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We'd always been living in fear that my Dad was going to die.
He'd had heart conditions ever since he was 40, and he was only expected to live a few more years.
But he lived a lot longer than a few more years, he was 66 when he died - i was 14, just starting my GCSE years.
It was just over 3 months ago now.
He'd taken his own life, because he'd been through so much pain all this time and he just couldn't cope anymore.
I know he didn't do it out of selfishness, and i know he had every right to do it.
The last words i said to him were "Thank you Daddy", because he'd helped me sleep that night.
We woke up the next day, him & the car had gone.
We had to wait all day for news of where he was...and then police came round, and we were told.
They'd found a body. & it was his.
At that moment, my world just came crashing down.
I couldn't cry, i was in too much shock.
My friend came round, she'd lost her Dad a few years ago, & even she could cry, why couldn't i?
Now, after 3 months, i cry pretty much every single day.
I've had loads of time off school and i'm not coping at all.

I miss him more than anything & i would give anything to have him back.
I really, really would.

I just want you to know Dad, i love you so so much, & i hope you're okay up there, 'cause i'm not doing so great down here.
I keep thinking you're going to come back.
I hope i made you proud when i did my speech at your funeral.

Rest In Peace Dad.
I'll never forget you
I love you so much
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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