link to homepage
4 blue footprints
link to the work continues website link to cruse bereavement care website'

lads only

story 406: Daniel, aged 23

It has taken me a long time to have the courage to tell my story on here. I have used this website for the last 7 years since my mother died when I was 15. I found it very comforting just to know that there were people going through the same thing I was.

My mother suffered from a condition called Ulcerative Colitis which means that she had ulcers in her colon. As a result of this, she could not control her bowels properly, and so was never far from a toilet.

From the age of twelve I had to take care of her for three years in this condition. As it progressively got worse in the years leading to her death, she was taking a lot of medication and only had about one hour of 'normal' time a day. Eventually she was admitted to hospital and then to a hospice when her cancer was deemed to be terminal. 

When she died I remember just being numb for a long time. I was home educated, I had no educational qualifications, so I started college and mixed with my peers for the first time since I went to primary school. I immersed myself in my college work in order to forget my feeling around my mother.

I finished college getting 2 A levels and 5 GCSEs in three years. I then had to sort out my mother's possessions and get to know my entire family. This culminated in many car boot sales and me flying out to France to meet my father for the first time in eighteen years.

This was made even harder by the fact that my step father abandoned me. At eighteen my life was at an all time low. No support from my real family, my step father could't be bothered and my real father couldn't have cared less.

I was depressed for an entire year. I had no reason to get up in the morning, the world had no meaning and I even thought about suicide.I went to 5 councillors and found only one I could actually talk to. The rest felt like I was being read a textbook.

I came to the conclusion that I needed to do something to make me happy. My mother would not have wanted me to be so unhappy. So I did something I had always wanted to do, work abroad in Spain as a sailing instructor. 
Doing something I loved reminded me that life can go on without my mother and it was aright to feel happy. Since working abroad in 2007 I have completed a foundation degree in science, become  a beach lifeguard instructor and worked for the RNLI lifeguard service. I am now a student paramedic on degree and embarking on my career in the ambulance service.

Loosing someone is hard. The pain will always be there. But it does get less over time. Thank you for reading.

« back to stories

about RD4U
fun zone
| stories
| tell your story
| links
| feedback
contact us
home | about RD4U | personal | interact | fun zone | LADS ONLY | links | contact us | sitemap