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Message from: Kirsty Sc, 04 Jan 05

Subject: Christmas & New Year! How do we cope?!

I really don't like Christmas anymore
As a child i loved Christmas and everything about it! It all changed when @ the age of 13 my dad died a month an a bit after Christmas(24thFeb96)
Now i just fell so low an so emptey @ christmas and as for new year i just wish for a peaceful one! An it never happens something goes wrong or happens to me or my family i just feel like we're kurst!!
This year it will be 9 years since my dad died, 9 howl years how mad is that i feel as tho it was just yesterday, i can't even begin to imagen how i've managed to get though the last 9 years the pain is so intess! i'm dreading next year (2006) as it'll be 10 year!
I don't understand how we've done it manged to get thoght all these years with out him but we have! And his death hasn't been the only one we've had to cope with!
My Auntie died the year after my dad and then the year after that my Nanna died (My Dad's mum)! I don't undstand how god can throw this @ us! Then in 2001 my Best Friend died why her! She was only 16 not long off her 17th ether!! I can't believe how much i've been though and i'm still here! WHY? Why am i still here? Thats the question maybe these things are ment to test me!?
I don't know! I really don't!
I some times find it so hard to talk
To tell people how i feel
I lock my feelings inside!
But they burst out when i least want them too!
I lock my self away from the world in this folse picture of happiness,
A smiling face for all 2 see,
But inside i hurt,
Inside i want to cry!
And the times when i really hurt i go quite and people wonder why?!!
I'm feed up, I'm tierd, I'm worn out!
I sometimes want to cry and want others to see me cry to know i hurt inside!
But that voice in side says
NO put that brave face on once again, show them your fine!!
But Am i?
Am I Fine?
Am I OK?
Christmas New year why oh Why?