message board

Message from: Aron, 02 Sept 04

Subject: Things have to change

Hi,
this has been an amazing thing to see that i am not alone in still feeling all the anger,grief and pain that I do.I lost the closest person to me, my brother who was just over a year older than me.He is amazingly special and was such a part of me,my whole identity, my confidence,my passions,my sense of humour..me!He was the one person I used to get stupidly petrified about losing,and knew to myself if i ever lost him i wouldnt be able to cope.So its incredible im still here,3long,verydifficult,crazy years later,still intact.and its equally incredible that you're all here,despite terrible tragedies enough to turn your world upside down.Its been immensely tough but im now realising thats to be expected,and life CANT continue wholly as it was.things HAVE changed,and you inevitably will too. Ive only just begun to aknowledge him and started to remember things in my life i shared with him,but blocking it out meant it only stayed with me and got worse.Now im having to face up to it and have felt like im going mad,cant comprehend what this life is anymore if this was possible or who i am or was.Have felt like a ghost of myself,and that i shouldnt be here living beyond him.i havent felt i deserved to still be here at all.But each day on is a day stronger,you have travelled further-admittedly in pain,but you've done it.And it must,after time,thoughts and care of yourself,surely only get better,whatever shape or path your life must now take.

Subject:Well said!

I agree it is amazing that we are still here despite loosing the most special people. I lost my specialist person -my mummy. What is it that makes us carry on with life the best we can whilst still knowing life is always going to be sad at times 4ever.

Subject:Brother

Hey just wanted to say what you wrote was really beautiful. I lost my brother too and I totally understand about having lost all what you describe. Me and him were so close, we did so much together,also of course winding eachother up and playing jokes on eachother, playing computer games together so competively, he would get sooo annoid if I beat him at computer games! I miss that so much, that interaction. Now it is just me and my parents and it is so lonely, mostly I don't spend time with people my age apart from at college / work because I find it too difficult, prefer just chilling out to music on my own, but you are right, we've all come a long way from day 1 being able to get to this stage, my life is definately more of a life than it was 3 1/2 years ago when I lost him, I went through such a bad time that I've become determined to try and live some sort of life because what else can you do till it's time to meet again? Its just so hard. Take care, Zoe x