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Message from: becky, 16 Feb 05

Subject: my grandad i miss u so much

my grandad died in 2003
i miss him so much and i cant cope
i use self harm 2 help me
any1 else in the same situation or have any advice?
luv bex

Subject:I know!

Hi. My Granddad died on the 1st March 2004. It was lung cancer. The thing is when I found out I was so numb. It hurt but I couldn't cry. My brother cried non stop for 4 and a half hours. The next day I thought that nothing had happened. By the Wednesday i had a good cry. It hurt. I wanted to just harm myself and be with him. When it was the funeral I thought I could be strong. In the car I say my Granddads coffin. I felt sick. I wanted to see him laugh. At the funeral I cried the whole way through. Everyonje else in the family was strong and I was weak. I hurt. I felt angry at people.Like the doctors because they hadn't got early on. Then my granddad would of been alright. I was upset. I have been eating a lot. It made me feel better. I THOUGHT food would love me. A month later, very sudden my uncle mark was killed in a car crash in Ayr. It was shock. I was angry. I hated the way it was. I wish that it had never happened. I have even self harmed myself. I felt like was helping. I wish I was someone else.!