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Message from: Amy - 05 Nov 03

Subject: I wanna go to - My poem for my love

My best mate, Jay died in August this year. He had cancer, we've been best mates now for the best part of three years and we always counted on each other. I'm only 14, he was 14 NO BODY DESERVES TO DIE AT 14! Except me, well i dont deserve it, I just want it. To be with Jay once again would be the best thing ever.
I love him more than you'll ever know. I tried to slit my wrist and have a scar, nobody cares. He was the only one who understood and HES GONE! I cant live with it please help me.
He I wrote him a poem ya'll wanna hear it?

The Garden of Eden

Memories of us have stained me, forever.
To let him go would kill me
But to hold him back, i sudden death...
Total confusion of the mind, body and soul
As he speaks so clearly and sweetly
And as we take the forbidden fruit.
The garden dies at my feet.
He leads me to our tree, where it all began.
Even the stars cannot see, what the future holds..
I wonder what the motive is, as we kiss
And as the smell of him, fills my senses.
The garden blooms again, Full of LIFE!!!
He turns, breaking our kiss
I go to catch him, but he runs, laughing
I stop and look around, seeing nothing but myself
Alone in the night, He is gone
And I'm surrounded by the death of my sanity,
In the Garden of Eden

please Help me Love Amy xx

Subject: Jay

Hi Amy,
I just wanted to let you know that your poem is so beautiful! You have a real gift for putting your feelings into words.

I can understand that you feel like you want to die to be with Jay right now but your life is very precious just like his. My mum died of cancer and I think it's the most terrible illness, it just leaves you feelin like you've been cheated out of the person you love, it's so unfair!

For me, time is helpin. I don't think you ever really get over losing a loved one but it definitely gets easier to accept as the years pass, I promise!

I sincerely hope you begin to feel better soon; in time the memories of the happy times you spent with Jay may be the thoughts that are uppermost in your mind instead of the sad ones you're experiencin now.

I hope this message has been of some help to you; feel free to msg back if you think it might help.

Take care
Love
Alexis
xxxxxx

Subject: Amy

Hi, i read your poem and it touched me. I lost my best friend about 3 weeks ago and i want to die too! He died in a car accident and I wish I had been in the car too because i really want to be with him. I'v been thinkin about ending my life but don't know what would be the best way to do it. My friend read my diary and found out what I was plannin and she told me that it wouldn't be a good idea and would just cause other people who love me to suffer a loss like i am, and i'v realised that it wouldn't be fair to do that to them, but then again it wasn't fair that he was taken away from me and that i should have to suffer this pain. I wrote a poem aswell but it's nowhere near as good as yours, I'm not that good at expressing my feelings! but anyway here it goes:
MISSING YOU
I miss you a lot...

I miss your smell
I miss knowing you were well
I miss looking in your eyes
I miss how you were full of surprises

I miss your voice
I miss the fact that you gave me a choice
I miss being in your car
I miss the person that you are

I miss the songs you listened to
I miss being there with you
I miss your cheeky smile
Everything I missed to be with you was worthwhile

I miss you a lot
And my memories of you are all that I've got
But i'll be fine
Cos I know that you were mine

I will love you always
No matter what anyone says
you are what I haven't got
and that's why i miss you a lot

But mostly I miss
your soft sweet kiss
that's what I haven't got
And that's why I miss you a lot!!!

Subject: Hell

Thanx to both of you it did help a lot! But I'm just so sick of smiling all day, and then crying all nite. Its the worse thing thats ever happened to me.

You know, Jay always used to say if there was a God he wouldn't be in the pain he was in, being a chrisitian I never used to believe him! Now I kno, if there was a God, I wouldn't be without the most precious person in the world.

I text some who is a bit older than me, hes 24 and Im 15, he goes to church wit my dad and I asked him, What will happen to Jay becase he wasn't a Christian, but he never did anythin wrong. Simon said he'd go to hell. HE IS WRONG!! but I need to kno the truth because I dont wanna die a chrisitian knowin hes gone somewhere else, but I dont wanna die a sinner, knowin he hasnt

I'm so confused what can I do?
Amy xx

Subject: He's wrong!

I'm so sorry to hear that you are so confused. I believe that he is wrong! Why would he go to hell if he hadn't done anything bad?! It's unbelievable that simon actually said this to you! It's obvious that he completely does not understand what you are going through! I know what you mean about it being so hard to be smiling all day and crying at night, It's exactly the same for me. Christmas is really hard for me as I'm sure it must be for you! I wish it would all just go away! You have to keep your faith and believe that he has not gone to hell and that he will be in heaven! Keep strong and take care, love Jemma xxx

Subject:Best Mates

dont understand completely what you are going through amy but i know the pain of crying at night putting on a brave face in the day. I'm losing my best friend right this second. She is my !!2!! year old cousin and her brain is deteriorating and she doesnt have a clue who i am. It hurts to much. I dont think its right for a 2 year old to die.

Subject: (no subject)

my best friend and more in the entire world told me last night that he's dying, im the only person he's told and i've no idea what im going to do wen he goes. he cried in my arms and that was almost too much to bear, he said he didnt want to die and that he was scared, he said he needed me and and that he was sorry. all i cud do was hug him and silently cry. i cant imagine having fun without him. we always said we were gonna get married and have kids together and we're gonna go on holiday in the summer together, but he might not live that long. and i have no1 to cry to, no1 to talk to about it, i cant talk to him because he needs me to be strong more than ever... knowing that im not the only person ever to be in this situation give's me a little faith. but i just dont know what im going to do. i cant imagine my future without him. please tell me i'll be alright?

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