message board
message no. 2389
| From: Del |
Subject: Emotions, so confused!
I found out when i was 20,4 mths after my son was born that my mum had terminal cancer. I cared for her and my son, until the passing which was when i was 23, she was only 49 yrs old. I arranged her funeral myself and got all her affairs in order. Then i didnt want to face it so i also arranged to get married 6 wks later, since then i have had 2 sons. At first i didnt want to be away from the grave because i didnt want to leave her alone, but as my commitments grew it became harder to go. And now i dont want to go because then i am reminded that i dont have her.
But what worries me the most is, i dont want her pics up, but i do pull them out so my sons can see them, but when i see them i dont feel anything, love, hurt, lonely, or even that i am missing her. I feel so empty towards her, surely i should feel something?? does anyone else feel like this?
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| Reply from: fiona |
Subject : YES!
ihave loads of pictures of my dad around the house and i was heavily invloved with his funeral arrangements as me and my mum had do to everything and she couldnt really do much as she was so upset. i however was fine and stil am to this day. i feel nothing. its like i have a list of things i will deal with at some point yet i just cant face it right now. i look at the pictures and yes ok i feel a bit like oh hes gone but thats it just a passing thought. not much else
do you still think about your mum all the time though? i think about dad all the time, but actualy phsical things like clothes and things dont bother me?!
i feel really lost and unsure of what to do. i just feel like i cant deal with everything.
its all so confusing dont you think?! |
| Reply from: Beth |
Subject : Hi
Hi del im only 9 but when i look at brothers pics i feel sad and only think about his death. Maybe you feel sad but dont relise it.
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| Reply from: alex |
Subject : hello
hello, just thought i would say you are not alone in feeling like this... my dad died on february 13th aged 50. i am 23. i am at university studying for a masters degree but am struggling with feeling 'blank'... everyone has been very supportive but the world seems to be carrying on without me... its hard sometimes but i know i have to get on with it as it is what my dad would have wanted me to do. im trying to focus on my uni work but sometimes i have down-days... i think its ok to feel like this... :)
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