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Message from: Nik, 27 July 05

Subject: My dad

I'm 23 and lived at home with my Dad, just the 2 of us. We were very close, we did alot of things together, although we used to bicker we'd be over it in 10 minutes!
He died suddenly in January, of a brain haemmorhage, I found him on the kitchen floor.
My boyfriend was here at the time, he stayed by my dads side. I just couldnt stay in the room and went outside to wait for the ambulance.
I still have all of those images in my head, some days they are really vivid others I can put them to the back of my head.
6months down the line I am beginning to feel the pain worse than when It happened. I am living in the house with my boyfriend. I dont like being here on my own, which causes problems between us. My boyfriend works until 8:30pm, which is fine in the summer, but when the nights start pulling in, its worrying me already. He got a second job 1 night a week (extra money for us) which means maybe an 11:30 finish and he has started a band which is 1 evening also. I get upset when he goes but he doesn't seem to understand why I get angry when he leaves me at home. I guess I should go out and get an interest, but I dont want to do it alone, my friends all have there own lives and my Mum gets hassle from her partner if she leaves him at home.
It really is starting to get me down so I thought i'd give the site a go. Sorry its long and boring, but its the 1st time i have done anything like this.
Im interested in peoples advice! And if anyone feels the same.