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Message from: lavander, 08 Apr 05

Subject: Am i a bad mate

Hi my dad was killed in a lorry when i was Two years old so
i dont remmber any thing about it. but about 3weeks ago my mate helena
dad died as he was sick. all my other mates and the one in my class keep
huging her and telling her that we are here for you and every thing is
going to be ok and when she not around they keep talking about her
saying poor helena and is so sad. it really makes me mad because no one
did that when my dad dead and my mates think i have got over it all it
all because i heat talking about my dad to others but i cry most nights
about him. half of my class dont even know hes dead.

Am i a bad mate? because i am not like my other class mates.

Any 1 buddy in here like me

Subject:Losing your dad

Hey Lavander,
I'm really sorry about your dad, no you are not a bad mate at all! I think its a lot easier for other people like your classmates, to comfort someone when they have not experienced it themselves. For you, it brings up all the feelings you have about your dad and so its hard because if you look at the fact shes lost her dad you have to look at your feelings too when maybe its too difficult to.

Also, its normal to feel mad that people are comforting her, whens noones comforting you, or even knows that you lost your dad too, so that makes it harder for you to comfort her, because noone is ackowledging your own pain.

The fact that you're worried enough to write about it shows you care about your mate but its just hard for you to express that the same way everyone else is.
Don't beat yourself up about it, you could tell her when nobody else is around that you'd be happy to talk to her about her dad because you lost your dad too (thats if you feel you want to talk about your feelings) and maybe she'd appreciate that a lot more than the hugs and sympathy from the others because you actually understand what shes going through, and you two could help eachother.

I also find it hard to react in the same way that others do to tragic news, I think its because its too close to home, I have a personal experience losing someone close and so it changes the whole way you look at life and the way you may have reacted when you had no experience of it.

You obviously have a lot of feelings you maybe haven't talked about, maybe you could try talking to someone? If you feel able to, talk on here about your dad, It may help you to feel less alone with your grief.
I hope I've make some sort of sense,
Take care,

Zoe x

Subject:(no subject)

Hun your not a bad mate. Sometimes its hard for people to understand what your going through because they havent felt the way you are feeling and havent experienced a loss like yours. At the end of the day your friend is hurting right now, and she needs her friends to be there for her, explain to her that you are there for her, but that u are also finding it difficult. Maybe you could both talk to eachother about how you are feeling and that, because im sure you'll find that ur feelings are similar. You could help eachother through it. Its nice when you have a friend that knows exactly how you feel, and you can be there for eachother, Laugh and cry together. Hope that helped.. Charlotte x