message board

Message from: Carrie, 5 Sept 04

Subject: Does crying help ease the pain

I lost my dad to a heart attack two weeks ago. It just feels so unreal. I wish the empty lonely feeling would go away. I feel like I'm in a daze half the time. Grief is so weird of a feeling. At first when I heard the news. I was very accepting. Maybe unaturally accepting if that makes any sense to anyone. I knew my dad had not been well a long while. I knew he didn't want to suffer any more. He was a very unhappy person with his illness. He made no bones about the fact that he didn't want to keep going through what he was going through. When the doctor said the words that he didn't make it, my first thoughts were "It's okay, he wanted this". The next days were just sort of a numb daze of doing what we had to do and making arrangements for his service. But now.. I can't stop crying and feeling pain. I'm so lonely thinking about the fact he's not here and he's not coming back. My mother keeps talking about how she can feel his presence. I don't feel him at all and I wish
that I did. I just want to see him again. I feel like my heart is breaking. Sorry to ramble on and on. I just really needed a place to express my hurt.

Subject: me too

hia carrie
i know how you feel my dad died of a heart attack too but he wasnt ill before it unlike your dad.
i put it to the back of my mind for the first year, acting as if everything was ok - but it all caught up with me of course i was upset when i found out he had gone, but it never really sunk in that he wasnt coming back until a long time after his death. after all that time i was so hurt inside that i could not sleep i was always upset and i even thought about killing myself, id get as far as looking at the box of tablets but then thinking my dad wouldnt want me to do this hed want me 2 look after my mum and sister. so that helped me through. i wanted to be with him. and not to feel lonely even though i had so many people around me i felt empty.

all i can say to you is let it all out when ever you need to because it all builds up and it just gets worse. when ever you feel down speak to someone because you feel much better - believe me.

if you want to talk ill listen
loads ov luv nicky xxxxxx

Subject:Hey,

I know exactly how you are feeling... I lost my Mum not that long ago. I can totally understand the 'unatural' accepting. I told myself over and over that my mum was a million time happier wherever she is now - but now, the same as you, I cry alot. My aunt is much the same as your mum in that my aunt says she can feel my mum around - apparently a star appeared in the once 'starless' sky just after my mum passed, but it just sounds ridiculus to me!! But yes, I believe crying does help - a kind of cleansing if you like... Do you feel better afterwards coz I do, well 99% of the time anyway!

Just know that you are not alone,
Celina xx

Subject:MY BEST FREIND NANNA JEAN

MY BEST FRIEND NANNA JEAN DIED ON TUESDAY 27TH JULY 2004 AND EVER SINCE THAT DAY TO THIS I FELT LIKE KILLING MYSELF BUT I HAVE LOADS OF PEOPLE TO SUPPORT ME ALOT. MY GRAN WAS LIKE MY MUM TO ME. I LOVED MY GRAN 100% I MISS HER LOADS I DO NOTHIN BUT CRY FOR HER AT NIGHTS IN MY ROOM.