link to homepage
4 blue footprints
link to the work continues website link to cruse bereavement care website'

message board

message no. 2519

From: Grant

Subject : Loosing my Dad at 16
I lost my Dad on July 30th this year. In October 2009, he was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer, starting in his colon. From something originating as a sore stomach at first, to be told it is cancer is something else. The worse thing about this was; was that this cancer was treatable however not curable.
In November 2009, we were told that he had secondary cancer in his bones, the same form of cancer. He went through intensive chemotherapy for about 6 months. In April 2010, we were consulted that the cancer was 'stable', little did the NHS know that the cancer had came back and was spreading to my Dad's lungs. Times were hard, especially during my exam season because by then, my dad was in constant pain in his bones where the cancer was developing. At the beginning of July, Dad went into hospital due to this pain. It was then when we were told that the cancer was in his lungs.
They tried some more chemo on him but he had an allergic reaction to it. About a week into him being admitted, his stomach started to almost inflate and become much bigger - something we found parculiar because he wasn't eating which had also made him loose so much weight.
I had been to Manchester, shopping with friends and I got a call just as we were setting off from my mam in bits saying to hurry up home as Dad wasn't well at all and he could die that night. I think =its pretty imaginable at how quiet that journey was.
When I arrived at the hospital, dad looked terrible, all the family from both sides were surrounding his bed. All giving that sympathetic look when I walked in.
We were told that Dad's bowel had been perforated, which was the result of his descended stomach. That night was terrible, I didn't sleep a wink as we stayed at the hospital, all night Dad was moaning in pain, something very difficult to watch conisdering he had such a high pain threshold.
The next morning, Dad went down into theatre for an operation on his perforated bowel to try and keep him surviving. There was a 'risk of life' involved in the operation, but he did come out alright. They had fitted a stoma bag on him, where they'd taken the perforation of his bowel and attached it to his stomach where it acted like an anus. Any excrement went into this bag. At least he was still with us.
The same night, the surgeon who had carried out his op came in to talk to us. He broke the news that whilst they had been operating on Dad, they found a tumour that was too dangerous to remove and smaller tumours spotted around his abdomen, which had caused the bowel to become perforated. From then on, it was bad news. Dad was admitted to the palliative care unit, I think the clue is in the name. He was on there for 6 nights. I think it was great, we were able to say goodbye to him, he was able to talk to family and friends and just thank them for being there etc. However, for me, my mam and my eight year old sister, it was also greatly difficult. To say goodbye to your Dad who has been there for 16 years for you is the hardest thing I will and have ever done/do.
On Friday 30th July at 14.44, my Dad died of heart failure with me, my mam and his mam around his bedside.
I wasn't shocked, I was expecting it to happen but that doesn't compare to the heartfelt devastation I feel. The strange thing is, is that now, almost 3 weeks on, I still don't think it's hit me. Yeah, I cry, I feel empty but I'm way too 'alright'. I'm just waiting for grief to come and smack me in the face any time soon. But, whilst I'm still OK, I'm trying my best to try and retrieve some sort of normality in life. Me, my mam and my sister have to rebuild our lives without my dad, it's going to be hard, there's no doubt about it, but we can do it.
Something my Dad said to me whilst he was on palliative care was to 'never fear anything unless you've tried it' and that is exactly what I'm going to try and do.
The funeral wasn't as hard as I expected and I suppose we already are using the foundations my dad gave us to rebuild our lives. It's just going to take time.
A bereavement councilor suggested this site to just have a look through some stories etc, this is mine. 

reply to message | back to message board

about RD4U
| message board
| private message
| gallery
| comments
| feedback
fun zone
contact us
home | about RD4U | personal | interact | fun zone | LADS ONLY | links | contact us | sitemap