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message no. 885

Message from: BEX, 25 Nov 05

Subject: MY MUM

I LOST MY MUM JUST OVER 8 MONTHS AGO TO SUICIDE. SHE WAS A HUGE PART OF MY LIFE AS IT WAS JUST ME MY MUM AND DAD. ALTHOUGH IT WAS 8MONTHS AGO I DO NOT AND CANT SEEM TO TALK ABOUT IT. I AM SO SCARED OF OPENING UP. I FOUND THIS WEBSITE BECAUSE ONE OF MY FRIENDS WAS TRYING TO HELP ME, I KNOW I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THIS ON MY OWN. IT DONT BELIEVE THAT SHE HAS GONE ITS LIKE A SURREAL EXPERIENCE. THE WORST PART IS I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE. SHE WAS ILL FOR A LONG TIME BUT I DIDNT THINK IT WOULD END UP LIKE THIS. I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH EMOTIONS CAN ANYONE GIVE ME ADVICE? I CANT TALK TO MY DAD HE IS LIKE ME. I JUST FEEL LIKE I AM SEWN TOGETHER WITH STRING THAT IS ABOUT TO BREAK. I DONT KNOW HOW I MAKE IT THROUGH DAYS SOMETIMES. I WAS 17 WHENSHE DIED AND JUST TURNED 18. IT HURTS TO THINK HOW MANY OTHER THINGS SHE WILL MISS. WHAT CAN I DO?




Reply from: Lizzie

Subject: feeling for you

Hi Bex, I'm 18 and I lost my mum when I was 16, nearly 17. I really feel for you, I am like you in that I find it so hard to talk and to open up. I went through a period of depression which I think might have been partly due to the fact that I bottled things up so much. All I can say is, maybe if you can't talk about it, can you write about it? I emailed the private message people on here a few times, and they were really helpful. Also do you have a friend who you could email and tell how you're feeling. I used to, and still do, email a youth leader who was and is very helpful to me. Or please write here how you're feeling-that can be really helpful too.
I just want to say I'm so sorry that you've lost your mum, I know how very,very hard it is. My mum was the most important person in the world to me- I loved her the most.
After her death, when I was depressed, I considered suicide and I know that I can't possibily understand what you are going through, but I do understand that suicide is like an illness and that the person who commits suicide is not to blame. When I was considering suicide, I didn't want to hurt my family, but I saw it as the only way out to end the pain.

Lots of love Lizziexx

Reply from: Freya

Subject:feeling for you

i really feel for you. i lost my mum very suddenly two years ago (when i was 13) and the pain is still raw. i know how hard it can be to open up, i struggle as well, but it is such a cathartic experience when you finally manage it. all i can advise is find someone you can trust, take a deep breath and just say whatever you feel. in my school i am setting up a bereavement group for people who feel they cannot alk to their friends and family because they wont understand, or it is too hard. maybe you could investigate doing something like this, it is easier to talk to people who know something of what you are going through. i also find it easier to talk to adults as they often have more experience- just my personal preference. keep strong, my thoughts are with you
xxx

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