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Message from: Marie - 18 Mar 04

Subject: I miss my mum so much

I lost my mum just before christmas 2002 and i still cant come to terms with it. I've had to leave my family home and move into my own place cause i've no one to live with as my dad hasnt got his own place. I never got to say goodbye to my mum as she wasnt ill and died in one day of a blood clot she was only 48 and was still lively and went clubbing. She was full of life and i was really close to her. I miss her so much and i sometimes wonder if she approves of things i do. I'm so worried i disappoint her. I feel guilty cause i never moved with her cause i didnt like her new boyfriend she said to me (out of everyone i thort u would come with me)then 2 months later she dies. I never even visited her in her new home and when she come to see us all i ever did was ask for money. I feel bad as i was so close to her and i feel like i let her down. I've felt like take me own life numerous times as i wanna be with her so much and i feel that would end all my problems. the only reason why i havent cause my sister told me wot my mum said to her when she was going to take an ova dose when my parents split and that was "Think of those you will leave behind and how will they feel" i wanna be with her so much i miss her everyday and it hurts when i look in the morning and i see her in me everyday its scary. I have pictures everywhere but it still doesnt make it easier and every song i play gets me thinkin about her.

Subject: Parents we've lost!

Hi Marie I lost my Dad in 1996 8yrs ago now! And i some times wonder if he would be proud of me and what i have done with my life but i know i was his little girl he loved me (loves me) And thats all that matters! I know what ever i do he will always love me and is proud of me!!
And this is what really matters!!
I'm sure your mum loves you and what ever you do she will be proud of you, Your her daughter!
I know its horible to think that all you seemed to ask for when they we're alive was money but i'm sure thats not always true!
The loving memory of your mum will live on with you and your family & friends who knew her!!
And I'm sure she understood about her new boyfriend and why you didn't want to go round and c her its strange how parents and close loved ones know things!
I hope this has helped you and if you ever want to chat just leave me a message and i'll reply as soon as i can!
Marie I wish you all the luck, hope and happyness for the future!
Kirstie

Subject: thanks kirstie

sorry to hear about ur dad, i hope ur right about the fact my mum understands why i didnt wanna live with her. does it get easier through the years. my mums 50th was not that long ago and i didnt get to the cemetry same as mothers day i feel that she thinks i cant be bothered with special occassions now shes gone. its just i live 1 hour away and i cant drive and get down there i feel like i let her down

well take care
marie x

Subject:parents we've lost

8yrs has past now and i can't say it gets loads easier but its different!! The pain is different it can still hurt but it doesn't seem to be constant like when he first died! If i stand and think of him for a long time and think of life wiv out him that still hurts even tho i've lived part of my life wiv out him!! I still cry i still hurt but i believe at times he is here wiv me! Its strange i still sometimes feel him giving me a hug when i'm upset, he had these arms you just got lost in, these arms which could make everything rite again, and i still feel them! Its mad i know but i do!
Everyone is different in the way they greve and i bet some don't feel like i do!
There is NO wrong way or NO right way to greve, so take life as i comes! I'm not saying always put up wiv what is thrown at you but life can be ever so hard!! RIDE THE HIGHS WIV THE LOWS!!
An God have i seen some lows!!
And if you can't always go see you mum's grave don't worry she is always looking over you and if your thinking of her then thats fine! If you can't make it to her grave but theres some where else you can go an still feel close to her then go there! Like a place you an her always used to go together, that just reminds you of her!
I'm sure she knows you do your best no matter what!! Our parent's will always be looking overe us and i'm sure there real prude of us too!! They love us!
I'm always here if you would like a chat just leave me a message an i'll get rite back to you!
I hope i'm helping you, in a way its strange but it's helpin me to help you!!! If that makes sense!
Take care sweety
Luv Kirstie

Subject:My dad died

Im sorry 2 hear about both your losses.....Im new 2 this website as my counsellor @ skool made me wright it down...My dad died wen i was 13 i miss him like mad!....I will never 4gt about him, and im 16 now, and still i think my 16th b.day wud of bin diffo wif my dad and i think i cant believe my dad wont c me on my wedding day 2 give me away and stuff! I think u will neva eva will gt ova a loss of sum1! well u will but it will take sum time! And im sure both of ur losses r looking ova u and r proud of u both! Keep smiling Luv Nina x

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Subject: so sad
my heart goes out to all of you who have lost love ones , a parent is always proud of there child even though sometimes they might not show it.its there so is unconditional love for one another its always there just sometimes life is to short, so i think people should live life to the fullest with as much love and happy times as we can because we never know the future ahead of us .