| Subject: RIP my
brother
I am 17 years old and my brother died a couple of weeks ago when
he had an accident on his motorbike. He was 20 years old and loved
his motorbike, but it was so sudden and tragic that i still cant
believe it. It jus wont sink in at all and still dont believe
this is happening to my family. u never expect something like
this to happen to u and i dont know how to even begin to deal
with this. ppl keep tellin me to be strong for my mum and dad
and for my twin sister, so i try not to talk to them about it
incase i upset them. trouble is, i havent got anyone to talk to.
i dont know wot to do, but find it better to be away from the
house with friends, it sounds selfish but its like i can get away
from it all and sorta act like its not happening. this has caused
me to get into trouble with my parents so its abit awkward...
but its the only way i can think to deal with how im feeling.
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Subject:brotherless sister, too
Claire:
I'm a little old for this site (26) but I'm finding this whole death thing to be really difficult. I lost my brother a year and a half ago and I've just recently started grieving (I don't even like calling it a 'grieving process' it sounds like a formula and there is no such thing - grieving is a very individual experience).
My bro had a long battle with cancer and died a month after his first child was born. He was 27. After he passed on, I began working at an outdoor education center (basically playing with kids all day long!). It had very long hours and I didn't have any time to think about what happened. I was away from home and didn't have any close friends or family around. I ignored my past and had a great time - although I did hit some walls and broke down plenty of times.
Basically, Claire, I did as you are doing, I tried to run from what happened. I was in denial of sorts. I didn't want to believe my role model, best friend, big brother had died and left me here to keep my family together. I couldn't do it. I also never brought up my brother in front of my mom or dad. I still feel like I can't cry in front of them, it feels strange somehow. I still try to call him sometimes, too.
I won't tell you there's an easy way through this, there's not. It sucks. BUT, I do think that you should try to speak with your family about it. Your twin should be a wonderful resource - I know it will be hard and odd to bring up your brother, but once you do, you can share memories and little things that she may not have known. Create a memory book with photos and short stories or memories that you write down. It's not the same as having your brother here, I know, but it's a small step.
You have to start small, healing your heart won't happen all at once. I feel like although my heart may heal, there will always be a hole in my heart where my brother was - but maybe one day that hole will be filled with the love I still feel for him and the love that he still gives to me.
On a spiritual level, yes, I feel that my brother is still somewhere, even though his body isn't here. And he's watching over me, my own guardian angel. He's looking over his daughter too.
Do you ever feel your brother's presence? He's closer than you think. And if you keep him in your heart, you can never lose him. I used to cry hysterically with a sinking feeling that I was lost and that no one would come for me. I lost my big brother and he couldn't help me. He can, in a different way, but he can. IT STILL SUCKS, but I think that we just have to hold on to each other (your twin and parents) and live the life that you know your brother would want you to.
Sorry I’ve rambled, I just found this site today and my family and sister-in-law feel like I need some help. I’d have to agree. If you need to chat, I’ll be happy to.
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