message board

Subject: it kills me
my dad died when i was 14, he commited suicide. im 18 now and although things may have got easier in some ways in others it hasnt, in the four years since i have gained 3 near 4 stone, i have developed OCD (odsessive compolsive disorder) i rely on the tablets i am given for this as i just cant function without them. the tablets are also for depression as i have depressive thoughts and these are what kills me the most, they arent thoughts of wanting to kill myself cos i wouldt want to put others through what i have been through, but thoughts of what its like after death, i have a phobia of death, more than saying i dont want to die because most people dont want to, but so much that it gives me panic attacks thinking about it. it makes me feel like death is just after me the feeling is almost sufficating. is it just me who feels like this? cos right now no one understands what i mean.
xxx