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Message from: vicky, 22 Apr 05

Subject: my life is a wreck

im 13 and my mum died about two months ago and i can remember everything about her from her feet to her wonderfull smell, she was doing really well at the gym and was starting to really enjoy life, it was my brothers birthday but i dont know how he feels because he dosent like to talk about it.

my life ended with my mothers, i stand by her grave and imagine how she feels, i constantly talk to her and myself and ask why? everytime i cry in my dadys arms he repeats "its not fair" in my ear, hes hurtin really bad and so is my nan, i dont understand why life is so harsh, it makes me feel like i dont deserve to live....

my feelings are shooting around like crazy and i cant talk about it to people, i just tell them i dont kow how i feel, and try to get on with it all but lifes too hard without my mum.

i miss you so much mum all my biggest hugs and kisses your baby girl victoria xoxoxoxox

Subject: reply to vicky. my life is a wreck

hi vicky, my names dawn as u can probably see, i really dont
know how you feel, you must feel terrible, but i can sort of understand
you, my nan died last year, and she brought me up, she was like my 2nd
mum, and even over 9 months later i can still smell her, see her in my
mind i can picture her exactly, over these 9 months i have had really
bad times and wanted to die, but i have had to persevere for my family,
all i can say is that i do know how you feel, though not exactly, so if
you ever feel you want to talk, you can email me, hope i have helped
best wishes dawn x

Subject:(no subject)

your right most people dont know whet it is like. and neither do i but what ive got to say could be a good piece of info. there are lots of counselling groups you could go to also try and get ure dad and brother to open up to you, it will help them and help you. instead of talkin about the bad times reminice about the good times that you had together. hope you take this advice and i wish you lots of look and always remember your mum will be with you everywhere you go. god bless ya sweetheart x x x

Subject:Your Mum

Hey Vicky,
I am so sorry about your mum, you are so young, I can't imagine how tough it is for you to lose your mum. I lost my only sibling my brother when I was 15 thats why I came on the site. I am so sorry this had to happen to you, it is such a horrible horrible thing and you should never have to deal with it at your age, all I can say is be strong, talk with your dad, brother and nan, try to stick together and talk so you don't hold everything inside. You don't deserve to die, I'm sure your mum wouldn't want that, and your dad needs you too, try and stick together with your family.
I know how lost you must feel, just try and remember your mum will be looking over you forever, why not write to her in a little diary or something and remember one day you'll meet up with her just wait for that day and remember until then she'll be with you in your heart just like she always was, Take care,
Zoe x

Subject:feel for you

Hi Vicky,
I am so so sorry to hear about your mum and I feel for you very deeply. It is so unfair death and so very very hard, mum's are so terribly precious to us. I lost my mum when I was 16 and it was the hardest thing ever. She had cancer and seeing her getting worse and worse was so hard and yet I couldnt believe she was going to die but she did. I try to believe that my mum would have wanted us to go on living the best we can and having fun. I know it's true- yesterday I watched a film about the genocide in Rwanda in the 90's and there were scenes where a mother's love came through so very strongly, to the extend that she would give up her life for her children. Your mum loved you so very, very deeply, with an unconditional love, and so deeply that she would have done anything to stop you going through this pain. Yet we are powerless in the face of death, but your mum and my mum still left us, I believe, touched by their love, that is so very very deep and true.
I am sorry if this doesnt make sense. Lucyxxx