message board
message no. 1744
| Message from: J |
| Subject : Everyday is a struggle without mum
its going to be nearly 6 months since my mum died and it hasnt got any easier, in fact it gets harder as I learn to accept it and picture a future without her.
I feel so empty and every morning just put on my face and pretend that everything is normal, as I get the impression from others around me that it should be. People have said 'get back to the person we know' or 'youre alright now, arent you?' Things like this really hurt and anger me, because those people havent felt the emotions when you loose someone you love.
everything feels like it is has been turned upside down and there is nothing that can be done. the one person that I need to get me through this dificult period is the one person who is not here.
|
| Reply from: Ellie |
Subject : mum
Hi
I lost my mum nearly 7 months ago, and I know exactly how you feel. People telling you to "get over it"! all I can think when they say is how? I have just lost one of the most important people in my life and a huge part of me feels like it has been ripped out! I’ve had a couple of times since when i have been genuinely happy, but most of the time I have to pretend to people, and its so hard that I get home, sit in my room and fall apart by myself, but don’t know how to tell anyone. I still can’t accept that she’s never coming back.
I don’t understand how people expect you to be ok ever again, let alone so soon after it has happened. There are going to be so many occasions when mum should be there, and I’m already upset that she won't be there for things like my graduation, wedding, grandchildren, I just always imagined that she would be here for them.
I’m at uni, so its easier to pretend to my family so they don’t worry about me as there isn't anything they can really do from where they are, and I hate a fuss being made of me.
I worry about my younger brother and sister as I don’t know how they are really feeling, especially my brother.
I’m worrying about my dad as well now. He's a lot older, they weren't together, and hadn't spoken for years, but he has been ill recently and was ill before my mum died. We were all so worried about him, my mum wasn't even ill! I don't know what I would do if I lost him as well. I think about suicide all the time, but my family has been through enough as it is. Counselling didn't work, so now i'm on antidepressants, the first lot didn't work, so they have just changed them.
I’m sorry I’ve gone off on a tangent here, I just wanted to get a lot of things down. I write to my mum telling her about things that I don’t tell anyone else and laugh at some of the things I write as I know she would be laughing if I was actually telling her!
I don’t know if this helps, but I am in quite a similar position to you I think. I hope that you are coping to some degree and getting on with your life as that’s what your mum would want. xxx |
| Reply from: J |
Subject : Mum
You're right, I do exactly the same, pretend like everything is normal for others sake, not your own and then when I get to myself again, I breakdown completely.
I am in the same situation as yourself, away from home and have a younger sister who seems to bottle everything up and I cant get her to talk.
I feel like alot of people seem to avoid me as they 1) dont know what to say/feel uncomfortable or 2)dont want to talk to me as I have changed and am not like the person I used to be before my mum died.
It is really hard to accept what has happened and a part of me deep down feels like it all hasn't really sunk in and I am in this horrible nightmare, which is life.
I have too considered suicide, but would never do it as to think how many people would be hurt. But its just one of those things that goes through your mind because you are at one of the lowest stages in your life and it feels like nothing could get worse. The pain of it all cannot just go away and there is nothing you can do/have no control over.
It makes me feel really sad to think I have more years of my life without my mum than I have had with her.
I hope all that makes sense in some sort of confusing, muddled up way. |
| Reply from: Ellie |
Subject : mum
Thanks for replying to that, and what you said, everyword of it makes complete and utter sense and everyone of those thoughts have gone through my head!
I'm always thinking if I live to be 80, then thats another 60 years away, which is 60 years of not seeing my Mum!
I also think people don't always know what to say, and some people I often think pity me, which is something that I really don't want them to do, it's not like it makes me feel any better if they do!
I know I have changed, so many people have told me. My boyfriend broke up with me 5 months after my Mum died. We still talk as I was with him when she died and he had to drive me back. He is the only person I can talk to about some things. He said that he couldn't believe how much I had changed from when I first met him, and somehow he felt responsible for not being able to help me, but without him I'm not sure how low I would have sunk!
I still think about it all the time and now it's only 2 days until it will have been 7 months. It seems like I havn't seen her in forever already!
This might sound crazy and I guess so many people feel like it, but to have someone else say exactly what I feel aswell is such a relief.
I'm already not looking forward to March though. Mothers day is the 2nd and my Mums birthday is the 3rd, I don't know how I am going to manage over that weekend!
xxx |
|
|
