| Subject: my papa
(grandpa) had cancer too
hello everyone, my name is Lyndsay and I am from New jersey,
USA. I stumbled upon this website somehow and it is strange because
tomm. is the day that my papa has been gone for 5 months. I find
it hard sometimes to make it a realization. It still has not fully
hit me, and I feel strange about that. Sometimes, I even think
that he is still here.
My papa was like a second father to me and my 3 sisters, he was
such am amazing human being. I feel bad for anyone that did not
know him. He taught me how to be strong and courageous... among
other things. Sometimes the pain of his passing hurts so much,
that I feel like throwing up. I miss him with every inch of my
being, and words cannot even describe the feeling.
Sometimes I even feel like part of my heart is gone and will
never be replaced, ever.
He had brain cancer, and we knew from the beginning that it was
terminal, and the doctors gave him 6 months to a year to live.
At first he was the same and then slowly he began to transform
into someone that was not him. He was not papa anymore. I remember
myself being so angry as his condition progressed into something
unfathomable. He was tired all the time, and went from an 80 year
old man that rode bicycles and played bocci to a man confined
to his bed. I knew that my papa's pride was diminishing and that
hurt me the most.
So, tommorrow is 5 months and the pain does not go away, it does
not get easier. It will always be there... but I am lucky to have
known him and privledged to have been so close to him. What I
miss the most, is his "i Love yous" and the way he smiled,
because when he smiled, it was as if his whole body did!!
Lyndsay
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