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Message from: Jade, 2 Sept 04

Subject: I need to see my Dad again

I lost my Dad in a motorbike accident on July 14th 2004, I still can't believe it and i don't think i will. I just feel like ending my life cuz i feel i need to see him again, i didn't get to say goodbye to him and tell him how much he meant to me. He had so much to live for, and he's going to miss so much of my life as i'm only 15. I think about him every second of the day and it feels like someone is strangling me, i don't know how to cope, if someone is in the same situation plz could you msg me back xx

Subject:i feel lonely too

hi i am 18 yrs old i just lost my dad to leukaemia on the 27th of february 04 i felt exactly how you r feeling but just think of it this way your dad wouldnt want u to feel like this he is still around you and no he wont miss out on your life because wher ever u go he will be there with u.u r his little girl just like i was to my dad. i know how u r feeling i used to sit and have a laugh with my dad and anything we talked about meant the world to me.I miss that.I went through a stage of wanting to commit suicide and be with him but just think of how your mum would feel losing her husband and her daughter.You have a lot in front of u so dont just throw it all away.Make a diary and write messages to your dad and place pictures in it of your happiest moments together thats wat i have done and it is nice to look back on. if you ever need to talk find me and i will be happy to chat.stacey xxx

Subject:(no subject)

I dont know what to write but something made me feel like i needed too.

I lost my dad last year, we've just had the 1st anniversary, which i hated mainly because i can no longer say 'this time last year me and my dad....' also it drove it home he was never coming back.

Wish i could tell you both that it gets easier but it doesnt, at the time i blocked it out, tried to be strong for my mum & co but just recently i cant seem to stop thinking about it, i cant get over the fact my dad will miss out on so much, such as when i graduate, or get married/have kids and that hurts so much, it physically hurts when i hear my housemates go on about their fathers.

I feel so cheated, i self harmed a while ago, and whilst it felt good at the time i know it does no good in the long run, and now i have to live with those scars too.

Sometimes, esp, recently i have thought about ending it all but i dont think i could do that to my family, they've been through enough already.

Instead ive decided if i dont pick up im going to get help, been researching books for young people on how to cope after losing a parent, will let u know if i find anything that helps.

I used to think, and still do at times, that counselling etc cant help, how can it, its not going to change the fact my dads dead but going on as i am isnt working.

At the end of the day, i now believe this can change people for the better, im a stronger person now. For you both its still very early on and you have a lot of firsts to do (xmas, birthdays etc), all i can say is they are hard but u'll get through them, i did.

Wishing you both the best, suppose all we can do is keep living, and make them proud.

Take care x

Subject:reply

i just wanted to say thanx for your messages, i haven't been on here to see them, i'm sitting here reading them crying my eyes out but i know it's just having to try to comes to terms with things as life won't get any easier but the best way is to deal with things rather than ignore them. I feel that my Dad and both your Dads too are in a better place, the way i see it, is we are living in hell and they are up there in heaven cuz nothing is worse than being here. But i know we all have to live on cuz none of our Dads would want us to be unhappy and wanting to kill ourselves, they would just want us to live a good life the best we can. There is no point trying to be with them right now cuz our time will come when it's ready, no one knows when their time is up, but a least we can all hope and believe that we will all end up in a better place where we won't ever have to worry about anything again and just be happy. No one around really understands and alot of them act like prats without even realising but if u think about it we haven't lost our Dads cuz we'll see them again and they will always be our Dads, if u ever wanna talk just msg me, take care xxx

Subject:grandads

my granda died in january oflung cancer but i bet this is what your granda is trying to tell you DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP I AM NOT THEIR I DO NOT SLEEP I AM THE THOUSAND WINDS THAT BLOW I AM THE DIOMONDS SNOW WHEN YOU AWAKE IN THE MORNING RUSH I AM THE SWEET UPLIFTING HUSHSO DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND CRY I AM NOT THEIR I DID NOT DIE.

Subject: i no how u feel

hi my name is ryan

i've just had remembrance day here at school and i cried because the service remainded of my dad

please write back jade.