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Message from: Kirsty - 15 Mar 04

Subject: I dont understand

5 weeks ago I went on holiday to Italy with my parents and my mums best friend and her husband. On the fifth day of our holiday my mums best friend went to the doctors after being sick on the ski slope, she was only 30, and like my big sister (i've known her since i was 5). The doctor thought it was altitude sickness, but after a while realised she had pressure in her brain caused by a burst bloodd vessel. She was airlifted to hospital. I never got to say good bye and she died on the 17 feb, this year. I feel like it was my fault that she died because she was on holiday with me and my family. It was he funeral last week, whcih i spoke at, and i still dont feel like ive said good bye to her. I just dont know what to do. I still cry every night and i feel so alone, I also cant talk to any of my friends about it. I dont see the point to anything anymore and i dont understand why it happened to her, she was only 30 and she was so nice and a great person. I dont like feeling like this and i just want to be happy again. can some oner please help me?
Thanx

Subject: (no subject)

I lost a friend too. SHe was my great aunt, but she was my friend. She had heart problems. When she was on her death bed, she said i was one of her favorite Nieces and told me to take care of her grandchildren ( my cuzinz). I baby sit them now. it helps me cope to know that i am doing what she wanted.Hope i can help somehow!

Subject: dont blame yourself

im sorry to have read about your friend. you have probably had people teel you its not your fault what happened to your friend but really it isnt. i know that no matter how much people tell you this you know they are right but it doesnt stop you thinking it. but really dont let yourself keep thinking that. one of my best friends died of heart problems when we were 16 and that was very hard to cope with it kind of felt that my world had come to an end. part of me felt that i shoulnt be so upset and sad about it, but i couldnt help it. i just couldnt stop myself. i knew he was going into hospital but i when he died i felt that i hadnt had chance to tell him how much he meant to me or how much i would miss him. then i felt angry with him for not telling us how serious the operation was. i know your friend didnt know about the blood vessel so it is different but i hope you have been able to relate to some of the feelings i had. i miss him very much even now when that was 5 years ago in april. i hope you are doing ok and you will get over it. just think about all the good times, although it will be upsetting, keep talking about her. it will get easier to deal with x

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