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Subject : My grandad
I lost my grandad on saturday the 2nd Jan 2010. (last week) He went to the car to clear off the snow, sat in the car to switch on the engine and then he had a heart attack before he even switched the engine on.
I still feel like its 'not real' and I have a history of depression already and this has made me so much more messed up.
My grandad was like a dad to me, he raised me, clothed me, fed me and punished me when i did wrong, he was always there...and even tho i'm 23 i still struggle when i think how can i cope without him?!
I have uni work to do and I just can't focus on it... I know he would want me to get it done but I can't focus on anything right now. I'm not sleeping properly and I am not looking after mysef.
I don't really know why i am typing this...i think i just need to vent my feelings.
I miss him so much, I also feel bad that i never showed him how grateful I am for all his help throughtout my life.
I dunno what to do. His funueral is on wednesday...I am dreading it!! I can't even think about it at the moment!!

Sarah Louise