message board

Message from: Pete - 21 Oct 03

Subject: i lost my mum and dad and no1 cares

hi
im feelin really low at da mo. I lost my mum from cancer in 2002 and my dad died in a hit and run car accident, last month. I miss dem both so so so much. i wish i cud see dem both 1 again. I live in a residental home now and i HATE it. i have no friends, i jst hate it so much. I wish my parents were here. In skool i get made fun off because im different, i dont have a mum or a dad or any sort off family. I HATE MY LIFE and i wish i cud be wit my parents.
i cry myself to sleep every nite and i i think bout my family 24/7. Da workers at da home dont really =care about me, i cause to many probs. i cant help blame myself 4 dere deaths i know it wasnt me but i feel so bad.
Thanx 4 reading dis at least sum1 cares
thanx
PETE

Subject: Pete

Hi Pete,
I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. I care how you're feelin.
It must be extremely difficult for you 'cos it sounds like you aren't feeling happy at school or in the home right now; do you have a good social worker you can talk to about how you feel?

I have lost both my parents so I understand how you feel to a point, the complete emptiness and unspeakable pain become almost unbearable.

What do you do in your spare time? I was just thinkin it might be good if you could find something to do regular to get you out of the home, like some sports or something; maybe you could get somethin out of gettin to know some different people, who share an interest with you.

As for blamin yourself, I think it's one of the hardest things to let go. Both my parents died with health problems (like your mum) but you still drive yourself crazy thinking of things you could have done and said to make things be different. I believe these feelings get easier to cope with as time goes by.

I'd love it if you could message here again; I visit regular and would be more than happy to reply.

Take care of yourself
Alexis :)
xxxxxx

Subject: thanx

thanx for replin!! i ave an ok social worker, she is ok. she doesnt really do anythin she says da best place for me is in da home!!
i play rugby and footie but my dad used to always cum and support me but when i look at da side line he is not dere. I miss dem.
sorry to hear about your lose.
i cant really seem to get them out off my head.
i hate skool and im havin a real bad time, but i cant talk to any1 because they dont CARE!!
thanx 4 listen
Pete : )

Subject: Pete

Hi Pete,
It sounds like school is a complete nightmare for you right now, I bet it's all you can do to make yourself get there each day!

It must be hard for you, looking out for your dad when your playing rugby and footie. I don't know whether you have faith of any kind but some people believe he can still see you playin, how do you feel about that?
Are you friends with any of the people you play sports with? Maybe you could get together outside the club and go for a burger or something, I was thinking that might take the focus off school a bit.

What about the other young people in the home, do you get on with them? Do you know if anyone has had similar experiences to you?

I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that I feel communicating about how you feel with other people may help you to reach the point where your head isn't full of grief all the time.

I know that, for me, as time has passed it's become easier to remember happy times we spent together rather than just being able to think about the end and the sadness.

I hope some of what I've said makes sense to you. Please write back, I'd really like to know how you're doin.

Take care, luv
Alexis
xxxxxx

Subject: it sucks

yea skool sucks!! i hate it. I dont believe in God anymore. if he were dere then y wud he let this happen to me? I hate it. Ive a few friends ( if u cud call dem dat). ive no real friends on da rugby team cause i play for a team 2 yrs older tham me.In da home i sort of keep myself to my self, i mix but ive nobody i cud really talk to.
talkin to u is really helpin. Thanx
Pete

Subject: (no subject)

Hi Pete,
How's everythin with you? I'm glad you feel that talkin is helpin you, it's good when you feel like you're makin progress, even if it's slow.

I think it's good that you're mixin with people in the home, even if you can't really talk to them.
I always felt it helped being busy; after my parents deaths, if I spent too much time on my own I wouldn't be able to think about anythin but them and what it was like when they died but that wasn't good for me, it meant I wasn't finding a way to move forward. But spending time with ppl really helped, anythin that could distract me for a bit was welcome cos I started to feel like I was goin mad!

I can understand how you feel about the "god" thing; I remember askin myself how could any good god take my mum away from me. Now, I think them questions just get added to the list of unanswered questions that come up when you lose someone.

Did you do anythin over half term? I bet you were glad to have a break from school! Hows it goin at school?

Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Alexis :)
xx

Subject: I care

my mum died of breast cancer 2 years ago and how i miss her sooo much and I care about you I dont now you but trust me I care its so hard losing loved ones life is never going 2 b da same but atleast you now that your mum and dad still love u and these people that call u names dont listen they aint worth it x