message board

Message from: jamie - 13 Oct 03

Subject: i need help I DONT WANT TO DIE

i lost my mummy to cancer when i was 6. I am now 10 and ive been diagnosed wit da same cancer. Its cancer of da brain. I have a tumour. its to big 4 da doctors to operate on and dey say i have only 1 month left be4 i die. they say da last week of my life, i will not be able to move and not be able to speak JUST LIKE MY MUM!!! I miss her but i know i will be able to c her soon, buti dont want to DIE. im only 10. i cant leave my daddy weve been through so much. i love him.
I DONT WANT TO DIE!!
I jst neede to get it all off my chest ( i cant talk to my daddy bout it he gets to upset)
THANX 4 listening

Subject: Jamie

Hi Jamie,
I'm so sorry to hear about your condition. It must be really difficult for you, especially 'cos you watched your mum suffer with the same thing. I hear what you're sayin bout talkin to your dad but I bet he'd prefer to know how you are feelin even if it does make him upset.

I'm really glad you felt able to share how you feel with us; as you say, getting it off your chest is a big thing! If you feel you would like to reply to this msg, I'll be happy to correspond with you and support you in any way I can.

Take care
Alexis :)
xxxxx

Subject: thanx

thanx it wud b gud to talk. i dont know wat to do, i jst want to live a normal life my mummy and daddy and not be dyin. when i wake in da mornings i know i ave 1 lessday to live, I wish my mum was ere!! i miss her and i know will c her soon but i miss her. when i go it will jst b my daddy all alone. dis is my last week at skool cause i ave to go into hospital, i will reslly miss my friends.
I jst want to b normal

Subject: Being "normal"

Hi Jamie,
Thanx for replying. I can understand how confused and angry you must be feeling right now; it sounds like you're trying to deal with about a million feelings at once!

What struck me most about your message was how you say you want to be normal, I'm not sure I know what that is; but maybe that is something you could focus on to try and move towards accepting the things in your like that you can't change.......what I mean is, if you can spend some time thinking about what "normal" things you can definitely do, maybe like watching something on TV with your daddy each day or something (you know just ordinary stuff) then that might make it a little easier to move from one day to the next.

I know this would be extremely difficult but I wonder if you have thought of calling Childline? They're telephone counsellors are amazin, they're so supportive and really understanding. I'm happy to keep talking through here, but maybe you would like to talk to someone person to person, their number is 0800-1111, it's open 24 hours, it's free and the number wont appear on any phone bill. It's just a thought.

I'm going to go now but I hope this message has been helpful and please write back soon Jamie.

Take care,
love
Alexis
xxxxxx

Subject: (no subject)

Hi
Thanx for replying
Yea dats real good advice, I think im jst being stupid!! i jst want my life back, but i know it wont happen!! I will try Child line but im not sure wat i wud say.
Iam getting weaker now but i can still watch TV and i can do sume stuff. My daddy is taking me on a special secret trip 2morrow i dont know were!! i cant wait to spend time with him. : ) i jst feel like im a freak cause i ave a broke up family ( my being dead) and me dying! i know it sounds stupid!!!
Thanx for your advice!!
i tell you things r goin Thanx
jamie x x x

Subject: Secret Trip

Hi Jamie,
From your last message it sounds as if you might be feeling a little better, I hope so! I don't think you're being stupid because you're just being honest about how you feel and that's really good!

So where did you go for your trip?? How exciting! I think it was a great idea of your dads, planning something special for you. I can't wait to hear what you spent the day doing!!

You take care now.

Love
Alexis
xxxxxx

Subject: it was brill

we went to da seaside. i live in n.ireland,we went to the place were me my mum and dad used to go when she was alive it was sad at first but we started to recall stories about wat we used to do. it felt so good, i forgot about everthing 4 a whole day. after da seaside he took me for ICE CREAM!!! and went to da cinema, it was gr8 jst me and dad. i prob know dis sounds stupid but i could almost feel my dere wit us!!! Stupid i know. i becoming weaker but im not as depressed and im enjoyin my last few weeks. I will let ya know how things r goin
luv jamie xx

Subject: Day out!

Hi Jamie,
What an amazin surprise! I would love to go to the seaside, cinema AND get ice cream all in one day!! I'm really pleased you enjoyed spending time with your dad, it sounds like you have a special relationship.

I'm also glad you aren't feelin so low at the moment. You should be proud of your self for taking one day at a time, and for trying to make the most of it as each day comes. I think you're a really brave and strong boy. Look forward to hearing from you!

Love
Alexis
xxxxxx

Subject: alexis, he is gone!! ; (

im Jamies dad, Tim. i know he has been talking to you here, i just want to say thankyou for being nice to him and giving him hope. On saturday Jamie passed away. He was such a lively boy and i miss him so much.i dont know how i will cope, ive lost my wife and my son.
thanx you
Tim

Subject: Loss

Dear Tim,
Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know about Jamie. I feel honoured to have been able to spend time communicating with him through this message board and I'm pleased you feel it helped him some.

I can't imagine how you must be feeling having lost your wife and now your son too. I would like to offer you my deepest sympathy following your loss. I would also like to offer you my support; people of all ages use this message board to find support following bereavement, I am in my 30's, so if you feel it may be helpful to you, please feel free to post a message, I would be more than happy to answer. I would like you to know that I am here if you think I can help in any way.

Take care of yourself.

Love
Alexis xx

Subject: for Tim

Tim,
I am so sorry to hear about Jamie passing away. My thoughts are with you at this terrible time. I have been reading the messages that Jamie has sent over the last few weeks, and he sounds like an amazing boy. I think you should be extremely proud of him for remaining positive at what must have been a really hard time. You should be proud of yourself for giving Jamie so much love and support and allowing him to have the best time he could. It sounds as though that day at the seaside really meant a lot to him, I hope those happy memories will remain with you...
I am thinking of you,
Take care,
Jen xx

Subject: Jamie

Hello Tim,
I've written a short poem in Jamies memory and submitted it to this website; I hope you don't mind! You can find it in the Gallery, if you would like to read it.

Love
Alexis
xxxxxx

Subject: i miss him

thank-you so much for all the replies. I miss Jamie so much he was all i had left after my wife died. I loved them both so much and i always will. i tried to make Jamies last week a very special one, i found it hard at the start to get the fact that he was actually dying. I didnt want him to go through the pain that my wife suffered. His funeral was horrible, all his school friends were crying and i could not control my emotions.
thank-you Alexis for the poem its very kind of you.
Jen im am so proud of Jamie but i wish i could off helped more!!
Thank-you all very much
Tim xxx

Subject: Tim

Dear Tim,
Thanx for replying. I can imagine what a difficult day Jamies funeral was, seeing all his school friends upset as well as trying to deal with your feelings.

I hope you don't mind me asking but do you have any family memebers around you to support you? I found having family close helped after my losses.

My mum died from lung cancer so I understand how you feel about watching a loved one go through pain, I felt the most difficult thing was turning up to visit each day with a smile for her, even though it was breaking my heart to see her like that.

Sometimes I'm amazed that I have been able to carry on with my life, but I think it's my parents spirits that have kept me going.

I hope that you can find a way to move forward; perhaps in the knowledge that your wife and son cannot suffer any more.

Take care.
Alexis
xxx

Subject: i want him back!!!!!

i was sorting Jamies stuff yesterday and i could not believe he was gone, even though i knew he was dying. He was such a good boy, who cared for everbody. He always put others needs before his!! he loved school and really enjoyed sport, he was the biggest fan of Liverpool F.C. He was only 10. I remember the day he was born, it was a Tuesday. It was a sunny July day and me and my wife were so happy to have a gorgeous baby boy, now he is gone. I keep on thinking maybe if i had done something ( i dont know what but anything)things would be different.
Jamie went through so much when my wife died, he was so upset, but he always had a smile whenever we would talk about her. He was my strenght and hope, I dont know what i will do with out him!!!!!
Thank-you for your replies, im sorry to hear about your loses.
Thanks
TIM

Subject: Tim

Hi Tim,
Thanks for your message. I can't imagine how you must be feeling but I can hear how much you treasured Jamie, in what you say, and how clearly you remember the day he was born. That must have been the most amazing day, to see your little boy arrive in the world.

I can hear that you're feeling helpless too; if there had been anything more you could have done to help Jamie, you would have done it.

I would like to encourage you to take one day at a time; I feel it would be impossible to come to terms with your loss, and how your life will be affected, in one go. I have found that focusing on one day at a time has helped me to keep going.

I hope this message is of some help to you Tim. Please feel free to message again, if you would like to.

Love
Alexis
xxxxxx

Subject: none

Jamie i know its hard to lose a mum at such a young age my boyfriends mum died when he was only seven now he thinks his dad will die soon from something wrong with his head