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message no. 237

Message from: Tim - 03 Feb 04

Subject: Its so hard - Alexis

Hello,
im finding it so hard, Jamie has been gone for 4 months now, and its so hard. When my wife died i always had Jamie around .He always had a smile on his face when we went to visit her in hospital. My wife was my rock and when we lost her it was horrible. In the mornings when i woke up and didnt feel like i could go on, Jamie would come running in with a smile on his face, we would lie on the bed and talk about all the good times. He was my life.
The day Jamie was diagnosed was the worst day of my life. i remember we were in the hospital and when the doctor told us he didnt cry or look sad, all he said was "soon i will be with mummy". when he said this my heart broke,it finally hit me my little boy was dying. The last couple of weeks of his life were hard but i tryed to make it good for him. the trip to the seaside was great, he had such a lovely time and so did I.
I miss him so much and i wish i could have him back even if it was just for a day, i miss him.
I would just like to thank you for all the support you gave Jamie when he was on here, it really helped him Thank-you
Thank-you again and thanx for reading this
Tim xx

Reply from: Alexis - 11 Feb 04

Subject: Finding it hard

Dear Tim,
Thank you for your message, it's good to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear you are finding it hard to cope at the moment. It sounds like you are feeling really lost right now, as you acknowledge the support you recieved from your wife and from Jamie; Jamie gave you a reason to get up in the morning after losing your wife.

I can understand how difficult it must have been for you knowing Jamie was coming to the end of his life; I believe you should be extremely proud of yourself for making his last days such special and happy ones. I can understand, but not imagine, the pain you are going through; all the experiences you have shared with me demonstrate what a precious and powerful bond you shared with your son.

As you know, nobody can say how long it may take to grieve the death of a loved one but I would like to encourage you to allow yourself as long as you need. As you said in a previous message - Jamie was your strength and you hope, it will take time for your strength and hope to rebuild and nobody can say how long, but I believe it can happen, Tim.

Also, Tim, I need to make you aware that as you may, or may not know this website / message board is aimed at young people from 12 - 25; so I would like to share, with you, some Internet resources I have found for bereaved adults:

The Compassionate Friends, for anyone who has experienced a loss - www.tcf.org.uk

The child death helpline, specifically for those who have experienced the loss of a child - www.childdeathhelpline.org,uk

Cruse Bereavement Care, the parent organisation of "rd4u" -
www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

You could also take a look at the health section of the BBC website - www.bbc.co.uk , it has several links to sites offering support to the bereaved.

I sincerely hope you find this message helpful. I would like to send every good wish to you and I hope that you will soon find peace in your heart.

Love
Alexis
xxxxx

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