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I am 16 years old. You'd think my life would be pretty sheltered; I come from a stable background afterall. But things happen, things that hurt you real bad and make life seem pointless, and make you wonder why you weren't the one that bad stuff happened to, why you weren't the one that died.
I was so happy when Grandpa moved in with us. So he was old, and couldn't move much, and you always had to watch what he wanted to on tv, but none of that mattered, because i loved him, cos he was my grandpa. Until he died 3 days before christmas when i was 11. It was surreal watching his coffin descend into the ground, like i was living a dream, or rather, a nightmare, except i could never wake up, cos i was already awake.
So i treasured life with granny, until she had a stroke and couldn't remember who i was. It saddened me so much to see her in so much pain, and it saddened me even more to watch them scatter her ashes; it made the fact that she was gone forever so much more real, it was like they were scattering a little peice of my heart.
My big sister had manic depression, and everyday I wondered if this was the day, the day that she would join granny and grandpa. There were so many days when she was close to joining them, but she always pulled through, but everyday was a struggle, and when she was in hospital i had no one to talk to except my dogs.
Until Basil died on boxing day last year. This was the last straw, it felt like my whole world had fallen apart. ok, so I'm probably better off than a heluva lot of people, but sometimes it just doesnt feel like i am, and right now and want to give up, and join the people I love, and wonder why i didn't spend more happy times with them while they were still here.

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