message board

Message from: Sam, 03 June 04

Subject: Im still hurting

I hated my dad because he used to abuse me. then after 8 years of not seeing him we got close again, after i knew he was going to die. and now im messed up, ive become anorexic, self mutilating, substance abusing, subdued, and sometimes unnecessarily violent. and nothing so far has helped, so ive cut my self off from the world. the only thing really keeping me going is my sister and brother. Even though its been over a year, everything keeps reminding me, and i dream of him. i dunno if ill get over it.

Subject:soz to hear that

we r soz to hear that but we hope u r gettin on ok..cuttin ur self off from the wold does not help it but we hope that r messages will help u... talkin bout this would help u to understand things more... hope to hear back 4m u

Subject:dads

sam my dad as much as i loved him before he died abused me too. Although i didnt totally cut contact i wud go through bouts of not talkin to him. In my early teens i totally went off the rails but have got back on track. My dad recently died and it has upset me so much because no matter what they did you still love them. Dont worry the phase of wanting to hurt urself will subside. Just try to keep strong for ur own sanity.

Subject:Your dad

hey sam.I'm so sorry to hear about your dad dying.It's never easy losing someone especially when you felt so close to them, and I personally feel that it makes it a lot harder when you hate someone and love them a the same time,coz it gets real confusing.
I'm not sure that cutting yourself off from the world is the right thing to do because you need to find something that will help you throught this really tough time.
If you can get help with the way you are feeling then maybe the other stuff will like the anorexia and substance abuse will be easier to get deal with.
It may be a good idea if you look for comfort and support in your sibling coz you obviously care about them so much.You can do it if you want I know you can.
Things are going to remind you of your father and there's nothing you can do about that but you have to stay strong no matter how hard it gets.Believe me it'll all be worth it in the end.
I hope I have been of some help and reply back if you feel you want to.
Take care Sam ?

Subject:Please don't hurt yourself

Hi Sam,

Please don't hurt yourself, it will not help you to get over your father passing away. I am very sorry to hear about what happpened but you have to realise that not eating and cutting yourself will not solve the problem.

I think you need to speak to someone about the pain, and this is the perfect place to start. Here no one is going to judge you and we all share one thing in common - we have lost someone we love and are having trouble in dealing with it. Sam, hunny, you need to speak to who ever it is who looks after you, or to a doctor. I know it sounds scary, and I'm probably not one to talk, cos I haven't been to see my doctor yet, but I'm not hurting myself. I really think that this would be best for you as you need to let this go. You need to let it all out. Try writing a letter to him and keeping it in a drawer or put it on his grave. I often write things in a book, like poems and short lines about how I feel. It sometimes feels good to get it out when no one else will listen. I feel like I should be over what happened by now it was 15 months ago, but it's not that easy.

Try talking to someone. Even reply to someone on here and share your experience. This has made me feel so much more positive - that something so bad could actually help someone else, just by knowing that they are not alone. Please do not feel isolated - because you are not. You have all the help you need, you just have to want it!

Please feel free to reply. I will keep checking and if you need me I will be here for you to talk to and I will try to help you get through this.

Lots of Love Erika x s