message board

Message from: Hannah - 31 Mar 04

Subject: My dad died when i was 10

My dad died when i was 10 nearly 6 years ago now, and i still find it really hard. I think its more hard now than it was back then. I knew he was ill, he had cancer but i didn't expect him to die so soon, he was told that he was getting a bit better. Now i feel really alone as no-one understands what i'm feeling, i can't talk about it out loud and especially not with my family. I can't even look at his picture anymore or say his name. There's only one way that I can "deal" with the pain and that i am ashamed to say is to cut myself. My friends think i'm stupid but they don't understand why i do it and they never will. I just wish i had gotten the vcahnce to say a proper goodbye to him and to tell him that i loved him and very much still do. I just can't get over it and it is affecting every aspect of my life, work, college, family and friends, sometimes i just feel like i want out.
I hope that someone out there can understand even if it is just a litle bit, about the way that i am feeling. If anyone ever wants to chat about their experience i'm always ready to listen.
Luv Hannah

Subject:understanding

i understand completly what you are going through. i lost my dad wen i was 14, 3 years ago, and i too cut myself. i have found it so hard to come to terms with his death, i still am finding it hard, and the only way to realse this pain is to cut myself. i want you to know that i am here for you, and we can help each other through difficult times. write bac soon
kezs xx

Subject:Don't give up

Dear Hannah, I am sorry to hear about your dad. Unfortunately, 6 years can be no time at all, especially as you are growing up, and at different stages of your life you need to grieve about different things. When you were ten you might have grieved about the loss of a parental figure, but now you are also grieving for the loss of a friend... of someone you might have known much better now that you are turning into an adult. I am 21 and my dad died when I was 15 and I still feel like I have never known him properly. As you go through different stages of your life, different things will start to hit you unexpectedly, and all you can do is try to deal with them one by one. It must be really hard for you not having anyone to talk to. Most of your friends and family would have expected you to have gotten over it by now but it's so not true. Is there a school nurse or counsellor you can talk to? They are required to maintain confidentiality so if you talk to them they won't tell anyone else, and they would also understand that when something terribe happens to somebody at a young age it oftens affects them for much longer in their adult lifes. You seem to have a lot of unresolved grief and it is better if you could talk to someone, anyone, about it. If you can't, you can also try writing a journal about your dad, everything you remember of him, and how you feel now. Please don't give up on yourself. Your dad would have been so proud to see you turning into the young women you are now and would have wanted you to live a long, fulfilled life, and be able to do all the things you want to do. He would like you to experience life, to live, to love, to grow up and gain wisdom. Even though he can't share it with you, you must remember that you are made of him - he is right inside you, in your heart and your genes, guiding you along the way. Don't despair my dear.

Subject:To Kezzyanna

u no we really shudn't b hurtin ourselves, we're already hurtin so much. it's hard tho sumtimes and all tha frustration jus builds up it seems the only way to release all the tension. Things av gotten worse for me l8ly tho college is becumin a nitemare and evrythin is jus pilin up whuich don't help the afforementioned self harmin.
I'm glad 2 no that i'm not he only 1 who does this tho my frends mke me feel like i'm a freak 4 doin it, i no they jus care but criticism is not wot u need. How did ur dad die, if u don't mind me askin? It must av bin tuff, i think it prob gets harder as u get older but then agen no time is easy.
Thanx aswel 4 sharin it does help.
write bk
luv Hannah

Subject:Thanx Joocie

Thanx Joocie u're so rite and i no it but sumtimes its hard to push urself to talk to others. It probably sounds awful but i can't really remember only the last couple of years of his life, and sumtimes i just wnt to push it all to the bk of my mind cuz its too painful. I no that he wud b proud of me nw tho and i'm tryin to hold onto the that thought.
U're advice and words are nice and i'm glad that u r able to understand the fact that others aren't always that supportive.
Thanx Luv Hannah

Subject:same here

my dad died when i was 10 from cancer about 6 years ago. i never got the chance to say goodbye which tore me apart - my mum told me he was dead and i told her to stop being so stupid because i didnt want to accept the truth. i have never talked to any of my family about him since he died because im kinda scared of what they think. my mum who has got a new boyfriend seems to have forgotten all about him. i have 1 photo of him, but i cant even remember his voice.
i was once very depressed and thought of ending it all. i sat down and was about to do it but i couldnt because when i thought of my family, i knew how much they had to go through when my dad died and i didnt want to cause that again. i have never cut myself because of it so i dont know exactly how you feel, but i think i have a pretty good idea and i know its the worst feeling in the world. i know that everything seems to cause more pain, and nothing matters or makes any difference to you anymore. all i am here to say is just keep going, you can do it.
i dont feel much love from my friends and i seem to single myself from everyone else and i cant really open up to other people about my feelings in person. i dont know if this has anything to do with my dad but i do know how it feels. i also know theres always someone out there who will listen and not think you are stupid for feeling the way you feel. talk to people as much as you can even if its not that much.
im still here

Subject: loss of my dad

im so sorry about your dad my dad died when i was 10 in the I.O.M TT 9 months ago i never want to move on i just cant i keep saying i dont want to live its hard when someone talks about it and you try not to cry i hardly got to see him he lived in peterbrough he was always busy with his motorbike but he phoned me and wrote to me and in his spare time he came to see me and we did loads of fun things together we had great times together i really miss him luv yasmin