| Subject: The loss
of my only brother Chris
I lost my brother Chris on Friday 28th January 2005. He was only
17 years old.He was driving his car down a dark- back road with
his best friend Charlie and for some reason or another the car
came off the road, no other car was involved.
I have been told that the car left the road and flipped more
than twice and landed on it's roof in a field.Chris and Charlie
were both not wearing their seat-belts. However both stayed inside
the car. Charlie survived with no serious injury which I am thankful
for, my brother didn't. He died within a few minutes, they couldn't
help save him.
I did not find out that my brother had died until the following
day. I live in London and my family in West sussex. I was out
on the night he had died and was very drunk with my friends and
boyfriend and did not check my phone once, as at the time I was
so very happy and was not expecting any calls.
It's hard to explain how I feel. My brother and I were always
so very close. We had a unspoken understanding of each other.
I could write forever about him.
Going to see my brother first at the hospital and then at the
chapel of rest were very surreal life changing experiences.
I felt that even though I could see my brother physically dead
in front of me, he wasn't there.
He looked very peaceful and just like he was asleep and at ease
which comforted me greatly.
I saw him most days when he was in the chapel of rest, although
my only regret is that I couldn't kiss him on the face when I
said goodbye for the last time. I found being confronted with
this stillness of death to much to bear, especially when it is
someone you never dreamnt in your worst nightmare to lose.
Chris's funeral was perfect (If you can put such words together
in a sentance) He was so very popular and over 125 people attended
the service which was a celebration of his life.
Now everyone else's life has gone back to normal, the world keeps
on going, and the people slowly start to disappear, I am left
stuck with this overwhelming feeling which is hard to label.
I cannot find comfort anywhere, especially at his grave.
I could go on forever talking about what happened and how I am
feeling but it does no use.
I cannot imagine a time when everything is going to be ok.
I have lost the impossible.
Louise, 20 years old.
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