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Message from: Sarah, 30 Sept 04

Subject: Loosing my dad

I lost my dad 3wks ago ! He went into hospital for an operation all was fine after the operation but 4days later things stared going wrong and he ended up in intensive care where he ended up staying for four wks, My parents live in York and i work and live in London so had taken time off work to be in York with my parents, i spent everyday going to the hospital at 7am in the morning to have breakfast with my Dad to make things feel as normal as possible but every few days something went wrong, he had a colapsed lung, bowel problems he even caught MRSA which he did fight, his wound from the operation wouldnt seem to heal properly and also he seemed paralysed from the waste down due to the operation but i still went with a smile on my face and was as positive just like dad but things got worse and he was put on a breathing machine and after 4wks we (mum and brother and I)had to take the decision to turn the breathing machine off and let Dad die. Now i feel as though i killed him Dad and i were so poisitve everyday even upto the day b4 he died and cant help feeling that i let him down. I was always so close to my Dad and i miss him so much and hurt inside. We sat and watched Dad die but didnt really cry like my Brother and Mum i couldnt stop being strong. I read a poem at my Dads funeral and to this day have not cried my eyes out like everyone expects you to do. I am now considering seeing a Medium to see if my Dad contacts me as i feel in my heart he needs to talk to me. I feel so lost so out of control nothing seems worthwhile at the moment, i cant seem to go back to work as cant stand all that chatter around me everyone getting on as though nothing has happened will drive me crazy. I dont no what to do to take this pain away, people ask if there is anything they can do and all i want to answer is bring my Dad back !!!

Subject:my father

I just lost my dad about seven hours ago, he went in for cancer surgery and everything went downhill from there, he got so bad that his body and his organs were shutting down, his hands arms and feet were going from purple/blue to black, he was not getting enough oxygen into his body and his limbs were dying, he was still awake and helpless, until today after he saw his grandchildren and my mother told him it was okay for him to let go (he held on for about four days when she made him promise he would come out of this and come home to her) and we both agreed he was suffering and in pain and his body was no longer working so it would be best just to let him go. We told him we love him and that we were both here for him and I promised him I would take care of mom. we talked to the nurses and asked them what would be best for him and we decided to just stop his heart medicine and the stuff making his blood pressure stay half way up and just give him pain killers and let him go (they had already brought him back three or four times by shocking his heart) just let nature take it's course. We watched him for awhile until my mother said she had to leave so we told them we would be downstairs and outside, well about thirty minuets later I told my mom that we should go up and see him, as soon as we walked into the room his heart started to fail and he died, he was waiting on us to come back, he promised he would wait on my mother. and now i'm sad, I watched my father have a heart attack and die

Subject:I lost my dad

I lost my Dad in San Juan, P.R. because the Hospital failed to provide a Dialysis machine on time after he was diagnostic with "pancreatitis". I was there trying to get the machine from different companies but I failed. My Dad waited for 3 days until he decide to go. Every day I feel that my Dad was counting on me to get the machine and I failed. My pain is very deep because I let my Dad down. For me is very hard to understand why God took my Dad. To be honest, I was very upset with God to do this to me and my family. Now I know my Dad is in a better place and is the Guardian Angel for my two kids.
If I can say something to my Dad right now will be:
Dad, You know I try my best on getting the machine, I was there everyday and nite, sleeping in the Hospital waiting room for any good news. I know you knew I was very near, because you know how much I love you. Sorry Dad, I let you down. I ALWAYS GONNA MISS YOU...

CARLONCHO