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Message from: Sue, 13 Aug 04

Subject: Missing mum

I'm not sure what to say but that I miss my mum so much it feels like physical pain. Mum died 5 months ago and my Grandad 6 months ago, both to cancer. Now my little sister is going for scans as they are worried about her, she's only 24 and it's tearing me apart. Why is life so cruel???

Subject: i lost my mam to

hello i lost my mam to cancer 6 months ago its still tearin me apart, do u wanna chat bout it?

Subject: Thank you for your message

When I started coming to the Cruse web site I looked every day nearly for a reply, some help, somebody to talk to. But nothing until I looked this morning, thank you. I guess I'm here again because it's all too much, Christmas is the pits for me. That is when my Grandad died, Christmas Day. It's also my first Christmas without Mum. I just cry all the time, have really bad nightmares and just feel like I can't cope anymore. The only thing that stops me from giving up and taking the easy way out is my Dad, sister and baby niece. My sister's house burnt down a few weeks ago and the fire brigade said 3 more mins and they wouldn't have survived. That hurts so much I know Dad and me wouldn't have been able to carry on. How do you get by, day to day? I haven't even been back to the crematorium since the funeral, I feel so guilty but so scared. Is it harder for you too at Christmas? I don't want to ask any more incase it's too upsetting but it would be nice to talk to somebody. Thank you again. Big Hug Sue

Subject:Bereavement

My mum dies in September and my God it's tough at Christmas isn't it. My mum still used to give me a stocking at Xmas and I know that my dad won't do that this year...that's going to be the biggest gap I think. And also last year she was just sitting in the chair in the lounge as she was quite weak from Chemo. This year, the chair will be empty...but I will prob sit in it to stop there being a gap.
I'm getting through it reasonably ok at the mo if it wasn't for xmas. I have also started to write things down on paper...thoughts v moods and then alternative thoughts...one thing that my counsellor at Macmillan came up with for me. It seems to have helped me through this week so far, when I get angry or upset I get out the paper and start to write.
I think you should go to the crem. I went yesterday with my dad, but I had been once before with my partner. I just put a single rose there. I felt like i needed to go.....so thats why I went..but it is best to go with someone if you can, otherwise you may find yourself staying for ages...thats how I felt.
I don't know if it has helped me to go there, but I went and I had a cry and then that was that.
I hope you manage to have an ok christmas. It will be tough honey, but chin up and remember there are thousands out there who are going through it with you too. Have a hug.