LEARNT TO LAUGH AGAIN A FEW YRS ON AND WE HAD SO MUCH FUN OUT ON THE TOWN DANCING ETC, I SHALL MISS THE DEPTH WE SHARED IN MATTERS OF THE HEART AND THE SAME VALUES THAT WE HELD IN LIFE OUR LOVE OF ANIMALS AND CARE FOR OUR FAMILIES ESPCY OUR MUMS WE BOTH LOST OUR DADS AND WERE THERE AS LISTERNING EAR FOR EACH OTHER, NOW I FEAR THAT I WILL NOT HAVE A LISTERNING EAR ANY MORE SHE WAS ALWAYS THERE WHEN I NEEDED A MOAN AND WAS A WONDERFULL WARM COMPASSIONATE EASY GOING PERSON- I SHALL MISS HER SO MUCH MY DEAR FRIEND SALLY I HOPE THAT YOU ARE SAFE WHEREVER YOU MAY BE NOW AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU SO FONDLY LOVE YOUR DEAR FRIEND KAREN X

Kelly, 17 May 2008
My grama died this morning. I am having a hard time accepting it, because she was so special and important to me. I was her favorite person in the world, and she was mine. I feel so helpless and lost. I also want to die just to see her again. I was very lucky because she wouldnt wake up for anyone for 3 days till I came to the hospital and I was the only one she talked to, and we told eachother how much we loved eachother and she told me she was so proud of me. I told her I was sorry for everytime I had a temper with her and she told me it was ok. I told her that she was my best friend and I love her more than anyone and her eyes got big and she smiled and she was so happy. I was the very last person she saw, she went to sleep and didnt wake up. I am trying to be strong for her but it's so hard because even though she's not in pain anymore I just want her back so badly.

No name, 17 May 2008
my best friend and boyfriend of 2 years killed himself 4 days ago. he threw himself infront of a tube train - i never knew things were that bad. i just wish he'd come to me for help - i would've been there for him no matter what and forgiven him no matter what he did. i just can't understand how he could leave me when he said that he loved me endlessly with all his heart and soul. i just wanted to look after him and love him and knowing that he was in so much pain breaks my heart. i hope he knew how much i loved and adored him. he was my world - he meant everything to me. i just can't believe i'll never see his gorgeous face again or feel his arms around me as he hugs me or hear him whisper he loves me in my ear. he'll never leave my heart.

No name, 11 May 2008
My mum died at 2:00am this morning
she was only 44
this cant be fair

No name, 27 April 2008
my dad died two days ago on the 25th april 2008. im dont know what to do, im so angry, he was only 40 years old, he worked 13 hours a day to get me and my brother in to university, he cared about nothing else except us, i could of stayed awake for an extra half hour but i was too tierd, i was waken by my mothers screams, he took care of everything, he had a way with people, he was so charimatic, so intelligent, he never took for himself, i hope so much that he is at peace, he never got time to rest, he was always stressed, i wish so so much he is happy now.

i will miss the small, unimportant things, the thing no one else will appreciate, the thing only he knew about me, my brother and the rest of our family.

ill miss the way he smiled and lit up his surrounding
he didnt deserve this

No name, 23 April 2008
my grandma just died recently, on Earth Day of 2008. At first when my parents told me she was sick, I didn't think about it much, then a week later they told me she was dying.

When it finally happened, I was sad, I pretty much cried and couldn't sleep at the night after. I wasn't depressed because she was dead, but the horrible events that led to it.

Around 2003, she got in a injury that pretty much paralyzed all her limbs. We had to move her BACK to China so my relatives over there can help her constantly and so she could understand in her native language. She still had control of her fingers, but with most of her offsprings and their family in the U.S. she had no will to control it. I have visited her twice throughout the half decade, but I had wished to visit more.

In her last month, she got a fever, and from what I understand became blind and mute. She could only respond with nods, my dad (her son) and his brothers immediately went to China, probably still on planes right now. But it's too late. The rest of my family and cousins are probably going to China too.

I never got to say bye.

sophie, 15 April 2008
My nana died today. Well. Yesterday now, Its 1.07am. I feel strange. I knew she was dying. She had Gall Bladder cancer and they removed it but it was too late. For the last month its been a waiting game. I feel so cheated. She was 71. I feel like thats still to young. I know all the good stuff that everyone keeps telling me to remember and how she wouldnt want me sad.. but that makes me mad. I cant just be happy. I dont think I can ever be the same again. I wish I could stop this hurting so much. I looked at pictures from summers holiday. All I can think of,when I look at them, past the smiling faces, is that the cancer is already in her, already harming her and we didnt know. That breaks my heart. I've written way too much.

Sarah, 1 April 2008
My nan died today, she had a heart attack on 19th December and has been in hospital since until 2 weeks ago when we got her into a wonderful nursing home, the staff are fantastic. My nan was 92 and we know we were lucky to have her so long but she was a big part of our lives and such an amazing lady, always giving to others before herself and making people laugh! I am so proud to have had her as my nan but I am so sad that she is gone. I can hear her voice so clearly right now and I don't want to lose this memory. I have so many happy memories of nan and I hope she is happy now.

chelsea1234, 06.03.08
4 days ago my sister died i was really upset ebcause i helped my mum raise her! Monday morning she had 4 fits 2 little ones and 2 mager ones and then she stopped breathing and my mum intstantly new she was gone.

sam, 4 March 2008
my mum died on the 1st of march 2008

anomynous, 10 February 2008
ok, my grandma died today. 11.45. she died 10 minutes after i left her.
She was sick, had cancer. she and my grandpa lived with me and my parents/brother. i took care of her half of year (when it got critical), i washed her face,dressed her i even slept next to her. in summer it got really critical and altough everyone thaught she was going to die (we even said or goodbyes to her), she somehow managed to kind of get better and was able to talk and walk again. Last christmass holiday it got really critical and she was placed in a nursing home. i stayed there whole christmass holiday and slept there in the weekends, i always came righ after school.

since yesterday it got really bad again,s he got fever. but since she already became critical 3 times and she always got better, we didn't expect she would die the day after.
i slept in the nursing house yesterday again, i didn't know it would our last night together. she was sleeping all time, and she woke up around 2, she looked better then in the midday so i told her how strong she was and that she was going to get better, just like always. i told her i loved her and that we all wanted her to get better. she didn't say anything (since yesterday she wasn't able to talk and swallow anymore), but i could see she was trying to smile.
this morning i woke up, and tried to talk to her, but she was still asleep. my grandpa picked me up at 11.30 or something. he asked me if i wanted to give her some water and i said no, because i was afraid that she would choke. i gave her a kiss and told her i was going home for an hour, to pick up some stuff and work on some homework.i gave her a kiss and left. when i got home, the nurse called me and asked if my mom or grandpa was home, i said no and she called my mom. i thought she was only calling to say things were getting better or something. 2 minutes after the nurse called, my mom called to say she was going to pick me up. when i heard the news, i somehow got mad at my grandma. i don't know why, she already fought for 7 months (altough she almost couldnt do anything )and i couldnt think of why she didnt want to fought further. when i arrived at the nursing house, i understood why she gave up. she was lying there so peacefull.
i think she wanted to die so much earlier, but stayed for my family. she couldnt do anything, she couldnt walk, she only lay there in her bed. the funeral is friday and i hope i can let go of her.

No name, 15/01/2008
My mum died today 14/01/08. she had been acutely ill for 2 days but today i have just panicked as i have had to watch her deteriorate until she sadly slipped away.She was my saviour , my keeper, and most of all she was the bestest kindest loving mum that i could ever have wished for. goodnight mum, god bless, we will meet again.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

No name, 15/01/2008
6 days after my mum died.
i know the pain should be overwhelming me but i feel absolutely nothing. all i am aware of is my crying which i can't seem to stop. whats the point in my tears if i dont know what im crying for? everyone keeps saying how peacfel she looked. what about me?? dont i get my peace? iv been through so much in my life and shes been the sole person who knew me well enough so that she could help me cope. my sister who is 6 is going to grow up without a mum, who will be the mother of the bride at my wedding? who do i call in the middle of the night when i can't cope if i have kids? who is gonna hug me and tell me everyhting is going to be just fine? im outraged that i am left all alone and she is 'peaceful'.

Name: jade, 6/1/2008
My auntie was told she had Breast cancer 5 years go.She went through many treatments etc in the end she became very ill and shortly died on thursday 3rd january.Its such a shock as many times she went down hill but then became better and went on with life. This time round i thought the same would happen and she be okay and everything would be okay ,but it wasnt . Were all so devasted but at same time were happy in the way she can rest now and did so well and did it her way for the last 5 years. She never complained once in all the time and was so brave. And doesnt want to let this illness ruin are family there fore were determined not to let it do so.

Name: Topher, 25/12/2007
4 days ago, my best friend died in a car accident. She was my rock, my world...my life. We talked about everything together, did everything together. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I miss her so much.

Name: Andrew V.V.(Drew), 13/13/2007
I just lost my best friend/best man/soul brother, Kenneth S. 12/12/07. It hurts bad, for he gave everything to anyone who was in need. He really was/is a genunine, humble man with nothing but compasion for everyone he met. Remember to remind your close frineds ansd family how much you love and appricate them. I will now go cry my eyes out.

Name: Georgina, 10/12/2007
I am 11 now and my grandad died a few days ago, he was really ill and he found it hard to cope...he was doing really well until he was rushed into hospital! The next day he sadly passed away and i was really sad because i loved him so much.... but i will always know he is here for me !

Name: karram, 5/12/2007
my mum died suddenly a week ago 2morro. she was my world,whenever i had any problems i would go to her. she always sorted out my problems. i feel guilty for not helping her more. my mum was ill,the doctor said it was an infection in her body but she was also over weight so i dont think that helped. we will never know how my mum died exactly because she was ill at the same time. im really confused.her heart stopped my little brother and sister found her and sent for me,i called an ambulance but they said it was to late. i cryed none stop them first days. her funeral is on friday which is going to be sooo hard. especially for my 15 yr old brother and my 13 year old sister then my older sister who lived and helped my mum. i have a 2 yr old daughter and im 5months pregnant. they are keeping me strong.

Name: May, 24/11/07
My dad died two days ago. I'm on the internet cos I'm tired, but can't sleep, sad but can't cry, and I don't know how or what to do. I was told by my manager at work that my dad had died. I tried to ring home but the line was busy. So I rang my older sister. But she didn't know and so I had to tell her. It's not fun to have to argue with your sister that yes, your dad IS dead. But it still doesn't seem real.

My mum is seemingly able to cope, but she's not sleeping more than a couple of hours at night. My sister cries lots, and I find it really irritating - she drapes herself over anyone who call round and weeps. While I just stand there. I know she's sad, but I'm more angry than anything, and I just find her reaction irriating and over-dramatic. We usually get on really well. Is is normal to get angry? She's my older sister, I shouldn't have to comfort her and be the strong one. I want to cry too.

But I'm angry that my dad won't be alive to vet my future boyfriends; he won't be at MY wedding; he won't be a brilliant grandpa to MY kids. He won't see me pass my exams and be there to say 'well done'. IT'S NOT FAIR. I love my dad and he's left me. I want my daddy back.

Name: rebecca, 24 November 2007
Today i was told that my nanna died. I was upset but i didnt cry. I wanted to buti didnt want my nana to think that she had made me sad. I am upset and for the frst time today i saw my dad cry. I jst want to know that i will be able to get over his quickly and that people know that i am here. I usually deal wih sadness the wrong way because i self har myself. I am glad i have told someone now because this will stop me from doing the bad thing. Please write back. I am 14.

name: jeanette
my dad died at 2am this mornin 21/11/07..........how do people get threw this?? I cant believe the emotion its horrible.

name : no name, 17 Nov 2007
my boyfriend died of luekemia at 12 noon on tuesday 13th November 2007. He never knew he had luekemia and he died within 14 hours. Its been 5 days, it still hasn't sunk in, i don't know what to do with myself i just wish he would come back so i could hug him and cuddle him, he was my world and he still is :(

From: John, 16 Nov 2007
I lost My Best Friend last night i feel like i want to kill myself She was the best thing that ever happened to me. We Could tell each other Everything. Now shes gone.

From: Grace, 23 Oct 2007
My nan died today from cancer among other things. I love her so much and I got to say that to her before it happened and she told me she loved me. It doesnt feel right now. 15 years I have loved my nan I don't know how to cope with this i see my nan every week and whats going to happen when i dont get to see her this saturday like i normally do.

From: Unknown, 15 Sept 2007
my dad died yesterday and i have to fly to michigan and take care of all the burial arrangments and his will and assets and im only 24...i talked to him like 4 hours before he died on the phone and he was talking about dying but i didnt think nothing of it, he wasnt sick or anything, and then he was dead...i cant believe hes gone, he was so loved by all...
I love him so much, i feel bad i never told him how great a man he was...i will never feel love like that again...i am completely crushed...

Mel, 19 Aug 2007
2 months ago someone i knew got killed. i didnt really get on with them that well but i spent a lot of time with them so i was really upset. wen i was at his funeral i found out that my friend for 12 years had died and i had to attend his funeral exactly a week afterwards. i really hoped and prayed that, that was going to be it but 2 days ago my ex boyfriend died and the most upsetting thing about it is i had an argument wit him bout 3 weeks ago an he kept ringin me up aftawards n tryin to meet up with me but said no. and the 1 wish i have now is that i had met up wit him just so i wouldnt feel so guilty and maybe i could have been there to save him but i wasnt. so i just wana say dom if ur listening im sorry and goodbye babe sweet dreams love u mel x

Nikki, 17 Aug 2007
I just found out an old boyfriend died. I had a dream about him and it prompted me to google him.
I don't know how he died and I am devastated.

No name 06 Aug 2007
my dad died last Thursday, after a very long illness. We were never close, and for some reason, I never felt as though he liked me very much, even though I was his son. Of course, while he was alive, it was easy to be angry at him, and I had kept my distance from him all of my life. in 2003, he had a stroke, which hospitalized him for the rest of his life. Even though I wanted to visit him, I couldn't. When I heard of his death on Thursday, I didn't really know how to feel. Some people may even think that I am glad that he died, but they would be wrong. I am sorry that we could not patch things up between us before he died. I know how stubborn he was, and that I inherited this from him, so it could never be. Still, I miss my dad, and all of the things that we should have done together, but never did.
I miss you dad, and I did love you. I just wished I could have found some way to let you know while you were still with us.

Christopher 07.07
my grandad diad 6 days ago and it is really hard and i do not know how i am going to coop it is too hard and i do not know what i am felling inside me.

little bobby 07.07
my dad died 2 nights ago. i cant take it i want to be with him :( he was only 46 and im 24 and my mom 44 and my sister 16.

Ella 07.07
My father died a two days ago, when he was having a heart transplant in hospital. He had needed a new heart and was overcome with happiness when he was told that a suitable donor had come in. This was a great shock to us all, and i just cant stop crying each night for him. When he died, he was only 41. Everyone who knew you will miss you terribly. You will always be in my heart. I love you.

shannon 07.07
my great nan died on the 12th of may 2007 and todays date is the 17th of may 2007. we didn't know she was going to die we didn't know anything was wrong with her but she did and my great great uncle found her dead on the floor, she died of a heart problem which she was taking 12 tablets a day for. i didn't know this until after she died.

Melissa 07.07
My friend Claire died two days ago on sunday 3rd June. I am finding it so hard to believe that she is actually gone but I am getting loads of support so hopefully I will come to terms with her death.

Melissa 07.07
hi i lost my great nana on saturday and it is hard because yesterday i went to her cementry and next time i am going to do is when i lay flowers down. thank you may my great nana rest in peace love you always.

(anon) 07.07
my dad died yesterday morning. I can't believe I don't have a father anymore. Im just numb. Im a drone. Im 24 years old. So confused. We are the same person. Were the same person. He was everything to me and i wanted him to know.. Now ill never be sure he knew.

Jojo 07.07
Mum died a few days ago in the morning. Im only 14 and not that close to my dad. Mum was everything to me, even when we had the worst of arguments and didnt talk to each other. It was the most sudden, random and just plain worst thing to have happened to her. Especially 'cause she had been so happy and strong even minutes before she fell ill.
I love you mum, always will. Please watch over me and give me strength for the future ;--;

katie 05.07
My grandad died 6 days ago. I'm really upset. I don't know what to expect at the funeral. Never been to one before. I'm 14 and wanted my grandad to see me grow up. He was so proud of me. He will always be in my heart. I had a happy easter, but deep inside i was upset as he wasn't there. I slept at my nannans and it felt strange without my grandad sitting in his favourate chair. I don't always show i'm upset in front of my parents as i'll make them upset. I loved my grandad and i was soo close. Missing him. :(

faye 05.07
my step-dad died sataday. he was my dad to me though. i miss him soo much. i just can't deal with anything right now..i just wanna run away!

Milan 05.07
My girlfriend died yesterday. 2 weeks ago she was in a freak accident. Although you prepare for the worst, you hope for the best. The best did not come. She was my soulmate, the love of my life, and it is so hard. I spent the last few days with her family waiting for the news when she will pass. The mutual grieving helped, but now the dark days start. I was going to ask her to marry me this summer after my sister's wedding. We discussed our future as though we'd live forever. I find comfort in the fact that it was fast and painless.

(anon) 04.07
my step grandad died only a few days ago, but what made it worse for me was that i thought he was coming out of hospital the day before he died. The day he died i didnt find out until i was brought home from my boyfriends and my mum and dad told me what had happened and said that my step-grandad had been kept in hospital because he had taken a turn for the worse and then died tht morning. I think that was what made it worse spending a whole day in ignorance but i guess mum and dad had a good reason as they didnt want to ruin our day. i loved him very much as he was the only grandad i knew on my dad's side. IM finding life hard and i hope that it will get easier with the suport of everyone.

Hannah 03.07
My Grandpa died on the 21st February 2007. I found it really hard to cope with the loss as he was one of my closest relatives. I am feeling so lonely and can't stop thinking about him. I seemed to lose control and started screaming at people for no apparent reason because I wasn't angry at him. I haven't received counselling but I am looking into it because I know that he wouldn't wnat me to make myself ill by worrying about him and getting upset.

Preston 03.07
I'm From Gilbert High School in GILBERT, AZ and i just found out this morning that one of my friends, as well as a friend to many, many others, died last night, the cause is still unkown but it just makes you think... I should really do something with my life. I don't know why it takes the DEATH of a friend for people to see this, but it does :(, R.I.P. Chris, you will be missed by all who knew you. have fun on the other side man.

vicki 02.07
my dad passed away this mornin he has been in intensive care a month due to fallin down 3 floors in a hotel in spain he has died of septicemia i think im in a dream and im going to wake up and he is ok.

(anon) 02.07
My friend killed himself on Saturday night and i'm numb.
This boy was one of the most selfless, kind hearted young people i knew.
Someone said that he was too pure and we could only be graced with his presence for a short amount of time, this made me feel better but i don't think i can come to terms with it.
I expect this boy to just walk into school tomorrow, singing away as usual.
I have tried writing poetry, letters, talking etc and nothing is working.
I'm truly shocked and I think the word that describes how I feel right now is numb.
I just do not know what to do with myself.
I miss you.

[.x.] sad me [.x.] 02.07
my dad died of cancer last week and ppl think im over it but im not he is all i can think about 24/7.

Les 02.07
MY Mam died on the 11th January 2007 @ 23:25, me my dad and my 2 brothers got the worst call we have ever had, we rushed to the hospital to be with her. This was not a sudden death as she had been ill for approx 2 years but i was not expecting it just yet. i thought we would have had her for a little while longer. She waited for us before she finally went, that was my mam always putting us first, she fell asleep 10 minutes after we got there, now there is a big space in my life. Just days before we had been eating jelly babys together and she looked fine, I feel really empty at the moment, but life goes on she wouldnt have it any other way, mums eh, best thing since sliced bread.

Sarah 02.07
i found out my best mates dad died yesterday.
im really upset because they say they are so close to finding a cure for cancer its not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(anon) 01.07
My dad just died on Christmas eve, and I miss him soooo much. I know he's in a better place, and I just want to say that I love him and I know that he's always around me. I love you Dad!!!!

(anon) 01.07
august 26 dad pass away
December 2004 granddad died
monday 18 decamber 2006 nana passed away.

Fraya 12.06
sat here crying, police just been, you have been......... I can't even say the word out loud, I hope you are safe and at peace.
x

Claire 12.06
I lost my nanna yesterday and it is the worst feeling in the world. She was my best friend. It makes it harder because I was talking to her on the phone when all of a sudden she said she felt dizzy and then made strange noises (the death rattle) I miss her so much she was coming up for xmas. Does the pain ever get easier?? In a way at least I was talking to her when she died and she wasnt alone. LOVE YOU NANNA WIN. XX

Dom 12.06
My brother died a few days ago.

tres 12.06
my friends grandma died 2 days ago and he is really wrecked they wer realy realy realy close and i dont no wht 2 do. if u have ne advice, plz plz plz e-mail him at the (SORRY tres but we don't publish people's personal e-mail addresses perhaps u could show your friend our site & he could write in for some advice & support... RD4U) i hope tht some kind hearted kid will find some way to tell him that one thing tht he needs to find hope in the world again. his studies r shot to hell and he is becoming very sad about evry thing im afraid his future will suffer a lot cause this one school year we r both in 8th grade plz e-mail him.
thx.

Emma 11.06
I lost my Grandad just this morning. He wasnt a well man for a while but he got a bug a few days ago and was to weak to fight it. I was so upset and empty yet i still could not cry...i have my whole family around me so i am very lucky in that way. Yet inside i still felt very alone because i was extreamly close to my wonderful grandad. I just want to thank all the people on this site because reading through the things other people have said i have finally been able to cry for those but mainly for me and my grandad. I really hope i can help someone else if sadly they are in the same situation. THANK YOU ALL Emma xxx i love you grandad and always will!!!

Josh 11.06
Hi everyone out there that feels the same pain as i do. My BestFriend died 6 days ago on the 30th of October 2006 aged 23 after 2 years of watching him go through pain that i hope i never have to experience It is absolute hell, nothing makes the pain go away. I know what it is to feel excruciating pain, to the extent that at 24 i feel like an orphan in this world. please dont feel alone out there. XX RIP albin you where the best guy i will ever fine again

caz 11.06
i lost my boyfriend last week in an accident with his 4 friends. They were all killed. we were the most in love couple youd ever meet i cant even describe it. he sed he'd nvr leave me and he meant it ive been robbed my hearts so sore. I avnt eaten in 7 days and i dont want to either i kind of feel if i eat he'l tink im movin on i dont want to live in a world without him. I would kill myself but dont want to put my family through it. No1 can comfort me. I dont know wat to do.

tj 10.06
my dad just died 5 days ago. he left the hospital when he should not of. he went home and did not want no one to see him. the next day my sisters went round to see him and he had died. i'm just upset that i did not get to see him i live far from him so its hard and i have a baby 2. i just miss him so much...

Lee 10.06
My Brother died yesterday. He was 25 years old. We only differ by 17 months in age. I don't know what I will do without him. He was probably my best friend. I spoke with him almost everyday.

L 10.06
MY LIFE HAS BEEN DEATH AFTER DEATH. MY FATHER COMITTED SUICIDE WHEN I WAS SIX, WHEN I TEN MY BEST FREIND WAS MURDERED. TWO OF MY DEAREST FRINDS DIED WHEN I WAS TWELVE IN A CAR ACIDENT. MUM DIED OF CANCER A MONTH AGO AND THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO GOT ME THROUGH IT WERE MY BEST FRIENDS THROUGH SCHOOL AND THEY WERE KILLED ON THE WAY TO COLLEGE THIS MORNING IN A CAR ACCDENT I AM SO DISTROUGHT I CANT GO ON.

Becci 10.06
In the last four years, I have lost so many people who were close to me. A close friend died in a car accident in 2002 - he was 19. I lost my Grandfather in February 2003, then my Nanna died on the 7th January 2006 and most recently i lost a good friend in a motorbike accident. We buried him yesterday - He was only 23. Losing these people has made me question what I am doing with my life. Losing all of these special people was incrediblly hard on me, especially my grandmother.
I don't know how i will manage to get through this. It feels like no one wants to listen to me so i am just bottling up my feelings. It is a horrible feeling to think that no one cares. I miss them all and wish that life wasn't so cruel in taking them away from us all before their time.

Louise 10.06
My Nan passed away just four days ago, (21st Sep 06) I was there when she took the last breath. It was horrible to watch, not as peacefullas in the films. Only the last two minutes were scary. I will miss her terribly and feel bad for my mum who is in pieces. She was a great woman who i will miss terribly, especially when i can't call her for help with pub quizzes.
I know we will meet again in Heaven and that she will look out for me now. I love you Nana. XXXXXXX

michaela 10.06
my mum died 6 hours ago she was depressed and feeling low but she was never a person to express her feelings. i didn't have a clue if only i would of known things might be different as i sit here alone today. i put her through so so much i was nothing but trouble for her. i didn't mean to be i love her more than words could ever describe she's my angel who guided me through all my problems what am i going to do now i'm only 14 she was 33. mum i want u to know u were and still are amazing ur the biggest part of my life and i am so so sorry i couldn't help u love ur daughter xxxx

(anon) 09.06
My dad died about 2 hours ago, and I feel numb. He was suffering with illness for a long time, having been through 2 strokes and many smaller things. He caught an infection and was taken to hospital on Saturday, and seemed very restless, having trouble breathing. Today, they gave him some painkillers, and he eased and went to sleep. I was holding him in my arms as he stopped brething. It was so peaceful. The dad I will remember always had a smile on his face, and would go out of his way to put a smile on yours, and I'll never forget that. I love you dad, Goodnight. x

KAT 08.06
My mum died on saturday, she had lung cancer but actually dies from septicemia, i feel like i have lost my whole world, im only 24 she was just 50.. and only found out about it 6 weeks ago, the death was so sudden and she was so fine the night before.. my last words were goodnight sweetdreams see u tomorrow, i did but minutes to late, i was in hospital on the sat for a operation from friday.. im so sorry iwasnt there with you mum but i was in your heart and u will always be in mine!! plesae dont be angry.. xx

Lara 08.06
My mum died of a brain haemorrhage on Tuesday. She was fine early that morning; watering the garden, getting food ready and then she was found by my dad collapsed on the bed. He thought she was sleeping but couldn't wake her up. She was the heart and soul of the family, she looked after me, my dad and my nan. I feel so many different types of emotions now; its unreal, I can't believe I'll never see her again. We were going on holiday this week so that I could have IVF treatment abroad. She was my best friend and I could always turn to her. I just don't know what I'm going to do without her. I feel my life has no meaning anymore. I just want to be able to know she's ok. I'm going to see a medium and hopefully she'll be able to tell me. How cruel can God be?

(anon) 08.06
Well I knew my Gran was going 2 die. She was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 years before.I lost her a few days ago. It wasnt as bad as i thought as she is no longer in pain she died peacefully with all of us ther at home.
It was heartbreaking coz she was my best friend I love her dearly but I know she is watching over me and telling me not to get upset as she didnt want me to cry alot.
I know no-one can feel the pain u feel but i hope u read this and know u r not alone!

sara 08.06
I felt like i wasn't me anymore and i was ripped in half when my grandad died afew days after

(anon) 08.06
I was in France at the time and my family was trying to get in touch with me but I didn't have a phone. I got home and he had died. I only found out today (3rd August 2006) I didn't really like him when he was alive but now I realise how much I miss him.

Samantha 08.06
my grandma died of lung cancer on 29/07/06. we were expecting it so had prepared for it but now the time has come, its got harder and harder. when people talk about there grandma's dying, people usually don't think much of it but my grandma was so close to me and she was so young...66...i reali want her back. i want to die just so i can see her again but i know that is the wrong way to go about it. i feel numb and horrible inside like something has taken away all the happiness.

marie 07.06
dad was diagnosed with lung cancer last August. Sadly he passed away on the 4th july. His funeral was yesterday (11.07.06) I really hurt inside, yet i cant accept he is gone.sometimes i am ok and talk to my friend about dad without crying, then the next day i cry all the time. He was such a special man even people that only met him once came to his funeral,he would do anything for anybody i just wish my dad could have been made better. i dont feel im living this nightmare, i want my dad back.
its my mums birthday today, i dont know how she is coping, i know she misses dad as much as me. We nursed dad at home it was so heartbreaking he touched so many peoples lifes and we will always remember his lovely smile.

katie 07.06
numb. numb. numb. numb. i can't believe she's gone.

Chris 07.06
My Dad died suddenly, early this morning. A few weeks ago I moved to a new city to go to school-- but not once in that time did I call him to say hello. I even forgot to call on his birthday-- I scribbled a note "Call Dad" in a notebook, but never did. I wish to God I could tell him I love him. Still feeling a little numb. And scared of the feelings that are bound to hit me soon.

Wendy 07.06
my dad died yesterday ,i am numb at the moment ,not sure how i feel .He died of cancer .I was not with him but saw him a few mins after ,he was totally at peace and had no more pain but the thought of not ever seeing or hearing again hurts so bad ,love you loads dad and always will xxxx

Chelsea 07.06
my friends micah and kaylie always liked each other and a couple days before micah died kaylie said i love u and micah said i love u 2 and then like the next day micah was hit by a falling tree limb and died kaylie was so devistated.

Kim 07.06
A wonderful lady passed away yesterday. My Grandma was 83 and died in bed at her nursing home at 4.20am.
Gran ran a nursing home for years and would never let anyone die alone. She would sit up all night with them, even if she had to be on shift early the next morning. We wanted to do that for her.
Mum and I were with her and were able to hold her hand all the way through her last night. When the time came, we told her that we understood she had to go and that we loved her and we would all look after each other. We thanked her for being such a wonderful Mum and Grandma and told her that without her we would not be the family we are today. It was almost as though she had waited for permission to go.
Gran has had alzheimers for 10 years and has not known who we were for about 7, she can't see and hasn't spoken for roughly 2 years now. During her last few minutes her eyes were so bright and sparkly and she focused on my mum and then me and kept saying 'You, you, you' Mum said 'It's ok, we know you love us too' and then Gran took her last breath.
As she died the first bird of the morning sang.
I thought things like that only happened in movies and in the minds of families that want to think their loved ones last moments were peaceful, but it really was that way.
It was a perfect ending, nothing was left unsaid and we held her until she went. It was a real priviledge to be able to share that with her and I am so glad we could be there.
There will be plenty of tears to come, I haven't fallen apart yet but am sure I will soon. I am just grateful to know that Gran died happily and knowing that we loved her. I wouldn't have swapped last night for all the world.

Issy 06.06
A very close friend of mine committed suicide 2 days ago, by hanging himself. I'd known him for 4 years and although we lived a long way from each other, we spoke online everyday, and on the phone at least once a month. I have no idea why he decided to take his own life, it's come as such a shock to me and everyone else that knew him. I feel I should've realised something was wrong, or he should've been able to talk to me. I just...I don't think it's quite sunk in yet...I can't accept it yet, I need the funeral be over with before I can start to accept it.
I'm going to have to delete his email address, I keep thinking he'll log on any moment, but of course he won't...I also have to delete his mobile number...I keep scrolling past it and wanting to ring it, just to see if he picks up, even though I know deep down he won't.
I know with time it'll get easier, but at the moment it feels so lonely, people try and comfort me but it's so awkward...
Oh Leo, I miss you so much...

Dawn 06.06
My best friends baby died on tuesday, I feel so lost.

leslie 06.06
june 6, 2006
i found out my dad passed away friday night on saturday morning.... i can't say if that day was the worst day of my life or the night i found out it was a homicide! i never got to say goodbye to my dad and let him know that never did i judge him for the choices he had made, i still loved him!! n always will
may you rest in peace daddy n please always be with me!

(anon) 05.06
MY MUM DIED OF CANCER 3DAYS AGO, SHE WAS IN HOSPITAL FOR 6WEEKS BUT WE WEREN'T TOLD UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE SHE DIED IT WAS CANCER, SHE HA BEEN IL FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND WE BEGGED HER TO GO TO THE DOCTORS BUT SHE WOULDN'T UNTIL THE PAIN GOT TOO MUCH, I STILL CANT BELIEVE WHATS HAPPENED AND FEEL VERY ANGRY WITH HER FOR NOT GETTING HELP, I DONT KNOW WHAT ILL DO WITHOUT MY MUM AND NEVER THOUGHT ID LOSE HER AT 23, THE FUNERALS IN A FEW DAYS AND I DONT KNOW HOW ILL COPE, I JUST WISH I NAGGED HER MORE AND MAYBE SHED BE STILL ALIVE.

Rach 05.06
My Nan died on the 15th May 2006 she was der lady hu brought me up and loved me wen my mum dint because my mum had me @ 13 she blamed me nd now ive lost my real mum

Ashleigh 04.06
My mum died 2 days ago of malignant melinoma. She was my best friend as well as my mum, and i just don't know how i will cope without being able to see her face-to-face for a long time, until i die myself. It's reaaly hard to take in that she's gone. She was always the life and sould of a party, never without a smile on her face, and she always helped me with my problems. It's sad that she won't be here when i get married and have kids. But i know she will always watch over me, as an angel in heaven.
Goodnight mum, love you always.xxxxxxxxxx

Katie 04.06
My boyfriend died yesterday(April 6th) on my birthday. We were together for 2 years. I feel like I lost my whole world. I don't know what to do with myself. It still has not hit me yet.

(anon) 04.06
my mum died 5 days ago...when i said goobye to her on wednesday morning i never thought i would never see her again! she wasnt just a mum to me she was like a best friend and we told eachother everything! her hugs were amazing and her kisses were even better :)...i will never ever forget her and i will always have an angel looking out for me now...Love You So Much xxx

DEEPA 03.06
my dad died a few days ago. I lived miles away when he slipped into coma out of which he never came back.
I cried when i first saw him in the hospital,lying lifeless and peaceful.seven days later he slipped away forever.
I am finding dealing with grief extremely difficult as for the first time in my life I feel I dont know myself.
I loved my dad the most in the world and always thought that his demise would be intolerable.He was the only person in the world I completely trusted and adored with no doubts.
But, strangely I feel numb, cold and cant cry.Its just 10 days since his slipping into coma and a few days since his death and I feel no visible or evident grief.
Is this a grief coping mechanism? or am I heartless?

anon 03.06
well its not happend 2 me but my best friends dad died lasnite n i just want to know how i can comfort her shes 16 and keeps saying how her dad will miss her wedding n it upsets me as i was very close to her dad 2 but i just dont no wat 2 say 2 her aany ideas

natalie 03.06
my mate died last firday in a car crash i just want to say dont have stupid rows with your friends beacuse now i will never know if joe was my mate i am so sorry joe i dont hate you
u was my mate innit who eles is going ride that horse eh?
i will allways miss u joe 4eva in my heartxxxxeveryboddy miss ya joe lots of love da ashby crew xxx

tiffany 03.06
my dad died this friday he was shot by his so called friend. my dad was always the life and soul of every party or any special occation and i hope he knows he will always be in my heart and i will never forget him. DAD YOU ARE MY WORLD MY HEART MY SOUL I AM SORRY FOR BEING A BAD DAUGHTER AND IM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING BAD I HAVE EVER SAID AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND ALWAYS WILL NOTHING CAN EVER CHANGE THAT I LOVE YOU YOUR MY 1 AND MY ONLY YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE GIRL. i am 13

Georgie 03.06
my nana died 2 days ago, i have been in agony greiving for her. then my school nurse showed me this website, and it has really helped, i knew she was critically ill, then suddenly after 2 weeks of battling and what we thought was recovering, it all went wrong. i saw my grandpa yesterday, he collaped into tears when he saw me, and it seemed as if he was only 10 years old. i spent the whole of yesterday being strong for him, then broke down last night when i was with my parents. i thought that if i was with her now, it would be the best thing in the world, but i have to support my family as it is their loss too, not just mine. i miss her terribly, but have to get on with life, talking to my friends helped as they have been through this before also. you are never alone.

(anon) 02.06
My father died two days ago from cancer. he was diagnosed six months ago. I can't believe that I have to live the second half of my life without him. Here today gone tomorrow. Who else will I lose before it's my turn to go?

Carlos 02.06
Alan, my dad died 2 days ago,we all miss him terribly,and he was the life and soul of many things,he was always giving without any want of recieving,he was rich in personality and loved us,he was an intelligent caring individual and deeply loved by many in the community,although we miss him i know i will see him again,love you dad,see you in the after life mate take care,and don't worry we are all coping,to a fantastic distinguished once Royal Navel submariner and a dad and mentor to many out there,i can't praise you enough,love your youngest curly haired son x

Leann 01.06
My grandad passed away on the 20th january 2005 i was with him for most of his time while he was dying i found this really traumatic and it has left me with some not so nice memories....... but it has made me remember the good times,,, i will miss my grandad very much and hope one day we will meet again.. i know my grandad had a good life and died with the memories of three son's five grandchildren and six great granchildren so sleep tight grandad love you x x x x x

(anon) 01.06
My dad died at 2 a.m. this morning. I'm in shock. I'm trying to be strong for my mom. They lived in FL, I'm in GA on a work trip, but I live in Philly and my dad wanted to be buried in Illinois. I'm one of three children. I told her I would handle all the burial activities and have been online the last hour checking funeral homes, etc. but find myself googling his name, finding little cool facts out about him that remind me of the zest he had for life, all that he did for everyone he knew, and how much I will miss him. I've got a big meeting in 3 hours with my president and attorney. I'm not sure what to do. Do I tough it out. Do I say anything. If I do, will I be able to talk.

Rachael 01.06
my auntie nennie died 6 hours ago. i sat with her on the 2nd and the 3rd but after that i got scared. i went to se her 3 times ater that but i always thought she would get bettter i guess now she has. My great aunt helen was 92 i just wished she had been there for ever.

Carleney 01.06
My mum died on Xmas day. She had cancer and we all knew what the end was going to be like. It was still a shock though when she did die because it happened so quick. I had only arrived to see her a few hours before. I was there to see her take her last breath and I wouldn't have changed that for the world.

A.N. Other 12.05
MY DAD DIED YESTERDAY AND I AM COOL ABOUT IT NOW CUS I JUST THOUGHT TO MY SELF I WILL SEE HIM WEN I DIE SO IT DID NOT FEEL AS BAD. I AM 11 YEARS OLD.

ellie 11.05
my nanna has had parkinson's ever since i can remember but over the last year it got worse. 2 days before her 73rd birthday. she had a twisted bowel and a stranulated hurner. her 3 sons (my dad and uncles) desidedfor her not to be opperated on as if she did survive she wouldn't want to be stuck in a nursing home.she woke up on her birthday then i went to see her she asked to see me. she said to me that i was to cook her lunch when she got out and to make her some multi coloured jelly. after she spoke to me she was unconsious then the next night she died. i knew she had as i just had that felling lifted from me i know she was suffering. it's been 4 days and iam realling begining to miss her. her funral is a day after my 16th birthday i keep thinking of her smling face to keep me going then i think what it's going to be like after she has gone and it upsets me i hope i can be strong enough to carry on
i think i will raise money for parkinson's socity as my nan loved going to there meetings it got her out

Sam 11.05
well at 1am this morning i was rowin with my mom and she dropped down to the floor and stopped breathing i was screamin and called the ambulance and they were saying they couldnt understand me coz i was cry so bad, and then the police and ambulance came and they tried making her breath but she wouldnt no matter what they did, i was screaming tellin them to carry on but they then said that there sorry but they should stop, i remember screaming horible words at them because i was angry they were giving up. i'm only 16 and lost my mom 11 hours ago i dont think i cant carry on with anything anymore. people are ringing me up as they slowly find out but it just makes it worse, and what makes it worse is that she died while arguing with me i was saying mean things to her, and are never forgive myself ever for that, i love you mom and id give my life jsut to say sorry to you x

Dave 11.05
My Grandad died yesterday at the age of 82. After having been diagnosed with cancer 11 years ago and he also had other complications. He died at home with my mum and his other daughters by his side.We have his funeral on thursday and all his grandsons are carrying the coffin. It will be the proudest moment of my life.I am thinking how i can remember him, he loved dogs, grew his own veg,and had pet ferrets!! And when i was young we called his favourite biscuits grandad biscuits. I feel sad but happy he's not suffering. In the end he was fed up with being ill, but held on as long as he could as he was friehtened to die. I hope he's found peace and happiness now.I hope he's with my Granma. I love you grandad.

Michael 11.05
My Nina was in the hospitol for penmonia, and everyone in the family was thinking shed be just fine, but one day i got this call from my father and he said your grandma wont live past sunday. This broke my heart, i was her first grandchild and from what i understand her favrote. i took the news as a shock to my system, as though someone had just hit me with a brick wall. i stood there stunned listining to the message over and over in my head. it finaly hit me about 20 minnutes later and i started crying and punching the bathtub wondering why she had to die. after a few minutes of this i had come to my sences. 1. I love my nina
2. She will want to see me if she is going to die.
3. and finaly, if for no other reason i can not allow myself to fail in life.
My nina is going to leave me forever in a few days, and i will not succumb to being a looser in front of her, or after her passing. Whatever afterlife awaits us when we die, i believe that to have such a crushing blow bring you down would bring shame to their memory. so i sit here, trying to cope before i drive out their to see her one last time. i will look my best, get my hair cut, and let her see her grandchild, and though it pains me to do so, i will be the last person she sees smiling at her as she passes on to the afterlife. this was hard for me to say but i felt i should tell someone, somewhere what im feeling.
I love you Nina, you are my inspiration to achieve, and i will see you again.

(anon) 10.05
i just wrote about my nana, saying that she died within days of coming out of hospital, it would mean alot if you could add this to it please. love you and miss you lots nana, you will always be with me xxx

(anon) 10.05
my daughter's husband of one day died in hospital, one day after they were married in hospital, he only lasted till the wedding. he did it for her and their son. i'll always love him. bye bye dave.

Jim 10.05
My best friend Ventura Perez died in a car accident this last Saturday. He really was one of the best of mankind. Always kind, never cross, very giving and considerate of everyone. We were best friends since we met 14 years ago. It hurts knowing he is not here. I will always love and miss him and am so glad to have known him. He on a bad day was a better person than me on my best days.

Clare 09.05
My Grandad died today 17/09/05 and although it came as a complete shock i knew it was going to happen soon. I had planned to go and visit him in hospital with my mum and even got a card too. I really wanted to see him and now i feel like its the end of the world.
I really dont no what to do at the moment.
Clare

Mary 08.05
my dad died suddenly last monday august 1. I keep trying to be strong for my mom, and I feel mostly numb with periods of crying. I know I spoke with him a few days before he died but for the life of me I can't remember what we said. Hopefully it's due to lack of sleep and it'll come back. I live over an hour away from my folks and hadn't seen them in six weeks. this can't be happening

Kaitlin 07.05
My Grandma died...just yesterday. I don't really know how to feel about it. I feel sad,angry,confused and all that-but at the same time I feel numb. It's as if I know she's gone...but I can't actually adjust to the idea, she's been there my entire life adn I was so close to her. I guess only time will help me adjust. I know she's in a better place now...but I feel so empty now that she's gone...

laura 07.05
It came as such a shock..3 days earlier my nan was so healthy then all of a sudden she was in hospital and paralized. she had had a stroke, everyone thought she would pull through. to make matters worse the day she had the stroke me, mum and dad was waiting at the airport to go to spain, then we saw my brother runnin up the stairs towards us. i thought that was strange as i hadnt seen him for about 6 months. Grans had a stroke he said. My dad was in shock. he didnt know what 2 do. The hospital sed she would pull through but exactly a week later when we were still in spain she passed away. i couldnt stop crying. it didnt seem real. i couldnt believe that the healthy funny nan that i had grown up with had gone. i miss you so mu h gran. i'll never forget you. we'll be together again soon. LOVE YOU.and thank-you for teaching me how to make cakes! :D

louise 06.05
my gran died on thursday 15th '05. she died of cancer in ayrshire hospice.i was there in front of her when she died and cant think about anything else since

Anon 06.05
My dad died 2 days before father's day. He took his own life. I saw it coming for a long time. We all did. We tried to get him help but he wouldn't listen. The phone rings and I still hope and pray he'll be on the other end. A car pulls in the drive way and I look for him. I cry when I see any law enforcement...my dad was a cop all his life...I breakdown when I see any man that remotely resembles him. My brain says there was nothing I could do. My heart asks tons of questions. He was a hard person to deal with but never wished this in a million years. So be thankful for your father on father's day and every other day.You never know when it may be his last.

Chris 06.05
My Dad just died this Tuesday. We would always take trips when we were younger, he always made sure that home, my mother, and us were taken care of. We used to get into, well, he got into it with everyone, but he wasn't Daddy if he was not fussing to us to not speed, not leave home late, be on time, etc., etc. But now, I know that he loved us and knew no other way to relay it. I just hope that I can be strong for my Mom because she never, I mean never had to go out and buy groceries or pay bills, he took care of it and he took care of us. Raising 4 kids, 3 college graduates, and 1 in his first year of college at a major academic SEC school. He did a great job with us and I really hope that he misses us as much as we miss him and always know that we love him very, very, very, very much. I LOVE YOU DADDY, I will always be your Killa!