Subject : nobody told me
nobody told me itd be this hard, that life was so unfair, thatd people would go out their way to hurt you, and make you feel completely worthless.
i feel so pathetic getting so annoyed with everything, when i know that so many people have it so much worse. but why am i still here, when all i want is to be back with the people ive lost, the people i love...???
2 of my friends have killed themselves, and quite a few more have tried. the pain and the shock of it all will always scare me. I feel guilty every morning, thinking i could have done something to help them. im scared everyday on the way to school, wondering who'll be there, or if im gonna lose everything again.
how is it possible to feel so empty, yet have so much pain? everyday merges together, but i feel so trapped in all of this.
my AS exams started this week, but i cant concentrate on anything. im predicted decent grades, but my teachers dont realise how crap i feel, so arent gonna be too pleased when i get bad results again. and i know ive let my parents down.
the constant battles in my head scare me. should i stay here with my family, and be patient and wait to see those ive lost again, or do i just give up this battle now...?
i feel so trapped and completely suffocated by everything. i hope things start to get better soon, cos i dontknow how much longer i can stay here, and as much as i dont want it to end that way, im just so scared.
im sorry i had to write all this, but i think it helped to let it all out.
hope youre all ok,
louie xx
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