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Message from:Nicky, 26 Sept 2004

Subject: it's getting worse

my dad died nearly two years ago of a heart attack at home. there was a time when i was so low that i thought about killin myself, then things changed and i thought i was getting over the worse. but recentley i have got really low again, and i cant seem to get out of it. my dad was a cardiologyst (he work with hearts) the thing that upsets me the most is he knew exactly what was going on - he knew he was dying, and he knew no body would be able to save him. i find that so hard to deal with, the fact that he went through so much pain, and he knew he was going to die. i just cant handle it he must have been so scared.
i need someone to talk to, its all just getting too much for me.

Subject: Dad's

Hi Nicky
I have an idea of what your going through! My Dad died @ home of a Heart attack 8 years ago last feb and its hard i know it is! I took a long time to get over the death of my Dad (Well you never totally get over it) I Was 13 at the time and even now at times it only feels like yesterday! The physical pain it really hurt! I even tried to take my own life, Thank god it didn't work, i think he (my-dad) was looking over me and sayin No not now its not your time! Even now From time to time i still get depressed so low i don't know why i'm here!! I like to look on life as some sort of rollercoaster theres some people who have a smooth ride No twiced No turns No Loop the Loop, No big Drops, Then theres the others like me who get thown everything the big dippers the loop the loops alsorts of stuff and we're the fighters we're the ones who fight back push our way through!
I'm sure your Dad is very proud of you, Very proud of you! Your asking for help thats a big step it took me years an i mean years to ask for help!
Well done
Your brave like all of us who have ever lost anyone!
I'm always here just leave a message an i'll get back to you!
You take care now Nicky
Luv
Kirstie