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Message from: Rosie - 30 Sep 03

Subject: Suicide

A few days ago I received the news that my aunty's nephew (but not my cousin...he was her brother's son, if that makes any sense) committed suicide. Although we weren't close, I've always known him (since I was about 1 or 2) and he was just always...there. He was only 19, and the fact that he is dead, along with the violent and terrible circumstances of his death aren't really sinking in yet. I almost feel ashamed to be as upset as I am about it, as I wasn't closely related or anything, but for the past couple of days I've been crying, have found it difficult to concentrate in and out of school and have just felt completely down. I embarrassed myself on Thursday by crying in a lesson, but I feel almost embarrassed to tell my teachers what has happened as, like I said before, we weren't close and I feel like I shouldn't be this upset. Any advice or thoughts would be welcomed....

Subject: Rosie

Dear Rosie,
Firstly, you have nothing to be ashamed of by grieving for your auntys nephew. The circumstances of his death are obviously a part of it for you. Also He was somebody that has been a constant part of your life, so even if you didn't see him that often or get close to him you are still suffering a loss.

I think we can surprise ourselves by how we react to grief and strong feelings some times but that's okay! If feeling so upset is affecting you at school, I bet your teacher would have a friendly ear for you. I don't think they will judge you for feeling so sad but if they don't know what's happening for you they can't try to find ways to support you.

Have you talked to any of your friends? because I bet they'd be sorry if they knew you were feeling low and hadn't said anything to them.

I'd like you to know that it's absolutely fine for you to be feeling the way you do right now, and I'm pretty sure that you will start to feel better in time.

I'm checking this site regularly, so if you want to msg back I'll be happy to read your reply.

Take care
Alexis
xxxxxx

Subject: Thank You

Alexis,

Thank you for replying, and for your words. :) Over the last few days, as the initial shock has worn off, I have begun to accept his death a little more and have started feeling better about it. Well, I think I'm better, then I go and have another cry over it. But I know it's important to release my feelings, and I have been writing a lot of them down, so at least I'm not bottling them up, right? And also over these last days, I have begun to feel less ashamed of the way I feel - you're right; even though we weren't close, I still knew him and it's still a loss that's difficult to deal with, more so because of the circumstances.

I have spoken to my teacher (the one whose lesson I cried in!) and explained very briefly what had happened...well, just that someone had died, and he was lovely and said that I could go and speak to him at any time. But I'm naturally quite shy, and don't like wasting anyone's time with a problem that isn't even directly affecting me...bringing me back in a circle to the "we weren't that close" thing. *Sigh* I do like making things awkward for myself, lol.

A few of my friends - the ones that matter - know what's happened but they don't really know what to do or say, so I'm just normal with them.

Anyway, thank you again for your kindness and positive message - I'm also sure that I'll start feeling better in time, but I won't rush myself, despite what my head tries to tell me!

Rosie
x

Subject: Rosie

Hi Rosie,
I was just wonderin how you are feelin? I'm really glad you found a teacher you can talk to and I hope you are feelin better.

Love
Alexis
xxxxxx

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