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Message from: abbie, 23 Aug 04

Subject: i am on my own because of a doll

On christmas morring in 1998 me my 3 older sister (2 twin aged 7 and sis aged 8) with my brother ( aged 10 and 11) when down 2 c wha santa got us. But when i saw the doll i got was not the 1 i wanted i was so cross and would not talk 2 any 1. At 2:00 we all went 2 My cousins. when it was time 2 go i did not want 2 go so i stayed and my mum, dad , my sisthers and my brother got in 2 the car. 3 hour later 2 men came 2 the door and told my cousins mum that they has been a very bad car crase so she went away with them a half a hour later she came back with a the doll i wanted and told me my mum,1 of the twins my other sis and my 2 brother had been kill and my dad and my other twin sis were really ill but b4 my mum dyed she told her 2 gave me the doll. she went back 2 my dad and my sister i stay at home as she did not want me 2 c them as they were that ill an as i was only 4 years old then 4 hours later she came back 2 say other sis had dead. then the next day we got word 2 say my dad had dead 2......... now 7 year later i some times think if I was not cross with my family on that Chrismas because of my silly old doll they could still b sitting here with and i would not be right this. i still cry every night and hug my doll and know now i will near enjoy christmas again..... love from abbie

Subject: I'm ever so sorry
dear abbie
i'm ever so sorry about your loss for i have also lost someone very close to me for it was my dad he died on the 26/8/04.
from
ryan
P.S I'm from Morecambe.

Subject:(no subject)
hey suga, woteva happened u r not to blame but u acted like a child and no-one can blame u for that, all children do stuff they don't mean and ur mum knew how much that doll means to u. i can't understand wot u feel, because ive only ever lost my grandma, but if u wanna talk then msg me bk, if not take care

Subject: thanks a lot Jaynee and ryan
i just want 2 say thanks a lot 4 replying 2 my message and 2 say i am really sorry about ur losses. Not many at my skool knows how it is 2 loss lots of love ones and say things that really huts me. I only wish there were more ones at my skool like u 2 THANKS A LOT lot of live from Abbie xoxo

Subject: I know
I lost someone 3 day after my BDay. We were going out for Me. I sometimes think of all the "what ifs" and they don't do anything but make me cry. This was 3 years ago but it feels like yesterday. even though it still hurts I know that she is in a better place looking down on us wishing we were not in pain. B strong and know that it was not your fault. It sux but Bad things do happen to good people.

Subject: abbie
hey,
that must be so awful loosing your whole family, i am so sorry.
i know what it is like to loose alot of loved ones.
my mum died in a car crash when i was 8, because i had a tantrum and told her she was not a proper mummy, cuz she was working when it was my sports day (she was a lawyer)
and on the way 2 my sports day which she took time off work 2 get to, she was in a car accident.
now i am 15, and over this past year my best friend at first died right after new year, when she was hit by a drunk drive, then my other best friend randy,who supported me through all of this died of meningitis, a, then jamie, (the last of our group the hung out together apart from me) commited suicide as he couldnt take maz and randy dying.
i thought i would never hurt that badly again, but no, in the past 2 weeks, my friend brooke died in a riding accident, and then my aunty jenny who has allways been like a mother too me died of cancer.
i cant take it anymore, why me??
and why you?
it also makes me feel like afreak. no one else i know with the exception of my best friend in england robin who lost his whole family in a car accident knows what its like, and he is off 2 uni.
my friends at school dont realise just how bad i feel, and tend to feel awkward when i bring any of this up. which sucks.
and if i feel miserable i feel like a burden to them.
i dont know what to do, or who to turn to .
my dad wont talk about any of it...... i think it embaresses him, and mums death absolutely devestated him.
i'm not even living in the country i grew up in (the states) so the people i have known all my life are 1000s of miles away.
i dont think i could feel anymore alone right now (at least i hope i couldnt, every time i say this things seem to get worse)
do you ever find this with your friends? and do they think that you should have gotten over it by now?
also they think i am so strong, and i can take it but inside i am soooooo screwed up, i cant take it.
it is so hard isnt it?
i hope things can only get better for you me and everyone else here.
you sound so brave.
try and smile, and if you wanna talk about things, then i will always listen.
love izzy xxxxxxxxxx

Subject: ur not alone
i 2 feel its all my fault that my sis had died. i was driving drunk and she died. i live with that pain every day. so i really no how u feel. that was 10-21-01. 2 me its like yesterday. but its not ur fault. i really feel 4 u. were so much alike trufully im lost for words. she was all i had my luv truly goes out 4 u. mes back 2 talk. my story is here 2 timline n mes. SMILE :}--< keep talking about it.

Subject: thanks a lot
frist of all i want 2 say thanks 4 ur lovey reply and want 2 say that i am so sorry 4 u. i so know that it must be so hard 4 u. when it happed my granda stoped eating and took really sick and died. someting i think i shoud b up there 2. not many at my skool know wha it like to have lossed so many love 1 and say thing that really hut. i wish there was more kind one like u lots of love from abbie

Subject:feelings
dear abbie i to know how u r feeling i lost a sis to suicide and a future brother inlaw 2 suicide(both in their early 20's) nothing can prepare u for the things in life but trust me there is always a light at the end of it things do get brighter keep smiling and b happy remember the good things and every thing will b alwright cheers george

Subject: Sorry...
I lost my brother to cancer 3 years ago.. i am very sorry to hear about your loss...
oddles of love
tricia

Subject: soz to hear about your loss
i am very very sorry to hear about your loss i lost me mam on the 21st of january 2004 then me nan died 4months later and then me bamp i am very upset to hear about your loss i know how upseting it is to lose your loved 1s dont feel like its your fault as its no1s fault p.s. if u have msn u can chat to me on there me, "Sorry Jordan we've had to take out your address, we don't post personal information like e-mail addresses on the message board, this to make sure everyone who uses the site can stay safe & confidential. Hope you understand, thanks Rd4u Team "

Subject:very sad abbie
hi abbie
i was close to tears reading your message,nobody can say anything to truley make you feel better,but you have come this far and that takes courage!
i am 23 years old and my two little girls died very young,age 3 months and 5 months,sometimes people leave us and its hard,but if we are left behind there has to be a reason,we'll see them in heaven one day x

Subject:Abbie
Im really sorry to hear about your loss. When I was 10 we fostered two boys one aged 3 and one aged 1. they were only with us for six months but at the end of though six months it felt like we had spent forever with them. At the end of though six months they were taken away to be adopted. Although it was great for them because they had a new family it still hurt us all. I never came to terms with this. Six months after loosing them I lost my granddad and always felt it was my fault. I said some really nasty tings to him before he died and will always feel responsible. I couldn't cope still cant. I have quite severe OCD and have had for the last 5 years because of this. I I just want to say that I admire ur courage and strength and I would love to be as strong as you. I hope you carry on fighting and are made very happy I think you deserve to be. And I know they are all watching down on you. And im sure they are very proud of you.
Keep fighting you are not alone!
xxxxx

Subject:(no subject)
I really think you are a brave person to talk about the whole event. i have neva lost an immediate close family and everyday and nite i pray to God that it doesnt happen to me. because i dont think i will be able to handle it as strong as you have. True stories like yours, helps me to realise that i need to be closer to my family and appreciate every moment i spend with them.

Subject:u are not on ur own
you are not on your own because u have me love sarah x x x x x x

Subject: im sorry
hi ya abbie
i am really sorry about your loss,i have lost my mum when i was 9 or 10 it was hard for me but i came thou and so are you dont worry im here for you love from shelley
p.s im here for you

Subject: omg
omg that is sooo sad, but u were a lil kid so if u r like dnt blame yaself. that is really heartbreaking i dnt no what to say. :(

Subject: Re: your message u posted
U have to stop thinking like that you were not to blame in the least, you had no power over the terrible sequence of events that evening which tragically parted you from your loved ones. You sound like a strong girl, and you must remember you were deeply loved by your family, and they are with u in spirit, and don't want you to be feeling in any way to blame. xx Blessed bex Im here if you need a friend anytimexx keep strong, Rebecca x

Subject: hurt
HI,i lost my great great aunt this year, and i was terribly close to her, because my mum was always working she was like a second mum to me, i spent every single day with her and she helped me become the person i am 2day, and it really hurts inside when i think of how much pain she was in and i think she is probably better off in heaven out of all the pain, and i think she would be sad if she saw me crying because of how much i miss her and so i think of all the good times not the bad ones and i feel alot better, and i am really sorry abbie about your loss, and everyone else, my advice is to live your life the way they would have wanted you to, and don't worry about the people who don't understand, and one day we will be reunited with them and all the pain and worries will be taken away, live life while you have the chance, love always Angie.

Subject: abbie
im really sorry i only lost people i didnt know well u are soo brave
i admire u so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love Sarah