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Message from: Hannah, 23 May 05

Subject: my granddad..

my grandad passed away from secondary cancer 2 months ago.
he had all sorts of treatments but they didnt work. i feel so guilty
because i didnt go and see him the day he passed away. everyday i think about him and i feel like sim falling under.ive got my GCSE;s in a few weeks and i cant concentrate to revise but i dont want to fail. i saw my grandad everyday since i was born 16 years ago.
R.I.P. I love you xxx

Subject: Me too

hi my name is Rachael, and my grandpa died last summer from stomach cancer. i didn't really feel much when he died but know i am, i am feeling like i cant carryon. i have just sat my keystage three sats and i know i have done rubbish because i cant concentrate. however i did actually see my grandpa the day he died, and that was one of the biggests mistakes of my life, because all i can remember him by is how poorly and sick he looked. the other mistake was going to his funeral. although to top it all it is his anniversary on 9th july and i dont know how to cope. Hope you feel better Rachaeljh

Subject:Your Granddad

Hannah You are going through such a tough time, it must seem so cruel that you have to get on with your life and the pressure of GCSEs when all you want to do is stop to think about how much you miss your beloved grandad. I am 32 now (so a bit old for this site, I know), and I lost my dear grandad when I was 19. He was almost like a father to me and at the time I just got on with my life and thought that's how you handle things - that's how my family sees the way to handle grief. I lost my son six weeks ago - he died at birth. What I've found now, among everything else I'm trying to deal with, is that I never came to terms with my grandad's death 14 years ago (probably sounds silly) - all I did was cover up the way I felt and turned into a different person - outwardly tough and strong, but inside.... so what I urge you to do is to address your grandad's death, over time - it will take months, even years - by talking about him with whoever will listen, and being honest with people. Take some time out for yourself and spend time with people you trust. Maybe once your GCSEs are out the way you can recuperate a bit over the summer holidays from school. Don't be afraid to think about counselling - it could really help, and will give you the chance to talk about grandad with someone who will listen without you feeling like you're upsetting someone you love. It is confidential and you should be able to find someone you trust. On the positive, it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with him and he loves you very much - loves, not loved - he loves you. What I've found - and am still finding - is that you can still love someone even if they are not physically there. Maybe there are poems or songs or places you associate with him. Read them, listen to them, go there - you need to grive fully and you will never forget him, of ocurse, but you will get to a place where you can accept he died and still live a fulfilling life - one he would be proud of. I know you will 'get through' this - whatever that means - but trust me, it may take a long time, and things will be unpredictable - don't let anyone tell you to 'get over it' - it IS a big deal because you love him VERY MUCH. Take care, AJ

Subject:My Granddad

My Granddad died of lung cancer last year. I found out 3 days before he died. I was in pieces but I did not let anyone see how sad or angry I was at the doctors, my mum, my dad, my grandma and me! I felt really guilty. I couldn't understand why it had happened to my Granddad. I felt really lonley and depressed I ended up cutting myself. A month later my uncle Mark was killed in a car crash in Ayr. I was more confused and wondered what I had done wrong? My Grandma loves me but I feel like she has favourites like my brother. I would try and not bottle it up as I did because you get into a mess. Love Catherine. Please write