Subject: My Hero's in Heaven.xo
You don't realise what you have until it's gone.I always realised what I had however it's still gone,I just wish I was there, she was all alone.A couple of years ago I remember having an awful dream that my Nan had died, it was the worst feeling in the world, realising it was just a dream was the best feeling in the world.
I remember my Nan always telling me that when I was born the doctor passed me straight to her since then we always had an immediate bond, like no other. Like no other she brought me up and raised me. She always told every single person how proud she was of me and what I wanted to be "an actress". She was the most amazing person I know and speaking about her in past tense just feels serial.
The worst thing is knowing that she could still be here if it wasn't for poor judgment and the hospital giving her an operation that she didn't need. Still it's easy to find people to blame when you've lost someone, more easy than excepting the fact that your never going to see that person again, but who knows the Christian person inside of me believes that one day I will be reunited with my Nan again because it's just to hard not to believe and also because no one knows, and just because there isn't proof of something doesn't have to mean it doesn’t exist.
I remember the dreaded day when my awful dream became a reality, I don't remember much of my immediate reaction only breaking down into a million tears and needing to go and see my Nan, as I lay next to my still Nan I wished that I could speak to her again like the night before,I continuesly wished that she would wake up. "Wake up Nani, Wake up",the feeling is unexplainable, the loss of somebody cannot be translated into word form, after 30mins i had to leave so that they could take her away, i kissed her cheek(as I did every other day I'd say goodbye to her)my tears fell, I realised she was gone".......I love you Nani".
The only thing keeping me going is remembering one of the last things she said to me the most poignant things she said "do whatever makes you happy and that will make me happy" and that's what I want to do. She never got to see me go to University and become successfull which is what she wanted the most more than her dream holiday to Portugal as we went when I was five "I wish I could go back to that time".
So now my main ambition is to carry on doing things that would make her proud. Although they'll be tears they'll be as much memories of us all together at Christmas with the life and soul of the party. My Nans not as far away as I think she's right in my heart I'll always remember her and that's one thing that will never be taken away.
She was my Hero she saved my Life by being who she was and blessing me with her love,and now my Hero's in Heaven.(I'll see you in my dreams Nani).xo
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